Interactive side of communication is associated with the interaction of people, with the direct organization of their joint activities, while the action is the main content of communication. When describing communication, we most often use words for actions. For example: “when deciding a question, we stomped in one place "or" he pressed on me, but I don’t gave in. "
In our own communication, we react to the action of a partner, and in one case it seems to us that the partner is pushing us towards something, and we are resisting, in the other, that our actions are one, we are "at one", etc. There are actions behind the words, and different actions can stand behind the same words. Therefore, while communicating, we ask ourselves the question: "What is the interlocutor doing?" What allows us to understand the meaning of the partner's actions?
One of possible ways understanding communication is the perception of the position of partners, as well as their positions relative to each other. In any conversation, conversation, the partner's status is of great importance, and not a permanent status, but the status "here and now", at the time of communication. It is also important who is the leader in this communication and who is the follower.
Communication positions are considered in line with transactional analysis... This direction in psychology was developed in the 50s of the XX century. American psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Berne (1902-1970). The most popular and practical application was the scheme developed by him, in which E. Bern distinguishes three modes of behavior: Parent, Child, Adult. At any moment, each person can be in the state of either an Adult, or a Parent, or a Child, and depending on this state, a conversation is conducted, the position and status of the interlocutor are determined. The main characteristics of the positions Parent, Child, Adult are shown in the table *
(* Krizhanskaya Yu.S., Tretyakov V.P. Communication grammar. - M., 1999. - S. 187).
Each type of condition is important for a person:
Parent knows everything, understands everything, never doubts, demands from everyone and is responsible for everything;
Adult soberly, realistically analyzes, does not give in to emotions, thinks logically;
Child emotional, impulsive and illogical.
Communication as interaction can be viewed from the standpoint of the orientation of its participants towards control or understanding.
Targeting control involves the desire of one of the participants in communication to control and manage the situation and behavior of other people, which is accompanied by the desire to dominate the interaction. “Controllers” talk a lot, their strategy is to get the communication partner to accept their interaction plan and to impose their understanding of the situation.
Parent, Adult and Child Positions
|
Specifications |
Parent |
Adult | |
|
1. Typical words and expressions |
Everyone knows that ...; You must never ...; You always have to ...; I don't understand how this is allowed ... etc. |
How? What? When? Where? Why? Probably; Maybe |
I'm angry with you! That's great! Fine! Disgusting! |
|
2. Intonation |
Accusing, condescending, critical, suppressive |
Reality-related |
Very emotional |
|
3. Condition |
Arrogant, over-correct, very decent |
Mindfulness, search for information |
Awkward, playful, depressed, depressed |
|
4. Facial expression |
Frowned, dissatisfied, worried |
Open eyes maximum attention |
Depression, surprise |
|
Hands to the sides, pointing finger, arms folded across the chest |
Lean forward to the interlocutor, the head turns after him |
Spontaneous mobility (clenching fists, walking, pulling a button) |
Comprehension orientation includes the desire to understand the situation and other people. At the same time, human behavior is based on the idea of equality of partners and is aimed at achieving mutual satisfaction with the course of communication. "Understand-li" are more silent in conversation; they tend to listen, observe, analyze. They try to understand the interlocutor, adapt (adjust) to the communication partner.
Thus, in the process of interaction, people realize plans, goals and solve business problems. In the course of interaction, the behavior of partners changes, common opinions are developed to achieve the desired result.
Human interaction is very diverse, so scientists are trying to streamline the diverse types of interactions. Two types of interaction are most often distinguished: cooperation(from lat. cooperatio - cooperation), providing for the joint achievement of goals, and competition(from lat. sopsiggo - collide), which involves the creation of difficulties and obstacles to rivals in achieving goals.
Business interaction is organized on the basis of accepted rules and norms that are established by legislative acts, office instructions, codes of ethics, and are also determined by the principles of business etiquette.
Self-test questions
1. How are “action” and “interaction” related?
2. What is the essence of transactional analysis of the interaction process according to E. Bern?
3. Describe the interaction in terms of orientation to control and understanding.
4. What are the most common forms of interaction?
5. In your opinion, what type of interpersonal communication is characteristic for the "controller" and what type for the "understander" (see section 2.2).
(Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis)
Consciously, and more often unconsciously, automatically, most people play certain roles.
This is the topic of Eric Berne's book Games People Play. People who play games"
It was Eric Berne who became the founder of the so-called transactional analysis.
Transactional Analysis is a psychotherapeutic method that can be used to analyze human behavior. outside, in communicating with people, as well as his internal problems through analysis of the interaction of his subpersonalities.
According to Eric Berne, each of us in different situations plays one of three roles: Parent, Adult, Child.
These roles do not depend on the age of the individual.
As a rule, all three roles are inherent in a person, but there is one favorite, which is repeated in most situations.
The parent teaches, directs, reads notations, evaluates, condemns, knows everything, understands everything, advises, takes care of, controls, does not doubt the correctness of his opinion, is responsible for everyone, demands from everyone.
An adult thinks soberly, weighs, analyzes logically, is free from prejudices, does not give in to influences.
Child - uncontrollably emotional, unpredictable, protesting, creative, illogical, non-compliant general rules, impulsive. Often traumatized, resentful, stubborn, reluctant, insecure, fearful, guilty and bashful.
In the parental position, a person takes responsibility for himself, and this is primarily responsibility for those around him.
In an adult position, a person only accepts his own responsibility.
In a child's position, a person does not assume any responsibility, shifting it onto others.
The parent's perception of reality consists in the perception of his own opinion as reality, i.e. he perceives subjective reality as factual reality. There is also a wrong opinion.
An adult clearly distinguishes between subjective and objective reality. Distinguishes between opinions and facts.
The child perceives any external information as an objective reality, not distinguishing opinion from facts.
Attitude towards development:
The child is afraid to develop and change, and does it carefully, reluctantly, and rather because the inner Parent, oppressed by external negative circumstances, forces!
The parent is closed to true honest deep development. Sometimes his development is just a sham. He often defends himself against development, pretending that everything is fine, thereby blocking the path to improvement.
An adult is ready and open to development and self-knowledge and enjoys it.
The child is able to honestly admit his problem, and honestly admit that he is not able to solve this problem because of fear and lack of confidence in himself and his strengths.
The parent is often unable to acknowledge his problem, and for this reason he cannot solve it. The most inherent in the parent is dishonesty with himself, self-deception, defensive reactions.
An adult objectively sees a problem, but perceives it as a problem that he is able to solve.
For each of the three states: parent, adult, child- their verbal and non-verbal manifestations are characteristic.
The parent uses manipulations from a position of strength that infringe on the interests of the partner, up to a direct hit. The parent loves to give advice when no one needs it. Threats and orders are common communication techniques in the parental position.
The parent often says “we”: “We got a job! We went to college! " (the Parent will say about his adult son or daughter)
And also the Parent uses diminutive suffixes: "Flax point and, be so kind, give me this notebook point y ".
He is dominated by dominant postures and gestures. Hard intonation.
An adult boldly expresses his opinion using the pronoun "I", he has neutral postures and gestures, neutral emotional intonations.
The child's position is characterized by excuses and excuses, protruding one's weakness, playing the Sacrifice, with a manipulative purpose, to increase the status of a partner, and transfer him to the status of a parent, in order to find the Savior.
(Very similar to Karpman's Triangle:
Very often, before expressing his opinion, the Child preliminarily explains and explains why and how this point of view has a right to exist.
The Child has dependent postures and gestures, ingratiating, exculpatory intonations.
As you already understood, these roles are necessary for people to achieve certain goals, for example, to manipulate people.
For example, a person needs help and asks for advice from his friend. Previously, they both had a relationship of two "adults". Now, in order to get disinterested help, he plays the role of a "child", voicing a request in a plaintive form.
The acquaintance, who would be pleased to rise and gratify his ego, happily accepts the role of "parent". And he helps by acting out the role of the Guardian. He likes this role so much that in the future he does not want to leave it. And although our the main character has already solved his problem, his acquaintance continues to lecture and turns into a Controlling Parent. Our hero is no longer happy with this turn of events. A conflict arises.
Transactional Analysis helps you understand the games people are playing. It works very efficiently in resolution conflict situations, especially: husband-wife, fathers-children, boss-subordinate.
As you can imagine, at any age it is better to communicate as: Adult-Adult.
Determining the leading role in a person is quite simple.
In addition to the signs described above, this betrays the way a person introduces himself when meeting. A 50-year-old woman can introduce herself as: Tanya, Tatiana, Tatiana Ivanovna. This clearly characterizes her favorite role. (although sometimes it depends on the context of the situation).
Within each of us, these three roles live - three subpersonalities.
Realizing them, you can solve internal conflicts.
For example, you don't want to get up early in the morning. The child says: “I’m lying around for another half hour.” The parent advises: "If you are late for a meeting, you will disrupt negotiations." The adult convinces: "For the negotiations to be successful, I still have to prepare for them."
There are many psychotherapeutic techniques for transactional analysis.
I suggest you technique "Three chairs", it can be performed independently and without the help of a psychoconsultant:
This will require three chairs and an attentive attitude to the changes that are taking place.
One of the chairs belongs to your Child, the second to the Parent, and the third to the Adult.
Having formulated your question, sit in the Child's chair and ask how he would react to this situation.
Then talk to the Parent and, finally, listen to the Adult - he is able to analyze what he heard and give objective advice.
A simple example: your Child wants to buy a raincoat, sweater and jeans at once, the Parent thinks that it is better to spend money on the courses necessary for work French, and an Adult, based on objective facts, will conclude that courses are really necessary, but jeans can also be bought this month.
Life is multi-layered and complex. This is especially well understood in the practice of relationships. Today we will look at them through the prism of Eric Berne's transactional analysis.
Emotional states are unstable, change each other suddenly so that sometimes control over the situation is completely lost. In order for people to understand each other, sometimes they have to give up their own interests, plans and moods in order to be able to help a person cope with his emotions. Do you understand how important we are to each other?
We can see a friend's situation wider than he himself. And he, accordingly, can see our mistakes or shortcomings, helping us to improve with his opinion and look at the situation from the other side. The difference between your own perception and your opponent's view of the same is fundamentally different.
Role relationships and worldview
It looks like this: in the first case you are an actor participating in the play, respectively, you can assess the situation only in a narrow aspect. You only control your game, in this case, the concentration is high in this area. The second option is as follows: you are a spectator who is watching the performance. In this case, you are like a caretaker, observing from the side, who is able to evaluate everything that happens in a more voluminous sense.
In the practice of interpersonal relations, we interact with the help of roles and images, from beginning to end we play them. Our partner or interlocutor does exactly the same. Sometimes, we “put on” the role we need on the interlocutor in advance. And often he takes it in a completely natural way. The chain of role relationships can be easily viewed with an example of transactional analysis by Eric Berne.
Berne's Transactional Analysis
Transactional analysis is nothing more than a meaningful understanding of the elements of behavior. This is a psychological model that serves to examine in detail the actions of an individual and a group of people.
Transaction Is a unit of communication that consists of a stimulus and a response.
For example: "Hello!" - this is an incentive, the answer is “Hello! What can I do for you?" - reaction.
Berne's three ego states - Parent, Adult, Child
Berne distinguishes between three ego states through which the individual interacts with the world around him. They are named: Parent, Adult, Child.
The state of the "child"... A person follows the simplest needs and requirements. At the same time, decisions are made by them spontaneously, carefree, sometimes impulsively.
The inner parent state on the contrary, it has under it the attitudes of human behavior, adopted from the outside (usually from the parents). This role is due to deliberate actions, and is expressed in a critical attitude towards the environment.
The state of the "adult" does not depend at all on the physical age of the person. It manifests itself in organization, good level adaptability, critical assessment, strict judgment and self-control.
For example, the head of the company enters the ego state of the Parent and, according to the rules of the accepted role, addresses his subordinate with an indication of the mistake he made in his work. Consequently, the subordinate has no choice but to take on the role of a "child", listen to instructions and take up the solution of the issues that have arisen.
When the interlocutor accepts, the contact goes well.
Attitude to the world and to oneself according to transactional analysis
In the process of social integration of disabled people into modern society should be considered gender differences people with disabilities, which in general contributes to a more successful implementation of this process, Prospects and practical application This study can be the development of a special course "Gender social work with people with disabilities" for university and college students of the department "Social work", as well as a gender program of social rehabilitation for the development of the personality of a person with disabilities, which will be aimed at solving such problems as: awareness of the gender role of a person with disabilities, correction of existing gender schemes, the formation of a motive for achieving professional activity and an effective gender model of behavior of a person with disabilities.
Bibliographic list
1. Bendas, T.V. Gender psychology / T.V. Bendas. - SPb: Peter, 2005. -S. 403-411.
2. Bern, S. Gender psychology / S. Bern. - SPb., 2001.
3, Korolenko Ts. P. Mythology of sex. - Cannes, 1994.
4, Maksnmchikova, E. I. Changing the approach to the definition of the concept of "disability" / E. I. Makoimchikova // Medicine and social work / Editor-in-chief and comp. A.V. Martynenko, - M: Institute of Social Work, 1998. - 58-64 p.
5. Petrova, RG Genderology and Feminology / RG Petrova. - M: Publishing and Trade Corporation "Dashkov and K", 2006.
6, Social politics and social work in a changing Russia / Ed. E. Yarskoy-Smirnova, P. Romanova. - M .: INION RAN, 2002, - SL 50
E. V. Kozlova
PARENTAL POSITION IN THE RELATIONSHIP SYSTEM
"PARENT-CHILD"
The concept of "position" is often used in psychological and pedagogical literature, is used in various studies human activities.
"Position" (from the Latin rosіїіо) - 1) the establishment of a system of human relations to certain aspects of reality, manifested in the corresponding actions and behavior; 2) an integrated, most generalized characteristic of the individual's position in the status-role intragroup structure.
In a narrow sense, “position” is understood as a point of view in any issue; a certain assessment of any fact, phenomenon, event, action, behavior.
Professor T.I. Malkovskaya draws attention to the fact that in modern philosophical, psychological and pedagogical literature, two main approaches to understanding the socio-psychological essence of a position are revealed: sociological, in which the “position” is perceived as a condition for the manifestation of personality (I.S. Kon, V.I.Selivanov, V. Friedrich and others) and socio-psychological (B.G. Ananiev, V.N. Myasishchev, N.A. , related to the structure of personality education.
V domestic science there are two main directions in the study of the position of the individual. The first is the “external position”, that is, the position of the individual in space (A. N. Leont'ev, I. S. Kon, P. Yu. Bazarov, A., L. Sventsinsky, etc.). Researchers consider “position” as a kind of objective condition for human life and reveal it, mainly, through the concept of “role”. The second direction is associated with the study of "internal position" - some kind of intrapersonal formation, which is understood as the construction of a developing system of human relations to the social environment and to oneself (S. L. Rubinshtein, B. G. Ananiev, B. D. Parygin, N. A. Divitovskaya, R.S. Nemov and others).
Although the concept of "position" is quite used, it is working uniform definition there is no such thing. In various studies of human activity, there are different approaches to his understanding. In particular, according to B. G. Ananyev, the “position”, being the subjective, active side of the “status” of a person, is “ complex system the relationship of the individual, attitudes and motives by which she is guided in her activities; goals and values to which it is directed ”.
VN Markin, considering the position as an integral characteristic of the life of an individual, defines it as “a way of inclusion in the life of society: a set of views, beliefs, socially significant, first of all, professional skills and realized in relation to the surrounding world”.
G. M. Andreeva gives the following formulation: “the concept of“ status ”or“ position ”denotes the place of an individual in the system of group life”.
BD Parygin defines a position as a person's “attitude” to a system of norms, rules, patterns of behavior arising from his social status and prescribed by its environment ”.
V. G. Krysko identifies “three positions of the communicator during communication process: open (when the communicator does not hide that he is a supporter of the stated point of view, evaluates various facts in support of it); detached (when the communicator is stressed
well neutral, compares conflicting points of view, not excluding orientation towards one of them, but not openly declared); closed (when the communicator is silent about his point of view, sometimes even resorts to special measures to hide it) ”.
From the point of view of transactional analysis, each participant in the interaction, in principle, can occupy one of three positions, which can be conventionally designated as Parent, Adult, Child. These positions are in no way necessarily associated with the corresponding social role: this is only a purely psychological description of a certain strategy in interaction (the position of the Child can be defined as the position “I want!”, the position of the Parent as “I must!”, the position of the adult is the combination of “I want” and “I must”). A similar approach was proposed by P. N. Ershov, and then by Yu. S. Krizhanskaya, V. P. Tretyakov who, denoting positions, spoke of a possible “extension from above” and “an extension from below”.
Thus, we can note the versatility, versatility of interpretations of the concept of “position”. First, "position" is considered as a position in a society, a group (G. M. Andreeva, A. G. Asmolov, T. Yu. Marilova, I. S. Kon, A. N. Leontiev, etc.) ...
Secondly, “position” is investigated as a person's attitude to activity in general and to its various areas (L. I. Bozhovich, G. G. Granik, L. A. Kontsevskaya, T. A. Zagotina, L. V . Zanina, S. A. Kapustin, B. D. Parygin,
O. L. Romanova, A. S. Spivakovskaya, V. A. Yarov and others).
Thirdly, “position” is a person's place in direct interaction, in an actual situation (E. Bern, A. L. Venger, N. Ye. Veraksa, I., D. Dobrovich, P. N. Ershov, Yu. M Zhukov, A. I. Krasilo, Yu. S. Krizhanskaya, V. Ya. Lyaudis, L. A. Petrovskaya, V. P. Tretyakov, L. P. Fedorova, etc.).
The term "position" in the context of the definition of the combined psychological system "mother-child" is considered from two sides: the position of the child in the system inside family relations, parent position.
The parental position is defined as a trigger mechanism underlying the formation and development of not only parental relationships, certain types(styles) of raising children, but also the characteristics of the child's emotional contacts with family members, as well as the dynamics of the child's relationship with adults in the family throughout early ontogenesis.
It is noticed that the parental position determines the nature of the relationship between parent and child. It includes a subjectively evaluative, consciously selective idea of the child, which determines the characteristics of parental perception, the way of communicating with the child, the nature of the methods of influencing him.
EG Sidyaeva highlighted the positions-templates that underlie the unproductive interaction in the “mother-child” system: ingratiating “peacemaker”, “accuser”, calculating “computer”, bewildered, “distracted”.
The parental position is related to the peculiarities of the family environment. The environment in extreme cases can be too stable or extremely changeable; the control parameters vary from isolation to dependence.
1. An ultra-stable, emotionally indifferent environment forms social hypoactivity: passivity, disinterest, autism, delay in speech and mental development.
2. A changeable emotionally indifferent environment provokes hyperactivity: anxiety, lack of concentration, unevenness, mental retardation.
3. Ultra-resilient environments, combined with emotional addiction, result in selective hyperactivity directed at one person, often in the form of behavioral provocations.
4. A changeable environment, emotional dependence develop general social hyperactivity, superficiality of contacts and feelings of the child.
There are also three spectra of the maternal position that make up the love of parents for their child: sympathy-antipathy, respect-neglect-less, proximity-distance.
Most often in psychological and pedagogical research, two criteria are used to determine and analyze the maternal position: the degree of emotional closeness, the warmth of the parental attitude towards the child (love, acceptance, warmth or emotional rejection, coldness) and the degree of control over his behavior (high - with big amount restrictions, prohibitions; low - with minimal prohibitive tendencies).
So, in the classification of types of upbringing by G. Craig, the presence of four variants of the maternal position is clearly traced:
Liberal (“He is darling, everything that he does is beautiful,” in behavior manifests itself through warm relationships, a low level of control);
Indifferent (“Why did I give birth to him, because of him my life didn’t work out,” in behavior it manifests itself through cold relationships, a low level of control).
The parental position is defined as a stable phenomenon, independent of the child's age and the general social situation of the development of a given age period, but its specificity lies in the ambiguity and contradictory position of the parent in relation to the child. On the one hand, it is unconditional love and a deep connection, on the other hand, it is an object
an active evaluative attitude aimed at the formation of valuable qualities and ways of behavior.
The study put forward the goal - to determine the types of parental position in the combined psychological system "mother-child".
In this connection. research objectives were identified:
1. To establish the features of the manifestation of the parental position.
2. Determine the presence of groups.
3. Select the types of the parent position.
To identify the features of the manifestation of the parental position were used: essays on the topic "My child" and the method of questioning, which includes questions, statements, concepts that reveal ideas about the child and reflection on the interaction in the "mother-child" system.
Evaluation and interpretation of the compositions was carried out according to the following parameters: child's acceptance level, awareness psychological characteristics child, willingness and ability to assist the child, flexibility and variability in the behavior of the mother.
Evaluation and interpretation of the questionnaires was carried out according to the same parameters, but taking into account the concepts, statements of the questions that were directly included in the content of the questionnaire.
Dear Parents! This survey is conducted to help you raise your children. Your sincere and thoughtful answers will allow us to obtain reliable data and give you helpful advice,
1. Describe the concepts:
Responsible children, irresponsible children. (1)
Love, protection, care, (2)
2. Justify the statements:
Love for children should not be conditioned by anything. (1)
If children create a problem for us, it must be quickly shifted onto their shoulders. (2)
True, sincere love should be shown regardless of the merits and achievements of our children. (3)
A child has its own difficulties, an adult has its own. (4)
What we say does not always coincide with what our children hear. (5)
It is necessary to enable the child to understand that he has enough knowledge and skills to achieve success. (B)
3. Answer the questions:
How can you express your love? What phrases and actions do you use to express your love? (1)
Whether and how does the child's behavior change your behavior, mood (his behavior is your reaction), (2)
What questions does the child ask during the day. (K)
Why do adults interfere with children's problems? (4)
Is it necessary to set restrictions for children and how can this be manifested? (5)
What will you do if it's cold outside and your child is going to go without a jacket? (6)
In what cases the child has a positive result. This situation positive for you too? Why? (7)
4. Complete the assignment: write phrases that provoke the child's inappropriate behavior and phrases that make the child think.
Evaluation and interpretation of the essays was carried out according to the following parameters: the level of acceptance of the child, awareness of the psychological characteristics of the child, the willingness and ability to help the child, flexibility and variability in the behavior of the mother,
Parameters for the assessment and interpretation of the QUESTIONNAIRE:
1. The level of acceptance of the child: characteristics of concepts - (1), (2); justification of statements (1), (3); answers to questions (1), (2).
2. Awareness of the psychological characteristics of the child: substantiation of statements (5), (6).
3. Willingness and ability to assist the child: substantiation of statements (2), (4); answers to questions (3), (4).
4. Flexibility and variability in the mother's behavior: answers to questions (5), (6), (7); exercise.
As a result of the analysis and interpretation of the research results, the presence of four groups of respondents was found, each of which was characterized by a pronounced position of the mother on the development and upbringing of the child.
So, in the first group of respondents, according to the criterion “The level of acceptance of the child,” they accept their children as “who they are”, with their advantages and disadvantages, are open in expressing their feelings for them: “Responsible children are children who are able to take responsibility for their deeds, actions ”; “You just need to love, and for the child to feel this love”; "Love can be expressed by touch, stroking, attention, actions, and sometimes words."
According to the criterion “Awareness of the psychological characteristics of the child”, they realize the presence of changes that occur with the child as they grow up: “Children at the level of their age and worldview understand everything in their own way”; .. because the child perceives the world in his own way, in a different way ”; “You should say more often: ... you know, you can, think well and you will succeed” and the child will be confident in himself. ”
According to the criterion “Willingness and ability to help a child”, they believe that children should try to solve their problems themselves, and adults are always ready to help them in this: “It all depends on what problem it is: maybe the child is able to solve it himself, but maybe he needs someone
help"; “We need to help him solve it himself”; “If the children cannot solve the problem on their own, we need to try to find a solution together.”
According to the criterion “Flexibility and variability in the behavior of the mother”, it was revealed that the respondents in their relationships with their children use strict restrictions and prohibitions only in those cases when they are associated with a risk to the child's life, in other cases they believe that they, of course, should be , but children should consciously follow them: "... restrictions are only those that are dangerous to the child's life or interfere with others"; 'Restrictions need to be set, but not by order, but to convince, to switch attention. younger age or force to wear kurt-
ku either will not go anywhere, I will try to explain why it is necessary to wear it. And at an older age, let him go, freeze - come back and put on ”.
The second group of respondents, according to the criterion "The level of acceptance of the child," accept their children, comparing them with socially desirable patterns. In their answers, they adhere to commonly used formulations: “First of all, in a child one must see a person, a personality and his positive sides”; “Responsible children are children who carry out any tasks and assignments on time”; “Love is a feeling that does not need motives”; "Love can be expressed in words, deed, help in solving difficult issues."
According to the criterion “Awareness of the psychological characteristics of the child,” they are aware of the psychological characteristics of their children. Much attention is paid to the formation of their self-esteem:. . since the opinions of different people once-
and they act in accordance with them ”; “... it forms self-esteem, self-exactingness and confidence”; "... at first he needs help in the matter, then he will have good self-esteem."
According to the criterion “Willingness and ability to help a child”, they believe that adults should solve children's problems with them: “If a child has a problem, then it should be solved together with him”; ... . it is necessary to turn so that the child himself sees the problem he has created and try to eliminate it together with him ”; “It is better to solve the problem together, while explaining to the child why it is better to do this and not otherwise”; “A child cannot solve his problem due to many circumstances, and an adult with his life experience can help solve the problem that has arisen.”
According to the criterion “Flexibility and variability in the behavior of the mother”, it was revealed that the respondents in relations with their children identify the requirements and prohibitions with ethical norms and rules of behavior, which the child must strictly follow, and the adult must convince the child of this: “The child must comply with the norms of behavior , ethical standards ”; “Requirements and prohibitions can be manifested in the rules of conduct”; "I will try to convince the child that the jacket is much warmer."
Respondents of the third group according to the criterion "The level of acceptance of the child"
accuse themselves of not paying enough attention to their children: “... since true love is only that which is sacrificial”; “... you can spend the whole day together, doing only what the child wants”; ... . to give him more attention, to play games with him. "
According to the criterion “Awareness of the psychological characteristics of a child”, they justify the actions of their children, explaining them by the incompetent actions of adults: “Some expressions that adults use are not clear to children, so they act in their own way”; “Sometimes children are simply“ closed ”and do not want to listen to adults because of a mismatch in their views on the situation, sometimes there is simply reluctance, although, I think, this is the problem of adults, that they are not brought up in the truth, that is, in obedience”; “Children do everything the other way around, they probably like to contradict, so that adults repeat many times and, thus, pay attention to them more often”
According to the criterion “Willingness and ability to help a child”, it is believed that the problems of children should be solved by adults:. .need to be an adult
to find a way out of this problem, the child should not feel that the problem is in him ”; "The problem of children is the problem of adults."
According to the criterion “Flexibility and variability in the behavior of the mother”, it was revealed that the respondents in their relationships with their children establish strict prohibitions, restrictions for the child:. . this is manifested in the prohibition
takh, refusals to a child in anything ”; “If he doesn’t put on a jacket in an amicable way, then telling him that he will stay at home will not go anywhere”; "I won't let him go outside until I put on my jacket."
As a result of the analysis of the compositions "My Child" was established.
The first group of respondents honestly and openly described the qualities and actions of their children. In the construction of the “image of their child” there is no striving for a socially desirable image, the respondents accept their children as “who they are”, with their advantages and disadvantages, and adequately assess them. . Attends the sports section, but reluctantly, it is rather my desire to learn to stand up for myself ... ”; “... I hope that he will bring more joy than sorrow .... To impose something or force to do something this way, and not otherwise, I will not. A person must choose his own path ..
In the writings of the second group of respondents, the desire in describing the “image of their child” to conform to some socially significant standard is traced, only their positive aspects are noted. ... .She is kind, energetic. I think that he is the leader in the class ... ”; “... Always strives to be the first in everything ..“ ... I want my children to study at a lyceum or some gymnasium. My child is kind, obedient, always in a good mood ..
The image of their child in the writings of the respondents of the third group is characterized by a pronounced openness, unwillingness to hide negative information about him.
formation and accusation of these negative manifestations of oneself, others and external circumstances. ",... She has only one beloved teacher, she can’t stand the second, probably it’s her own fault ...”; “... Since we do not have an intimate relationship, she does not tell me anything. In my opinion, she appeared very a big problem- lack of mutual understanding .. There are no problems with peers, only once there was a conflict (it came to the parents) that she offended the girl by publicly reading her personal letter ... ”.
In contrast to the three considered groups, in the fourth group of respondents, the construction of the “image of their child” is associated not with psychological characteristics, but with the description of the biography of children. ... .My daughter's name is Alina. She was born in the year of the Monkey and is now in the sixth grade. Graduated from school in 2004, with a good certificate, passed the exams with "excellent" and entered the Polytechnic Institute.
As a result of the data obtained, four types of parental positions were identified; accepting, normative, accusing, detached. These types of parental position are associated with the peculiarities of awareness, acceptance of the child by the parents, as well as with the peculiarities of building the image of the child and the ability of parents to predict the behavior and development of children.
The accepting position is characterized by the acceptance of the child as he is, with his merits and demerits, openness in expressing his feelings for him, awareness of the changes that occur with the child as he grows up, adequacy in assessing his behavior and personality traits... Severe restrictions and prohibitions in relationships with children are used only when they are associated with a risk to their life, and children must consciously follow them. In building the “image of your child,” they do not strive for a socially desirable model.
The normative position is characterized by "evaluative" acceptance of one's child, comparing it with socially desirable models, striving in building an "image of one's child" to conform to its certain socially significant standard, a norm. rules of behavior that the child must strictly follow, and the adult must convince him of this.
The accusatory position is characterized by a pronounced openness, unwillingness to hide negative information about your child and accusations of these negative manifestations of oneself, others and external circumstances; self-accusation of insufficient attention to their children; justifying the actions of children and explaining them by the incompetent actions of the adults themselves. This category of parents believe that the problems of children should be solved by adults, they establish strict prohibitions and restrictions for the child.
The detached position is characterized by a lack of understanding by the mother at all
even the meaning of issues related to the development of the child and the role of the adult in this process. The whole relationship of the mother and child of the respondents with this position is to satisfy the physiological needs.
Bibliographic list
1. Ananiev, B. G, Selected psychological works. In 2 volumes. - M .: Pedagogika, 1980 .-- 230 p.
2. Andreeva, G. M. Social Psychology... A textbook for higher education educational institutions... - M .: Aspect Press, 1996 .-- 376 s,
3. Bern, E. Games People Play. People who play games. Per, from English, - M., 1992.
4. Zemskaya, M, Family and personality, - M., 1986.
5. Psychological Dictionary Under total. Ed, V.G. Shchur. 2nd ed. - M .: Publishing house polit. Lit., 1990.-420 p.
6. Kozlova, E. V., Tarabrina, T. V. Influence of the strategy of interpersonal interaction in the family on the child's idea of how parents treat him, Materials of the regional scientific and practical conference“Science and Education: Problems and Prospects”. - Biysk, 2001 .-- S, 108-111.
7. Kozlova, E. V. Family as a factor of personality formation in early ontogenesis. Psychological and educational problems modern education... Collection of scientific articles. - Barnaul, 2001 .-- S. 187-197.
8. Craig, G. Developmental Psychology. - SPb .; Peter, 2000, - 742 p.
9. Krizhaiskaya, Yu. S., Tretyakov, VP Communication grammar. - L .: Leningrad State University, 1990 .-- 204 p.
10. Krysko, V. G, Social psychology: a course of lectures. - M., 2003 .-- 365 p.
11. Lisina, M, I - Age and individual characteristics of communication with adults in children from birth to seven years: Author's abstract. diss ... doct. Sciences, - M., 1974.-29 p.
12. Mal'kovskaya, TN Education of the social activity of a senior pupil's personality: Author's abstract. diss ... doct. nauk.- L., 1974.-51 p.
13. Parygin, BD Fundamentals of socio-psychological theory. - M .: Mysl, 3971.- 351 p.
14. Sidyaeva, EG Psychology of family relations with the basics of family counseling. - M .; Academy, 2002 .-- 192p.
15. Sociological enzoclopedic dictionary. - M .: Norma, 1990 .-- 433 p.
16. Spnvakovskaya, AS How to be parents. - M., 1986, - 256 p.
One of critical factors, forming a harmoniously developed personality of the child, are the educational positions of the parents, which determine the general style of upbringing.
In describing the typology of family education, the study of educational parental attitudes and positions is accepted. In general, optimal and non-optimal parental positions were formulated.
The optimal parenting position meets the requirements for adequacy, flexibility and predictability.
The adequacy of the parental position can be defined as the ability of parents to see, to understand the individuality of their child, to notice the changes taking place in his mental world.
The flexibility of the parental position is considered as the ability to restructure the impact on the child in the course of his growing up and in connection with various changes in the living conditions of the family.
The predictability of the parental position means that it is not the child who should lead the parents, but, on the contrary, the communication style should outpace the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of children.
In disharmonious families, where the upbringing of a child has acquired a problematic character, a change in parental positions is quite clearly revealed in one or all three selected indicators. Parental positions are inadequate, they lose the qualities of flexibility, they become highly stable, unchanging and unpredictable.
The parental upbringing position is the nature of the emotional relationship of the father and mother to the child. There are the following main types:
● emotionally balanced attitude towards the child (the optimal style of behavior of the parents): parents perceive the child as a developing personality with certain age, gender and personality characteristics, needs and interests. The basis of this relationship is adult respect for the child. Parents express their feelings, categoricalness and perseverance to the child, but at the same time retain the degree of freedom and independence necessary for him. The adult perceives the child as a person. Interpersonal relationships parents and children are built on the basis of interaction and mutual understanding;
● concentration of attention of parents on the child (undesirable style of parenting behavior): the family exists for the sake of the child. Parents show constant overprotection in relation to the child. They constantly monitor the child's behavior, limit his social contacts, seek to give advice, impose communication. In this case, parenting positions are as follows: excessive compliance; inadequate understanding of the child's personality; communication with a child as with a baby (not taking into account his age characteristics); inability to adequately perceive the degree of social maturity and activity of the child; inability to lead children; spiritual remoteness of the father and mother from the child;
● emotional distance between parent and child (undesirable parenting style). Distance means the psychological distance of adults from children - rare and superficial contacts with a child, emotional indifference to him. The relationship between parents and children does not bring mutual satisfaction, since they are based on the orientation of adults "to find justice for the child" without understanding him individual characteristics, needs and motives of behavior.
Family parenting styles are typical patterns of relationships between adults and children in families. Relationships are defined by the degree of tension and the consequences negative impact for the upbringing of children.
The pathology of family relationships produces wide range abnormalities in the mental and moral development of the child. Of course, these anomalies that arise in conditions of dysfunctional family relations are not only a consequence of them. They can arise under the influence of a number of side effects, which either become the cause of the conflict itself, or act on it as a catalyst, for example, the low spiritual culture of the parents, their egoism, drunkenness, etc.
A.S. Spivakovskaya offers the following classification of unfavorable types of relationships in the family:
1. "Outwardly calm family."
In this family, events proceed smoothly, from the outside it may seem that the relations of its members are ordered and coordinated. However, behind the prosperous "facade" there are long-term strongly suppressed feelings for each other.
2. "Volcanic family".
In this family, relationships are fluid and open. Spouses constantly sort things out, often disagree, so that they will soon love tenderly and again treat each other sincerely and tenderly. In this case, spontaneity, emotional immediacy prevail over a sense of responsibility. Whether the parents want it or not, the specific emotional atmosphere of the family has a constant impact on the personality of the child.
3. "Family-sanatorium".
This is a characteristic type of family disharmony. The behavior of the spouses takes the form of a "resort", efforts are spent on a kind of collective self-restraint. The spouses spend all the time together and try to keep the children around them. Since the unconscious goal of one of the spouses is to retain the love and care of the other, the child cannot compensate for the lack of love on the part of either parent. The family's limited care, internal relations leads to a constant fixation of attention to health, emphasizing all kinds of dangers, intimidation. The need to keep the child in the family leads to discrediting of non-family values, to the devaluation of the child's communication, preferred forms of spending free time. Petty guardianship, tight control and excessive protection from real and perceived dangers are characteristic signs of the attitude towards children in families of the "sanitary" type. Such parenting positions lead to overloading nervous system a child in which neurotic breakdowns occur.
4. "Fortress family".
This type is characterized by the limited scope of the family circle with disharmonious internal connections. The attitude towards children in such a family is strictly regulated, the need to limit ties outside the family leads to a rigid fixation of all kinds of restrictions. In families of the "fortress" type, the child's love is increasingly acquiring a conditional character, he is loved only when he justifies the demands placed on him by the family circle. Such a family atmosphere and type of upbringing leads to an increase in the child's self-doubt, to lack of initiative, sometimes intensifying protest reactions and behavior of the type of stubbornness and negativism. The “fortress” family puts the child in a contradictory position, a situation of internal conflict caused by a mismatch between the requirements of the parents and the environment and the child's own experience. The consequence of relationships in such a family is the neuroticization of the child.
5. "Family Theater".
In such families, stability is maintained through a specific “theatrical lifestyle”. The focus of such a family is always on play and effect. As a rule, one of the spouses in such families has an acute need for recognition, constant attention, encouragement, he is acutely deficient in love. Demonstrated to outsiders love and care for the child does not save from the acutely felt by the children the feeling that the parents are not up to them, that the fulfillment of their parental duties is a formal necessity imposed by social norms. In the dramatized lifestyle of the family, there is often special attitude to the child, associated with the desire to hide his shortcomings and imperfections. All this leads to a weakening of self-control, a loss of internal discipline. The lack of genuine closeness with parents forms the selfish orientation of the personality.
6. "Family is the third extra."
It arises in cases where the personal characteristics of the spouses, the style of their interaction are of particular importance, and parenting is unconsciously perceived as a hindrance to marital happiness. This is how a style of relationship with a child arises as a type of latent rejection. Raising children in similar situations leads to the formation of self-doubt, lack of initiative, fixation on weaknesses, children are characterized by painful experiences of their own inferiority with increased dependence and obedience to their parents. In such families, children often have fears for the life and health of their parents, they can hardly endure even temporary separation from them, they hardly adapt to children's groups.
7. Family with an "idol".
It arises when caring for a child turns into the only force that can keep parents together. The child turns out to be the center of the family, becomes an object increased attention and guardianship, inflated expectations of parents. The desire to save the child from life's difficulties leads to a limitation of independence, which is largely facilitated by an unconscious tendency to slow down the child's maturation, since a decrease in guardianship threatens the rupture of the family group. With such upbringing, children become dependent. Along with this, the need for positive assessments increases, children lack love. Demands for recognition at any cost breeds demonstrative behavior. Critical awareness of one's own personal qualities is replaced by negative assessments of others, feelings of injustice and harshness of others.
8. "Family-masquerade".
It is generated by the inconsistency of the life goals and plans of the spouses. The upbringing of a child acquires features of inconsistency, and the world for the child appears to be different, sometimes with conflicting sides. Flickering masks increases feelings of anxiety. Inconsistency in the actions of the parents, for example, the increased exactingness of the father with overprotection and forgiveness of the mother, causes confusion in the child and splits in his self-esteem.