To produce in the course of a business conversation good impression about yourself, you must remember to respect the generally accepted rules of conduct.
First of all, you need to behave naturally. The best way to spoil the first impression of yourself is to act tense and constrained. But increased looseness, and even more so familiarity, is not good either. You should also not assume the appearance of a very serious, busy important things person. Surrounding this falseness of behavior is very quickly recognized.
To make a good first impression, you also need to quickly orient yourself in the environment and in the people around you. This leads to the formation of fairly stable impressions that do not disappear for a long time.
Each person is a unique creature with its own strengths and weaknesses, which, in order to create a good impression about oneself, must be skillfully used, i.e. actively use strengths and try not to show the weak. However, this does not mean deceiving interlocutors - you just need to build behavior based on your best human and professional qualities.
A further technique for creating a favorable impression on others requires the following steps.
- 1. Constantly express a sincere interest in other people. Demonstrating such interest The best way make a good impression. However, it should be remembered that the most dangerous thing is to go beyond the boundaries of sincerity and turn into a flatterer. This happens when, trying to make a favorable impression, a person in his words begins to pursue obvious goals. In this case, falsehood becomes noticeable instantly. Restraint and tact are especially important when dealing with superiors and subordinates.
- 2. Maintain points of commonality. Relationships are the best. e. unite.
- 3. Express sincere approval. All people love to be praised. In all situations, you need to find something to praise the interlocutor for - for knowledge, skills, appearance, the state of the office or at home, the personal qualities of relatives or friends. First of all, notice everything that you like in people and in their behavior. Talk about their virtues. Maybe these virtues are still in their infancy, but the person will want to live up to your expectations and "fix" these positive qualities.
One of the most effective techniques formation positive attitude to yourself is the use of compliments, i.e. words and expressions containing a slight exaggeration positive qualities of a person, thanks to which the psychological phenomenon of suggestion is triggered, as a result of which a person tries to "grow" to those qualities that are emphasized in the compliment.
Receiving a compliment, a person unconsciously seeks to meet expectations, which forms a reciprocal sympathy for you, removes it psychological protection and closeness.
In a business conversation, a compliment sets up a partner for mutual sympathy, trust and pleasant relationships, creates a sense of reliability, a desire to reciprocate, forming a good impression of you. In addition, a compliment helps to remove the resistance of your opponent, sets him up for agreement and cooperation, and creates an unconscious desire to make concessions. And at the first meeting, a compliment is the most successful beginning of a conversation and the best way to cheer up a future partner or client, and for yourself too.
There are other very important techniques for making a good impression on others. These techniques suggest the following manner of communicating with interlocutors.
Every person, no matter how passionate about his work, has his own personal life - personal interests, hobbies, aspirations, interests and needs of his family. If you conduct a conversation with the interlocutor in line with his personal interests, then this, as a rule, will cause increased verbal activity in him, accompanied by positive emotions, and he will perceive you as a sensitive and attentive person.
Particular attention should be paid physical signs attention. Psychologists have proven the need for bodily touch for the normal development of the child. Touching him or patting his cheek in a friendly way, we thereby confirm our love (and this is the main value for him). Therefore, it is especially important to gently touch the baby after he has received a “reprimand” from us. Let him make sure that our disposition is not lost forever and that we are no longer angry with him. As for teenagers, the relationship between touch and their emotional state is somewhat different. The fact is that they are keenly striving for independence and therefore they are trying in every possible way to get rid of "calf tenderness" as a symbol of childhood. This, by the way, is very often a source of resentment and even tears for many mothers who still seek to caress them.
In the world of adults, the touch of loved ones again becomes desirable. And they acquire a special price for elderly lonely people who, through such an emphasis on closeness and attention, better feel their need and significance, partially lost with retirement.
Psychological research has shown that single people, especially those who have had heart disease, have a better chance of survival if they have a cat or dog in their home. This is also explained by the number of touches received by a person.
Thus, caressing touches can give a lot to people who are dear to you. Can you shake hands cordially? Use touch at work, but in a way that feels natural? A friendly light touch on the hand can have a great positive effect (and on you too); it can also calm a person who is excessively excited about this or that event. However, the touch must be correct, natural, appropriate to the situation, so that your intentions are not misinterpreted. People react especially painfully to arrogant-familiar touches: patting on the cheek, shoulder, patting on the head, etc. Such actions are perceived by adults as extreme tactlessness. The person you are touching should not have the feeling that they are behaving familiarly with him.
All of the above signs of attention (positive, negative, physical, psychological) can be either conditioned or unconditioned (spontaneous).
Be friendly and confident. When people see these qualities, they find that such a person is much easier to communicate with and more welcoming. If you are still a schoolboy, then perhaps a handshake is not the most suitable way start communication, but for adults this is a good chance to show their openness. In some countries, traditions do not allow touching people of the opposite sex, so you should pay attention to this and choose a different way to greet a person. But most often it is quite appropriate to shake hands when meeting.
- Don't be afraid to be the first to say hello to strangers.
- Smile.
Watch your posture. Your posture can tell the people around you a lot about your mood and self-confidence. Try not to slouch - this way you give the impression of a closed and insecure loser. Keeping your back straight and standing with your head held high with your hand at hip level will give the impression of a strong, open and self-confident person.
Never fuss. Keep your arms relaxed along your body or place them on your knees. Do not show your own nervousness - no need to bite your nails, pull your hair or wrinkle a napkin in your hands. On the other hand, don't try to look overconfident - people may think you're arrogant and boastful.
Relax. Of course, posture is very important, but you don't have to look like a robot. Sit up straight, but don't stiffen up. They say that animals can feel fear, just as humans can feel your insecurity. Just be yourself. You don't have to go out of your way to impress someone, let your personality speak for itself.
Smile. Especially when you first met a person. It is not necessary to show a Hollywood smile, a polite, friendly smile will be enough. Try to smile naturally, if the smile is instantly replaced by a stony expression, people get the impression of insincerity and falseness. Try to give your interlocutor the opportunity to say something, most people are annoyed when a person chats continuously, not allowing the interlocutor to insert words.
Look into the eyes of the interlocutor. Try to constantly look at the person you are talking to. Don't get distracted and don't look away, otherwise the person will feel that you are not interested in him. Sometimes, if a person has some kind of problem, such as strabismus, it is better not to focus your gaze on the person's eyes. In this case, it will be more natural to look at the mouth or nose of the interlocutor.
Dress appropriately for the situation. Always be yourself and show your personality. For this, it is not necessary to dress in accordance with the most fashion trends. You want to impress yourself, so be yourself. Think about the length of the skirt and the depth of the neckline that are acceptable in this situation. It is also important to give Special attention to keep your clothes clean and tidy. Don't forget about accessories - they can tell a lot about you.
Show a sense of humor. A person who goes out of his way to be funny usually achieves the exact opposite goal. People with a good sense of humor behave naturally and sincerely show their wit. Do not use flat jokes and ambiguous phrases.
Get the person interested. Use common sense when choosing a topic for conversation. It is unlikely that a man will impress a woman if he starts talking about how much beer he can drink or describes a recent fight in a bar. Similarly, most men are unlikely to want to listen to a girl talk about what a cute puppy she has in the house, or how she loves to buy new shoes. Remember, you are trying to get the person's attention. Intrigue him, arouse interest in yourself. Here are some good talking points:
- Interesting facts or tips.
- Music and cinema.
- Questions.
- Remember, never speak harshly about other people's beliefs or religious and ethical values.
Let the other person talk about themselves."Tell me what you like to do in free time?" In a conversation with a woman, a compliment on her appearance will be appropriate, for example: "This color suits you so much." If you don’t know what exactly to say to a person, never say a compliment just to say something. People will easily recognize your insincerity, and it will offend them.
Find a common topic of conversation. If you are at a party, you can ask the interlocutor if he knows other guests and talk about this topic.
If you came for an interview, it is better to find information about this company in advance. In fact, the more you learn about the enterprise, the better. Try to hide tattoos if you have them. They rarely make a good impression on the bosses and clients of the company. However, you shouldn't act like this. like you know everything in the world.
If your teeth are in bad shape, find a way to fix them. Unhealthy teeth cause disgust. Maybe you need to find overtime work to be able to pay for dental services - unhealthy teeth will spoil any good impression!
- If you have uneven teeth, you need to consult an orthodontist and get braces. Remember to brush your teeth twice a day to keep your breath fresh.
Use perfume with great care. This can say a lot about you. It is important not to overdo it here. You may really like the scent of perfume, but the smell of perfume may be unpleasant or even allergic to other people. With these considerations in mind, it might be better not to use perfume at all. If you still want to apply perfume, it is better to spray it in the air and, after waiting a few seconds, pass through the fragrant cloud.
Take care of hygiene. This is very important, especially for teenagers. These tips may seem obvious, but shower daily and always wear clean, tidy clothes. Remember to brush your teeth twice a day and always use an antiperspirant deodorant, especially if you plan to important meeting which makes you nervous.
- Girls can put some concealer on their face. Do not overuse cosmetics, it looks unattractive. If you're going to a formal event, you can put on some light makeup using lip gloss or lipstick, mascara, and sometimes eyeshadow and eyeliner.
End the conversation on the right note. Let the person want to lay it. Let me understand. that you had a good time and hope to meet the person again. You can even send short message when you get home. Even if people have made a good impression of you. it is important for them to make sure that you also enjoyed communicating with them. It is important for them to get confirmation of this. However, don't be too intrusive!
Be yourself. Do not try to pretend to be someone else, otherwise you will be forced to continue to maintain a false image. Be yourself. this advice may seem trite. but it's true! Never lie to people about yourself and be honest. If people find out that you cheated on them, they will feel bad and are unlikely to forgive you.
Everyone knows how important it is to be able to make a first impression. This is especially true in relation to the professional environment, because based on the opinion that has developed about a person, the tone of the meeting is set, the course of the interview, or potential business relationship. That is why business people need to feel full confidence that the impression of them always remains positive.
So, you probably already know how to present, and you've already seen a million ways to do things. Now you need to have a clear idea of how to impress people. Our today's publication will help you with this.
Keep your back straight
If you sit in a chair, keep your back stooped, business partners can recognize in you signs of laziness, weakness, or disinterestedness. Remember that you need to sit in negotiations with a perfectly straight back. This also applies to the standing position. Always watch your shoulders and chin. Even if the person you're dating doesn't care about non-verbal cues, your posture will already form the right opinion in your partner. Surrounding people on a subconscious level perceive a person with a straight back and a slightly raised head up as a strong personality. 
Eye contact
We all know that people who do their best to avoid eye contact become nervous or insecure. However, people who are closed in themselves can easily establish contact with a partner with their eyes. Indeed, for this it is not at all necessary to stare at the interlocutor with a manic expression in the eyes. Diligence is useless here, 3-5 seconds of a calm, confident and open look is enough.
Smile
Yes, indeed, a smile can be contagious. Have you noticed how strangers, in response to your radiant smile, never remain gloomy. That is why we advise you to take care of the condition of your teeth and apply this irresistible technique at every opportunity. Smiling demonstrates to the partner on the other side of the negotiations that you are friendly and that you feel sympathy for him. Know that even after the meeting is over, your pleasant expression will remind others that you good man. Use this technique also when making acquaintances in an informal setting. A smile is what will help the interlocutor next to you feel maximum comfort and warmth. 
Don't go overboard with interjections
Even if the person who communicates with you does not initially focus on the nuances of your speech, you should still not often use interjections in phrases. Constant "hmm ..." and "uh ..." on a subconscious level contribute to the formation of a negative impression of you. People will think that you are not smart enough, not experienced enough, not interesting, or not good at negotiating. If you can't control this habit, try talking at a slower pace. So you can form each word in advance and make a positive impression.
Get in touch first
If you easily make contact, thereby you demonstrate self-confidence, ease and ease of climbing. By taking the first step, you show a great mood and your own sense of comfort in this particular environment. Follow this rule, and an elementary small talk can easily transform into a real business partnership. 
Conclusion
Try to produce correct first impression always even if you are not on business negotiations. After all, if other people this moment not interested in your services, who knows how things will turn out in the future? Therefore, whenever possible, try to follow our advice, and then knowing the secrets of communication will become a useful and productive habit for you.
1. Be natural in all situations.
2. Don't go to extremes. If you are too tense and constrained, then the first impression of you will obviously not be the best. If, on the contrary, you are too relaxed or familiar, you can offend the interlocutor with your behavior.
3. You should not be too serious and pretend to be a very smart and busy person.
4. Show interest in other people, in their affairs and problems.
5. Be discreet and tactful.
6. Express sincere approval. Notice all the things you like about the person and tell them about it.
7. Give more compliments.
If you want to win over a person who treats you negatively, compliment him about his abilities that you do not possess. Compliments require special tact. Any compliment should be without double meaning so that your assessment cannot be interpreted as both positive and negative.
If you gave a disproportionately high assessment of any quality of the interlocutor, then your compliment will sound mocking and will be perceived as an insult. In no case should you make a compliment regarding those qualities that a person is trying to get rid of.
Sincere, devoid of exaggeration compliments are always pleasant.
In some cases, an unspoken compliment can border on impoliteness, for example, if you fail to appreciate the dishes prepared with love by the hostess or other manifestations of her attention.
Compliments quite often relate to the appearance of the interlocutor, and therefore each compliment sentence usually includes a positive evaluative adverb - good, fine, wonderful or great:
You (you) look good (beautiful, fashionable, great) (look).
You (you) look very good (look)!
You (you) look good (look) today!
If you want to emphasize some character traits or behavior of the interlocutor, use adverbs - very, just like the adjective - what:
You (you) are very (so) smart (smart, smart)! _ How smart are you (smart, smart)!
What are you (you) smart (smart)!
You (you) have a wonderful character.
You (you) have exquisite taste.
It is interesting to communicate with you.
When meeting after a long separation, benevolent people note the good appearance of their acquaintances:
You (you) do not change (eat), do not grow old (eat), you all get younger (eat).
You (you) will not be given your (your) years.
As a compliment, a positive assessment of the interlocutor's professional qualities can also sound:
You (you) are such a good specialist...
Every compliment involves an expression of reciprocal gratitude:
Thanks!
Thanks for the compliment!
I am very pleased.
Nice to hear this.
Glad to hear that.
A return compliment can also be made regarding the appearance, clothing of the interlocutor or repeating what he said:
You (you) look good too.
And you (you) have a nice suit
I can say the same about you (you).
The same can be said about you (you).
8. Listen carefully to the interlocutor. Observe his nonverbal behavior.
9. Try to find something in common between yourself and your interlocutor. Never look for differences. People love to communicate with those to whom they have sympathy, who are similar to them, then communication allows you to feel inner harmony.
In psychology, there is such a thing as pacing or reflection. In order for the relationship to be smooth, free, open, reliable, you need to try to create an atmosphere of “reflection”, in which everything your interlocutor does, hears, seems right to him. It is important to show in communication those aspects of your character that are closest to the interlocutor. Use pacing consciously. This can be achieved in three ways:
a) through body language: gestures, posture, gait, facial expression, breathing, clothing;
c) through feelings.
by the most a prime example unconscious pacing can be considered a relationship between lovers. They repeat each other in everything. They speak the same way, use the same words, have the same opinion, and so on.
10. Show only positive signs of attention, such as praise, gratitude, an appreciative look, and the like. positive signs attention will bring joy to your interlocutor, strengthen his faith in his strength.
A person who receives too few positive signs of attention shows discontent towards everyone around him. He blames his bad life conductors, bosses, government and often falls into depression.
Avoid negative signs of attention, such as a contemptuous look, a shrug, an expression of disbelief, ingratitude, ridicule.
11. Gestures and postures of a person can make both a pleasant and the opposite impression on the interlocutor.
Many gestures are not fixed by consciousness, but they fully convey the mood and thoughts of a person.
The raised shoulders of your interlocutor indicate that he is tense, feels the danger emanating from you.
Raised shoulders and a lowered head indicate that your interlocutor is closed. He is either insecure, or afraid of something, or dissatisfied with your conversation, or feels humiliated.
Lowered shoulders and a raised head are evidence that your interlocutor is set for success, he controls the situation.
Head tilted to one side - your interlocutor is interested.
Rubbing the century - your interlocutor is telling a lie.
There are several basic gestures and postures that convey internal state person.
Gestures of openness help win over the interlocutor, call him to a frank conversation and leave him the most favorable impression of himself. Gestures of openness include the gesture “ open arms”, when the interlocutor holds out his hands with palms up, and the gesture “unbuttoning his jacket”. When an agreement is reached between the interlocutors, they involuntarily unbutton their jackets.
Gestures of suspicion and secrecy indicate that the person is not in the mood for a conversation. These gestures include rubbing the forehead, temples, chin, involuntarily covering the face with hands. If the interlocutor looks away - this is the most striking indicator that he is hiding something.
Protective gestures and postures indicate that the person feels threatened or threatened by you. The most common defensive gesture is the arms crossed over the chest.
If your interlocutor crossed his arms, then it is better to end the conversation. And if he also clenched his palms into fists, then this indicates his extremely hostile attitude. In this case, you need to slow down your speech, and it is best to change the topic of conversation.
Gestures of reflection and evaluation show that the partner is interested in the conversation. Gestures of reflection include the gesture of “pinching the bridge of the nose”, the posture of the “thinker”, when the interlocutor props up his cheek with his hand.
Gestures of doubt and uncertainty indicate that something is unclear to the interlocutor in the conversation or that your arguments seem unconvincing to him. These gestures include scratching index finger right hand places under the earlobe or the side of the neck, rubbing the nose with the index finger.
An offended person most often raises his shoulders and lowers his head. If your interlocutor has taken just such a pose, then the topic of conversation should be changed.
The gestures and postures expressing aggressiveness include tightly interlaced fingers, especially if the hands are on the knees, clenched fists. How stronger man clenches his fists, the higher the degree of his internal excitation.
Gestures and postures expressing irritation - touching the nose or lightly rubbing it; coughing.
The gestures and postures that testify to the confidence of the interlocutor include postures: hands are connected with the tips of the fingers, while the palms do not touch; the body is tilted slightly forward, and the hands are on the hips; chin held high.
They say about disappointment: scratching the back of the head; shirt collar unbuttoning; foot tapping on the floor.
A person who wants to end a conversation lowers his eyelids. If your interlocutor wears glasses, he will take off his glasses and put them aside.
When your interlocutor scratches his ear or sips his earlobe, this means that he is tired of listening and wants to speak out himself.
If your interlocutor walks around the room, then this can be regarded as the fact that he is interested in the conversation, but he needs to think before making a decision.
If your interlocutor, while standing, rests his hands on a table or chair, it means that he is not sure whether you are listening carefully to him.
A self-confident person who wants to show his superiority over others can be recognized by the gestures - “laying hands behind the back with a grip on the wrist” and “laying hands behind the head”. It is very difficult to communicate with such a person. If you want to win him over, then lean forward a little with outstretched palms and ask him to explain something to you. Another way is to copy the gesture.
A man smug and arrogant folds his hands together.
If your interlocutor suddenly began to collect lint from his clothes, while he turned away from you or looks at the floor, this means that he does not agree with you and does not want to express his opinion.
A person who, during a conversation, holds his hands on the side edges of the chair or his hands are on his knees, does not want to continue the conversation. You should stop the conversation, then you will leave a pleasant impression of yourself.
If your interlocutor smokes, then by the way he releases smoke, you can determine his attitude towards you and your conversation. Smoke is constantly emitted upwards, which means that the partner is positive and he likes the conversation. The smoke is directed downwards, the partner, on the contrary, is negative, and the faster he releases the smoke, the more He doesn't like talking.
You can determine the state of a person by gait. A person who keeps his hands in his pockets or swings them strongly, looks at his feet, is in a depressed state. A brisk gait with waving of the arms speaks of self-confidence. A person who walks with his head up, while vigorously waving his arms, is arrogant and arrogant. Hands clasped behind the back and head down indicate concern.
12. The state of a person is eloquently evidenced by his facial expressions. Tightly compressed lips indicate isolation. The drooping corners of the mouth indicate frustration.
During the conversation, try to visually draw a triangle on the partner's face, in which you should look. This will help you concentrate as much as possible.
13. In order to be considered a well-mannered person, you will have to get rid of such qualities as excessive curiosity, irascibility, resentment and vanity.
Curiosity is inherent in every person. Healthy curiosity broadens one's horizons and promotes intellectual development. However, if a person begins to be interested in other people's affairs, eavesdropping on conversations, peeping through keyholes, then such curiosity is a manifestation of extreme bad manners. It interferes with communication between people.
Hot temper will never help win over the interlocutor. A person who does not know how to argue without turning to raised voices destroys relationships. Do not justify irascibility with your natural weakness, irascibility is a lack of education.
Resentment irritates others. Any person in the presence of a touchy interlocutor feels tension. He has to constantly monitor himself so as not to inadvertently hurt his interlocutor with anything. A touchy person, complaining about an unhappy life, easily infects those around him with his bad mood.
Vanity is one of the worst vices. Often vain people occupy leadership positions, endowed with a certain amount of power. They need constant confirmation of their superiority over others. If you find signs of this disease in yourself, try to get rid of it before it becomes chronic.
What questions will you find answered in this article?
- Why listen to the news and read magazines before a meeting
- and not alienate the interlocutor
- Rules for Effective Communication
- How the Spotlight and Active Listening Techniques Can Make a Lasting Impression
To succeed, you need to be able to negotiate with other people, this requires not only to pronounce words smoothly, but also to turn communication into pleasure. I have seen many times how people did not comply elementary rules in a conversation and because of this they lost valuable contacts (see also How not to alienate the interlocutor). By studying situations, I have formulated rules for effective communication that will help you learn how to make a good impression, and the interlocutors - to feel comfortable in your company.
and not alienate the interlocutorDon't leave home without breaking news. Before the meeting, turn on the radio or TV, look through the newspapers, look on the Internet. News is a good conversation starter. In addition, you will avoid stupid situations when you are asked to comment on recent events, and you do not know what it is about. Prepare answers to the most FAQ to your address. For example, to a question about your studies, you can answer that you are an economist, engineer, etc. But this is not enough to start a good conversation. It is better to add one or two interesting details, for example: “I am a lawyer. Our firm specializes in labor disputes. I'm currently pursuing one case in which the defendant is an employer who asked candidates too personal questions during a job interview." Don't give one word answers. It is very difficult to carry on a conversation when the interlocutor answers “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know” to any question. Strive to give detailed answers, then your communication will develop more naturally. Call the interlocutor by name. A proper name is the most pleasant word for every person. Therefore, calling the interlocutor by name, you immediately arouse sympathy in him. Communicate with the interlocutor in his language. If you are talking to a person who works in another professional area, try to use terms from his vocabulary, this will facilitate mutual understanding. Look for key words in the interlocutor's answers. Often people themselves suggest what topics are close to them. For example, you complain about heavy rain, and your counterpart suddenly says that this is important for plants. Probably, this topic is close to him. |
: 7 Rules for Effective Communication
Rule 1Think about the topics of the conversation
If you have to meet a person for the first time, find out as much as possible about him (age, financial situation, interests). Use pages on social networks that are very informative. If not, then there are important references about professional activity. Any information will help to informally start a conversation.
I will give an example from practice. We were preparing a serious meeting between the two leaders. We learned about one of the interlocutors that in his youth he was fond of the sea. We used this in small things: we put the prepared documents in a folder with a marine theme, and placed anchors. Thus, important files did not go unnoticed: a person paid attention to them, just subconsciously reaching for a pleasant thing for himself.
Rule 2. Correctly position yourself relative to the interlocutor
Keep your distance. In our culture, it is not customary to be too close to a partner when talking. Determine a comfortable distance. Research recommends 60 cm (arm's length). In the rules of etiquette, this distance is defined as personal space. If you are too close, the person will feel uncomfortable and, not understanding what is happening, will decide that he does not like you. It is better for a woman and a man to sit away from each other: a small distance can be perceived as flirting.
Position your chair at an angle to the other person's chair. You should not sit directly in front of a person, otherwise subconscious mechanisms that trigger manifestations of aggression may work. Move a few centimeters to the side, and the reasons for unpleasant emotions will disappear. I was approached by a man who was about to have a serious conversation with his boss about being fired. I advised him to change the usual position relative to each other: move the chair to the side so as not to sit opposite the boss, change the position a little. The conversation was peaceful - the dismissal did not take place.
Sit with your back against a wall for confidence. To make your partner feel comfortable, also invite him to sit with his back to the wall. If your plans are to unsettle the interlocutor, try to make him turn his back to the door.
Rule 3Start a conversation with abstract topics
One of my clients found himself in a difficult situation during negotiations in Lithuania: from the first minutes he started talking about business, and the conversation soon ended - the partner refused to communicate. It turned out that in this country it is customary to talk about abstract topics before a business conversation. I often noticed this in Russia too: if one of the interlocutors immediately turns to business issues, his partners tense up, and this inevitably sets them against him.
Discuss neutral topics before getting to the point. For example, if you know that your counterpart has a dog, ask about it; if you know that his child is going to university, ask a neat question about this topic.
Rule 4To make a lasting impression, btalk more about the other person than about yourself
Most people tend to talk mostly about themselves: how well they are doing, about their family. But the secret to successful communication is to talk more about the other person. Show interest - ask open questions that do not involve monosyllabic answers, for example: “How do you spend most your free time?" The results will not keep you waiting: people will be more willing to talk about themselves, and you will be considered an interesting and attentive interlocutor.
You can use the "spotlight beam" technique proposed by Leila Launders, an American expert in the field of psychology of communication and communications. When talking to a person, imagine that a large spotlight is shining from above: when you speak, the rays are directed at you. The longer the spotlight shines in the opposite direction from you, the more interesting you will be to the interlocutor. Leila Launders gives this example: “A few years ago, a friend and I went to a party where the “cream of society” gathered. Everyone with whom we spoke turned out to be a bright and extraordinary personality. When we shared our impressions between conversations with other people, I asked my friend: “Diana, with whom of all these people who were present at the evening did you like to communicate the most?” Without hesitation, she replied: “Oh, with Dan Smith, of course!” “Who is he and what does he do?” I asked. “Well, I don’t know for sure…” the friend replied. "Where is he from?" "I don't know," Diana replied. “Well, what are his interests in life?” “You see, we didn’t talk about his hobbies.” "Diana," I asked. “And what were you talking about?” “I think we mostly talked about me” 1 .
1 Leila Launders. How to talk to anyone and about anything. M.: Kind book, 200 2. - Note. editions.
Rule 5Practice active listening skills
In addition to the spotlight technique, use the active listening approach, which is a simple technique that helps the interlocutor reveal more information. It consists in the active expression of one's own experiences. I will list some methods.
Nod in agreement. So you express approval and invite the interlocutor to continue.
Use complementary words: “I understand”, “really”, “very interesting”, “good”, etc. A person needs to be aware that you are not just listening to him, but are on the same wavelength with him.
Ask clarifying questions, such as “What did you do in this situation? How did it all end? In this way, you help your partner open up and encourage them to continue the conversation.
From experience, I can say that if one of the interlocutors is good at active listening skills, then the second one does not even notice how quickly time flies.
- Planning your time: step by step instructions from time management gurus
Rule 6Give compliments
Many people make the same mistakes: they make banal compliments or say them very quickly, as if in between times. This devalues the compliment, and he loses the right energy. Find in the interlocutor a detail that can be noted, and tell him about it. A man really appreciates when he is told that he has a firm handshake. If we are talking O business partner- a woman, then a high assessment of her business qualities is accepted with much more gratitude than compliments regarding her external merits.
It is important to remember that in compliments, personal topics should be left out of brackets. It is better to evaluate the atmosphere of the office, the design of business cards, note the competence of the partner's employees - everything that you paid attention to. I will give an example from practice. I attended a meeting of two leaders, a man and a woman I knew. They tried to negotiate a joint event. The woman was of a dense physique and on the eve of the meeting she got a manicure, which, in her opinion, emphasized the thickness of her hands very unsuccessfully. The director of the company where we came, on the contrary, noted how beautiful the manicure looked. When the meeting ended, my friend told for a long time how unpleasant it was for her to hear about the color of her nails. She regarded the compliment as low flattery, which finally turned her against this man. The deal fell through.
CEO speakingKonstantin Belov, General manager PowerGuide, Moscow I will share my rules of effective communication.
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How to make a lasting impression and get rid of controversy
- Find two or three helpers. These should be people who know you well, whose judgments you trust. Offer them a ready-made list of negative qualities (sharp, arrogant, stubborn, petty…) and ask them to mark those that they think are inherent in you. Be patient, this can be frustrating.
- Do not under any circumstances argue with your assistants and do not try to turn their words against them. But you can clarify: "And often I behave ... (sharply, stubbornly, pettily, etc.)?"
- With your answers in hand, start tracking your relationships with other people over the course of a few weeks. Identify and fix in your behavior the annoying signs that your friends have pointed out.
- If you learn to notice flaws, you can get rid of them by developing more constructive behaviors (for example, reduce your assertiveness in negotiations if it is perceived by people as harshness, and replace it with active listening).
- After two or three months, you will find that it has become much easier for you to establish contact with people.
Adapted from Mark Goulston's I Hear Through You