“A business conflict is a discussion of a problem. Personality is discussed in psychological conflict. Psychological conflict goes to mutual destruction, while business solves the problem and brings partners together” (M. Litvak).
No matter how peaceful a person is, there is always a place for conflicts in his life. They happen at home, at work, accidentally and deliberately, and do not always end as we would like. After the sudden onset controversial situation almost everyone scrolls it in their head and finds the wrong words, the wrong reaction to the aggressiveness of the opponent. “It was necessary to say so, it was necessary to turn the conversation in such a direction ...”
How should one act in reality? How to choose the right line of behavior, correctly get away from the conflict and direct it in a positive direction?
Thunder and lightning or a light sea breeze: how to manage conflict
Experts are sure that the conflict is most easily prevented at the stage of its inception, at the very beginning of the dialogue. At this stage, you need to conduct a quick analysis of the current situation, defining for yourself important points: its goals, causes and possible result. Not every open dispute reflects a struggle for truth. Contradictions can be caused by long-standing resentment, open hostility, rejection of something. The conflict can be used as a way to humiliate a person in someone's eyes or become a kind of "tunnel" for releasing negative emotions - anger, anger, irritation. It is necessary to evaluate the opponent in order to find out which person you have to argue with:
- An uncertain opponent will try to stay "afloat" in the dispute. His position is neither yes nor no. Own rightness is not denied, the principles are sluggish, the goals are hidden, but the conflict stubbornly does not settle down.
- A confident interlocutor will give a strong rebuff, engage in verbal skirmishes and persistently argue in a direction convenient for himself.
- Arguing with a narrow-minded, stubborn or unbalanced person is considered one of the most difficult. The situation is difficult to manage, as it is built on emotions and is not based on common sense. The style of behavior of such a person is deliberately aggressive, hostile, easily transforming into open insults and even assault. If it is impossible to resist morally, such people tend to the only weapon - physical strength.
- Intellectually uneducated, but invested with a sense of power, is also an unfortunate opponent. The purpose of his conflict is reduced to an open display of "who is in charge here", and not to an analysis of the paths directed in favor of the cause.
- A conflict with a worthy, adequate opponent is one of the best options for a productive dispute. The opponent acts constructively - seeks to resolve the conflict, shows restraint, self-control, aims to find a solution to the problem. He is open, concise and attentive to the opponent. In dialogue, he tries not only to see the problem and find ways to solve it. High intelligence and the ability to competently conduct a dispute allow him to resolve the conflict in such a way as not to offend the opponent, but to concentrate on the problem and come to a mutually correct solution.
Intersection of interests: how to resolve conflicts
Analysis of the situation and the person will help to perceive the conflict correctly, to choose the right “points of contact”. By carefully assessing the current situation, you will be able to choose the right strategy for resolving or postponing the dispute. The outcome of the situation primarily depends on the position you chose in response to the provocation.
The most positive options in resolving conflict situations are:
- Compromise (the conflict is based on the concessions of both opponents)
- Consensus (dispute leads to mutual satisfaction of rivals)
To choose the right tactics, do not be afraid to take a break - especially if the conflict began unexpectedly. Let the interlocutor reveal the essence and purpose of an unpleasant conversation. In the meantime, you will determine the right path - a strategy that will help you get out of the battle "without losses."
“Do not try to push a person through the wall in his mind, it is better to change his picture of the world” ( .
1. Keep hitting. Strategy "Rivalry"
This option involves an open entry into a dialogue, stubbornly defending one's positions. The strategy is suitable if the resolution of conflict situations is important for both opponents and requires an immediate response. The main danger of this strategy is that by entering into a principled and open one, you always have the risk of being left with nothing, of losing.
2. Postpone for "later." Conflict Avoidance Strategy
This pattern of behavior implies avoidance of unpleasant situation bypassing its causes. The strategy can be applied when the solution of the problem can be postponed and returned to it after a while.
3. Debriefing. Strategy "Cooperation"
Designed to overcome protracted misunderstandings, problems. This is the most honest and direct way to solve the problem, both opponents participate in the strategy on an equal footing. Using this tactic, opponents come to joint conclusions that satisfy both sides.
4. Mutual convention. Strategy "Compromise"
This dispute resolution option is suitable if it is impossible to fulfill the conditions of the two parties, and the only right option is to make mutual concessions. Thus, disagreements are settled, the starting goals are adjusted, the result of the conflict is reconciliation with each other's positions in order to avoid a complete collapse of relations.
5. Forced transformation. Adaptation strategy
The tactics of behavior of one of the opponents is radically modified. He changes his positions to smooth out the conflict, sacrificing his principles. Visually, it looks like you've come to terms with your opponent's beliefs. But your goal is to get out of the conflict, maintaining a good relationship, and also buy time to think about a new solution to the problem.
The wise man avoids extremes: conflict management
In order to adequately get out of an unpleasant, controversial situation, you first need to know how to behave in conflict situation. The “golden” rules that help in 99% of cases are to remain calm and sound logic, not to succumb to emotions, resist the opponent’s provocations and use effective psychological techniques.
How to manage a conflict situation that has arisen between you and your partner?
Follow simple steps:
- Let your partner blow off steam. Calmly listen to his demands without interrupting or commenting. This will lead to a decrease in internal and external tension, and then the issue can be resolved in a calm manner.
- Offer to justify his position. After emotional discharge, a person is more inclined to solve the problem in a calm format and is ready for dialogue. However, while substantiating claims, do not allow the opponent to again go over to the side of emotionality, directing him to intellectual conclusions.
- Act out of the box. Conflict management depends on your ability to reverse the direction of a conversation. In response to a complaint, remind the partner of good times your cooperation, in an unexpected place, express sincere admiration for the person. You can defuse the situation with a good, "bearded" anecdote - and why not?
- Pay attention to your feelings without affecting negative sides situations. For example, you can say, "I'm upset about our whole argument, I'm very upset." With this technique, you remind your opponent that the conflict affects the two of you, and you have your own point of view regarding the current situation.
- Get to the heart of the dispute. Try to jointly formulate the problem and the expected outcome of the conflict. Interesting fact, but partners see the problem from different angles, and in order to achieve common “points”, a mutual, identical understanding of the essence is necessary. “Sometimes you have to walk with a person according to his picture of the world, until it becomes obvious to him that he has reached a dead end” (Vladimir Tarasov).
- Show maximum respect. Let your angry partner save face. Evaluate actions and don't get personal.
- Show attention. During a tense dialogue, ask your opponent for his point of view, find out his attitude to the identified problem. Attentive, correct questions will emphasize your indifference to a person as a person and reduce aggression.
- Be confident and dignified. Even if the opponent raises his tone, do not break. In case you really feel guilty, apologize. Remember - an apology is a sign of maturity, wisdom, strength, not weakness.
Categorical taboo: how to resolve conflict situations
The best outcome of a controversial situation for both rivals is to maintain good relations and put the problem under a common “denominator”. It is important to show your opponent that you are friendly, want to help and understand his position. However, there are “pain points” that are not recommended to be addressed, as conflict management can get out of hand.
Prohibited during conflict:
- Give a critical assessment to the opponent
- Influence his "weak points"
- Demonstrate superiority over the opponent
- Blame the opponent, make claims
- Move to higher pitches
- Present only your vision of the problem
- Ignore the interests of the interlocutor
Any conflict can be approached constructively, benefiting from dialogue. In a dispute, you are given the opportunity to analyze the situation, to find out the goals of the opponent. In order for unpleasant dialogue to be useful, not destructive, it is important to consciously approach its resolution.
You must know exactly why you are entering into a conflict and be able to predict the likely outcome of the conversation. But the most important thing is to remain calm and unflappable composure, so as not to lose control over the situation. Otherwise, the light breeze of a minor problem can turn into a devastating hurricane of global litigation.
Conflict management technology: methods of Vladimir Tarasov
Vladimir Tarasov is the author of the unique training technology "Managerial duel". The strategy of conducting an open confrontation comes down to a dialogue between two opponents in a conflict situation that can occur between business partners, friends, managers, in the family and at work. Technology helps to prepare for an unexpected conflict, to learn effective methods by which you can manage a dispute.
Managerial fights are designed so that each opponent can find himself in an “artificially” created conflict situation, understand its essence and learn how to adequately get out of it. The technique helps to develop an internal readiness for an unexpected dispute, overcome fear and understand one's mistakes, which block consciousness and do not allow one to choose obvious ways to solve the problem.
The technology of conducting fights is disclosed in the book by Vladimir Tarasov "". You can learn the unique methodology of conflict management at the author's courses by Vladimir Tarasov and ", which you can sign up for right now.
Conflict situations are an inevitable part of our life.
It happens that our interests diverge from the interests of other people, and this is normal. Conflicts can happen at work and at home, with loved ones and strangers. Get out of a conflict situation with dignity and diplomatically resolve the conflict with least loss is a skill that can be developed.
How to get out of a conflict situation?
1. Determine the subject of the conflict.
It is very important that the parties to the conflict understand what is at stake. The subject of the conflict is something that is of interest to all its participants.
For example, you want to go on vacation to the country, and your wife prefers to rest in Sochi. I.e, we are talking about a specific direction of joint vacation. If we deviate from the subject, then the conflict will grow and affect other aspects of life: there will be a dispute about respect and trust in the family, the recollection and enumeration of all previous sins will begin, the turn will come to discuss each other's relatives, etc. etc. - so from a small disagreement a big scandal is born, which can be avoided by focusing on a specific topic.
2. Don't get personal.
Yes, in a state of anger it may seem that you are surrounded by stupid, short-sighted people, but these are not the thoughts that will help you resolve the conflict. You should not stoop to comments in the spirit of "all women are fools" or "I'm useless of you, like a goat of milk." Do not offend human dignity, if you do not want to make an enemy in the person of a loved one, refrain from commenting on age, gender, race, physical complexion. Focus on the subject of the conflict.
3. Do not get involved in the conflict with your whole being.
If your hands are shaking in a conflict situation, you start shouting and lose control over yourself - you are less likely to solve the situation with maximum benefit without crossing other people's boundaries. Pay attention to the state of your body and mind. After all, it's just one of many life situations, you should not waste your health and nerves on fighting those with whom a dialogue is possible.
4. Find the most acceptable way to get out of the conflict.
Psychologists identify five ways to get out of the conflict, and depending on the situation, you can use the most suitable one:
- Rivalry.
One of the most common ways, when each opponent defends his point of view. This method is appropriate if the life and health of other people depends on your decision. For example, if the wife decides to go on vacation to a place where it is currently unsafe, it makes sense to insist on another option. Or if the position of the company and many people depends on your responsible decision in business.
- Adaptation.
One of the participants fully accepts the terms of the second. This method has two sides: the first is wisdom, when harmony and calmness are more important than victory in a small conflict. For example, you don't like the idea of buying a golden tea service for 12 people, but your elderly mother has dreamed of this all her life. Buying this service will bring her much more happiness than you will inconvenience, so in this case it may be easier to give in.
The reverse side of this method is to undermine your will. Accommodating becomes a habit, and over the years it becomes more and more difficult for you to express your own opinion. If in a relationship with a person you constantly have to adapt to his desires in order to avoid a scandal, most likely this relationship is toxic for you.
— Compromise.
This method is reminiscent of the process of buying in an oriental bazaar: at first they tell you an overestimated amount, but you bargain until the price suits both you and the seller. Compromise is considered a reliable way to resolve the conflict, but it should be borne in mind that, with rare exceptions, neither side will be completely satisfied. Good, strong relationships are not built on constant compromise.
- Care.
Unauthorized withdrawal from the conflict, without trying to resolve it. This method is suitable in small and insignificant situations, especially with strangers. You should not get involved in a conflict with an ill-mannered person who is only looking for someone to quarrel with.
For important strategic issues, this is one of the worst ways. If you regularly practice avoiding conflict with the other half, this will inevitably lead to the accumulation of discontent. It is also worth paying attention to the quality of your relationship if your close person chooses to avoid conflict the only way problem solving.
- Cooperation.
One of better ways conflict resolution. An option in which the interests of all parties will be taken into account. It will take time and creativity, but with due diligence, there will be a solution that suits everyone. You just need to rise above the conflict and look at the situation from the outside.
5. Draw conclusions.
It happens that people live frequent conflicts on the same topic. A conflict situation brings a lot of benefits: it helps to get to know another person better, identify painful topics, and build personal boundaries. Not all things in a relationship can and should be tolerated, and conflict situations will help to reveal important topics.
Observe the situation, draw conclusions from conflicts, and they will cease to be repeated.
I wish you peace
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In the first part: "" it was said that as a result of which conflicts most often arise. In this part, Nina Rubshtein and Oksana Teske consider successful ways out of the conflict situation, which is generated by someone else's criticism. So, how to get out of a conflict situation quickly and with dignity:
It is important to remember that the most popular way to stir up conflict is through mutual criticism. Many people think that criticism is very useful thing. However, not all criticism is useful. 99% of the criticism we hear and give out on a daily basis is derogatory criticism. It brings great harm not only to relationships, but also to people's health. Criticism causes a stressful state, prolonged experience of which leads to psychosomatics: psoriasis, ulcers, asthma, hypertension, gynecological and other diseases. It hurts human feelings and is as painful as physical insults. It destroys the dignity of the individual and can lead to suicide.
The atmosphere of constant criticism leads to emotional trauma, deprives self-esteem and gives rise to the idea of inferiority, and this is transferred to all areas of life of any person. A rude word is insulting, ridicule is humiliating. If teachings and criticism come from people who have power over you, you become helpless, unable to make decisions. Verbal and emotional punishment leads to a decrease in self-esteem, the emergence of feelings of anxiety, and may prevent the development of a sense of respect for other people as in a child or adolescent. So is an adult.
Therefore, let's figure out what kind of criticism there is and how to distinguish useful from unhelpful. There are three types of criticism:
- Completely unfair;
- Partially fair;
- Fair criticism.
To totally unfair criticism includes insults. As a rule, the offending person is under the influence of emotions. Therefore, it is necessary to calm him down, try to make sure that the person can move away from emotions and begin to reason sensibly. It is necessary to calmly and kindly ask the criticizing a few questions so that he moves from insults to specific comments.
Clarifying questions: "What exactly do you mean?", "What do you want to say by this?". Very often it is difficult for a critic to stop and formulate a specific remark. He can answer your question with the following phrase: "You yourself know perfectly well what I'm talking about." In that case, continue to patiently ask the following questions.
Factual Questions: “Please name the facts”, “Give examples”, “What, where, when?”. If you don’t get a specific wording of the remark on these questions either, but hear something like the following: “There are a lot of facts”, “Examples are more than enough”, then move on to the next type of questions.
Alternative questions: "You don't like this, this and this?". That is, you help the critic formulate specific comments. In this case, most likely, he will already be able to correctly point out your specific words or deed that caused him displeasure. For example: "You were 5 minutes late today" or "Yesterday you called a visitor deaf." If you hear specific and fair remarks, then acknowledge them and ask the last type of questions.
Devastating questions: “You don't like how I write reports, how I talk on the phone and how I dress? What else do you dislike? That is, list all the comments and ask if there are any more. These questions are necessary in order for the critic to immediately lay out everything that is dissatisfied. And I didn't bother you anymore. If he adds the remark: “I also don’t like that you are late,” then readily take note of this.
This way of reacting is the most difficult, but the criticism was formulated in the most unfair form. Perhaps your leading questions, asked in a calm and friendly tone, will surprise and even annoy the critic. That's the way it should be. This means that he felt your superiority in this situation. He is used to pathetic excuses, counterattacks, or submissive silence, while you calmly try to figure it out, taking into account specific and fair remarks. From now on, he will criticize you specifically or in general, at the moment of irritation, bypass you - “sharpen his claws” about someone else.
Now let's talk about partially fair criticism - in this way they most often criticize your habits, manner of dressing, character or express their opinion (they have every right!).
For example: “You are always late (arguing, talking nonsense, etc.)!”, or “Do you like to play tricks on others (sleep, gossip, etc.)!” , write, etc.)!”. It is obvious that the critic points out a certain defect in you, but still generalizes the area of criticism too much. It is impossible to fully accept such a remark, but there is a fair part in it. And all that is fair must be acknowledged.
There are three ways to deal with partially justified criticism:
First way. Accept only the fair part of the criticism, and ignore the rest. Be sure to start your answer with "yes". Whenever you acknowledge something, you must first say it. Magic word to calm the interlocutor, win him over and demonstrate his readiness for mutual understanding. For example, you were told: "You are always late." A worthy answer: “Yes, today I was late.”
Second way apply when you disagree even with part of the criticism. For example, you are told: "You have bad manners" or "You are poorly dressed." And you think that this is not true. But the critic has the right to think so. Recognize this is his right, start again with "yes": "Yes, not everyone likes my manners."
Third way a worthy response to partially fair criticism - the translation of criticism into dignity. This is - " aerobatics in the art of communication. For example, you hear in your address: "You love to chat." Start your answer again with "yes": "Yes, it's nice to talk to smart people."
The third type of criticism is completely fair. This is specific criticism. You are pointed out to your words or deed, emphasizing. That you said or did something that violated the agreement.
For example, they say to you: “We agreed that you would come at five, but you came at six”, or “You promised to cook borscht and didn’t cook it”, or “You didn’t iron this shirt completely”, or “You yelled at me” . Immediately recognize the validity of criticism, start again with "yes": "Yes, you are right" or: "Yes, it is, but I regret it." Many say at the same time: "Excuse me." We do not advise you to apologize often, if there is no special need for it. The apologetic person looks insecure. “I’m sorry” or “I’m sorry about that” answers are enough to smooth out the impression of the actions taken.
In any case, the ability to negotiate not only during or after the conflict, but also much earlier is very important for conflict resolution. As soon as you make contact, whether it's a work relationship, friendship, or starting a family, it's important to build the milestones of your relationship right away. And play by the rules!
Check out other booksGestalt therapist, coach, MIGIP trainer Nina Rubshtein can be found on the website rubstein.ru
The rapid pace of our lives and the general nervousness associated with it contribute to the fact that the most harmless conflict situation is inflated to enormous proportions. Sometimes it seems that we are surrounded by people who specifically cause irritation. Conflict situations can arise anywhere: in transport, in the family, in a store, at work. And there can be many reasons for this: dissatisfaction with something, Bad mood, criticism in your address and so on. If nothing is done to get out of the conflict situation, this can threaten a nervous breakdown. What to do in this case? Let's try to figure it out.
Emotions under control.
To avoid conflict situations, it is not at all necessary to avoid meeting people, and it is unlikely to succeed. Attempts to self-hypnosis that all this does not touch you also only drive emotions inside, threatening serious illnesses. Also, don't blame others for your troubles. by the most in an efficient way without loss to get out of conflicts will be the ability to tell people about what you are unhappy with, but at the same time not lose your temper. This is quite difficult if you are overwhelmed by something, or are extremely irritated, or feel guilty. First of all, you need to evaluate your feelings that have prevailed over you. Difficult, but possible. It is very important to prevent situations when they completely get out of control and to overcome them as soon as they arise. Otherwise, it will not be possible to get out of the conflict without losses.
How to get out of a conflict situation.
1. Give your opponent a chance and time to blow off steam. While he is in an aggressive state, when irritation boils in him, and he is overwhelmed with negative emotions, it is difficult to conduct a constructive dialogue. come to common denominator impossible. Your task is to help him quickly relieve internal stress. When the opponent is in such a borderline state, in order to get out of the conflict, you should first remember that you must remain calm, at least outwardly, be confident, but here it is important not to “go too far” so that your confidence does not look like arrogance. There is good way, which psychologists advise - to imagine that you are in a kind of spherical shell, through which the negative emotions of the interlocutor do not penetrate. If you have a developed imagination, then this will definitely work. In addition to the auto-training method, it is important to try not to accumulate a state of resentment in yourself, otherwise nothing will work. Tune in to your opponent’s wave, try to look at the situation through his eyes, so it will be easier for you to understand what exactly “undermined” him so much. To get out of the conflict, carefully observe the interlocutor, note for yourself the expression of his face, facial expressions, gestures, try it on yourself and imagine what you would do in a similar situation.
2. Let the opponent speak. When he says everything that has boiled over, the aggressive charge will come to naught and it will be easier to agree. Naturally, in order to get out of a conflict situation, you must listen to the person carefully, and not just pretend to listen.
3. The element of surprise - effective remedy against aggression. A person who is in a state of irritation as a result of a conflict with you expects you to answer him in the same spirit, that is, you will begin to scream, get annoyed, or, conversely, get scared and admit that you are wrong. Surprise him by behaving differently than he would like. Try to return to the opponent his own offensive statement, but giving it a polite form, without losing self-control. Sometimes this helps to get out of the conflict right away, as your interlocutor will feel that you are interested in him, and you will find out what made him so angry. There are other methods of unexpected reaction to aggression: 1) You can ask for advice from someone who craves conflict; 2) move the topic to something that is not related to the conflict, but is interesting for him; 3) remind you of pleasant moments in your common past; 4) give a disarming compliment, such as "when you are angry, you are so beautiful"; 5) show empathy in connection with the conflict situation. This will help your opponent switch from negative emotions to positive.
4. Try to convey to your opponent your impression of his words, about the state you are in because of them. This should be done directly and sincerely, but do not comment on his personality, but only talk about your feelings. If lead specific example, then it looks something like this: instead of “You are an ill-mannered person”, say “It is very unpleasant for me to hear this from you.” Or instead of "You are lying to me" - "I am offended when they deceive me."
5. Let your opponent keep his dignity. In a conflict situation, one should not give free rein to one's emotions and respond aggressively to counter aggression. If you also become personal, then your interlocutor will never forgive this, even if the conflict is settled and he will give in to you. On the contrary, try to convey to him that you treat him with respect, that his opinion is important to you. But you can directly express your attitude to his actions and, in particular, to the one who created the conflict situation. For example, you can say "You promised several times but didn't deliver" instead of calling him an optional person.
6. Only arguments and facts, no emotional digressions. Both people who find themselves in a conflict situation must substantiate their point of view. Tell your opponent right away that you will take into account only facts and evidence. Block any manifestation of emotions with the question: “Are these your guesses or facts?”.
7. Try to stay in the position "on an equal footing." Most often, in conflicts, people behave in two ways: they shout back or remain silent, fearing the wrath of the opponent. Both schemes are ineffective. It will be more correct to stay confident and calm, this will help both opponents to stay within the bounds of decency and avoid aggression.
8. Do not be shy to ask for forgiveness if you know that you are wrong. You must be able to admit your mistake in time, and offer your opponent solutions to get out of the conflict situation. Firstly, such a step is always disarming, and, secondly, it causes the respect of the enemy. To apologize and admit that you were wrong is only possible for accomplished, self-confident people.
9. A good joke will also help to get out of the conflict, to extinguish an attack of aggression. Just do not confuse good humor and irony.
10. Try to find common ground with your opponent, emphasize your closeness. And the fact that you would like to get out of the conflict situation.
11. Ask the opponent to tell how he sees the end result and what is preventing it from being achieved, that is, the problem. A problem is a task that needs to be solved, and relationships are the conditions in which it is to be solved. If you have a negative attitude towards a person, it can discourage any desire to do something. To get out of a conflict situation, you need to define a task together and focus on solving it.
12. Try to explain to your opponent your point of view on the conflict and how you see the way out of it. Just do not look for the guilty and "chew" the situation, just look for a way out. There can be many exit solutions and you have to choose the best one. But this option should suit both conflicting parties. There should be no losers and winners here. If it is impossible to come to a common opinion, you can rely on an objective measure (laws, regulations, instructions, and so on).
13. Mirror his claims, even if everything is clear to you, clarify “Did I understand you correctly”, “Let me repeat what you said to make sure that I understood you correctly”, etc. This is a very useful practice for getting out of conflict situation, it helps to avoid misunderstandings and shows that you are an attentive interlocutor, which reduces the opponent's aggression.
14. Do not try to prove anything to anyone. In conflict situations, this is a useless exercise. Emotions completely block the mind. And if a person is lost in this moment ability to think, your evidence will not convince him.
15. Shut up first. This helps a lot if you, against your will, have already been drawn into a conflict. It is not necessary in anger to demand that the opponent be silent, it is better to force yourself to be silent. Your silence will serve as a way out of the conflict situation. Indeed, at least two are involved in a quarrel, and if one is silent, then there is no quarrel. Silence is different from silence. It may contain a challenge or a mockery, then it will be for the enemy, like a red rag for a bull. You should be silent as if you do not notice the aggressiveness of the interlocutor and do not see the conflict situation.
16. Don't slam the door. By leaving the room calmly, you can end the conflict. But if you throw to your opponent before leaving hurtful words and slam the door, it can give a boost to the destructive force. Up to tragic situations.
17. Continue the conversation after the opponent's fuse has passed. He may take your silence or departure for surrender, however, you should not dissuade him. You have to pause until his ardor cools down. But, refusing to prolong the conflict situation, you should not offend or insult the interlocutor by your behavior. After all, the one who can extinguish the quarrel in the bud looks much more profitable, and not the one who reserves the last aggressive attack.
18.I last rule. It doesn’t matter how the conflict situation ended, whether or not there are contradictions, try to maintain your relationship. If you succeed, and even at the same time your opponent did not drop his own dignity through your fault, then in the future all this will be resolved, and the relationship will become good again.