Probably, each of us dreams, waking up one morning, to feel the maximum happiness and peace of mind... Happiness is a state of complete satisfaction. own life. This is exclusively subjective characteristic ... Looking at a person from the outside, we can only assume whether he is happy. Only he himself feels it.
The feeling of happiness never directly depends on status, financial capabilities, social environment, etc. Often people with material wealth, many friends and a good family feel unhappy. And sometimes a person who is not particularly wealthy, with a difficult fate, can experience real happiness. Everything here completely depends on ourselves.
What influences feelings of happiness
- Values. Each of us has a certain set of meaningful values ( "To love and be loved", "family", " interesting job"," Freedom "," constant development " etc.), and if they are present in our life, then the feeling of happiness does not leave us.
- Achievement of the set goals. Some are dominated by simple and quickly achievable goals, while others are ambitious and demanding. But one way or another, the main criterion for happiness here is the result obtained.
- Satisfaction of needs. The key is to satisfy exactly those needs that a person puts at the head. You can be a hungry artist, but if recognition or self-expression is the most important for him and this is realized, then he is more likely to experience happiness. But if the most significant needs are regularly left unmet, then the person is unhappy.
- . If we are satisfied with ourselves and assess ourselves adequately, then we become more confident and feel inner harmony... If we are not in tune with ourselves, we are constantly engaged in self-digging, then we cannot feel completely happy.
- Health. Health problems are always more or less reflected in the feeling of happiness. Therefore, it is important to be attentive to your condition in order to be able to prevent serious violations in time.
What prevents you from being happy
Unfortunately (or fortunately, sorry for the tautology), our own attitudes, beliefs, thoughts almost always interfere with being happy.
- Creation of obstacles. Quite often, we ourselves come up with various difficulties and obstacles on the path to happiness, believing that it is not easy to come by and you have to pay for everything. It seems that true happiness should be achieved through suffering, conquered ... But paradoxically, while we are struggling with invented barriers and obstacles, it goes away, and we do not notice it. We ourselves do not allow ourselves to be happy .
- The burden of the past. Being happy is often hindered by negative events that have ever happened to us. The experiences associated with them constantly return us to that time, and we dwell on the problems of the past.
- Turn around... It simply cannot be such that nothing pleases and even for a moment was not a reason for happiness. It is made up of little things. You have received a compliment, you have successfully completed work on an important task, your baby smiled at you, you attended an interesting event ... Every day there are many reasons for happiness. Our task is to notice them and rejoice.
Listen to birdsong, rustle of grass in the wind and leaves underfoot - useful actions for inner peace and connection with the world. Rejoice in the most simple things... They charge you with positive energy and allow you to be distracted from bad thoughts, to feel happier.
- Break the vicious circle.
For example, we may be sad that we are not getting what we want. And we do not achieve because we sit and do not take any action (or we do not act like that), since all thoughts are occupied with unnecessary experiences and the search for those to blame. And it often seems that this circle cannot be broken. We all expect that circumstances will change dramatically or some kind of fall will fall on us. great luck... The likelihood of this is low. And the only way out is in ourselves. You need to open the circle by ceasing to worry and starting to act. Any steps and attempts to change the situation or attitude towards life will bring you closer to happiness.
- Get carried away.
You should definitely have something to your liking - something that inspires and energizes you. Being creative, playing sports allows you to express yourself and cope with stress. But it may not be just a hobby. For example, realizing oneself as a mother, a caring wife, doing household chores also allows you to feel truly happy woman at any age: at both 20 and 40 years.
- Relax and.
If you're exhausted and don't get enough sleep on a regular basis, you can hardly feel completely happy. Healthy sleep not only helps to restore strength, but also to bring thoughts and feelings in order.
- Follow your goals and follow through on what you started.
The more completed cases you have in your piggy bank, the freer and more harmonious you will feel. and do not retreat from them when faced with obstacles.
- Breathe happiness into another person's life.
The more often you do good deeds and please others, the happier you yourself will become. Positive energy from your good deeds will definitely return to you. This is the pattern. Give gifts to others, say nice words, provide support, do charity work. The feeling that you are changing the world for the better helps you understand how you become happy.
- Look to the future not with fear, but with hope.
Stick to the principle and constantly remind yourself: “ Now it is good, but it will be even better". Make plans and look forward to their implementation. The more actively you can act and implement your plans, the more interesting the future will seem to you.
- Have in your arsenal a list of life-affirming phrases that lift your spirits and make you feel happier. For example:
“I’m getting better and better at dealing with difficulties”
"I like myself"
“There are many pleasant moments in my life,” etc. - Weigh your "I want" and "I am afraid".
It is most convenient to write them down on paper in 2 columns. Try to remember as many of your “want” and “fear” as possible. It will be good if the first ones turn out to be much more than the second ones. After all, the energy of desires always inspires us, makes us more confident, and the energy of fears slows down actions, forcing us to abandon our intentions.
How to be a happy wife
By creating a family, a woman always wants to become happy and loved. What helps to achieve this?
- It is important to remain feminine, affectionate and attractive. Let your men feel like reliable defenders and knights next to you. This is a powerful incentive for self-realization.
- Show concern and consideration for your husband. Smile, waiting for his return from work, ask how his day went, give him the opportunity to fully rest, please with delicious food.
- Maintain the man's self-esteem: praise him, acknowledge his achievements and abilities.
- Do not be too demanding of your husband, do not control his every step. He needs to feel a certain degree of freedom and independence.
- Maintain comfort and order at home, keep it clean, create comfortable conditions for family life, take the utmost care of children. A man is always in a hurry to return to a warm home.
- Give your love, strive for physical intimacy, trust and respect him.
How to be a happy mom
For most of the fair sex, the question of how to become a happy woman is tantamount to the task of becoming a happy mother.
- Feel the joy of every contact with your child: when he smiles at you, when you feed him, when you sing a lullaby and watch him fall asleep, when you play with him and just chat.
- Allow yourself to rest and do personal business, because your child needs a lot of your attention and care. You need to restore your strength and be charged with positive energy. Don't forget about good sleep and your hobbies.
- Love yourself and show your child self-confidence. This will allow you to be convinced that "I am a good mom and do everything right."
- Be active and emotional while interacting and playing with your baby. The more pleasant emotions you experience with him, the higher your satisfaction with motherhood will be.
- Try to trust your child at any age, encourage his initiative and respect his personality. He feels it and will treat you the same way.
- Rejoice in the development of your child, notice positive influence your educational impact.
- Be flexible in bringing up your baby and listen to his needs and mood.
- Visit cultural events with your children more often. Interest is provided for both you and them.
- Children develop and change us in better side... Be open to this experience. They really have a lot to learn.
We summarize all of the above in the following lines:
Happiness adorns our lives
Sow its seeds in your soul,
And hurry up to give it to others.
All good things will come back - believe in it!
Video on how to become a happy woman.
A person has at least six reasons to feel happy. , of course, depends on the feeling of responsibility for your life and on the understanding that you can change everything for yourself at any time. But there are six statements that are universal for everyone, bringing positive emotions and filling life with meaning.
1) You are alive. If this thought didn’t make you feel happier, think about what the alternative could be. If you often experience depression and despair, find out for yourself what caused them and try to eliminate it. Sometimes at the heart of the emergence of negative emotions are internal diseases that require immediate medical attention. The reason may also be psychological disorders: complexes, which would also be nice to solve with professional help... If the feeling of joy does not come from the thought that you are alive, delve into yourself - find out why this is happening. And then start working intensively on the cause.
2) There is at least one person in your life who loves you - you yourself. Your self-image is formed from a certain amount of self-esteem and self-esteem. If you have a harmonious, positive self-image, rest assured that it is based on real achievements and a logical sequence of actions, and not on a painfully heightened sense of ego. If your self-perception is negative, you need to do everything possible today to start thinking well of yourself. Try in the area where you are likely to succeed. And then step by step larger ideas, strengthening self-confidence.
3) Your being has a purpose and meaning. There is something more satisfying than your job. This is an understanding of the necessity of the work that we do. We all get money and reputation by working for the good of the people. therefore unnecessary people no, society needs us all.
4) Simple pleasures are free and are everywhere. Wonderful sunsets and sunrises will give you a positive experience. Supervising children will give good mood... Seeing how people smile, how they help each other are also positive emotions. Look around carefully, notice the most unexpected pleasures, exchange your impressions. And remember: the more you are, the easier it is for you to be happy.
5) Your thinking is limited by biases and outlook on life. All inventions and innovations are invented by man. Everyone can become a creator. Think big. about more. Turn your world upside down. Expand your idea 180 degrees and look at every detail from a new perspective. There are no boundaries for the mind! Enjoy his exploration. Write a book. Write a poem. Invent a gadget that solves the problem that bothers you. Do something that will make the world around you even slightly better. You can do it! You have to at least try to see: you can do it.
6) Count everything that life has blessed you with. Most of us will be able to make a long list, which will include everything that life has awarded us. Many have their own cozy home, loved one, adored children, interesting work. Think how much this means to you. Feel what a gift it is, how good it is that you have it all. In conclusion, I would like to recall already widely famous words that everything is learned in comparison:
- If you woke up healthy this morning, you are happier than the 1 million people who will not live until next week.
- If you have never lived through war, imprisonment, torture or hunger, you are happier than 500 million people in this world.
- If you have food in your refrigerator, you are dressed and shod, you have a roof over your head and a bed - you are richer than 75% of the people in this world.
- If you can go to church without the fear and threat of imprisonment or death, you are happier than 3 billion people in this world.
- If you have a bank account, money in your wallet and a little change in your piggy bank, you belong to 8% of wealthy people in this world.
- If you are reading this, you are not one of the 2 billion people who cannot read.
Satisfaction with life and a subjective feeling of happiness are categories that, it would seem, do not always depend on us: people sometimes exaggerate the significance of their failures, believing that they are now unlucky or they have a black streak. Meanwhile, there are many simple ways feel happier than a minute ago. It is not simple common words: the mechanisms that are involved in them are disclosed and described in the studies conducted by psychologists.
Send a letter of thanks
Gratitude is a feeling that allows us to enjoy what we have: if we have something for which we can be grateful to other people, then life is no longer hopeless. Send a message (text message, email or any other message) to a loved one, listing everything for which you can say thank you to him: the one you are in love with for the happy minutes spent together, and if you are married - for smart children and long years of happy marriage, to your parents - for teaching you to believe to yourself, to friends - for their support.
A study by scientists from the University of Kent (USA) * found that just one letter a week is enough to feel happier and more satisfied with life. An experiment in which 219 people took part showed that letters of gratitude also reduced the severity of symptoms of depression.
In the book "Thank you!" ("Thanks!") ** Professor of Psychology at the University of California (USA) Robert Emmons even measured the share of happiness that is reported to us by expressing gratitude to other people - people who often experience this emotion feel, on average, 25% happier than everyone else. ... The professor obtained such a result by analyzing the subjective feelings of life in a control group of volunteers who wrote notes on a weekly basis (for 10 weeks) with a mention of what they are grateful to other people for.
Think back to 3 good things that happened today
Even if you think that you have achieved everything yourself and you have nothing to be grateful to others for, you can feel a surge of happiness by saying "thank you" to chance or fate. Take a few minutes to remember 3 good things that happened to you today.
First you will look for major events - no, distant relative not bequeathed to me a million; no, I was not promoted ... And then remember that in the morning we went out into the street in a bad mood - but saw that the sun was shining and smiled. And the colleague, who had not noticed you before, suddenly smiled at you and greeted you for the first time. And also, when you returned home, you made it straight to the beginning. new series favorite TV series. This method develops the habit of appreciating small pleasures, imperceptibly rebuilding the attitude towards life.
A 2005 study by the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman ***, showed that this exercise gives a long (up to six months) positive effect... It is all the easier to resort to this method because it has recently become a popular flash mob in social networks.
Spend money on another person
It's nice when other people unexpectedly solve your financial problems. However, if you yourself decide to spend money on someone else, it can bring you even more happiness.
As part of an experiment conducted in 2008 by the team American psychologists****, the volunteers were given small sums of money - from 5 to 20 dollars, offering to use them at their discretion: to spend for themselves, buy something for other people or donate to charity. It was found that the feelings of the "unmercenaries" who spent their money on others turned out to be much better than those of the "egoists" who chose their loved ones as the addressees of good deeds.
Serving an old woman on the subway or paying for breakfast to a colleague in the dining room, you present several "gifts" to your own psyche - you begin to relate better to the people around you, increase your self-confidence and feel closer ties with society.
Manifestations of generosity (often even excessive) figure in many rituals noted by ethnologists among various peoples of the world - remember the Potlatch holiday at North American Indians when the leader of the tribe and his guests try to outdo each other in the wealth of gifts given to each other.
Surrender to dreams
Maybe castles in the air and an empty pastime, but if you are thinking about very real possibilities, this is another way to feel happier.
To paraphrase Hippocrates, one could say: we are what we expect. A series of 5 experiments conducted in 2007 by scientists at the University of Colorado at Boulder ***** showed that in thinking about events that may happen in the future, people experience almost as strong emotions as if they were happening right now.
These emotions, for example, are much stronger than the sensations that arise in a person when recalling past events - even very joyful or, on the contrary, very sad. Dreaming of a visit to friends, participation in a holiday or a trip to a country where we have long wanted to visit, we imperceptibly program ourselves for a positive perception of our life - and the more detailed our dreams, the more convincing visual images they contain, the fuller the feeling of happiness that arises.
The joy of life is even sharper among those who make plans with friends - the study even roughly estimated the monetary equivalent of this opportunity: to get the same amount of happiness that you get in the process of regularly discussing plans for the future with friends, you need to earn a year additional 130 thousand dollars - almost 6 million rubles. You can buy an apartment.
Do something you're good at
This method better than others saves from the feeling of routine. Have you not heard praise from others regarding your professional skills for a long time? It’s not surprising if you don’t consider what you do as your life’s work. Think of a class where you are really talented - maybe you write amazing poetry, skillfully throw three-pointers into a basketball basket, or know how to talk to older people.
A hobby is not just a pleasant way to spend time. This is an opportunity to gain self-confidence and satisfaction from life, as evidenced by a study conducted in 2002: doing what you love not only allows you to relieve stress and get rid of fatigue, but also is important factor, which affects our perception of how our existence meets the ideal criteria that we set for ourselves.
* S. Toepfer, K. Cichy, P. Peters “Letters of Gratitude: Further Evidence for Author Benefits,” Journal of Happiness Studies, 2012.
** R. Emmons "Thanks !: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier." Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2007.
*** M. Seligman et al. Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions. American Psychologist, 2005.
**** E. Dunn et al. Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness. Science, 2008.
***** L. Van Boven, L. Ashworth "Looking forward, looking back: Anticipation is more evocative than retrospection." Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2007.
****** S. Sonnentag "Job characteristics and off-job activities as predictors of need for recovery, well-being, and fatigue". Journal of Applied Psychology, 2006.
"How to feel happy?"
The daily routine and everyday life are sometimes depressing, and a person ceases to feel that life is tasty, interesting and bright. It seems that for a happy and interesting life it takes time, which is usually very short, and money. Fortunately, this is not the case at all. It's easy and enjoyable to enjoy life. What do you need to do?
… .Devote time to your favorite things.
You need to do this every day. You can set aside at least an hour to learn something, read something, watch, engage in self-development. This will help you understand what you really like, help you gain self-confidence and broaden your horizons.
.... Get rid of harmful things.
This applies not only bad habits, smoking, alcohol, but also food that is consumed every day.
.... Reading interesting books.
The main thing is to find something that will be interesting. You can start with three pages a day. Books allow you to escape from your daily routine, help you review and rethink many life situations.
.... The weekend is the time to spend it with benefit.
Not just lying on the couch in front of the TV, but going out into nature, playing sports, going to the movies with friends and many more options. Only by doing something new and interesting can you feel how rich and varied life is.
… .Setting global goals and developing stages of its achievement.
This will help you orient yourself in desires, as well as in the ways of their implementation. Sometimes one has only to plan an unattainable goal, as it becomes clear that everything is as easy as shelling pears.
…. Restrict viewing of news.
All the same, the main events will become known from friends, on the radio or from colleagues. The constant negativity broadcast on TV only contributes to feelings of anxiety, helplessness and self-doubt.
… .Communication only with nice people.
It is necessary to limit the influence on the life of whiners, manipulators, aggressive individuals and those who like to chop off their wings and say that nothing will work out.
.... Sports and yoga.
Doing your favorite sport is beneficial not only for physical health. Sport develops endurance, helps to distract, relieve stress, and quickly cope with negative emotions. Bad mood? - You just need to go for a run.
.... Do something for the first time.
Sometimes it's worth changing something in life, but it's scary. You can start small - go to work in a completely different way, travel to a new place, sign up for some courses, try a new dish.
.... Get rid of the trash in the house.
Surprisingly, in the process of sorting things into the necessary and "junk" it helps to put things in order in thoughts, find a solution in difficult situation make the right choice.
P.s Happiness is made up of such small things that sometimes you can't even believe that everything is so simple. Sometimes it is enough just to go out onto the balcony early in the morning with a cup of steaming coffee in hand, watch the sunset, enjoy the chirping of awakened birds. Much in life is determined by the attitude towards it.
How can you live and feel happy?
Happiness is here and now
Sometimes it seems that happiness is wandering very close: great love) - and finally everything will be fine. " Alas, the idea that happiness is somewhere in the future, around the corner, around the bend, is a big and sly illusion. If there is no feeling of happiness now, tomorrow it will not be there either. Notice all the bright and good things that you have today, and you will notice how many reasons you have to feel happy. What we ourselves fill our lives with is our happiness - the choice of friends, what we love, hobbies, travel, communication with those who are dear to us and who are ready to spend their time on us. What else to be happy about?
Happiness is in the details
Many people expect that. That is why they are looking for him in some global things and fantastic states - breathtaking love, constant luck, enviable achievements, the absence of problems. It is a trap. You can think of any sky-high heights and never reach them. And you can move from one feasible goal to another and feel joy and pride from small, but real victories.
Our existence is a constant patchwork. There is no success without failure. You can't just be happy and never cry. Happiness is not the absence of problems and troubles. Everyone has them. The whole question is how to perceive them - as evidence of one's own bad luck or as a new life experience. He is not always joyful and pleasant, but in any case, very valuable. Experience helps to realize and not repeat mistakes, to grow and learn something new. Any experience gives us something and enriches us in something: if today you were cheated in a store, it means that tomorrow you will be more attentive. If at work you made an offensive mistake, then in next time you won't do it.
Remember: everything that happens in your life is necessary and right for you personally. Even if you repeatedly build relationships with the “wrong” people and step on the same rake, it means that you need this rake for something. They help you understand what is wrong and what needs to be done differently.
Happiness is in you
Like self-confidence, you cannot get it from the outside. No one can make another happy. Happiness "grows" only from within. To feel comfortable and harmonious, accept yourself as you are - with all your flaws and imperfections. Learn not only to blame yourself internally, but also to defend yourself, do not be afraid to make mistakes and try to do something for yourself every day. It is not circumstances that make a person happy, but the ability to rejoice in what is. Therefore: do not pursue happiness. It is always in yourself.
Everyone deserves happiness
Many people live with the attitude that happiness is difficult to achieve, it must be "earned", "suffered", but just like that it is not given. It is not true. All the best in life - smiles, kisses, hugs, laughter, good memories, communication, meetings - we can get for free, that is, for free. As she said Mother Teresa, there are none. The door is always open.
What can you do to be happy?
Take care of yourself, hear and meet the needs of the mind and body.
Do more often what brings pleasure, pamper yourself.
See all the good things in life (and thank the universe for that).
Collecting wisdom for ways to cope with difficulties.
Think positively, but the main thing is to be able to enjoy life. Real life, which is now, and not the one that is seen in dreams or waiting "around the bend."