Question to the psychologist:
Hello, my name is Zarui.
I have a problem communicating with my mom. I can communicate well with many, but I can’t discuss the same topic with my mother. In principle, I trust her and am sure that all our conversations will remain with us. But when I want to tell her something or tell her about my problems, or just ask for advice, I immediately start crying and talking with a trembling voice, and as always she gets nervous or angry from this, asks to explain why I'm crying, because it's for her ( and, in principle, to me) is very disturbing and the conversation does not work out as always. She, in turn, really wants and is ready to understand me, give advice, listen to me, but my crying interferes with everything. And if I do not cry during such conversations, then we will have a miracle relationship.
I myself don’t know why I’m crying, I’m not afraid of her, and I’m not afraid of her advice and reaction either, but what I want to say is just about my life’s difficulties or the type that I’m not ashamed of. No shame. Not fear. I don’t know why I’m crying and how to stop tears, even if only during a conversation. Well, a lump in my throat. It bothers me a lot in the first place. I know that tears are a way of showing emotions, but in such cases, there is no need to show emotions at all. Well, let's say I want to tell her that, in my opinion, maybe one of my friends likes me, or I just like someone, or I have problems with my studies, or that I'm afraid not to find a job in my specialty, or I just lost heart, or that I don't understand something do in my thesis. (My brother helps me with my diploma and it happens that he gives me a task that I don’t always succeed in, and since we don’t have much time, it happens that it makes me nervous because I didn’t solve the problem) and about the fact that I can’t solve this problem, it also doesn’t work with my mother discuss. Well, now, according to my mother, the time that I spend on dancing (amateur dancing 2 days a week for 1.5 hours) and in her opinion I should not go to classes this month so that I can also devote this time to my thesis. And the fact that these 3 hours a week will not interfere with me and that this can be called my rest time, I cannot discuss with her. Well, I'm crying. I can't even say the whole sentence without crying. In principle, I can not go to dances (although I really want to), but I can’t say what don’t do.
Please help me, how to deliberately not cry in such situations???
The psychologist Tsibizova Ekaterina Romanovna answers the question.
In your case, the internal stress affects. Diploma, emerging sympathies, the desire to find new job stop showing your emotions... You have listed so many problems that it remains for you to recommend to stop for a while and consider the speed of your life. We sometimes do not even notice the burden that weighs on Us, which we carry behind our backs because we do not have enough time even to comprehend it. And later, for no reason or with someone's help, we start throwing ourselves at relatives and passers-by, crying, defending our point of view, falling into depression, drinking alcohol and ... this can be continued indefinitely. Isn't it time for us to stop and say to ourselves: “Calm down! You can do more if you start acting judiciously and systematically. Write down all your thoughts on paper and read them again, carefully considering whether we need them the way they are in our head. Your tears are the accumulated negative emotions that you already have over the edge. Your pace of life and the desire to fill this life with meaning (education, work, family) cause you stress that you do not have time to get rid of. Close your eyes. And relax.. Visualize your tears. Imagine that they are small pieces of ice, precious stones, or anything, if only you could collect them from your face and throw them away from yourself with the thought that your negativity is in them and you are getting rid of it. Imagine that each tear is a negative that your body gets rid of. Imagine a tear “fear of crying when talking with your mother” and wipe it off your face, forget that such fear existed in your head at all. Do this exercise in the morning and in the evening so that during the day your head is cleared of bad thoughts and emotions that make you feel uncomfortable. Most importantly, do not dwell on this unpleasant situation and move on! And don't stop dancing. In dancing, we express our emotions without fear of being misunderstood. Be happy!
Unfortunately, there are many reasons for tears, especially in women. There are times when crying is not even a sin at all, but on the contrary, it is an emotional discharge. But it happens when tears, especially in front of others, cause aggression or can simply harm the cause. How to learn to hold back tears in such situations and learn not to cry when you really want to?
How to hold back tears when you want to cry
Tears, as a rule, appear when the body experiences a strong emotional shock caused by external stimuli. In this case, the first thing to do is to switch your attention.
For example, the threat of danger that induces action, distracts a person from self-pity and mobilizes forces for protection. What needs to be done to quickly cause such a reaction?
To hold back tears, pinch yourself discreetly, bite your lip or tongue. Pain will instantly return you, as they say, to the ground and you won’t want to cry. Just do not overdo it, so as not to harm your health and not to frighten those around you with blood flowing down your chin.
Another way to learn not to cry in a difficult situation is to breathe evenly, deeply through your nose. As soon as tears roll in, take a deep breath through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. Such breathing exercises are used by yogis, psychologists and anyone who wants to achieve peace and harmony or learn to restrain anger and tears.
The method of switching attention is also very effective. At the moment when you want to cry, think about something completely extraneous or start looking at the objects around you to the smallest detail. To hold back tears, you can also count to ten or twenty, remember the words of a song or poem, and finally, you can read a prayer.
How to learn to hold back tears if there are people who are capable of sympathy and you are sure that they will feel sorry for you? Very simple, try not to get distracted by them. Because just looking at the expression on the face of such a person will not leave a single chance to hold back tears.
And despite the various situations, do not forget that tears - important element in a person's life, which is both psychological and physiological. Tears are able to remove toxic substances from the body and relieve emotional stress.
Moreover, if you are an impressionable and prone to melancholy person, you should not hold back crying. At least, having adequately coped with the situation, retire and pay off everything that has accumulated.
How to hold back tears when you really want to cry
Every morning, standing in front of the mirror and looking into your eyes, repeat that you are strong, smart, that you are really the best, that you are not afraid of anything and no one, you will be able to overcome absolutely all life's obstacles.
You will be able to endure any suffering, no one will break your will and will not force you to bow before anyone else. Thus, you will inspire aspiration and confidence in yourself, become more firm, and no tears and sobs will overpower you, you will be able to look at yourself from a different perspective and draw certain conclusions.
However, every medal has a downside. As already mentioned, crying is a surge of emotions, and emotions need to be given free rein from time to time, in other words, “let off steam”.
In case of urgent need, when you cannot understand what to do, if you feel like crying, it is better to retire, cry alone or turn to close person who will listen to you and treat you with understanding. Speak out, share your impressions, ask for advice. If you cry out all the tears, it will become much easier.
Why does a person's eyes water
Possible damage or speck
If your eyes water uncontrollably and this is not related to any emotional experiences, you should carefully examine the mucous membrane. Perhaps there is damage or a mote on it, which does not cause a feeling of the presence of something foreign, but the eyes are watery. Try rinsing your eyes with cool water, if the tearing does not go away, consult an ophthalmologist.
Inflammation
Tearing is sometimes the cause of inflammation in the eyes. Bacterial, viral, fungal and other infections are accompanied by lacrimation. In this case, you should immediately contact an ophthalmologist who will prescribe eye drops containing antibiotics. It is not recommended to use such drops on your own.
Allergy
How to stop tears if they are caused by an allergic reaction. Here you should, as in the previous paragraph, either consult a doctor (if this is the first time), or take an anti-allergic medicine on time.
Tears from onions
To learn not to cry when cutting onions, you must first moisten the knife and onion with cool water. The substance that causes tears dissolves in water and does not get into the air, preventing tearing.
Tearfulness with tired eyes
Increased tearfulness with eye fatigue is removed by compresses from tea leaves. Soak cotton swabs in tea leaves and apply to your eyes for fifteen to twenty minutes before going to bed. This procedure also helps with a slight inflammatory process.
emotional tears
It is difficult to stop tears caused by emotional experiences. If something serious has happened and tears tearing out are practically choking, you should not hold them back, cry and let the negativity out. If we are talking about resentment, insult or other conflict, in order to hold back tears, try to abruptly switch your thoughts and remember something good. These manipulations will distract you from what is happening and you will be able to contain the impulse of emotions.
What to do if you want to cry, but you can't
We are all very different, and react differently to events taking place in the world around us. Some are almost indifferent to everything, while others, when any stressful situation immediately burst into tears. Meanwhile, crying in front of friends, colleagues or strangers is always unpleasant. So how to hold back tears in a situation where it is highly undesirable to show them to interlocutors?
To hold back tears, discreetly pinch your inner thigh or other particularly sensitive skin area. Pain is always of paramount importance for the brain, which means that this trick will help you easily isolate yourself from the cause of tears. The main thing is not to overdo it, and not cause an attack of tears provoked by pain.
To hold back tears, take yourself out of the situation: realize that you supposedly forgot about this or that important and urgent matter and hurriedly leave.
Try to hold your breath for a while. By concentrating on it, you can easily stop the attack of tears and take your emotions under tight control.
Bite your lower lip. This trick is somewhat similar to the first proposed method, and is aimed at “deceiving” the body, refocusing its attention on pain. The main thing is not to leave marks on the lip and not bite through it until it bleeds.
Think in advance what thoughts can distract you from the current situation at a critical moment. Alternatively, these can be memories of a particular pleasant, positive event, or attempts to solve urgent, topical problems. everyday problems. To hold back tears, try to solve several problems at the same time or try to mentally recite your favorite poem, sing lines from your favorite song, remember the multiplication table.
If you have the opportunity, then make a few sharp, intense movements.
Concentrate your attention on a particular object that is in the distance, and begin to study it in the most thorough way. The main thing is not to look in the face of a person who can make you cry. If it is difficult to avoid a direct look at him, then try to mentally laugh at him. Recall the offender's ridiculous habits or imagine him dressed in a ridiculous clown costume.
Now you know how to hold back tears in the right situation. However, do not use the above techniques all the time: psychologists say that tears are The best way psychological relaxation and physiological protection from stress.
How to learn not to cry if you really want to
We are all very different. And we react differently to everything around us. From some it is impossible to knock out tears, while others, just a little - immediately into tears. Both of these have their downsides. Crying for any reason, and even in front of strangers, employees, friends, is quite unpleasant.
On the other hand, it is impossible to experience all the problems “dry”, as this can lead to mental stress and poor health. Let's try to figure out how to learn to hold back tears.
Often crying people, sometimes they find themselves in awkward situations when tears begin to run like a river, and even at the wrong moment. For example, the boss shouted, the teacher made a strict remark at the lesson, they were rude in transport.
And now a lump rolls up in their throats, their voice trembles treacherously, tears roll into their eyes. But you don’t want to cry and show your weakness in front of strangers! But tears don't care about that, they flow on their own. From this it becomes even more offensive and you want to burst into tears.
- Drink as much as you can more water big sips;
- Take 10 deep breaths and breaths;
- If possible, make several intense sharp movements;
- Switch stress from psychological to physical. Use this method: pinch yourself, bite your tongue, pull your hair. Usually this method allows you to quickly recover;
- Start mentally remembering the multiplication table, phone numbers, etc.;
- If the tears are caused by someone in particular, put him in your imagination in some funny costume, or imagine him as a gray mouse with huge ears or as a toad with huge slanting eyes.
This is very effective ways hold back tears in the right situation. But do not try to completely stop crying, as psychologists say that sometimes crying is even good.
Tears are a kind of psychological release and a physiological defense against stress. Therefore, you do not need to hold back tears all the time. You can feel free to cry while watching a sad movie, or a tragic story on the news.
Even if we quietly let out a small tear, this is considered a small, but necessary discharge. But when we cry very hard, we take active deep breaths and exhalations. Thanks to this, we throw off all the negativity at the level of physiology. If this does not happen, we will create psychopathic clamps that lead to radiculitis and osteochondrosis.
The article talks about how to hold back tears, depending on the situation.
There are situations when pain and resentment cause a desire to cry, however, there are also situations when these tears will be inappropriate. How can we make sure that no one sees our tears?
How to hold back tears when you want to cry from resentment, when talking?
Sometimes it is very difficult to hold back tears, and there are even situations when it seems that it is simply impossible to do this. In this case, psychologists have several ways, using which you can take control of the situation.
- switch attention
To do this, you can use some questions that will definitely make you distract from crying. These are questions like “is my stove turned off?” or “is my apartment closed?”.
You can remember the multiplication table, the lyrics of your favorite song, or the password for something important to you.
You can also switch your attention in another way, turning your gaze to some object. It is desirable that the object of your attention has a lot of small parts, which should be carefully considered, counted, etc.
- turn on the imagination
To do this, you can imagine the person who offended you in a bizarre way. The most important thing here is not to laugh, otherwise you can harm yourself even more in an already tense situation.
- Pinch yourself or bite your lip
Physical sensations that you will definitely focus on, for example, while pinching your wrist, can also help to recede emotions.
- Focus on your breath or hold it completely
To do this, you need to slowly and deeply inhale through your nose and exhale for a long time through your mouth, concentrating on the process itself. Also, during an emergency, the human body itself is able to get rid of secondary matters, so you can just hold your breath.
- drink water
If possible, you should drink water, concentrating on the process itself. It is necessary to drink slowly, in small sips.
- Make sudden movements
Sharp movements always help to relieve tension, so you can try to stand up abruptly, sit down abruptly, open a window, push a chair, etc. If it is not possible to make sudden movements, then you can simply try to abruptly change position, straighten your shoulders, raise your head, while concentrating on your breathing.
- Avoid direct views of third parties
Any, even a small look of sympathy in your direction can cause a rapid flow of tears, so you should avoid such looks in every possible way. There is no need to look at anyone, it is better to look out the window, at a picture, etc.
- Use a pen or phone
If the situation and conditions allow, then in a critical situation, you can start writing something nice on a piece of paper. Thus, it will be possible to distract from a stressful situation.
You can also use, for example, mobile phone or tablet. If tears begin to come, then you can just get distracted and look at the Internet.
- Leave the room during the heat of passion
If the situation escalated to the limit, then, avoiding tears, you should leave the room where you were caught as soon as possible. unpleasant situation. Such a decision will help to avoid tears, let go of the situation, calm down.
After the tension recedes, you can try to continue the conversation.
After the situation that could cause you to cry is left behind, you should proceed as follows:
- Wash your face, neck, arms up to the elbow with cool water. You can use an ice cube by putting it on your wrist
Wash your face - avoid tears - Look in the mirror and smile, even when you don't feel like it. Tell yourself everything is fine
- Think about something pleasant, if you wish, you can read a prayer
- drink sweet tea
- speak up, talk about exciting question someone close who can support you
How to hold back tears from pain?
There are also some ways that will help to avoid tears not only from resentment, but also from pain. For this you need:
- Keep your eyes open as wide as possible, while trying not to blink
- It is necessary to raise your eyebrows high and stay in this position until the pain begins to subside
- It is necessary to look up, while not raising your head. Stay in this state until the pain begins to recede
- It is necessary to relax all the muscles of the face and open wide-wide and then close the mouth several times.
In order not to cry from pain, you can use some of the tips from the previous section.
How to learn to control tears and emotions?
In order to learn to hold back your tears, control your emotions, you should increase your self-esteem.
You can increase your self-confidence and your abilities with daily workouts. To do this, standing in front of a mirror, you should tell yourself that nothing and no one threatens you, that you will go through all the hardships, that you are strong, smart, self-confident.
Among other things, it is worth taking care in advance about what thoughts will distract you from the situation itself in a stressful situation, when you are overwhelmed with emotions or you are about to cry.
Whatever situations arise in Everyday life, it should be remembered that tears are not always a manifestation of weakness. Sometimes tears are simply necessary to relieve tension during emotional discharge - this is just the body's reaction to stress.
Video: How to learn to hold back tears and is it worth it? - Everything will be fine. Issue 894 dated 10/11/16
Question to the psychologist:
Hello. My problem is very deep and I think that it cannot be solved by one answer to the question. But I ask for your help. I, being a conscientious person (20 years old), cannot adequately hide/suppress my tears. Eyes in a wet place - it's easy to say. I cry if they dare me, I can cry if someone said a word in my direction. If I argue, then the other side wins, if only for the reason that I cry, which means I lose. I cry even if they tell me compliments or tell some kind of life story with my role. Accordingly, I cry when watching a movie, series, when reading a book. I want to make a reservation right away that I grew up in a very favorable environment, they didn’t beat me and there was never a rude word in my direction. Vice versa. I grew up in greenhouse conditions. I can say I'm still a child. It annoys me that I can't deal with my emotions. I read a lot of advice, none of them help me. In the depths of my soul, I understand that I have some deviations in this regard, I recognize them and am ready to correct them. But I don't have the courage to go to a psychologist. I am also very shy, my circle of friends is closed, although I am very open and good person. Sometimes it seems that I am some kind of creature without a shell and without a shell. Whoever kicks or spits in my direction, I immediately react. I'm a very kind person, some people take advantage of it. I am weak. With the opposite sex, too, everything is not adequate, I accept everything with what mockery and never believe anything. I am studying to be a lawyer, I like my future profession, but I am afraid that I will not be able to restrain myself emotionally, and crying in court is not very somehow ... There was not mutual love, which I experienced for a long time. The boy knocked me out at school. IN primary school I was not very popular, fat, no one was friends with me. In high school, she literally pulled out her already best friends with her teeth. I don’t love myself either, and so much that I don’t look in the mirror once again. And I constantly feel sorry for myself, everything is layered one after another like a snowball. Help at least try to get out.
The psychologist Rozvadovskaya Irina Eduardovna answers the question.
Hello Olga!
On the one hand, tears are good. When a person cries, internal clamps are removed, calmness comes.
But if tears appear for any reason, then, of course, this complicates life. Especially if you want to become a lawyer. This profession in itself suggests somewhat other qualities than sentimentality and gentleness of character.
Perhaps the first thing that needs to be excluded is any diseases and deviations in health. This requires a complete examination. You can go to your therapist and get a referral for an examination of the body. It's not difficult after all. Because increased tearfulness may be the result of a hormonal disorder or a nervous disorder. To do this, also consult with an endocrinologist and a neurologist. There is nothing wrong with such an examination. Treat it simply as taking care of your health. If you do not want to go to your clinic, you can be examined at any diagnostic center.
If the hormonal background is normal and health deviations are not detected, then this is a very good result.
Then only visit to the psychologist or the psychotherapist. You yourself reasonably argue that it is impossible to understand the cause of your disorder from a distance. Need customized long work. Because the reason can lie very deep - in the school years, in adolescence, etc.
For starters, you yourself can try to remember this time. Have you always been this vulnerable?
Lie down, relax, close your eyes, try not to disturb anyone, and plunge into the memories of your childhood. When you hit a little girl, you also often cried. If not, when did it start? With what, and maybe with whom it is connected. If you manage to remember the root cause, then it will be much easier to work with it.
Train your character, increase self-esteem. How to do this - there is a lot of material on the Internet. Plan your day, set small tasks that you can accomplish, and praise yourself for your progress. Start keeping a diary of your successes and accomplishments. Include mandatory walks in your daily plan fresh air at least 15-30 minutes, then increase the time. Take a contrast shower. It strengthens the vessels well and nervous system, just first look on the Internet how to do it right, so as not to get sick right away. I wish you health and success!
15 chose
We are all different and react differently to the world. Some almost burst into tears, others will never knock out a tear.Both extremes have their drawbacks. Roaring for any reason - in front of friends, employees or complete strangers - is extremely unpleasant. On the other hand, going through all the problems "dry" can lead to the accumulation of stress and even health problems. Psychologist Maria Pugacheva helped us figure out how to find the golden mean.
Why are we different?
The predisposition to shedding tears depends on the personality of a person.: character, temperament, upbringing, metabolism and even memories. If a certain situation in a person is associated with bad memory or mental trauma, then it may well cause tears in him, although others will not see anything terrible in her.
It is practically impossible to do anything with this predisposition, just as it is impossible to change the type of temperament. "Tears are primarily a physiological reaction, defensive reaction to stress. There is very little psychology here, so learning to control tearing is almost impossible. But you can try to reduce the level of stress as much as possible at the time of the oncoming crying, then there is a chance to stop the tears.- explained Maria Pugacheva. 
I'm not crying!
People who often cry sometimes find themselves in situations where tears flow at the most inopportune moment. The boss unfairly scolded, the coach in the gym made a remark or was rude on the bus, and now they already have a lump in their throat, their voice begins to tremble treacherously, their eyes are moistened. You really don't want to cry in front of strangers! But tears do not care about what you want, they flow on their own, and this makes it even more offensive and makes you want to cry even more ...
Maria Pugacheva gave some tips to help hold back tears that come at the wrong time:
- Have a drink a large number of large sips of water.
- Take 5-10 deep breaths in and out.
- If possible, make some sharp, intense movements.
- Trigger a "pain response" by switching stress from psychological to physiological. Pinch yourself discreetly, bite your tongue a little, or pull on a lock of your hair. This method usually allows you to quickly recover.
- Switch your brain away from a stressful situation: start remembering poems, phone numbers, multiplication tables in your mind.
- If a particular offender caused tears in you, do not feel sorry for yourself, but switch to it. Mentally laugh at him - remember his ridiculous habits or dress him up in your imagination in a clown costume.
Crying is good
These techniques will help in the right situation to hold back tears. But don't try to do it all the time, because Psychologists say that crying is good for you.
"Tears are a kind of psychological relaxation and physiological protection from stress. Therefore, you do not need to constantly restrain them. Feel free to cry over a movie or just to yourself at home. If we just shed a tear quietly, this is a tiny release. And when we actively sob, we take a lot of deep breaths in and out, the chest is greatly reduced. Thus, we throw off the negative from ourselves at the level of physiology, giving ourselves the opportunity to avoid various psychosomatic clamps that can lead to osteochondrosis, radiculitis and other unpleasant diseases.– explained Maria Pugacheva.
Do you cry often? Have you ever found yourself in uncomfortable situations because of this?