What have you done, I'm alive. Julia Drunina

And for everything that comes out sideways And seems like a sin, I will answer before God, Before God and the Verse ... (c)

Yulia Vladimirovna Drunina

10.05.1924 - 20.11.1991

We buried our love
The cross was placed on the grave.
- God bless! both said.
Only love has risen from the grave,
Nodding reproachfully to us:
-What did you do?
I am alive!

Don't date your first love
Let her stay like this
Sharp happiness or sharp pain
Or a song, silent across the river.

Do not reach for the past, do not -
Everything looks different now...
Let at least the most sacred
Remains unchanged in us.

When love dies
Doctors do not crowd in the ward,
Anyone understands for a long time -
Don't force quit
Into the arms...

You can't set your heart on fire.
Don't blame anyone for anything.
Here each layer -
Like a knife
That cuts the threads between the souls.

Here every quarrel -
Like a fight.
Here are all the truces
Instant...
When love dies
Even colder
In the Universe...

"Abandoned"

Life is cruel
Like any war.
You became lonely
Neither widow nor wife.
It's bittersweet I know
Immediately empty around.
It's scary, dear, -
The sky collapses suddenly.
Everything is black, everything is gloomy.
But roar do not roar
What can you think of here?
If there is no love?
Maybe get on your knees?
Boil with boiling water?
Scribble statement
To the trade union and the party committee?
Well, let's say, let's say
What threatens him
And, frightened, let him
Will return back.
Miserable, stand at the door,
Look back sadly.
Catch, hypocrite, -
Why is he like this?
Half-husband, half-prisoner,
Here roar do not roar ...
There is no sadder crime
What is love without love!

There are fogs on your Baltic,
Snow wind over my Moscow.
Do not reach the desired lips,
Don't ruffle your hair with your hand.
Burying my head in books
Black circles under the eyes...
On the evening sidewalks of Riga
I hear lonely footsteps.

Today in our mountains there is blue,
Today the sky is gray in the capital.
And my head is spinning
Is your head spinning?

I don't send telegrams to Moscow
I do not captivate with the shining Crimea,
I don't invite you to come
They come without a call to their loved ones ...

We lose half of our lives because of haste.
Hurrying, sometimes we do not notice
Not a puddle on a russula hat,
No pain in the depths of your beloved eyes ...
And only, as they say, at sunset,
Amid the hustle and bustle, in captivity of success, suddenly,
You will be mercilessly grabbed by the throat
Cold hands fright:
Lived on the run, chasing a ghost
In the nets of worries and urgent matters...
Or maybe the main thing - and missed ...
Or maybe the main thing - and overlooked ...

There is a time to love
There is - to write about love.
Why ask:
"Tear my letters"?
I'm happy -
Man lives on earth
Who does not see
What time snow
For a long time with a head
Brought that girl
What did you sip
And happiness, and tears ...
No need to ask:
"Tear my letters!"
There is a time to love
There is - to read about love.

And there were no meetings, but separation
Like a blade entered the heart.
She entered without a call and without knocking -
Smart, careful and evil.

I said: "Do me a favor,
Disappear! It hurts so much with you..."

"No, I settled forever,
I have become your destiny."

Love passes.
The pain passes.
And the clusters of hatred wither.
Only indifference
Here's the trouble -
It froze like a block of ice.

YOU'RE NEAR

You are near, and everything is fine:
And rain and cold wind.
Thank you my clear
For the fact that you are in the world.

Thanks for those lips
Thank you for these hands.
Thank you my love
For the fact that you are in the world.

You are near, but you could
Don't meet each other at all.
My only one, thank you
For the fact that you are in the world!

We all say:
"We take care of those we love,
Very".
And suddenly we slash
Like a knife, to the heart -
Yes, by the way.

Unable to explain
Thinking about the past,
Why break the thread
By which souls are bound.
Tell me, oh, tell me - why? ..
You are silent, lowering your eyelashes.

And I'm on your shoulder
I won't be able to forget soon.
The snow won't melt soon
And it will be cold for a long time ...
Gotta be a man
To the one he loves, kind.

The two were quiet in the night,
Hiding insomnia from each other.
Loneliness silently screams
The world trembles with silent weeping.

The world trembles with invisible tears,
You can't dry this bitter salt.
I hear SOS, frantic SOS -
Lonely souls rush about.

And the longer we live in the world,
Thus we are closer to the cruel truth:
Loneliness is scary together
It's easier to just be alone...

Someone is crying, someone is moaning angrily,
Someone very, very little lived ...
A friend laid his head on my frozen palms.
So calm dusty eyelashes
And around the non-Russian fields ...
Sleep, fellow countryman, and let you dream
Our city and your girl.
Maybe in the dugout after the fight
On her warm knees
Reclined curly head
My restless happiness.

LOVE

Lying in the night again with your eyes open
And you are leading the old argument with yourself.
You say:
- He's not that handsome! -
And the heart answers:
- Well, so what!

Everything does not go to you damn dream,
Everyone thinks where is the truth, where is the lie ...
You say:
He's not that smart! -
And the heart answers:
- Well, so what!

Then fear is born in you,
Everything falls, everything collapses around.
And you say to your heart:
- You'll be lost!
And the heart answers:
- Well, so what!

RUST

But love said:
-So what?
I will destroy this rust.

There were storms
And there were calms.
Oh! What fires were!

But here's the thing -
In that fire I burned alone:
Rust forever remained rusty:
And someone else's soul is someone else's.

I don't deserve to fight you
So loved once -
Understand!..
I give up,
I retreat without a fight.
We have to
Stay human.
Let, entrusting you with my soul,
I got into big trouble.
Code of honor
And here I will not break -
Just blaming myself
I'll leave...

Love is gone,
Wounded by two.
Her in the arms
Others accepted...
And from that moment
torturing me
For an offended guest
Nostalgia.

Love nostalgia
Don't call -
It's time for us to become
Kinder and wiser.
You know,
What a conflagration of love
Don't light up the soul
And they don't get hot...

And still
I'm not happier
Although, perhaps
I'll choke tomorrow...
I never
did not veto
For luck,
in desperation,
For sadness.

I'm up to nothing
Didn't veto
I never cry out in pain.
As long as I live, I fight.
I'm not happier
blow me out
They can't, like a candle.

At the end of a dark day
A warm beam suddenly caressed me.
Ran lightly through the hair
Even if I didn't notice it myself.
Warm beam, slide over me later -
Above my abandoned cross.

"Impossible! Unfathomable!" -
I repeat a hundred times a day.
I touch you, my love
As to the crucifix, rather to the fire.

No, I must be dreaming
(I believed in a miracle in vain)
As if lightning suddenly broke out
In the sad twilight of December.

And I'm invulnerable to you
disease,
years,
Even death.
All stones - by,
Bullets - by,
Don't drown me
Don't get burned.
All this is because
What's next
Worth and saves me
Your love is my fence
My protective armor.
And I don't need another armor
And a holiday - every weekday.
But without you I'm defenseless
And defenseless, like a target.
Then there's nowhere for me to go
All stones are in the heart
Bullets - in the heart ...

She ran from frost - that's the trouble:
There must be no escape from them.
They fettered the land of Crimea cold
And they get to the heart.

I, as I can, fight the cold -
I go skiing in the mountains
And in the evening
I repeat to keep warm, by heart
Our stingy, few meetings ...

Yes, the heart often made mistakes
But still did not settle in it
That caution
That fatigue
What we call indifference.

Everyone wants to know
Everyone wants to see
Everything stays young.
And I'm not offended in my heart,
Even if I don't have peace with him.

TWO EVENINGS

We stood by the Moscow River,
The warm wind rustled the dress.
For some reason, suddenly out of hand
You looked at me strangely -
So sometimes they look at strangers.
Looked and smiled at me:
- Well, what kind of soldier are you?
How were you, right, in the war?
Did you sleep in the snow
Having attached an automatic machine in their heads?
You know, I just can't
I can imagine you in boots!..

I remembered another evening:
Mortars were fired, snow was falling.
And told me quietly dear,
A person who looks like you:
- Here we lie and freeze in the snow,
As if they did not live in cities ...
I can't imagine you
In high heels!

ZINKA

We lay down by the broken spruce.
Waiting for the light to start.
Warmer under the overcoat
On cold, rotten ground.

You know, Julia, I am against sadness,
But today it doesn't count.
At home, in the apple outback,
Mom, my mom lives.
Do you have friends, love?
I have only one of her.

Spring is brewing outside.

It seems old: every bush
A restless daughter is waiting ...
You know, Julia, I am against sadness,
But today it doesn't count.

We barely warmed up.
Suddenly the order: "Come forward!"
Again next, in a damp overcoat
The light-haired soldier is coming.

Every day it got worse.
They marched without rallies and banners.
Surrounded by Orsha
Our battered battalion.

Zinka led us on the attack.
We made our way through the black rye,
Through funnels and gullies
Through the frontiers of death.

We did not expect posthumous glory.-
We wanted to live with glory.
... Why, in bloody bandages
The light-haired soldier lies?

Her body with her overcoat
I hid, clenching my teeth ...
Belarusian winds sang
About Ryazan deaf gardens.

You know, Zinka, I'm against sadness,
But today it doesn't count.
Somewhere, in the apple outback,
Mom, your mom lives.

I have friends, my love
She had you alone.
It smells of kneading and smoke in the hut,
Spring is on the threshold.

And an old woman in a flowery dress
I lit a candle at the icon.
...I don't know how to write to her,
Why isn't she waiting for you?

And when I tried to escape from captivity
Your eyes, your lips and hair,
You turned into a downpour and the smell of hay,
The chirping of birds, the sound of wheels.

All paths are closed, all paths are tangled -
So year after year goes by...
I'm flying into the void, the lines are mixed up -
If only the flight would have lasted longer!

People get used to everything
That's the way it is on earth.
You don't think of it as a miracle
About the spaceship.

Our souls are strong and flexible -
You get used to trouble, to war.
Only to the wonder of your smile
Can't get used to me..

The world is incredibly confusing.
And when things are bad for me
In the most difficult moments
I write funny poems.

You read and say:
- Very nice,
Life-affirming, moreover.-
And you won't know how it hurt
Smile with a burned mouth.

I am silent, pulling gloves,
I humble the hearts of interruptions:
I get away from you -
As from the ground during the battle.

Yes, it came off - there was a war,
Becoming courageous was easier.
You think that I'm strong
And I am an ordinary person.

There is no unhappy love.
It doesn't happen... Don't be afraid to hit
At the epicenter of a super-powerful explosion,
What is called "hopeless passion".
If a flame bursts into the soul,
Souls are cleansed in fire.
And for that with dry lips
"Thank you!" whisper to Spring.

There is no right or wrong in love.
Is this element - guilt?
Like hot lava flow
She flies through the destinies.

There is no right or wrong in love,
Nobody can be blamed here.
Pity the madman who lava
I would try to stop...

Smells like summer
Ripe strawberries -
Rivers again
Turned back...
heart again
It stuck to the heart -
Only with blood
Can be torn off.

Smells like summer
ripe strawberries,
Autumn soon
Will load again.

Maybe it's time
Ripe -
Leave,
To tear from the heart? ..

CALL ME

Call me!
I'll drop everything.
January hot, young
Sweep heavy powder
Light traces.

Fresh fluffy meadows.
Lips.
The weight of weakened hands.
Even the pines
drunk from a blizzard,
Spin with us in the wind.

Snowflakes are melting on my lips.
Legs are shaking on the ice.
The brisk wind, sweeping the clouds,
He shook a cheerful star.

Fine,
that the stars swayed
Fine
carry through life
Happiness,
untouched by the bullet
Loyalty,
not forgotten along the way.

I am not used to,
To pity me
I was proud that among the fire
Men in bloody overcoats
A girl was called for help -
Me...

But this evening
Peaceful, winter, white,
I don't want to remember the past
And a woman -
Confused, timid -
I lean on your shoulder.

How to explain to the blind
Blind as night since birth
A riot of spring colors
Rainbow obsession?

How to explain to the deaf
From birth, like night, to the deaf,
Cello tenderness
Or the threat of thunder?

How to explain to the poor
Born with fish blood
The secret of the earthly miracle,
Called love?

I do not like
Unravel knots.
I cut them
After all, the pain
The moment lasts.
Patience obedient oxen -
Not created
Be your driver.

No, if necessary
I will endure everything.
But if ahead
The result is one
With one blow
I'll cut the chain
And I'll go into the night
Keep trying to back.
Without many words,
Don't lower your eyes...

But how many times do I stoop
How many times!

I did not know betrayal in love,
I felt it start
Slight roll, unreliability of the berth
And she said to herself: "Tear it!"
That's probably why I didn't know
I never cheat in love.

I could discern in friendship
The first light snow of cooling.
I broke the thread with a smile
And she joked again: "See you!"
Only pride -
My anchor of salvation...

Now do not die of love -
mocking sober era.
Only hemoglobin in the blood falls,
only for no reason a person feels bad.

Now do not die of love -
only the heart something junk at night.
But "ambulance", mom, do not call,
doctors shrug their shoulders helplessly:
"Now don't die of love..."

Don't ask me about it.
Soldiers' graves grow in the steppe,
My youth is wearing an overcoat.

Charred pipes in my eyes.
Fires are blazing in Rus'.
And again unkissed lips
The wounded boy took a bite.

No!
You and I did not know from reports
Great retreat suffering.
Again, self-propelled guns rushed into the fire,
I jumped on the armor on the go.

And in the evening over the mass grave
With her head down...
I don’t know where I learned tenderness, -
Perhaps on the front line ...

Like gray hair in curls
In autumn foliage
Gold is already flashing -
Not in vain.
In stacks
In the hay scattered so far -
Painful signs of September.

And the crows croak frantically
About what's coming soon
Swifts fly away...
How imperceptibly the summer flew by,
How imperceptibly
Life flashed!

Please help me fall in love
My dear friend, re-into you,
So that lightning bursts in the clouds,
So that the fanfares flare up, trumpeting.

For youth to repeat again -
Where are her winged steps?
I love you, but do me a favor:
Help me fall in love again!

Impossible, they say, I don't believe it!
Yes, and you, please, do not believe!
Maybe a loss of love -
The biggest loss...

This page, of course, does not claim to be a complete reflection of the poet's work. Here are just some of my favorites...

My favorite verses

We buried our love
The cross was placed on the grave.
-God bless! both said
Only love has risen from the grave,
Nodding reproachfully to us:
-What did you do?
I am alive!
(.Yu. Drunina)

City .

I dream about everything: spring in nature.
I dream of everything: dear springs,
light on the foot, you pass
my narrow street.
But no, then the neighbors passed ...
Only no, then steps around the corner ...
How many growths, icy
and snow lay between us!
Only my lips are dry
not kissed since December.
Only others love me
not like you.
And one of them walks softly
speaks sweet words...
The wind roams our street
stirs our window.
Carefully close the doors
on the parquet will pass, as on ice.
What if I suddenly believe him?
What if I go after him?
Don't blame me at all.
It's all your own fault here.
And beyond the lake, beyond Baikal,
forests grew right into the clouds.
The clouds lay like mountains
inflated in the spring.
And in the taiga the city begins,
like a young forest, through.
And I wander, erasing tears,
recognizing the wind on the fly,
sighted hands stretching out
into blinded darkness.
No, don't, I hear and believe
in the noise of the taiga and in the boiling of rivers ...
At the high, at the strong door
a stranger knocks.
Bring me a bouquet of snow,
blue and cold colors,
say a lot of ridiculous and tender
and some nice words.
Only I won't smile;
I'll tell him, I won't lie:
- I have such a desired,
without which I can not -
I look at him without blinking.
- How can I turn with another,
if our love raises
cities in the middle of the taiga?
(M. Aliger).

Flower.

A flower withered, lifeless,
Forgotten in the book I see;
And now a strange dream
My soul is filled with

Where did it bloom? When? what spring?
And how long did it bloom? and torn down by someone
A stranger, a familiar hand?
And put here why?

In memory of a gentle goodbye,
Or fatal separation
Ile lonely festivities
In the silence of the fields, in the shade of the forest?

And is he alive, and is she alive?
And now where is their corner?
Or have they faded
How is this unknown flower?
(A. S. Pushkin)

Love.
Scimitar? Fire?
More modest - how loud!
Pain, familiar as the eyes - a palm,
How to lips -
Name of own child.
(M. Tsvetaeva)

Well, kiss me, kiss me
Whether it's blood or pain.
Out of tune with the cold will
Boiling water of heart jets.

overturned mug
Among the merry is not for us.
Understand my friend
On earth they live only once!

Look around with calm eyes
Look: in the dark damp
The moon is like a yellow raven
Circling, hovering above the ground.

Well, kiss me! So I want.
The song of decay sang to me.
It can be seen that he sensed my death
The one who climbs in the sky.

Withering power!
To die is to die!
Until the end of my dear lips
I would like to kiss

So that all the time in blue dreams,
Not ashamed and not melting,
In the gentle rustle of bird cherry
It was heard: "I am yours."

And so that the light over a full mug
Not extinguished with light foam
Drink and sing, my friend
On earth they live only once!
(S. Yesenin)

Do not twist your smile, pulling your hands,
I love another, but not you.
You yourself know, you know well,
I don't see you, I didn't come to you.
I passed by, my heart doesn't care,
I just wanted to look out the window.
(S. Yesenin)

I'm bad. I am bad…
So why do you need me?
You will not know paradise with me,
But you'll get all hell on fire...

I'm bad. I am bad…
So why do you love me?
After all, everyone in the world blames me,
In all mortal sins blaming ...

I'm bad. I am bad…
So why are you kissing me?
You hug me, caress,
Beckoning to the wondrous world...

I'm bad. I am bad…
So why are you so happy with me?
I don't live like that - I know it
Life goes by like a dream...

Julia Drunina