Eight reasons why you are not getting married yet. Why am I not getting married? Everyone has and does not marry

There is such an adult riddle: why do they meet with some and marry others. Let's try to figure it out. A typical situation looks like this: a seemingly pretty, sociable, charming, intelligent woman, with a higher education, a normal job, with a good sense of humor, a little over thirty, but still not married. What is the reason?

It is possible that on the surface this standard situation really seems mysterious. What's wrong? One rule should be remembered here: if a certain situation is repeated with the same person, the point is in this person, and not in the people who surround him. So what is behind the pleasing appearance of a girl who is not getting married? Yes, in principle, it's okay: low self-esteem, high self-esteem, high position in society, a heightened desire to get married, or a couple of other complexes. Let's sort them out in order.

Low self-esteem is an ailment (as well as too high), but still subject to treatment. Why is low self-esteem dangerous? Lack of self-confidence. And men, although they want to be heroes in our eyes, still do not like to wipe their woman's nose. Lack of self-confidence leads to the fact that a woman constantly needs someone's support: mothers, girlfriends, men. She can consult on every insignificant matter: with someone from this list, and with each in turn. At some point, it starts to get annoying. In addition, a woman with low self-esteem quite often requires praise, an assessment of her merits, actions, down to the smallest detail. On the one hand, she will obsessively demand this, on the other, she will be offended when this does not happen.

By the way, resentment for any reason is a quality that men do not like. From touchiness grows pettiness, which also does not elevate a woman in the eyes of her companion. Women with both low and high self-esteem are often too demanding, not giving back what they expect from a man. Constantly taking and not giving is a trait that does not lead to marriage. A man will think: why do I need such a wife, because a wife should create comfort, warmth in the house, take care of the family, and she only demands, demands, demands.

From a complex of this or that self-esteem, a complex of "prince's expectations" also grows. It could be imposed on the girl by her parents, it could be acquired when watching certain films, when reading books - the reason is not important, the main thing is that this "expectation" has already been formed, and a clear image of an ideal, perfect man has already settled in the girl's head. in fact, no: there are princes, of course, but every woman has her own, but the ideal, the standard that has absorbed all the best, does not exist. And this is a huge problem for this type of girl. They consider each man under the prism of their ideal and, naturally, do not find anything in common - all the time something is missing. Of course, a woman cannot hide all these squeezing into ideal frames from a man: she begins to rebuild him (which is impossible in principle!), Make claims, make comparisons with the ideal. As a result, such relationships anger both the man and the woman: the first is tired of claims, the second is disappointed in the first. The way out here: lower the bar, and for this you need to try to take off your rose-colored glasses, see that there are no princes, but there are real people who need to be accepted as they are.

And here is another answer to this difficult riddle. There are so many girls around us - pretty, sociable, charming, but unmarried. They hang out all the time: they can be found in clubs, cafes, bars, parks, skating rinks, even at a football match (on the one hand, they are hunting, on the other, they are having a good time). They are not boring, they are always cheerful and easy-going, but this is their problem. Girls who expect that every day of their life will be a holiday, and most importantly, that a man will suit him every day, in the end, tire men. They expect coziness, tranquility, quiet harbor from their wife, and not an eternal holiday. Ideal: alternate bursts of activity with quiet home gatherings.

But there is no need to put on the mask of Princess Nesmeyana: for men, this is a sign of frigidity, which also scares them off.

What else do men dislike? An insistent, clear desire to get married. Or, on the contrary, talk about the fact that you understand that this stamp in your passport does not mean anything: the man will be sure that you really think so. Along with an excessive desire to get married, increased custody arises: a man does not need a second mom, with her he will feel not a man, but a child, moreover, with such behavior you will limit his imaginary freedom.

Sometimes a high status in society is an obstacle on the way to marriage: Zhanna Friske was credited with many novels: with the producer of the Brilliant group Andrei Grozny, singer Mitya Fomin, Alexei Serov from the Disco Crash group, actor Dmitry Dyuzhev, hockey player Alexander Ovechkin, etc. etc., but to this day, at the age of 37, Jeanne is not married.

Cameron Diaz also, having reached the age of 37, never married. A long relationship with either Jared Leto or Justin Timberlake did not lead to the altar. Finally, in 2009, the actress almost got married with the fashion model Paul Scalfor: the dress was bought, a place for the celebration was found, but everything was upset again.

Ksenia Sobchak can also boast of a worn wedding dress, whose wedding with businessman Alexander Shusterovich was canceled a few days before the appointed date. Then in the press every now and then there were articles about the next upcoming wedding of Xenia with the millionaire Umar Dzhabrailov, with the diplomat Vagip Yengibaryan, then with the general director of "Silver Rain" Dmitry Savitsky. However, so far Ksenia has not married.

Paris Hilton, for example, wrote on her blog that she likes to be alone: ​​what else remains when all her weddings are upset one after another: either with a member of the Good Charlotte group Benji Madden, or with an athlete and TV star Doug Reinhardt.

“Men, or rather some of them, cannot be trusted,” she wrote.

Why some women don't get married. Truth from a psychologist

A lot of women cannot arrange their personal life in any way. Representatives of the stronger sex either do not pay attention to these ladies, or they are abandoned, or they only come across "bad" men. Why is this happening?

There are many myths about the causes of female loneliness, says psychologist Olga Mshanskaya, but the true reasons are quite different ...

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The first myth. Lack of attraction.

It would seem that everything is obvious: a person who is ugly or poorly dressed has little chance of being liked by men.

This is partly true, says the specialist. - But it's not just about appearance. Take a look: there are as many beautiful, well-groomed, well-dressed women around, but not all of them are married or at least have partners. After all, a man is looking for not just a beauty, but a woman with whom he will feel good. If you act like the "Snow Queen" and wait for some man to melt your ice, then you may not wait until retirement.

In addition, such "superwomen" often simply do not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. All their energy is spent on maintaining their own appearance, and there is no longer any left for building relationships with a man. But relationships are a lot of work! Rather, a man will be left with a plain woman, in which there is a "zest" and who will treat him warmly and give him what he wants, than with an ice beauty.
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The second myth. Mismanagement.

Many of us have heard from childhood: "You will be a slob, no one will marry you!"

Mothers and grandmothers tell us that in order to attract a man, a woman must certainly be able to cook, do laundry, cleaning and other household chores. If you do not do this, then the man will leave you.

Men are also different, - says Olga Mshanskaya. - And, believe me, a woman's economy is not a panacea for a failed personal life. Any number of cases when a man leaves such a "cook" and "needlewoman" for the sake of a person who does not shine with any economic talents. Simply because he is not interested in a woman-"mistress". If you know how to cook, sew, knit, and are not afraid of household chores, this is great. But if at the same time you do not read anything except women's magazines, then not every man will be satisfied with such a life partner.
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The third myth. Bad character.

Why does a man need a bitch who will constantly nag him? Therefore, if your character is not sugar, there is a chance to remain an old maid.

In fact, - says the psychologist, - bitch bitch strife. If a woman is distinguished by a foolish disposition, but at the same time she still cares about a man, is attentive to his needs, then next to such a woman he can live his whole life. If she thinks only of herself, and looks at men as a tool for self-affirmation and receiving some benefits, then such a relationship, most likely, will not last long.
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The fourth myth. A woman is a bad lover.

The opinion that men are looking for sexual dignity in women in the first place is quite widespread.

Sex is not important for all men, - says Olga Mshanskaya. - Then, in sexual life, couples rub against each other and gain experience. If a man left you just because you disappointed him in bed and went to look for a new mistress, then you should think about: what kind of life partner will turn out from a man who puts sex first?
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The fifth myth. The woman does not love herself.

One often hears: "Love yourself - and others will love you!"

Not everything is so simple, - Olga Mshanskaya believes. - Of course, you need to love yourself, but if at the same time a woman behaves selfishly, does not take into account the needs of other people, this can repel the opposite sex from her. After all, if a woman is fixated on her own well-being, then how can she fall in love with someone else? - this is how men reason and stay away from such ladies.
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Sixth myth. There are no free men.

This is a fairly common excuse one hears from single women. All the men I know are already busy or, for some reason, are not suitable for marriage and relationships ...

But once upon a time those who are now married were free! However, they chose other women, not you, ”the psychologist argues. - In addition, there are women who, even at 50, easily find men for themselves, and there are those for whom this is a problem even at 25. So, look for the problem in yourself, and not in the men around you.

If you are constantly lonely or relationships with men do not stick, then you should not argue on the topic: "Why am I so good, but nobody needs me?", Olga Mshanskaya advises. Try to change yourself - and your personal life will probably improve.

The desire to get married sooner or later appears in any woman. Some people easily realize such a desire. Sometimes several times. Others, no matter how hard they try, can not get married, alas. What's the secret? Why does someone find a husband, while others fail to make their wish come true?

The reasons for all success and failure in life are hidden in the woman herself. All girls and women can be conditionally attributed to one of two categories: absolute wife and woman in search. Some men "willingly" marry women from the first category. Representatives of the second category usually complain that their do not marry.

Absolute wife

An absolute wife knows for sure that she must be married. She does not even consider any other development of events. For her, hopeless relationships or one-off meetings simply do not exist. Her female pride does not perceive them.

Finding a husband is the main life task of an absolute wife. Until this goal is achieved, the woman is in constant search. It doesn't matter for her where to find a husband. She will calmly ask for help from friends, go to a nightclub, meet in the internet. Not interested in painting, he will visit an art gallery. It doesn't matter that she will be unbearably bored there.

Having met a man, she literally "sticks" to him. Makes plans for the future and comes up with names of children. Showing all his actions to the man that he has only one choice - to take her to the registry office. Agree, not every man is ready for such decisive action. Usually these women know how to accurately calculate the one who will not "buck" against such obligations.

After she gets married, such a woman will calmly go about her business. It could be family or work. The main thing is her female pride will be satisfied, and the life purpose achieved. She is married and is no longer interested in other men. Although during the search for a husband, such a woman can acquire a large number of fans.

Woman looking

A woman in search thinks quite differently. She is sure that she can live well alone. If you have a loved one, great. A do not marry- even better, and living alone is not bad.

Such a woman wants to do the work she loves without being particularly distracted by household chores. She may get bored, constantly see a man in the house. Loneliness doesn't bother her. On the contrary, she alone feels much more comfortable.

When meeting a man, a woman in search is tormented by doubts whether she will meet an even better man later. Her female pride does not allow to be satisfied with the existing relationship. Such a woman with all her actions and words shows a man that she is constantly comparing him with others. Constantly evaluates it according to its "correspondence tables". Those. a man, even offering to marry, cannot avoid comparison with others. Rarely will anyone withstand such competition.

Such a woman sees no problem in having a child for herself. And he does not think that this necessarily requires a husband and marriage.

Fear of relationships with men

An absolute wife is frightened by relationships with different men. It's easier for her to choose one and adapt to him. Even if the relationship with this man is not ideal, she would rather tolerate than change anything.

A woman in search, on the contrary, is afraid to build a permanent relationship with one man. She is intimidated by the long-term nature of such a relationship. She cannot come to terms with the idea that she will be forced to see the same man every day. This is one of the reasons why her do not marry.

You can achieve success in life by gaining victory over your fear. An absolute wife will be able to communicate more easily with her man, to defend her interests. It will also make it easier to communicate with men at work / business. For a woman in search of victory over fear will help fulfill her desire and marry successfully. Now she will be able to build long-term family relationships.

Did you come across this page by accident?

Many people say that self-sufficient people are not afraid of loneliness. It looks like the phrase "happiness is not in money", which the wives of oligarchs like to teach. Self-sufficiency is strength, inner power that helps you live alone, without rushing to anything. You internally understand that balding Vasily, a work colleague who greedily sees you off with his eyes, is not an option at all.

Let me be lonely until old age, but fall into the arms of a man just because he has a member below his own dignity.

You can portray a strong personality as much as you like, but the desire to have a friend and lover by your side is very great. Because loneliness is a bitch. I am not a Buddha to go into the woods and enjoy solitude. It, solitude, is good when, after working days and an endless stream of conversations, you return home, and here it is, the long-awaited silence. But when day after day, evening after evening, the only friend who meets you on the doorstep of the apartment is a fat and always hungry cat, you begin to hate silence. The emptiness that fills the space reminds you of only one thing, you are alone.

You look at yourself from the outside: you are not ugly, not disabled, you quote Nietzsche and cook borscht coolly, but, alas, no one wants to link their fate with you.

Willy-nilly, thoughts about a certain inferiority of life arise. As a result, you begin to fill this aching, like a toothache, emptiness with various activities: cooking courses, English, yoga, plastic surgery, oral skills courses, self-defense courses, swimming, running - in general, everything that can develop your already highly organized personality and kill the evening time.

There are plenty of reasons to be proud of yourself.

I can cook like the chef of a good average restaurant, suck like a German vacuum cleaner and curl up like a gymnast in pretzel sex. Men are delighted - there is no marriage. And it’s not that I’m dying and crying into my pillow at night because there’s no man around. The point is different. Family is priceless. Having a friend next to you who can love and accept with all your troubles is a great gift. The person who goes to the pharmacy on duty when you're choking on a high fever. The one to whom you can tell all the cute nonsense that happened to you during the whole day, the one from whom you can ask for advice, who will tuck your blanket at night and become, if you're lucky, the father of your child.

You can't buy a man in a pharmacy

Once we came with a friend to a new-fashioned bar in the center of Minsk. Both beauties, from lingerie to heels. Hairstyle, makeup, manicure, a faint smell of perfume, in general, would give herself to herself. The place is pretentious. The hope, of course, is to meet the male gender. And now we have been sitting for the third hour, drinking whiskey, and longingly looking at the same young ladies like us. Stockings, dresses, manicure. There are two men in the hall, and they are gay. There are so many beautiful women around that it becomes obvious why our man got fat. When every second looks like from the cover of a glossy magazine, you have the right to choose. When the number of lonely females goes off scale, each man becomes worth his weight in gold. And the fact that I turn my nose from Vasily is perceived as the ridiculous pride of a lonely idiot.

Looking back in the bar, you see your copies next to you: smart, beautiful, funny. Independent and totally lonely.

Yes, maybe not everyone has a wild, primordial desire to have a strong man next to him, but most of us still - yes. The sad truth is that meeting someone with whom it will be easy and confidential is unrealistically difficult. If you were not lucky enough to find such a person at twenty, when there was no bar, experience and phobias, then at thirty it is no longer possible to look at the opposite sex without a set of stereotypes, knowledge and comparisons. Any acquaintance with a man is an involuntary scan of the interlocutor about how bad everything is, or you can try. Sometimes you even want it to be like when you were 15 years old, when you meet a person, you look into his eyes, and it blows your mind, and with it your heart. And let all this acquired experience go to hell when such a strong "love". But no, his Majesty's fear is connected, which closes your heart from strong emotions. Fear is your friend, it keeps you stupid from danger and pain. There are fools who just fall in love and jump out in marriage, because "feeling" and "burn everything with fire." After a couple of years, they whine that her husband drinks, beats, is not capable of the slightest tenderness. Their desire to get married was so off-scale that the mind was turned off as an unnecessary option, for the sake of the ridiculous status of a "wife" due to the flawed complex "single at thirty."

There are times when you yourself become a fool. You let another male into your life, pouring into your ears about the beauty of your mind and body.

Stupidity, apparently, grows roots from childhood, when they did not give you something, did not finish telling you how good and beautiful you are. We are girls, terribly greedy for such things. You see that the man is serious, and you begin to thaw. The ice that covered your soul falls off, revealing the real you. Not an arrogant bitch who rebuffs everyone she meets, but a naive girl. Until the man leaves, because ... It was all, passed, we know. How many times have you given the floor again, never and for nothing?

This whole tale of two ladles is like an ass joke.

Here you live all so independent in dull loneliness, in anticipation that fate will give you a prince, and everyone will be happy. Just a question - does it really happen? Every person is always a cosmos, and when you enter someone's space, no matter how similar you are, you will always come across black holes and secrets.

Relying on kinship is like believing in immortality, denying reality, and blaming yourself if you fail.

Relationships are not only fun and joy, but also work. Two adults who understand each other's value. Honestly, it is a little annoying when pink articles about love, about meeting the one and only, with whom everything is easy and transparent, are thrown out on the Internet. Nothing darkens your family happiness, and showers pass by.

More than once I saw such a picture, when, relying on emotion and kinship, families fell apart after eight to ten years, like a sand castle. Because of the unwillingness to work on yourself, unwillingness to understand that “your” person does not mean that you fit each other like puzzles, agreed and bam - no more problems. This is nonsense, a seasoning for those who believe that the miracle belt removes cellulite and fat from the belly.

Living together with a living person, you will always face a number of problems. Any man who has been married for a long time knows that a woman is always an explosion and a guard.

Today it is a princess on stiletto heels in lace underwear, tomorrow it is a pregnant hippopotamus, demanding oranges and pickles. And to withstand the change of mood, tearfulness, shopping and PMS, only a strong on the nerves of a male can do it. How many are capable of this? After all, the era of consumption has spawned a new breed of people who believe that the old is better to replace with a new one, even if the service life is two days.

It often happens that when you meet someone in a bar, you see that a man is not trying very hard.

He doesn't care if you like him or not. You should arouse sympathy in him, for he knows, dear, there are many like you - look around. You have to try. These ridiculous dates are worse than prostitution. There it is obvious for the money, but here there is an ephemeral feeling of happiness and that very spiritual closeness - which is far from a fact.

You suddenly begin to understand why your friend Olya works as an elite prostitute at night.

She sells her beauty, gets sex and money for which she induces this very beauty, allowing herself to travel to a spa abroad four times a year. She is 32, and she does not want to live with an ethereal feeling of a miracle that there will be a husband, children, and everything is fine, at a time when they are trying to fuck you, only for free, putting pressure on the inner desire to love and be loved. But you cannot act like this Olya: take money for sex and feel like a queen. Firstly, because she is not so good-looking as to go straight to the elite. Second, you just can't. The feeling of venality is abhorrent to nature, because the principle of independence is to owe no one to anyone.

Girls love sex too

The desire for sex in women over 30 is as strong as in men. Sure, there are women who can eat cakes and cum, but many of us have the same temperament as men. Despite the value of a relationship, not every lady can wait for a serious guy, covered with dust. No matter how hard you try to be a correct and smart girl, sometimes you want one thing: to be fucked.

And you don't need this love and emotions of yours. Just sex.

Only if a man's sexual desire is always a plus, then a woman should veil such an urge. It is impossible, having met a handsome male in a club, to say: “Come to me. Fuck me good and come on, goodbye. " The man is so uninterested. They want to play a game where you seem to be "yes", but you resist, all so shy, moreover, a tigress lives inside you. One friend, after the curves of stroking on the knee, said to the guy: "Listen, come to me, I want sex." The guy was sharply stupefied and began to gasp for air, like a fish thrown ashore.

For men, sex frankness is a lost sight. They are so uncomfortable. And you have to tirelessly lead a ridiculous show to get your tidbit of sex.

You absolutely do not care what the man thinks at this moment. It's just that everyone has their own rules of the game. Well, admitting on the first date that you want a family and children is tantamount to saying before intercourse that you seem to have chlamydia. I’m not lying: the same reaction.

Friends assure us that the bar must be lowered. Excessive demands are the root of all evil. Remembering your student years, when you just liked the boys, without balanced thoughts about the status of his work, living space and culinary demands, you internally agree with this idea. But damn it, you just can't, like your friends, tolerate a person next to him who doesn't care about his own children, or an alcoholic, or someone who lives for your money in search of a dream job, someone who chops into tanks at night instead of warm the bed next to the woman you love.

Men in their twenties and thirties are completely different people. Relying only on a cheerful disposition, knowing that life is a prickly life, the flu virus and loans, you can no longer afford.

Otherwise, you will, like a divorced Ira, curse your unsuccessful marriage with a cheerful reveler. She had something to laugh about with him, but the refrigerator remained empty all the time. Or Asya, who starts romances exclusively with married men. It's easier for her. There is no initial disappointment: the man is no longer yours and never will be. But he gives sex and romance with interest.

Yes, the abnormality is obvious, but without the next feeling of being discarded and unnecessary. But you can't do that either.

And it turns out a vicious circle when, unable to agree to less, you fall into your own trap. Where the main vice is your maturity. The saddest thing in all this is that another ten years will pass, and I will no longer want anything but this life with a cat. I am sorry that I did not give birth for myself, or that I did not marry Vasily. Or, even worse, I'll become an evil old bitch: smart, a little more beautiful, but so detachedly cold, proving to the whole world that life without love is the norm.