How to be confident in a relationship. Use positive affirmations

Self-confidence is not an easy thing. Often, self-confidence depends on the opinions and behavior of others, although the only thing that should matter is what a person thinks of himself. A person controls his own life, therefore, self-confidence is a quality that can be developed.

Steps

The appearance of a confident person

Try to look like a confident person. If you look like that, sooner or later you will start to feel like a winner. Dress in a way that is comfortable for you, not the way you think confident people dress. Here are some tips:

Take time to personal hygiene and appearance. Shower every day, brush and floss your teeth, and take care of your skin and hair.
Dress like a confident person. In order to feel comfortable in your clothes, you don't need to completely change your wardrobe. Being comfortable and wearing clean clothes can exude confidence. Remember that you will look more confident if you like your clothes.
Remember that self-confidence should not be based on appearance. Try walking around in things that you don't feel confident about all day long, and try to gain confidence from your inner state alone.
After all, you're not going to take out the trash in an evening dress. If you think you look good, you probably are.

Pay attention to your posture. Posture can say a lot about you to other people, so try to convey to those around you that you are in control of everything that happens. Straighten your back, put your shoulders back, do not look at the floor. Your gait should be energetic. Sit with your back straight. If you look like a confident person, those around you will perceive you that way.

Smile. It's hard to believe, but even a slight smile can defuse the situation in difficult situation and help people relax. Scientists have found that smiling can reduce the amount of stress hormones in the body. If a person frowns, no one wants to approach him.
- If you are afraid that your smile will seem insincere, do not make an effort on yourself. An insincere smile is immediately visible. But if you are really happy with the person (or the opportunity to practice), do not hold yourself back and smile from the heart.
. This is a small thing, but it can win people over to you. Do not be afraid to meet someone's eyes: this will let others know that you can communicate with you and that you respect the interlocutor, acknowledge his presence and are interested in the conversation. By refusing to make eye contact, you come across as a rude person who doesn't respect others.

Watch your gestures. If you see a person sitting in a corner pretending to play a game on their smartphone, would you want to walk up to him and say hello? If you want people to reach out to you, let them know you need it.

Try not to look away. Once you've learned how to look people in the eye, it's time to move on to practice. Have you thought about the fact that other people are just as shy about eye contact as you are? Try looking someone in the eye and see who can hold the gaze longer. Most likely, your interlocutor will be the first to avert his eyes, which means that he is also not entirely comfortable.
- We do not recommend staring people in the eye. Your goal should not be continuous eye contact that makes people feel awkward or afraid. This exercise helps you realize that other people are also embarrassed to look others in the eye. If the person you are talking to understands what you are doing, just smile. Now you can relax.
Self-confident mindset
1. Think about your abilities and positive features and write them down. As sad as you are, try to compliment yourself and remember where you are strong. Thoughts about their strengths will distract you from thinking about what you feel are flaws and build confidence in yourself. Think about what you like about your appearance, your relationship, your abilities, and most importantly, your personality.
  - Think about the compliments others are giving you. Is there something that others have noticed and you have not? Someone may have complimented your smile or your ability to remain calm in difficult situations.
  - Think about your accomplishments. You can recall both what others noticed (for example, the best performance in the group), and what only you know about (for example, a service rendered to someone for whom it meant a lot). Think about how much it means. You are well done!
  - Think about the qualities you would like to develop in yourself. There are no ideal people, but if you are trying to become a good respected person, you are worthy of praise. The fact that you want to work on yourself suggests that you are humble and have good intentions, and these are very valuable qualities.
    - Write down all of these things and reread the list every time you feel bad. Add to the list if you remember something else.
2. Think about the obstacles to self-confidence. Write down on paper all the things that prevent you from feeling confident: poor grades, introversion, lack of friends. Now answer a few questions. Are these good reasons? Are these arguments logical? Or maybe these are just your assumptions? The correct answer is “no” to the first two questions and “yes” to the third. One or two things cannot determine how valuable you are as a person.
  - Suppose you received bad grade at the last test work in math, so you are afraid of the next test. But if you studied a lot, asked the teacher questions, and prepared for the test, wouldn't you get a higher score? Of course you will. You have failed once and this case cannot affect the big picture... You have no reason to feel insecure.
3. Remember, self-doubt is familiar to everyone. Some manage to hide it, but almost everyone experienced this feeling. You are not alone! If you know a person who is confident in himself, know that, most likely, he also has situations when he doubts his abilities. Self-confidence is never absolute.
  - Many people are so busy thinking about the impression they make that they just don't have time to think about someone else. You've probably noticed with what pleasure people like to discuss something insignificant. Attention of 99% of people is directed inward. You can breathe a sigh of relief and accept the fact that it is not necessary to do everything perfectly all the time.
  - Stop comparing yourself to others. Life is not a competition. If you try to be ahead of others all the time, you will only get tired faster. He didn't have to be the smartest, prettiest, most popular person to be happy. If you can't get rid of the competitiveness in your character, direct it to work on yourself. Try to be better than yourself all the time.
4. Treat self-confidence as a process, not as a goal to reach. Confidence is not the finish line, and you will not always only move forward - sometimes you will feel like you are back to the very beginning. Take a deep breath, remember the obstacles you have already overcome, and promise yourself not to give up. During the most difficult times, it's important to praise yourself, even if you haven't done anything new.
  - It is unlikely that some day you will wake up and realize that you have become a confident person. Have you suddenly realized that you are smart, interesting, talented, or punctual? Probably not. If you do not see instantaneous changes, it means that you are already there. Look at yourself from the outside.
5. Remember that you have confidence from birth. When you were just born, you didn't think about who hears you crying and what you look like. You just existed. Society has pointed a finger at you and made you feel the need to meet certain criteria. But this feeling is acquired, which means that you can get rid of it.
  - Try to find your innate self-confidence. It is in you, it is simply hidden under the compliments, threats and evaluations that each person has accumulated over the years. Exclude everyone from your picture of the world. They don't matter. Your self is wonderful. Your self exists outside of the value judgments of other people.
6. Try not to get stuck in your thoughts. Self-doubt has nothing to do with the outside world, which means that you need to be distracted from your thoughts more often. If you notice that you are conducting an internal dialogue again, stop... The world revolves around you - start revolving with it. Only the present moment is important. Do you want to be a part of this moment?
  - Most of the events take place in the outside world (assuming that reality is as it seems). Constant thoughts about how you feel and how you look get in the way of living in the present. Try to think less about the past or the future. Think about what is in front of you now. There must be something interesting there.
Confident person behavior
1. Do what interests you. If you've always wanted to try a sport or discover a new hobby, go for it! Working on your skills will let you know that you are talented, and this will build confidence in yourself. Master musical instrument, start learning foreign language, sign up for painting courses, start doing some project. Do what is truly interesting to you.
  - Don't be discouraged if you don't do well right away. Remember that any activity is a process. It is important to appreciate small wins and use this time as an opportunity to relax, rather than strive to become the best.
  - Think of a hobby that needs to be done in a group. Connecting with like-minded people will allow you to make new friends and build your confidence. Look for something interesting in your city and meet people who like what you do.
2. Talk to strangers. Self-confidence is not only a condition. It's also a habit. This applies to all people. To build self-confidence, you need to exercise. One way is to start conversations with strangers. It will be scary at first, but with each new conversation, your self-confidence will grow.
3. Don't apologize more often than the circumstances dictate. The ability to ask for forgiveness - good trait character (and many people find it difficult to do this). However, you shouldn't apologize when you don't need to. If you hurt someone, asking for forgiveness is being polite. But if you apologize when you've done nothing wrong, it will seem to you that you are inferior in status and that you must be embarrassed. Before asking for forgiveness, consider whether the situation requires an apology.
  - Use other phrases. You can express regret without resorting to an apology. For example, if you are afraid that you have caused someone else trouble, say: "I hope I did not disturb you too much."
  - Excessive apologies make the person feel insecure. This makes no sense, because no one can be more valuable to you than yourself. Why apologize if you haven't done anything wrong? Do you really feel guilty? When a person constantly asks for forgiveness, his words lose value. If you apologize for any reason, you stop making sense of what you say. Treat your apology words like “I love you”. They should only be recited on special occasions.
4. Accept compliments with gratitude. Don't roll your eyes or shrug - you deserve the praise! Look the person in the eye, smile and say thank you. Gratitude for praise does not mean that you forget about modesty. On the contrary: it suggests that you are a polite person and are confident in your worth.
  - Compliment back. If you can't get used to compliments, try complimenting a compliment. You will feel more at ease with the thought that you have compensated for the praise, and you will not seem like another selfish (-koy).
5. Build your confidence by helping others. Praise someone or do a good deed. You will make someone else's day better, and it will cheer you up too. If you become a source of positiveness, people will strive to communicate with you, and everyone will be better from this.
  - Many people get embarrassed when they are praised. But if you compliment someone, the chances are high that the person will respond with praise. But praise the person sincerely, otherwise you might get a harsh response.
6. Take a deep breath first. When a person breathes quickly and shallowly, his body prepares to either flee from danger or fight (the "fight or flight" reaction). Stop and it will quickly become easier for you. Fortunately, everything is simple.
7. Try to consciously slow down what you are doing. Remember how you felt when you were a child and gorged on sweets - you started to fuss. Your behavior should match your breathing. Great, now you are calm.
Expect success. Much happens in life simply because a person really wants something. When we think we’re going to fail, we stop trying. When we feel like we're not good enough, we often don't behave well. If you expect success, the likelihood that you will get what you want will be higher. Pessimism interferes with your ability.
- Perhaps you feel that you cannot foresee the future and that it is illogical to wait for success. Yes, but if you are counting on failure, why not count on success? Both can happen, but one of these is more likely.
- Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.
Take risks. Sometimes risk is the only way to get ahead. To succeed, you need to find yourself in situations that allow you to learn something new. It is impossible to master something instantly. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will never learn to do anything better. It is important to take risks in order to grow.
- Failures are inevitable. They are possible, but they don't matter. What matters is your ability to return to your job after failures. Everyone has mistakes, but not everyone finds the strength to keep going. It is overcoming difficulties that strengthens self-confidence, but for this, you first need to face defeat.
- Try to step out of your comfort zone to learn new things and build confidence.

Only you know yourself. Love yourself and people will reach out to you.
Be grateful for what you have. Often, self-doubt is the result of a lack of something: recognition, luck, money. Appreciating what you have will make it easier for you to overcome insecurity and discontent. Inner calm will increase self-confidence.
Introduce yourself in different situations where you could show your confidence, wit, leadership skills... If you just imagine yourself as you would like to be, self-confidence will no longer seem like an unattainable quality. You will believe that you can become more confident.
Live every day as if it were your last day. Nobody knows how much time lies ahead. Who cares what people think if you think good and feel good?
As you walk past the mirror, mentally compliment yourself. Do this until you feel the compliments are reasonable.
The first thing in the morning to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you have already done a lot and that you will not let anyone or anything stop you.
Try not to slouch - poor posture makes people look distant and insecure. Slouching also speaks of vulnerability. The person seems unfriendly and unhappy, but you need to make a completely different impression.
Don't be afraid of judging other people. This can keep you from going forward, so just do what makes you happier.
Talk to strangers. This will help you get in touch with the outside world more often.
It doesn't matter what other people think of you. Do what you want to do and confidence will come on its own. Ignore the gossip. Know that you have been given this life because you can live it.
Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. A positive attitude towards yourself is beneficial because others will treat you the same way.

Instructions

Remember that self-doubt is determined by the fear lurking in the mind. In this case, the main one is the fear of how others will perceive your words, actions, appearance, what they will think of you, etc. etc. Knowing the reason for your insecurity can help you deal with it.

You have to do something and you are insecure. Imagine that the worst thing that can happen in this situation has already happened. Accept it internally, accept it as a fact. For example, a guy wants to meet (or vice versa), but is afraid to take the first step - to come up, say something. Fears: he will be laughed at, he will be denied reciprocity, he will look very stupid.

Once in such a situation, assess your fears and agree that all of this can happen. Moreover, accept the negative outcome as already accomplished, feel it. Everything has already happened, you have nothing to fear anymore. Therefore, nothing prevents you from approaching and saying the first words.

Use tactics for small accomplishments. Find small daily challenges for yourself and overcome them. They can be outwardly quite insignificant - to ask someone about something, to do something in front of others. As you overcome your insecurity about the little things, you will gradually begin to notice that it is becoming easier for you to communicate with people.

If you have a big task ahead of you, break it down into a series of small steps, then focus on doing them one at a time. This approach gives good results - you stop seeing a big complex problem, instead of it you get a large number of small actions, each of which individually does not look so intimidating.

Always remember that the vast majority of people don't care about you. They don't care how you look, what you say, how you behave, etc. etc. If you are walking down the street, looking down and blushing at the thought that others are looking at you and may think something negative, relax - they are interested own problems and worries, but not you.

Learn to smile. Smiling is a great way to relieve stress. Smile, even if you are in the wrong mood for it, and you will immediately feel the fear and stiffness go away. The effectiveness of a smile as a means of dealing with insecurity, stiffness, stress is explained purely physiologically: people smile when they feel good and comfortable. By smiling in a situation where you cannot smile, you trigger a feedback mechanism that allows you to relax and feel more confident.

Choose the image of a totem animal, which, in your imagination, is associated with strength, agility, confidence. Then try to feel like him. For example, walking down the street, imagine yourself as a lion. The lion is the king of the jungle, no one and nothing can resist him. Feel his strength, calm gracefulness, a certain laziness caused by the feeling of your own power. Get into the image and you will see that the insecurity goes away, it is much easier for you to cope with what causes your fears.

Self-confidence and self-confidence is not only an active life position, but also a guarantee of success in any area of life. Confident women reach the top of the career ladder, subjugate men and inspire admiration from those around them. There are several ways you can develop your sense of confidence.

Instructions

The first thing to look at is your demeanor. Strong natures move with confident steps, have impeccable posture and "royal" manners. A woman with all her appearance should arouse respect and admiration. Do not confuse self-confidence and. Pride and indifference to the opinions of others is not a sign of confidence. In this case, we mean a firm position in life and a focus on achieving their goals.

The second point is appearance. Many may assume that a confident woman should definitely wear business suits and use minimum amount makeup. On the one hand, such traits may indicate confidence, but they are not its main features. A naughty girl in jeans and a simple hairstyle can look much stronger than a strict lady in a trouser suit. The main thing is to present the image to others. If you decide to do exotic make-up, show with your whole appearance that it is beautiful.

The third point is the attitude towards oneself. Never engage in self-flagellation or self-criticism. By criticizing your appearance and behavior, you only exacerbate the situation. Smile in the mirror, compliment yourself, admire yourself. If you love yourself, then those around you will change their attitude towards you.

In conversations with others, never hesitate to express your opinion, even if it differs from the point of view of the majority. Replay the situations in front of the mirror and think about what arguments you can use to persuade. Speak to the public more often, do not pass up the opportunity to speak in front of a large audience.

Make excuses to others as little as possible. Even if you've made a mistake, don't make it a lifelong problem. It is likely that success awaits you in a new business or in a completely different field of activity.

Gather information about yourself

To work on yourself, you need to understand very accurately what you are dealing with. The approach in the style of the most charming and attractive, of course, is good, but still it prevents us from seeing the shortcomings in ourselves, correcting which, we will become much better. Arm yourself with a pen and a piece of paper and sort out your personality in areas of life that are important to you. Maybe you don’t know how to listen and because of this you do not develop relationships with people. Maybe you are very impulsive when shopping and therefore cannot get your finances in order in any way. Or maybe you just can't decide to take life into your own hands and stop living with an eye on the opinions of others, who knows?

There would be a desire

Everything is possible, you just have to want, including an all-out struggle with your shortcomings. Of course, the process is difficult and painstaking, requiring a certain amount of willpower, but if you sincerely decide that it is time to change something, no one will force you to turn away from the path of self-improvement you have chosen. There will be moments of weakness, of course, but they will not have a significant impact on the final result. If you sincerely want to be a better person, you will succeed.

Give the world kindness

Negative emotions in relation to ourselves, the people around us and the world can significantly spoil our self-esteem, while a kind attitude raises it to heaven. Be kinder to people, do good deeds, even if small. For example, donating 100 rubles to an animal shelter or paying for an old lady's purchases in a supermarket is not such a big deal, but very, very important.

Make a "list of rules"

Each person should have their own set of principles. It will help you accept the right decision in a difficult situation, because such a moralist sheet will serve as a kind of guiding map for your whole life. By putting personal principles and goals above people and circumstances, you will very soon gain not only self-confidence, but also respect from others.

Speak slowly

It just so happened that the more calmly you speak, the better the interlocutor perceives the information conveyed to him. Very often politicians and public figures use this feature of our brain to convey to the masses some idea or news. You can also learn to speak more slowly and more calmly, and your communication with others will become much more successful.

Watch your posture

In fact, posture is everything. As soon as you turn your shoulders, straighten your back and proudly lift your chin, your whole look and mood is completely transformed, and you look much more confident and attractive than before. Self-confidence depends primarily not on beauty, but on inner feelings.

Continuously improve your competence

Learn every day, every minute, every second. You can choose any one area or "pick up the top" from each area of interest, it is not so important. The most important thing is not to stop developing. The more useful you do for yourself, the more you learn and the better you are, the more confident you are.

Say goodbye to bad habits

If it's too hard for you to instantly stop eating sweets or smoking, start with small steps. For example, get rid of the habit of procrastinating dishwashing. Stop staying up late in front of the TV. Get up every day 5-10 minutes earlier than the previous day. These small steps will help you train your willpower and realize that in fact only you are the master of your life. This awareness gives a tremendous sense of confidence.

Exercise

Sport fosters not only strength, but also spirit. Regular classes will help you to know yourself and your body, to understand "from which dough you are molded." Also, attending workouts requires willpower and a certain level of discipline. Plus, they improve your overall appearance, which also increases your confidence.

A well-groomed appearance is the result of daily work on yourself. And here girls are divided into two categories. The first one works on herself and her outward appearance, acquires good habits. The second category of girls envies them. It is not so difficult to be stylish, it is enough to know a few secrets.

Get ready in the evening. Think about your look in the evening. This will allow you not to waste your morning hours trying to find the right clothes. The main thing here is to find out the weather the next day.

Choose your underwear carefully. This is exactly what creates your image. The right underwear helps to accentuate the figure and improve the silhouette.

Choose clothes according to the weather. Stylish girls always dress for the weather, this makes them feel comfortable and confident.

Choose the style that suits you. Choose clothes that suit your lifestyle and body type.

Add some bright details. The right accessories will help you transform your casual outfit into a festive outfit. This could be a scarf, an expensive bag, large earrings, or a belt. However, remember that there cannot be many accessories, otherwise you risk overloading the image.

Change at home. Change your clothes as soon as you get home. This way, your going out outfits will be able to maintain a presentable look for a long time.

Prepare for Trouble... Always carry needle thread and adhesive tape with you. They will come in handy if you have to sew up something or if you rub a corn.

Create your own style. Never wear things that don't suit you, even if they are trendy. It is better to choose what makes you attractive.

Shoes for the occasion... Always match your shoes to the style and the event. In some cases, the shoes may look out of place, in others, the ballet flats will look too simple.

Do you want to become confident in yourself? Adhering to these rules and you will not recognize yourself.

Stick to these simple rules and you will not recognize yourself!

From you confidence will emanate rays, and others will be drawn to you!

Because weak people always reach for the strong!

So let's get started!

1. How to become confident?

The very first thing is to stop comparing yourself with other people once and for all!

You are an individual, you are a person - and there are no more people like you on this planet!

Be yourself, finally!

If you play the game "Comparisons" - you will very often be the loser, as there will always be those people who will be better than you, who will be ahead!

There is one simple truth in human psychology - not a single person compares himself to someone who is worse than him!

Always be yourself and take your confidence only in their own power!

2. Self-confidence is, first of all, belief in oneself!

Always live YOUR life!

Understand that when you live someone else’s life, while following someone else’s ideas and ideals - you can never feel and know yourself completely, you cannot respect yourself!

Never expect some kind of approval from others - always do what will benefit you, what you think is necessary!

3. Your confidence lies in communicating with positive people!

Since centuries it has been known that, first of all, confident man loves and respects himself, and extends this love to the people around him - and this, in turn, is a powerful support for them!

Always try to connect with positive, optimistic and strong people!

Remember - those people who sow negativity around themselves will always pull you to the bottom with them!

Negativity and pessimism will always suppress your desires, impulses, aspirations, it will kill all your ideas!

And you yourself, without realizing it, will gradually turn into the same one!

4. How to become confident? Stop criticizing yourself!

Always remember - any of your thoughts will materialize!

A lot of people have the unfortunate habit of blaming themselves for everything!

For example, have you ever uttered such phrases: "Something in my life is only going a black streak!" etc.

All these phrases contribute to the formation of a negative perception of yourself!

Never say those words again, hear!

Never think negatively about yourself!

Do not throw criticism in your direction - it will ruin you!

5. Self-confidence lock is your daily achievement!

Dear ones, do not be too lazy to get yourself a diary of your everyday victories!

For instance:

“Today I read 30 pages of the book“ Live Easy ”by Andrew Mathews, or“ Finally, I was not too lazy in the morning and did a jog, before work, I’m great! ” , or “I learned 6 today, that's so cool,” etc.

Let your diary always be at your fingertips, so that you can view your achievements - which will always keep you in good shape and will add strength to you! 🙂

6. Shrug off problems - like nasty flies!

Confidence will come only to the person who will not pass everything through himself, but it will be easier to relate to different situations!

Let's think ...

Many people love to make a huge elephant from a fly!

They love to cheat themselves to such an extent that sometimes it becomes even funny!

Very often your problem may not be as big and complex as you imagine it to be!

It's just that your constant pondering brings it up to the size of the Apocalypse 🙂

If you still do not want to quit your job, then at least your free time devote to your favorite pastime and who knows - maybe it will bring you colossal success in the future! 🙂

10. The key to self-confidence is the ability to speak firmly and confidently!

Remember, words are always powerful!

The character of a person can be immediately identified by his spoken words!

Never throw your words down the drain!

Don't answer harshly to anyone, speak intelligibly, calmly and confidently - and people will start treating you differently!

I wish everyone the same iron self-confidence as in this video !!!

Be sure to check it out 🙂

11. Self-confident people - always write a list of their positive qualities

Every person on this

The planet has its own unique abilities, skills, features!

Sincerity, honesty, kindness, responsiveness ...

Look at your list more often, be able to focus on your positive qualities- and yours will come to you Confidence!

12. Try to use your weaknesses - to your advantage!

How to do it?

Do not scold yourself for any shortcomings!

Each person has disadvantages and even worse than yours!

From their weaknesses It will be much easier for you to get rid of if you try to optimize them as much as possible!

For example, twist your curiosity into such a quality as - curiosity; his stubbornness - in!

13. Take compliments in your favor with gratitude.

Useful article? Don't miss new ones!
Enter your e-mail and receive new articles by mail

Self-confidence runs like a bright thread through all spheres of human life. Success at work, in personal life and in friendships depends on it. Without faith in yourself, you cannot socialize and self-actualize safely. But what if, due to insecurity, you cannot meet anyone or already do not dream of moving up the career ladder? What if you feel your own potential, but cannot release it outside? Learn how to believe in yourself in this article.

Self-confidence is a personality and behavioral quality associated with. In addition, confidence is associated with anxiety, aggressiveness, and a number of social factors.

E.V. Golovina refers to the attitude of the individual to uncertainty as confidence. That is, often uncertainty is caused by fear of many future options for the development of an event. You can read about how to deal with fear of uncertainty or other fears in the article.

An excess of self-confidence is just as dangerous as a lack of it. This is confirmed by the results of research by E.V. Golovina. The author revealed that overconfident people are different:

negativism (actions in opposition, refusal to do something, putting someone in their place);
verbal and indirect (slamming doors, stomping) aggression;
infantilism (reactions characteristic of adolescence).

However, the more confident a person is, the more resistant he is to influencing him. negative emotions(fear, excitement, indignation). Initiative in communication depends on self-confidence and social courage.

An insecure person is socially timid. Moreover, the more often and to the greater the influence of negative emotions (shyness, shyness, embarrassment) he is exposed, the more they affect him. An insecure person has difficulty making decisions or initiating actions (such as speaking).

Causes of self-doubt

Uncertainty is more characteristic of the inhibited personality type. Moreover, congenital characteristics have less impact than social learning... As a rule, insecurity stems from childhood, punishment and reprimands for unwanted behavior.

Notice! Any behavior can be regarded as undesirable depending on subjectivity. The habitual "Don't go!" can drown out the curiosity, initiative, activity of the child, but in the eyes of the mother to develop the calmness and obedience of the baby. That is, for the mother from our example, the desire to know everything ("climb") is an undesirable behavior. And for you? Here's an example of subjectivity at its best. Based on this, first of all, I recommend that you remember your relationship with your parents and evaluate them, your actions and emotions with an adult look. Are there any reasons for your uncertainty?

Uncertainty can be caused by:

destructive style of family education (intimidation, punishment, excessive demands, ignorance, etc.);
pronounced processes of inhibition of the psyche (features of temperament);
fear in any of its manifestations (for example, fear of uncertainty, fear of being rejected and misunderstood);
low self-esteem;
low motivation to achieve success;
high level of anxiety;
low level of will and self-control;
intrapersonal conflicts;
the contradiction between (what I am, what I want to be, what I can, how I see myself, how others see me).

Like most problems, most often uncertainty is based on biological factor, and on social. If the former is almost impossible to change, then the influence of the latter is quite possible to correct.

Self-confidence structure

Overconfidence consists of social courage, the intensity of emotions, the strength of the influence of the experienced emotions. If there is a strong severity of emotions such as anger, then the initiative in communication is often negative (outburst of emotions) and is associated with a person's excitability. If emotions include fear and other restraining experiences, then social initiative decreases. The man is shy.

Based on self-confidence, there are 3 types of people:

Unsure. They are characterized by high excitability, intensity of emotions. They are sometimes aggressive.
Overconfident. They do not need contacts, are prone to negativism, have low excitability and severity of emotions (unemotional).
Moderately self-confident. They are emotional, need contacts.

Uncertainty tends to provoke two patterns of behavior: flight or aggression. Your task is to learn the third form, socially acceptable - verbal rational solution of situations.

Thus, self-confidence is a sense of inner control. A self-confident person knows what may soon arise in his environment, and how to cope with it.

What to do?

First of all, you should understand for yourself that self-confidence is an acquired quality. It, of course, depends on congenital individual characteristics, but in general it is formed through the influence of society and self-education.

Uncertainty and fears

Uncertainty is usually based on fear. Understand what you are really afraid of. Find the root of the problem. It is important to get rid of fear. The main principle of the struggle is to act.

I will briefly present here the main ways of overcoming the most popular fears combined with insecurity (the material is borrowed from the work of D. Schwartz "The Art of Thinking Big").

Drawing: fear with self-doubt and ways to cope with it

Uncertainty and memory

Sometimes the uncertainty is related to memory overhead. That is, doubts arise on the basis of a lack of information about a similar situation, and in general are associated with memory. If you turn to the brain with a request to find confirmation of your weakness, failure, awkwardness, or other, then it will give you many examples from the past. But if you formulate your request differently, ask to show situations where you were at your best, and the brain will give a bunch of positive results for this request.

I suggest you constantly work with your repository of situations and images:

Only include successful situations (thanks from friends, getting a job). Play pleasant thoughts, achievements, gratitude, successes before bed. Even if you become an eyewitness of someone's good deed, write it down in your bank (but not in the context of "Why isn't it me? Oh, yes, I'm too insecure and weak for that"). Just fill your inner piggy bank with positive emotions.
In a difficult situation, take from the piggy bank only pleasant, motivating confirmation of your solvency, and not vice versa.

When you loop over failure, you end up in vicious circle and find yourself on the sidelines of life. Anxiety and feelings of inferiority develop. It becomes more and more difficult for the brain to work, because it becomes more and more polluted.

The deeper and longer negative thoughts live in the brain, the more confident and more they become, until they eventually turn into real monsters, poisoning your life. Just imagine how many such illegal immigrants have in the head of an insecure person? Although why illegal immigrants? You feed them yourself, nurture them, which means that everything is legal and voluntary.

Here's one comical way to deal with your monsters. Visualize them, give them names. Draw on a sheet and eradicate. How is up to you. Get creative.

Uncertainty as Self-Destruction

Take a look at your insecurity from the other side. Don't you think this is self-destruction? This is an ungrateful attitude to one's talent, abilities, potential (and every person has it all). After all, isn't this an insult to the chance to live?

What are you punishing yourself for? Have you answered? Now take action! Yes, there is only one option for overcoming insecurity - self-development, breaking oneself. Have to consciously go through individually difficult situations, deal with fears, resentments - everything that sits in you and prevents you from moving forward.

Remember where the roots of your insecurity might be? Family, school, first love? Who told you that you don't deserve to be a self-sufficient person? Do you think that you are ugly, but that is why you are unsure? Who told you that? MEDIA? Destructive parenting style? An envious environment? The person who is next to you now?

Finally, consider: Are you suffering from your insecurities? I'm talking about whether your parents, for example, taught you this. Maybe they were so afraid of the world that they inspired the same to you? Try to see the world with your own eyes, throwing away the usual prism of learned uncertainty.

Exercise "Three reasons to live"

As we have already found out, insecurity is self-destruction, mental murder, unwillingness to live. Here's a simple exercise for every day.

Write down three of your own successes daily (reasons to believe in yourself and live). Whether you like it or not! Once you have decided to fight, then fight and win! Nobody promised that it would be easy. Write any little thing. Or deliberately do something to write it down later.

The next day, re-read the entire list (with all the previous days). Believe it or not, it's all you! This list will grow larger every week. I don't think that the person whose portrait of achievement you end up with can be considered unworthy. Let's see if you can then be as insecure about yourself.

How to stop being afraid of social contact

Remember earlier I said that insecurity is directly related to social initiative, activity in contacts? So, it's important. Understand that people have more in common than differences. Your task is to look at people in a different way.

You and your opponent are equally respected and significant. Your goal is to discuss mutually important things to achieve common goals. Do not be afraid to ask questions, clarify details, ask to listen to you. But answer yourself with respect. Often, insecurity arises from the fact that one person considers the other more important. Yes, for example, at work by status, it can be more tall man... But essentially you have the same problems and interests. There is no point in being afraid. It's the same in any relationship. There is no point in being insecure in front of your partner, and even more so in front of a stranger.
Do not take any negative outburst of people in your address. If you didn’t do anything bad, then it’s likely that the person just "took it out" on you. But in fact, he has problems in other respects, and he himself is not sure of himself. Show understanding and empathy. Praise yourself that you have become a kind of "psychotherapist" for someone.
Be honest and fair. Self-guilt is one of the most destructive feelings. Criminals, cheaters, liars sooner or later give themselves away. Nothing suppresses self-confidence more than justifiable, based on a real incident, disrespect for oneself. Remember "Crime and Punishment" by FM Dostoevsky? I think the point is clear.

Most main principle overcoming insecurity in relationships with people - act with confidence. Do not doubt your choice. There is no right or wrong. There is your decision, experience and consequences that you must be able to deal with.

The psyche follows the body

Do you know from psychology the fact that forcibly evoked emotions (for example, a smile) gradually become real sensations, states, true emotions? The same is true for overcoming self-doubt.

Start meeting people or any meeting with a handshake (hug).
Maintain eye contact.
Say confidently and clearly: "Nice to meet you!" or "Glad to meet you!"

The brain will react to such confident actions with true self-confidence.

Challenge your insecurities regularly.

In meetings, sit in the front rows. Yes, you can be involved in some kind of discussion, they will pay attention to you, look you in the eye. But this is exactly what we are trying to achieve. I promise that it will be difficult only at the beginning. Over time, you yourself will begin to engage in discussions.
Make eye contact. Don't look away if someone makes contact with you. Averting your eyes is always perceived by your opponent not only as uncertainty, but also as your attempts to hide something, lie, or fail to speak. To be honest, I taught myself for a very long time to look people in the eye. It's not easy. When I just started to plunge into the world of psychology, I immediately realized that I would have to reshape myself. Probably, my activity spilled out from simple self-knowledge. And the deeper I go into psychology, the more I understand that there is no end to work on myself. In principle, there is no limit to perfection. So, I learned to look in the eyes for a long time. It was a real torture. But you, dear reader, have no idea how valuable this skill is. You can see the reaction of the interlocutor, his emotions. As a rule, to feel confident, you just need to see the answer in the eyes of another, sincere interest.
Keep your back straight, shoulders straight, head elevated, that is, watch your posture. At the same time, walk with quick (but unhurried) large strides. Body and psyche are inextricably linked and interdependent. If you can't come to an agreement with your brain so far, then create an outwardly confident person out of yourself. Confident people go for important meeting, not shuffling, not hunched over and not bowing his head. They walk clearly and directly, in a hurry to do something meaningful (and not to run away from something).
Smile. When you are afraid, when you are not sure, when you are upset, when. Confident and strong people smile, smile broadly.
Be proactive. Express your opinion. When you once again suppress your own potential, then you start to feel worse at times. Comment, make suggestions, express opinions, ask questions. Yes, this is not easy again. You need to force yourself first. Make it a rule to stop being silent.
Learn to adequately assess your knowledge, skills and abilities and appreciate, respect yourself for this. Improve your skills regularly, develop. I recommend making a written portrait of your skills. Visibility is always helpful.
Learn to plan your time. Self-confident people are distinguished by their ability to use their personal time productively and plan for it. Don't put off anything for later. Big goals break down into many small and easy-to-do tasks. But at the same time, remember that deviations are always possible due to circumstances. They shouldn't unsettle you.
Take on the tasks that you are likely to be able to do. Create situations of success for yourself. You cannot live only by challenges to yourself. Confidence can sometimes be fostered through simple successes.
Finally, I have in store for the most radical and "terrible" way to increase self-confidence. I suggest you sign up for some club, circle. For example, theatrical or poetic. The most extreme option is stand-up.

Thus, you can develop confidence through teaching, persuasion, and suggestion. These are three strong points, noted back in 1983 by T. D. Kalistratova.

It has been scientifically proven that all people have the skills of confident behavior, they just do not know how to use them. If you can't cope on your own, then sign up for a confident behavior training. Today it is a common service. Such trainings allow you to realize and feel the mastery over your emotions (no one can regulate your state if you do not allow it), reveal all the ways and teach you how to deal with them. Due to this, self-confidence increases.

Confident person skills

I want to acquaint you with the skills characteristic of a self-confident person, that is, this is what you need to strive for (I took the material by E.V. Golovina as a basis).

Perseverance in your goals and requirements. Ability to repeat a request, question, remind about yourself.
Adequate attitude to constructive criticism, acceptance of their mistakes.
Ability to concentrate on meaningful information in a conversation, not to pay attention to random "attacks".
The ability to learn from your own mistakes, but not feel overly guilty.
Ability to calmly talk about your shortcomings, listen to the claims of your partner. The ability to discuss together what he wants to hear from you, how to see you.
The ability to be open, to talk about your own mistakes and shortcomings yourself. Equally, be able to discuss the positive and negative traits of your character, lifestyle.
Give preference to compromise in resolving controversial issues.

Afterword

Uncertainty does not stem from the future. Uncertainty grows out of the past, and through its prism we see the present. All insecure people have experienced the situation that made them that way. But there is no point in pulling the past. Find the original source and work it out.

We can talk about old grievances, unfinished relationships, trauma. A lot of things. This is very individual. If you cannot find the root yourself, please go for a personal consultation with a psychologist. Until you vomit and discard the stone that is tied to your neck, any confidence training will, alas, be ineffective. It's like a pain reliever: it relieves symptoms, it seems like it allows you to lead a normal life, but the infection continues to rot and grow.

Eliminate the old negativity, do not collect a new one, do not dwell on failures (yes, you still cannot do without them, you need to accept this). You may be surprised, but the human brain itself is able to clean unpleasant memories... So you just need to help your brain work for you.

Related Literature

At parting, according to tradition, I recommend reading the book. Today it is B. Tracy's The Power of Self-Confidence. The book is practical guide to increase self-confidence, leave the comfort zone, increase self-esteem. In work you will find and detailed description the phenomenon of self-confidence, and recommendations for overcoming uncertainty, and many interesting thoughts.

I hope that the material of my article and the work of Tracy will be useful for you in practice. I wish you success in your rebirth!

Each person strives for his own own goals and everyone seeks to implement them in their own way. At the same time, he is well aware that he is unlikely to be able to achieve some of them alone. Interaction with other people is important at any stage and in order for it to give fruitful results, a person simply needs self-confidence.

What does self-confidence depend on?

Many works have been written today about how to become more self-confident, many programs have been developed, and almost all psychologists talk about this. Then why is the problem still urgent and acute enough? Let's try to consider the main types of human behavior, today psychologists distinguish three:

Aggressive;
Passive;
Confident.

You don't need to be seven inches in the forehead in order to understand that the first two types of behavior create a lot of problems for a person in terms of communicating with other people.

Basic principles of human behavior in society

A passive person, due to the weakness of his character, is forced to constantly give in to others, as a result of which his own interests are infringed. Because of this, he almost constantly experiences feelings of dissatisfaction with himself, awkwardness, helplessness and mental pain. As a rule, such a person does not achieve his own goals, for the reason that he constantly allows others to make decisions for themselves. If a passive person does not find a solution for himself in time how to become more self-confident, the problem can lead to more serious consequences, such as drug addiction, alcoholism, and suicide. An aggressive person, in turn, humiliates and infringes on the interests of other people, and therefore very often loses their disposition. This fact also reduces the quality of his life and makes it difficult to communicate with friends and family. A confident person honestly and openly expresses his feelings, but does not do it in offensive form... He sets goals and achieves them without humiliating other people or compromising his own principles. That is why most of time he lives in a state of comfort and inner harmony.

What prevents a person from being self-confident?

Many psychologists who write about how to become more self-confident declare in one voice - you need to work on yourself. First of all, you need to figure out what prevents a person from being confident in himself and in own forces... These can be traits such as:

dependence on someone else's opinion;
passive attitude towards life;
fear of showing feelings and emotions in public;
fear of criticism;
fear of communication;
excessive shyness;
inability to express their point of view in a general conversation.

How to build self-confidence?

In order to understand how to be more confident in yourself, you can learn to do something better than others. For example, doing magic tricks, doing parkour or dancing, or learning unusual tricks from weightlifting. Everything that a person knows how to do better than others attracts the attention of others and, as a result, gives a person confidence in his abilities. Appearance also plays an important role in a person's self-affirmation, it must be treated with due attention, but without excessive fanaticism.

Psychologists advise, first of all, to develop a firm gaze and impeccable diction. You can do this in front of a mirror, write a meaningful text and make a speech, carefully monitoring your intonation. When communicating with other people, you should not apologize too often, such behavior is often a sign of self-doubt. Don't be afraid of your fears. Fears are a kind of reaction of the body, aimed at protecting it, and therefore you need to treat them philosophically.

Of course, it is impossible to answer unequivocally the question: "How to become more self-confident?" Each person should have their own individual approach, which will allow him to reveal his personality and achieve his goal. Nevertheless, you must always work on yourself and then the result will exceed even the wildest expectations.

Also on the topic

Apple Rice Casserole How to Make Apple Rice Casserole

Chokeberry jam: recipes

Awesome recipes for zucchini in tomato sauce for the winter you will lick your fingers with and without sterilization

Fried zucchini in tomato sauce how to cook

Canape "Herring under a fur coat