"You have to be convincing." When we hear this phrase, many immediately imagine an obsessive seller trying to sniff a second-rate product to a gullible buyer. A person who is not very attractive, ready to plead, push, suppress with authority - in general, go to any lengths, just to buy at least something from him.
But the gift of persuasion is something else entirely. Elizabeth Wellington, resource author The muse, wrote a great text on how to sell without frightening people with her pressure.
Indeed, persuading other people is an important skill that helps you sell your products, services, and your brilliant ideas. And even win arguments with friends.
At the same time, people who have the gift of persuasion do not look either intrusive or inclined to dominate. On the contrary, they are able to inspire confidence, know how to listen and are able to win over to their side so that you do not feel like betraying your principles.
The gift of persuasion is needed in any area, but especially in the one that concerns sales. David Brennan, general manager of the company Mesa, one of the largest auto dealerships in the United States, knows how to sell things outside of stereotypes.
Excessive pressure does not work
When a sales manager is overly assertive, it can mean that he is not really sure about the quality of his product - he pushes, compensating for this very uncertainty.
Brennan thinks pushing too hard isn't working. He is sure that the product must first of all be sold to himself:
"If you yourself do not want to buy your product, the person with whom you communicate will have the feeling that they want to buy it, and not a desire to buy into your persuasion."
To be on the same wavelength with a person, you need to feel comfortable yourself, and then you will sound convincing, no matter what you are trying to prove.
So the first step on the road to success is confidence in yourself and in what you say. In order to find it, you have to ask yourself a few uncomfortable questions.
For example, if you are promoting a new project, it makes sense to find and fix weaknesses in it.
If you sell a product, but do not fully know all its functions, first study it carefully and, if possible, try it on yourself.
In general, whatever you are selling, before convincing others to buy, prove to yourself that it is a very necessary piece.
Master Mirror Listening
Persuasion skills are among those who are focused not on their own person, but on their audience. When you listen to her, trust and mutual understanding arise between you: you listen to the interlocutor, and from this he becomes more open, receptive to what you say.
If you are a good listener, it guarantees you 100% that you will not be considered too intrusive.
You don't need to be a person who smoothly articulates and says what the interlocutor wants to hear. Becoming convincing takes time to really hear the person. You need to understand what exactly interests him.
Mirror listening is not passive. It does not imply that you will simply stand and listen in silence, it is assumed that you will maintain a dialogue, "mirror" the body language of the interlocutor, repeating his gestures, and at the same time remain in the shadows, without pulling the blanket over yourself.
A simple example. Brennan himself, when teaching new sales managers, suggests resorting to an elementary trick to melt the ice in a relationship, namely to repeat what the customer says.
The seller hears: “I came to buy a car for my daughter; she is already an adult, she is right, it's time to go to tennis herself "- and replies:" Oh, does your daughter play tennis? "
It is likely that the client will then continue, “Oh yeah, and she's doing great! Now they are leaving for the competition, and she will have to drive all the way. I am very worried that there are no incidents on the road. "
It may seem that all this is idle chatter, which only takes up time. However, in practice, this dialogue allows the seller to find out the necessary information.
In a few minutes, he learns what the client needs (a car for his daughter) and what worries him first of all (her safety). Now the seller has the information, and he can offer exactly the option that the buyer needs.
Mirror listening always helps when you need to convince the interlocutor of something. Not just the customer: you can also chat with the hiring manager during the interview, and with friends you want to persuade to go to a new restaurant.
Solve the problem
When you already understand what worries your interlocutor, offer ideas for solving this particular problem.
If we turn again to the example of a father buying a used car for his daughter, then the seller should focus on the issue of safety in this case, because this is what matters most to the client.
“I understand that the price of this car is at the very top of the price range that you expected. I offer it to you, because we recently installed new tires on it and, unlike other cars of this model, it is equipped with an anti-lock braking system. In addition, it is at the very top in the safety rating ”.
Please note: the seller does not make excessive promises, does not exaggerate, he simply honestly (and confidentially) explains why his product suits this client. Thus, he offers the person a simple and quick solution to his problem.
By building trust, using mirror listening techniques, and solving a problem, you actually form a special relationship. Instead of pushing people, you show that you understand their needs and give advice based on your experience and knowledge. This is a mutually beneficial process, and no one imposes anything on anyone.
To convince means to prove or disprove a proposition by logical arguments !!
If your ability to persuade people leaves much to be desired, or you cannot convince a person in any way, and each of your meetings “is like a collision of two billiard balls, which sharply click and fly in different directions, without changing their shape, color, or leaving traces on each other ”, then our advice is just for you.
In order to convince a person that you are right, to convince a person to quit drinking, smoking, or persuading a person to buy something, etc., it is necessary to understand that the effectiveness of a conviction largely depends on the appropriate selected argumentation.
Factors that contribute to the effectiveness of arguments during persuasion:
1. The credibility of the source of information, that is, the one who convinces.
2. The importance of the problem itself, that is, the persuasiveness of what is being said.
3. The nature of the group or person being persuaded or persuaded.
When you are trying to convince a person of something and use different ways of arguing, the person can treat you with either trust, doubt or distrust.
The meaning of the personality of the person who convinces
The persuasiveness of arguments and the credibility of them largely depends on the image and status of the persuader. It is one thing when a person is authoritative, respected, and another thing when he is not taken seriously. This is proved by an experiment conducted by scientists.
Several groups of students were asked to listen to an audio recording of a lecture on how young criminals should be treated more humanely.
All groups attended the same lecture, but the information about the lecturer in each group was different. The first group was told that the speaker was a highly qualified judge and a great authority on youth crime issues. The second group was presented with a neutral version: he is a radio worker. The third group was told that the speaker is an offender who is currently conditionally at large.
It is clear that in this group there was an impression that the lecturer (who is also a criminal) is personally interested in treating young criminals humanely. The students had to answer how they assess the lecture itself and what their views on a more humane attitude towards young offenders are.
The results were as follows: a group of students who believed that the lecture was delivered by an experienced judge and authority on youth delinquency rated the lecture itself and its findings positively. At the same time, the students, who believed that they were facing a criminal who wanted his offense to be treated as humanely as possible, assessed the lecture negatively.
The students, to whom the speaker was introduced as a radio worker, took a neutral stance. The lecture made all students look at the punishment of young criminals from different perspectives. However, it most influenced students who rated the lecturer positively, and least those who viewed him as an offender.
The experiment carried out proves how important is the personality of the one who convinces and calls for what. In fact, this knowledge is used by those who ask a respected person to "put in a good word."
In general, most people believe that in our society men have a higher status than women. All other things being equal, a person with a large physique often inspires more confidence than others.
What should be the nature of speech to convince a person? Of course convincing !!
In order to make your speech more persuasive, you need to adhere to some rules of persuasion.
- Do not prove the obvious, do not speak banal or common truths. A person always wants to hear something new, unknown to him. Otherwise, he loses interest in speech and in the speaker himself.
- Do not be afraid to agree with the person if you want to convince him of something. This rule of persuasion will help you turn his judgments against him or prove them useless for him.
- Do not try to explain what you yourself do not fully understand. This is a typical mistake of those who want to convince a person.
- To convince a person, never allow contradictions in your arguments.
- If you find strong evidence or strong objection, leave it for dessert.
- Do not use mediocre or unreliable arguments in your argumentation. In order to convince a person, try to present strong arguments separately, developing each in detail separately; but collect weak arguments into one strong argument.
- In your persuasion strategy, try to back up one piece of evidence with another.
- And finally, one more rule to convince a person that you are right. Don't try to prove more when you can limit yourself to less. Don't make it difficult for yourself. This requires both additional effort and time, and most importantly, it increases the likelihood of failure.
- If you want to persuade or convince a person, start not with the points that divide you, but with what you agree with him.
- Be a good listener and show empathy. You cannot convince a person of anything without understanding the train of his thoughts. Moreover, an attentive listener disposes to himself.
- To convince a person, show that what you are offering satisfies any of his needs: physiological (the need for food, water, sleep, etc.); the need for security, confidence in the future; the need for belonging to any community (family, company of friends, work collective, etc.); the need for respect and the need for self-realization.
A person, to one degree or another, needs to satisfy all needs. The strongest argument is the ability to satisfy any human need.
And yet, a very important rule of persuasion is the appropriate silence.
One of the most famous orators of antiquity, Cicero said: "Silence is not only art, but also eloquence."
Silence can be a response that is no less eloquent than words. A short silence or pause helps to draw the person's attention to your next words and arguments.
Surely, you have noticed more than once that some people around you have an amazing gift of persuasion. However, this gift can be developed - learn about ways to learn how to convince people, and even more so how to convince a person with an article.
From the outside it sometimes seems that a person who can convince a person can get anyone to do what they need to, with little or no effort. Such an ability is not a gift, but the ability to correctly express one's thoughts, which everyone can learn. Of course, if we are not talking about politics or football, for example, the Anji team, then you will hardly be able to convince you, but you will quite cope with other situations.
Five ways to help you know how to convince a person:
1. Put yourself in your opponent's shoes
To begin with, learn to put yourself in the shoes of your opponent and as accurately as possible guess his interests and preferences. After a few minutes of communication, even with a stranger, you can understand some of his life values. Agree, people are immediately visible for whom the main place in life is occupied by family, children, education, career growth. During a conversation, it is necessary to use such moments even to a minimal extent. For example, experienced sales consultants very often use such psychological techniques. For a business person, they offer a more expensive product with many additional functions, arguing that this product will save their time and facilitate the implementation of many tasks.
2. Combine topics of conversation
During a conversation with an opponent, it is very important to combine two topics - the one that interests you and the one that worries the interlocutor. This method helps to get closer to a person, and in your situation it can become a kind of psychological programming method.
3. Involve others in the topic
When presenting your thoughts, try to involve a third person in the topic. For example, if you are selling a product, then you should not talk about its benefits that you learned from your own experience. It is much better to come up with someone from your friends or relatives who told you about the merits of the product. Otherwise, a person may decide that you are simply imposing this or that product on him.
4. Periodically translate the topic to the public interest
Let's note one more important point. During the interlocutor's beliefs try to periodically translate the topic into the public interest. Mention more often that you express an opinion shared by thousands of people in the world, talk about the popularity of your activity or the merits of the offered product.
5. Control your opponent's train of thought
You should in all possible ways endear the interlocutor to yourself, learn to speak the same language with him and control the course of his thoughts. Never end a conversation in a cardinal form of goodbye - aim your opponent at long-term communication or cooperation, exchange phone numbers, e-mail addresses.
We all live in society and constantly communicate with the people around us. Situations are not uncommon when it is necessary to defend one's opinion, to prove the correctness of precisely the point of view that we consider optimal. But for this you need to convince your opponent of the correctness of your judgments. Anyone who knows how to do this is always on top. It is his ideas that are put into practice, it is he who is able to accomplish what seems impossible to others. But the gift of persuasion is not given from birth. He needs to learn, which we are now trying to do.
One of the most important components of any controversy is "Play on words"... Here the fact is that phrases and phrases that are identical in meaning can carry completely different emotional connotations. For example, we say: "Inheritance tax", but we can say: "Death tax".
The meaning is the same: the person died, after him there were some material values. In order for someone else to get the rights to them, it is necessary to pay a certain amount of money to the state. But the word "inheritance" does not carry a negative component. It even, on the contrary, pleases the ear, which cannot be said about the word “death”.
When entering into polemics with someone, it is imperative to take this psychological factor into account. It is necessary to choose the right words and expressions. If you want to present something in a positive light, then the phrases should be the same. Otherwise, they are completely different.
To win over a person, to inspire confidence in him, you should use a very effective technique. This imitation of the interlocutor's gestures... They are unique for each of us, as they reflect the inner emotional world. So create harmony in the relationship. Let your opponent see you as a soul mate.
Therefore, at first, carefully observe the person, note his most characteristic gestures, and then start repeating them with a delay of 5-7 seconds. This will make him sympathetic to you, even against his will.
The opponent rubbed his hands, after 5 seconds you do the same. He ran his hand over his chin, repeat this gesture after 7 seconds. Spiritual unity always implies agreement or optimal compromise.
The gift of persuasion is impossible without inner confidence in your righteousness. If you yourself do not believe what you say, no one will believe you. Why did the prophets manage to lead millions of people? Because they believed that they spoke the truth. Therefore, before convincing someone, unconditionally and finally believe what you will prove to others.
An important role is played by demeanor... If you mumble, shame, curry favor with your interlocutors, then you don't even need to start a conversation. He will initially be doomed. Your voice should be filled with inner strength and unshakable conviction. Words must be pronounced clearly and clearly. Build phrases concisely, without participial and adverbial expressions. They are good in writing, but in oral speech it is better not to abuse them, as you can get confused in the correct arrangement of the endings of words.
The effect of the power of your persuasion can be felt by looking into the eyes of the audience. In them you will see sympathy, interest, and sometimes admiration. The latter is most typical for impressionable women.
In an effort to convince others of something, it should be remembered that one in the field is not a warrior. When you already have like-minded people, then this is a very powerful argument for opponents. You can find your supporters in different ways. It is very effective when a person owes something. A certain service is rendered to him, and in return he also renders a service. In this case, it fully agrees with your position.
Always keep timing in mind when trying to make a positive decision for yourself. People are most attentive, energetic and collected before dinner. The "owls" are just entering the working rhythm, and the "larks" have not yet had time to lose the charge of morning energy. The best thing for you is when a person begins to experience physical and mental fatigue. But this is not the end of the working day, so there is a reason to postpone the solution to the issue in the morning.
The best option is 1.5 or 2 hours before the end of the work. It is during this period of time that you should use your gift of persuasion. The opponent is already not attentive enough and is somewhat tired. He is malleable and willing to compromise. There are, of course, exceptions, but they, as you know, only confirm the rule.
There is another effective way to convince others. This is the ability to nudge people into action even before they make a decision.
On the streets you can meet young people who come up to passers-by, stretch out their hand for a handshake, and then offer to buy some product. The selling process itself is quite understandable, but why shake a stranger's hand? But this is the most important thing in the activities of such sellers.
The point is that a handshake in the subconscious mind is associated with the end of the deal. Therefore, cunning people who need to implement something often use this very simple technique. Thus, a potential buyer in many cases turns into a real one, since subconsciously he has already made a deal, it remains only to consolidate it in practice.
In the same unobtrusive way, you can persuade a friend or girlfriend to go to a bar. A person hesitates in making a decision, and you chirp sweetly near his ear and slowly lead in the direction of the institution you need. When you find yourself near the corresponding sign, it will be simply indecent to doubt further.
The ability to convince others opens up almost unlimited possibilities for each of us. But this gift must be used very carefully and only for good purposes. If you succumb to selfish intentions, then you can experience the boomerang law. After all, there is always a cunning and resourceful person whose gift of persuasion is much better developed than yours. Remember this and everything will be fine.
Persuasion is a must-have skill for any leader. Today the traditional hierarchy of management structures has been destroyed. That is why the manager must explain to the worker his duties, but at the same time also specify the reasons why he, and not someone else, is entrusted with a certain task.
The ability to do this is the gift of persuasion in practice. Persuasion is one of the complex processes, however, a large investment of time pays off more efficiently than the traditional approach that is used by management in an administrative, command style. It is important to learn how to convince people, even if they did not agree with you earlier, with the goal. You must arm yourself for this with convincing arguments and evidence of your case.
A Few Rules for Developing the Gift of Persuading Others
First of all, you shouldn't get into arguments. This is the last thing, because an active argument provokes opposition. To be successful, you need to move away from it. Be ready to admit your own mistake when you discover it in your actions or words. By doing this, you will earn the trust and affection of those around you.
And also, friendliness is the key that opens any door to the heart and mind. It is important to provoke the interlocutor to a positive answer by asking questions that involve giving such an answer. Thanks to this, he will tune in accordingly and give the positive answer you require.
The interlocutor must be able to express his thought to the end, otherwise, you will make him angry with you, which will not help in any way to resolve your question. If you somehow convince the interlocutor that your idea originally came from him, he will more easily accept it and quickly agree with it. It is not natural for a person to reject his own ideas!
Convincing a person of anything is not a talent or a gift, although it is not an easy task.... After all, convincing means not only somehow influencing a person's point of view, but fundamentally changing the course of his thought, forming a judgment or position that was not originally inherent in him. Why is it worth doing this at all? Of course, no one should be able to convince someone of anything just for fun. Everything has a purpose.
And if in life there is a very clear idea of where and why to move, as well as what needs to be achieved, then attracting someone to your side can be very necessary to achieve such a goal. And in order to attract, one cannot do without the gift of suggestion. Someone really got it for free, especially if this someone was born or an orator, or maybe even a charismatic leader in the bud.
But convincing a person of something may seem like an overwhelming task for many people who are not naturally endowed with such a gift. Are you capable of effectively convincing other people of your own views?
What are the benefits of the power of persuasion?
The ability to convince others ultimately gives a head start in all matters. If you need to convince a person, while not spending more effort and resources than the minimum required, then you should not immediately throw your “trump cards”. Of course, the strongest arguments may not be at all, but in any case, from beginning to end, the outcome of the conversation should be clearly traced - a positive response from the person.
It will be the fruit of your efforts and this fruit is an indicator that you have achieved your goal, but it does not yet show that you did it in the most economical and rational way. The sacrifices on your part must be proportionate to the outcome. Therefore, it is necessary to choose the appropriate options in the process of persuasion: where it is permissible to use compliments, and where it is necessary to clearly and directly delineate the benefits that your proposal promises to him.
Persuasion does not always work only when it appeals to the mind and logic of a person. Sometimes, it can be more effective to play on the emotions and qualities of a person, his individual characteristics. For example, how to convince someone who is absolutely apathetic and indifferent to everything to follow him? You will need to understand why a person has apathy.
A typical situation is when a feeling of inner emptiness arises in a creative individual as a result of the predictability of the conditions in which he finds himself. Consequently, the answer suggests itself - the key to endearing a person to himself and gaining his confidence lies in giving him something new, refreshing his life with events uncharacteristic for him. A bright and charismatic personality will be able to do this.
There have been cases in history when national leaders persuaded millions of other people to come over to their side, to accept a certain ideology, and whole generations have followed such convictions.
The main secret of persuasion success with such leaders has been that they:
- were absolutely sincere with people;
- had common goals with the people;
- strived to give people what they wanted in the most convenient, profitable and favorable way for them.