Hakamada aikido business negotiations. Verbal aikido

Six principles of aikido negotiation by Irina Khakamada

"There is always a way out - you just need to buy time to find it"

And ykido is a Japanese martial art of self-defense. The weak and the small defeats the strong big aggressor, turning his offensive power against him. In the past, a well-known politician, and now an entrepreneur, Irina Khakamada successfully applies the principles of aikido in politics and business. Her advice is especially useful if you are a small start-up company and your negotiating partners are business sharks who reject all your offers outright.

“I turned to aikido because I started dying in politics,” admits Irina Khakamada. “It’s very hard when you are constantly attacked in debates, at negotiations, because you’re a woman, because someone doesn’t I like your appearance, nationality, and so on ... I realized that in the end I will not be able to withstand this stream of aggression and I will die, I will not live up to my stellar dream: to become a president or at least a vice-speaker " (laughs)... And then Irina remembered about aikido. Its main principle is the economy of vitality. You do not respond with aggression to aggression - this is certain death in the event of a collision with a stronger enemy. On the contrary, it is beneficial for you to be attacked - and the more violently, the better. You win by using someone else's aggression, returning the enemy's blows. Khakamada tried to translate the principles of aikido into negotiation tactics and made sure they worked great. Here is the summary of her trial and error.

Red Elephant Method

When drawing up a draft agreement, write down those interests that you are ready to give up as the main point. This point needs to be formulated very brightly, convexly, clearly and frankly - so that only he is conspicuous. This is your red elephant. Then there are less important points, elephants - in them you enter interests that you would not want to give up, but in extreme cases you are ready to give them up - not fatal. And what is vital to you should be formulated almost imperceptibly, modestly, as a technical detail. Bury it deep in the contract and discuss it at the very end of the negotiations.

Your task is to push the red elephants forward and bargain for them to the point of exhaustion. Play for time, wear out your opponent. If you feel that you cannot do it alone, take a lawyer with you, he will take a hit while you rest. When you are no longer strong and everyone is tired, you say: “Listen, I gave in on the most important point, I gave in here and here. There was some nonsense, a technical detail. Let's sign, after all, I'm small, and you are a big company, ”advises Khakamada.

Force majeure button

Never sign anything on the fly, on the knee - the contract must be read by lawyers. If you are being pushed against the wall ("Sign now or never!"), Don't give up. “Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life - there are not one or two exits, but many. Twice two - not four, but as much as you like, - Irina shares her experience. - Even in the most deplorable situation there is a way out, the main thing is not to rush, you need a pause to find it.

To say at such a moment: give me time to think, means to make partners even more angry. Negotiations have been going on for many hours, and he (she), you see, again needs time. At such a moment, it is best to break off the negotiations, citing unforeseen circumstances. Press the "force majeure" button on your phone. You have a call - you need to run urgently. A fire in the office, an attack of angina pectoris at the mother-in-law, whatever. Better not even explain anything - jump up and run away. Partners understand: force majeure, and no one is offended by you. And you sit until the morning over a contract with your team and find a way out.

Womanizer, official, creator, manager, player

Analyze the behavior of those people with whom you most often have to deal in business, and formulate for yourself their main psychotypes. So you can quickly predict the behavior of partners and "mirror" them - to achieve what you need, starting from their interests. “Mirroring is not manipulation,” emphasizes Khakamada. “You do not trick a person into eating meat if he is a vegetarian. You just offer him a menu, where the main dish is his interests and benefits, and yours are packed discreetly, in the form of a salad. "

Here are five psychotypes of Irina Khakamada.

1. Bonvivant

This person adores the simple joys of life: food, alcohol, sex, rough humor. Most often, he has a puffy face, overweight, expensively dressed, but sloppy. How to mirror it: become a bon vivant for a while. Invite them to a good restaurant, drink wine, talk about life, women, exchange a couple of jokes. Praise (sincerely), compliment - bon vivants are vain. Bring a beautiful assistant with you (or assistant, if you have a female version of bon vivant). Ready to sign a contract? Take it at your word, sign it right there. Tomorrow he will forget about you and change his mind. In politics, Boris Nemtsov is a bright representative of this psychotype.

2. Official

He may not be a bureaucrat by position, but he has bureaucratic thinking. He speaks in a boring nomenclature language, dryish, slightly tongue-tied. Gray, little memorable appearance, dressed in no way - not expensive and not cheap, the tie usually sits crookedly. “Under no circumstances tell such a person that you are going to change the world for the better with your project,” warns Irina. “An official does not care about humanity, its motivation is material gain or career growth. So start with this. " Did you promise to help? You don't have to worry, he will keep his word and will not change his mind - not tomorrow, not in a month.

3. Creator

The opposite of an official. He speaks interestingly, with humor and figuratively, dressed with taste. There is always some bright non-standard detail (zest) in clothes - a scarf, a bracelet, etc. With it you can and should talk about "high" - how your business will help make life better for everyone. But do not delay with the contract either: the next day he may change his mind, a person of mood. Examples of psychotype: Oleg Tinkov, Evgeny Chichvarkin.

"Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life - there are not one or two exits, but many."

4. Manager (technocrat)

With a good education, always cheerful, fit, knows the answers to all questions. Speaks quickly, logically, skillfully. Uses a lot of economic and IT words, Americanisms in his speech. She dresses very correctly - to the point of nausea. State your position as clearly: first, second, third, insert fashionable terms. Talking to him for a long time, is boring, "humanitarian" is a crime. Demonstrate knowledge of foreign languages, terms. Such a manager can be “bought” only with new and interesting knowledge. Expand your vocabulary - listen to RBC TV channel. Examples of psychotype: Mikhail Prokhorov, Dmitry Medvedev.

5. Player

It is difficult to calculate. Dressed eclectically, with great taste - not quite a creator, not quite a manager, sometimes an official. “It is very difficult with such a person in negotiations: you feel that he is slipping away, going ahead of the curve, because he is a player like you,” says Irina. “My advice: do not mess with the player when it comes to serious projects: rather everything, you will lose. If you still have to negotiate with such a partner, take more pauses, take your time, relax and act more intuitively. If your reaction speed is faster than his, there is a chance to win. "

Half of the deals that are profitable for both parties fail, because the entrepreneurs are hampered by ambitions, pride haunts: "But I told him everything!" In aikido negotiations, you solve problems without humiliating your opponent or yourself. Here's an example from real life. The son of my friend, a student, created a conflict from scratch. The teacher at the lesson turned to him: "Wet a cloth, wash the board and write me a couple of formulas." The young man replied: “According to our Constitution, I am a free person and I do not have to wipe the board. When it’s ready, I’ll write. ” The teacher hated him for such impudence.

What could you do in the style of aikido? Say with a smile: "According to our Constitution, I am not actually obliged to wet a rag or wipe the board, but this time I will do it solely for the sake of you and respect for the subject." You complimented the subject and did not offend the teacher, but hinted that this is none of your business. They removed the conflict and retained their dignity. Will you be contacted next time with such a request? Hardly.

Speak less - listen more carefully

Your task in aikido negotiations is to speak less yourself and give your opponent the opportunity to speak out. If you feel that he “caught the wave”: he speaks brilliantly, confidently, strongly, and you don’t know how to argue, all the more keep silent and wait patiently. At some point, he will make a mistake, and you can catch on to his miss and turn it into your dividends. So let the other person make every mistake they can. You need to be very calm, patient, relaxed, so as not to miss the moment when your time and your turn will come.

“An example from my practice. When I entered the leadership of the SPS party, I was wildly enraged that no one there considered my opinion. Kiriyenko, Chubais, Gaidar, Nemtsov and others will argue, shout, discuss, and they remember me only when it is necessary to sign a document. I tried to interrupt with a voice - they do not hear. As a result, I found a way: I let everyone talk, I was silent and patiently waited. In the end they got tired and turned to me: "Ir, do you agree?" Here I calmly say: “You are stunned (Irina Khakamada used an obscene word here - DS)”. And I pause long. And everyone gets scared. Or maybe it’s true? Because in short, without any hysterics. “What are you doing? What do you mean?" At this moment, you need to clearly and quickly say your own: one, two, three, otherwise they will stop listening again. "

I am Buddha

It is difficult for newcomers to negotiations, especially if you are an explosive choleric or, on the contrary, a gloomy introvert. We do not ask the necessary questions, we are afraid to speak on abstract topics, we cannot joke. Then you need to enter the image - it will create the necessary energy and help not to spill it, it will be easier for you to concentrate and relax. “In negotiations, I imagine myself as a Buddha, one hand stretched out palm up - I am open-minded, benevolent and ready for negotiations. The other hand is in the defending position. When they start to insult me and lower me below the plinth, I mentally put out my protection hand, with the other hand I intercept the flow of aggression and send it past me. Then, at the moment when the enemy makes a mistake, I bring down this stream on him with a smile - I take advantage of his mistake. " More suitable aikido images: Harry Potter, soft and powerful panther, imperturbable samurai. The image should give protection, strength, but not provoke aggression, you should be comfortable in it.

Quick Tips to Catch Up

Sit down half-turned to a partner, not opposite and not sideways. Psychologically, it’s easier to maintain contact and at the same time miss negative words, aggressive energy of the interlocutor. “If you sit down opposite, you will accept everything with your heart,” warns Irina. In moments when they say unpleasant things or even insult, humiliate, you need to turn around even more. This will help to relax and internally withdraw from the negotiation process, to quickly restore peace of mind.

Look the other person in the eye, but you shouldn't gaze at him all the time. “If you are bespectacled, make sure that the glasses have a“ good ”frame,” advises Irina. “Thin gold or black looks aggressive. The glasses should be as large as possible, the rim is horny in warm brown tones, the color of the earth - it soothes. " Turn off your phone and don't look at your watch - this is annoying.

Smile just a little, even if you say nasty things - a smile disarms. An angry face reveals that you are nervous. “I have a naturally tough expression on my face, and it’s difficult to smile, but I have learned,” Irina admits. “You need to learn to laugh at yourself and at others, this is the only way to survive. If the jaw stubbornly does not relax, squeeze ... the pelvis! The body is designed in such a way that it can only strain one muscle group at a time. This is the professional secret of photographers. The last resort on set, when the model is too tight and nothing helps. "

Gather as much information as possible in advance about partners via the Internet and from acquaintances: where was born, marital status, hobbies, etc. In a conversation, you can use these data so that a person quickly gains trust in you (fellow countrymen, children of the same age, the same hobby, etc.) ... It very well reduces the degree of stress and evokes warm feelings of humor, even better - self-irony, but not self-deprecation in the spirit of "where do we go."

Sit down partners in the meeting room the way it suits them. Be sure to put hot coffee, tea, cookies (sweets, fruits), water on the table. In the city, everyone quickly gets tired, the throat dries up. People who smoke should be able to occasionally go out to smoke. Remember: in aikido, benevolence is your main weapon and protection.

Irina Khakamada

Today I present to your attention an interview with Ekaterina Kalysheva with a candidate of economic sciences, associate professor, public figure and writer Irina Khakamada.

The world of business is entirely built on the possibility of reaching an agreement: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth out the rough edges with personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to bluff frankly. What if someone tries to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize manipulation by the opponent and use it for your own purposes? And what is the difference between the technique of negotiations with the Russians and the negotiations with the Americans and Japanese?

How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?

You need to negotiate with the Russians in such a way that it becomes absolutely clear to them that you do not need anything from them. Because as soon as you make it clear, for example, to your investor that you need him, he immediately doubts - do they want to cheat him and drag him into unnecessary and unjustified expenses? I had a case when a businessman was interested in financing my project. We met for negotiations, and for two hours I talked about anything - about cinema, about literature, about politics - but not about my project. When, finally, a potential investor asked me about the project, I just gave him the folder with the developments. As a result, we worked together very well afterwards.

You need to work with the Americans differently - quickly and clearly: state the theses of your project, clearly answer questions. Americans do not tend to delay making a decision, so you can get an agreement or a refusal in the first ten minutes of negotiations. It's more difficult with Asians. If they are Japanese, you will have to play a tricky conversation, making curtsies towards their national culture. Smiles, mutual praises, long negotiations, goals are disguised. Express your thoughts as covertly as possible, otherwise your partners will consider you a primitive interlocutor. If you happen to negotiate with the Chinese, here you need to focus on the monetary profit that this project promises them. The Chinese are quite mercantile, where there is money - there is happiness.

How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?

There are several important tricks. One of them is mirroring. First, you need to determine the psychotype of the interlocutor. Five such types can be conventionally distinguished. The Epicurean is a lover of living: good food, drink, women, luxury. Such people dress expensively, but awkwardly, carelessly. Negotiations with the Epicureans should be conducted in a good restaurant, discussing food, wine, etc.

Officials are rather closed people, they think hierarchically, speak dryly, in short phrases. They are very conservatively dressed. With such people, you need to speak in their language, in their phrases, highlighting the benefits that the project will bring not to humanity as a whole, but to them personally.

Technocrats use English business vocabulary, they always have the latest smartphones, expensive tablets. With them, you need to go straight to the heart of the matter: the price of this startup, profit, cost ...

There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with a wonderful imagination. You can talk to the creator on a large scale, aiming to change the world, no less!

If you happen to negotiate with the player, then you have to work hard here. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on the specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of the interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to replay the player.

For the rest, ask questions that will ultimately lead you to what you have in common with this person. Find a common ground, sympathy will start. The main thing is not to be too fixated on yourself, but to be sincerely interested in the interlocutor (while it is not necessary to sympathize with him) and notice the details.

What to do if partners impose unfavorable terms during the negotiation process?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with an argument to an argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to "pull the rubber", but doing it is lively and interesting. If you are faced with a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. The optimal answer is “Good idea! I need to think it over. " Ask questions, listen, assent. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait for the conversation to turn in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then you should be more attentive and patient. If you are “pushed against the wall” and are required to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

There is one more technique which I call the “red elephant method”. Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and mask your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, persuading the interlocutor to agree: you have already conceded so much!

How to recognize manipulation? And how can you then use it for your own purposes?

You need to closely monitor the interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you have made an appointment to meet one-on-one with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting, accompanied by two more people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, during negotiations, write notes with advice to your opponent. Don't get lost! Next time come with your specialists, introducing them as assistants, with whom you should go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to "squeeze" you in exhausting negotiations, take with you an experienced lawyer who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the agreement. If you cannot determine on your own what your interlocutor is, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and negotiate with men for cocktails, you can bring an attractive companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, which will give you a few points head start.

What if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do it more cunningly: negotiate, referring to a man who is authoritative in this environment. For example: “Colleagues, I would like to introduce you to this project. Steve Jobs once did something like this ... ”You can also dramatically change your style of behavior. You just tweeted about the weather and shopping, and now in a businesslike tone, you are proposing to finally get down to business.

For the rest - do not overwhelm the interlocutor. Try to bring yourself into such an inner state where your emotions do not depend in any way on whether these negotiations are successful or not. For example, I advise my students to do this exercise: think over to the smallest detail for the next two days after negotiations have failed. Imagine leaving the hall, calling your wife / husband, smoking a cigarette, returning home, reading a book ... In a word, so that you understand that after unsuccessful negotiations, life will continue. And then rewind this picture back like a film strip, and go to negotiations.

What to do if your opponent is openly aggressive?

There are two reasons for being rude in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of incontinence of nature. In both cases, lean slightly to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass by, take a few breaths in / out and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let's not get emotional. We must work together! ”Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It so happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - rigidly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and gazing intently into the eyes of your opponent, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.

And the last thing: you can't win all the negotiations! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and forward again!

- How do the styles of negotiating with Russians, Asians and Westerners differ?

- How to influence the emotional state of the interlocutor and arouse sympathy?

There are creators - people who are downright obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with a wonderful imagination. You can talk to the creator on a large scale, aiming to change the world, no less!

- What to do if partners impose unfavorable terms during the negotiation process?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly respond with an argument to an argument, to demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to "pull the rubber", but doing it is lively and interesting. If you are faced with a choice, do not rush to say "yes" or "no", take a break. The optimal answer is "Good idea! I need to think it over." Ask questions, listen, assent. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait for the conversation to turn in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then you should be more attentive and patient. If you are "pushed against the wall" and are required to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

There is one more technique which I call the "red elephant method". Red bishops are conditions that you are ready to refuse, but your opponent does not know about it. Give the other side what they want, and mask your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to concede. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, persuading the interlocutor to agree: you have already conceded so much!

- How to recognize manipulation? And how can you then use it for your own purposes?

What if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are from a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world is still patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do it more cunningly: negotiate, referring to a man who is authoritative in this environment. For example: "Colleagues, I want to introduce you to this project. Once Steve Jobs did something like this ..." You can also drastically change your style of behavior. You just tweeted about the weather and shopping, and now in a businesslike tone, you are proposing to finally get down to business.

- What to do if your opponent is openly aggressive?

There are two reasons for being rude in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of incontinence of nature. In both cases, lean a little to the side, letting this "hurricane" pass you, take a few breaths in / out and calmly answer: "Perhaps you are right. But let's not give in to emotions. We work together!" Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonation of the interlocutor. It so happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - rigidly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and gazing intently into the eyes of your opponent, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is already an extreme measure, when there is nothing to lose.

And the last thing: you can't win all the negotiations! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and forward again!

Current page: 4 (total of the book has 10 pages) [available passage for reading: 2 pages]

Business communication

In a period of economic growth, the inability to negotiate and gather creative people around you has little effect on profits. It grows and grows somehow. After all, why pay HR managers then? Let them work. But in a crisis, the responsibility falls entirely on the manager, because the HR manager will not be able to conduct effective negotiations, say, on reducing salaries. And the CFO cannot cope with a bank demanding debt repayment.

The crisis of 2008 showed that small and medium-sized businesses have gone to pieces largely due to the inability to negotiate. Given that there is a long phase of instability in the global economy ahead, the art of negotiation, especially if you are in a weak position, becomes a factor of survival. Not everyone approaches a debt crisis, some feel great and become king. But the kings, or rather, their orders and money, are not enough for everyone. The one who skillfully convinces will win.

What to do?

1. By any means, even by prayers, create the mood of a successful entrepreneur. In hysterics and depression, you cannot negotiate. Remember the joke about the elephant? "You can't sell an elephant with such a mood!" Is a good phrase. Therefore, no matter what happens, we relieve stress, even if tomorrow is the deadline for paying debts, and today we need to agree on money with investors. The same is true when looking for a new job or investment, when passing tests. Sadness won't work.

Brief formula for approaching a topic in a personal crisis:

crisis → depression →

→ “dead” → cheered up

→ negotiating

(everything is in accelerated mode, otherwise you will go bankrupt).

2. Develop a wide menu of interesting proposals for the other side. Broad, since kings are different, and in Russia the subjective psychological factor plays a greater role than in the West. Russian entrepreneurs are prone to prejudice in many ways, and this will have to be overcome by luring them into joint work, as if down the aisle, with love.

3. Identify potential stakeholders, the so-called

the address group to be mapped. To sell an idea, you need to know your consumer market and its effective demand.

In an unpredictable and harsh environment with an insufficiently powerful market position, it is foolish to play with muscles. The monsters will not notice, and the little ones will be offended. Just like puffing out your cheeks. Everyone is not up to you. And you, having found a potential customer, cannot lose. The situation is acute: starting opportunities do not give a chance to win, and it is impossible not to win. You have a weight category of 60 kg, and your market partner has 100 kg. What to do? It is only in the movies that the wiry sprat defeats the shark. In life, he will definitely swallow. In such a situation, the East comes to the rescue, or rather, martial arts, or, more precisely, aikido - the art of using the enemy's strength in battle. The more aggressive the enemy, the better - we simply return the energy of his own blow to him. In politics, I've always been a lightweight competing against super heavyweights. There were no tough oligarchs, no political clans, or liberal popular masses behind me. I had to include "Japanese" - polite but persistent, Russian - sincere and simple-minded, and, finally, my Armenian temperament. This is how a personal style of negotiation was formed.

Aikido negotiation

So, aikido is the art of winning by being weaker. In this case, the victory depends on:

1) the ability to return aggression without putting a block, but letting it pass. You are sensitive to your partner, like a dance partner. Maybe the role of a partner is unpleasant for men, well, then proudly stand at the wall ... without resources;

2) the ability to give the other side the freedom to make mistakes;

3) the ability to calculate the psychotype of the opponent;

4) the ability to catch "your" wave in negotiations and sail on it, like on a board. The steeper the wave, the more interesting it is to slide along it.

You have probably already understood the basic rules for conducting such negotiations:

We forget about pride, which is not at all in the macho tradition. We are interested in the result, not in "showing ourselves";

We are not in a hurry, we are waiting for a wave;

We listen more, rather than talk, but stimulate and support the conversation;

We enter the desired image. Well, for example: picture No. 1. An investor is sitting in a movie, resting, and here we are. We come up, pull the hand and whisper: "Let's get out of here, I'll show you this, a hundred times more interesting!" - we erase, it is no good. Picture number 2: we sit down next to us, watch a movie, make a couple of comments, the neighbor nods in agreement. After the session, we talk, discuss the film, take an arm, go out, and he does not notice how he is where we need to. The key points are to “sit down next to” and “take the arm”, not pull on it. Good.

Aikido techniques

Mirroring

Everyone now knows the vulgar mirroring tricks and uses them very funny. Recently, talking with a young man who wanted something from me, I noticed that he does not sit still, but turns all the time. And suddenly I realized! It’s me spinning, and he repeats everything after me. I decided that by his first profession he is a psychologist. And so it turned out.

I am not a psychologist, therefore, understanding the importance of the mirroring method, that is, the reflection of different psychological types, I developed my own approach.

If we generalize the types of a huge number of people I have met in my life, then we can conditionally distinguish five main ones.

1. Bonvivant, or Epicurean, or hedonist.

Yes ... All words are foreign. Simply put, he loves to live well, indulging his weaknesses: to eat, drink, women, etc. A classic example: Boris Nemtsov.

2. Conventional officials are closed people, thinking hierarchically, dry, speaking in short cloth phrases. There is no need for examples: they are everywhere and everywhere, and not only in DEZs or ministries, but also in business - most often small princes.

3. Modern technocrats: a lot of foreign business vocabulary, similar to the latest smartphone models (Dmitry Medvedev, Sergey Kirienko, Anatoly Chubais).

4. Creators, people obsessed with an idea, endowed with imagination, emotional (Evgeny Chichvarkin).

5. Players: change roles, combine several psychotypes (Vladimir Putin).

Who am I? I think a player who grew out of a creator. I wanted, of course, to remain a creator, but political life forced me to.

So, there are psychotypes. You can name others - it doesn't matter, just to guess the person. And how to “count” the psychotype if there is no time for preparation? You can try to do this by evaluating the other person's manner of dressing. Bon vivant most often looks slightly sloppy, even if expensive. There is some kind of awkwardness in him: either the tie is knotted to one side, or the suit does not fit, even though it is from Armani, etc.

The official is dressed strictly conservatively, no way.

The creator most often reaches for bohemian details - these are scarves, knitwear, unexpected colors.

The Technocrat is one hundred percent yuppie: expensive, energetic, fashionable and standard to the toes, just like a business ad.

Why all this hassle? Yes, then, that, having counted a person, it is easier to dispose him to yourself, reflecting, as in a mirror, and thus giving a sign: "I am mine."

In Russia, this technology is doomed to success, since the division into “friends and foes” here plays a decisive role in the search for a partner, more important than professionalism. It's a shame, of course. But what to do, you still have to work. How to work? Mirror!

It is imperative to talk with an epicure about what he loves. If a person loves to eat and drink, then it is better to negotiate in a good restaurant and take a lively part in the discussion of food and wine.

Talk to an official about business, and in his strange language, and immediately emphasize the benefits of your idea not for humanity, but for him personally.

It is easy to inflame the Creator, aiming at the scale of humanity. I remember young guys told me that they wanted to create a private institute for the training of modern programmers, so I came to Putin with their papers, just like that, for free. I liked the idea very much.

With a technocrat, you can start a conversation right away with the essence of the matter: start-up price, profit, cost, etc.

With the player ... You got it. You were unlucky. It can only be replayed one step ahead of the role reversal.

It is very important to have the ability to have oneself in negotiations with foreigners.

The French love France and their cuisine. If you don't talk to a Frenchman about his culture, it would be a mistake. And if you suggest canceling lunch at 12.30 - a disaster. You need to dress tastefully, not cheap, but not too expensive and flashy. The French love details.

Italians, on the other hand, respect peacocks and peacocks. Be fashionable, bright, imposing, joke, laugh - then you are yours.

Americans are technocrats. The essence of the matter must be stated quickly, accurately, the timing of making a profit, and the size of the market and the management model.

The Chinese are mercantile. Where there is money, there is happiness.

The Japanese are aliens. Smiles, long negotiations, vague goals. If you directly and frankly press on them, nothing will come of it. The Japanese respect you when you express something that can be expressed in two words for half an hour, "burying" meanings in complex hints. NS! They start to appreciate you. The main thing is not to be sincere and ingenuous. The Japanese will consider you an individual that is closer to the fauna rather than to human civilization.

Choosing a place for negotiations

Now everyone knows about the place. Recently, a friend of mine said in dismay: “That's it! The deal will not take place! " "Why? I asked in surprise. "We have developed a scheme that is quite successful." “Nothing will come of it! I'm going to their territory! "

What nonsense! We learned from trainings or we play conspiracies. Everybody imagines video filming, dummy waiters, eavesdropping, etc. Calmly. Forget Hollywood, this is not at all in our tradition and not on our scale. Of course, it is preferable to meet on neutral territory or at home. But even in this case, you can easily lose. A true fighter wins on someone else's court. So spit. But if you accept it at home, then do not strain people, do not put them in such a way that a barrel blows in their backs or their eyes are blinded. In aikido, partners need to relax, and the degree of trust increases from the very first steps. Therefore, there is no need to pretend to be a king-priest, it is better to invite guests to take seats at their request.

Time wasting method

There is no need to rush. I know from myself. So you want to move with an argument to an argument, show your knowledge of the issue, achieve a result. And you need to pull the rubber, but do it lively and with interest. First, ask questions that will lead to some hobbies, find a common point, and sympathy will start. Once the collaboration took place only because both businessmen, as it turned out, were interested in studying the family genealogical tree. And if in the beginning there were rapping and show-off from the stronger side, then when a common interest was revealed, the intonation became completely different - human, and the conversation flowed ...

If you are faced with a choice, do not rush to say yes or no. The optimal answer: “Good idea” (sat down next to each other), “We need to think about it” (let's go for a walk ...). Once I was offered unbearable conditions for cooperation in the implementation of my film project. I agreed with the producer, announced that I needed to think, and started asking all sorts of different questions. Already at the end of the conversation, the producer himself refused these Terms.

Ask questions and listen with sympathy. Vladimir Putin, when he first became president and therefore was not very confident in himself, in order to win over a seasoned political interlocutor, asked the necessary questions and listened, pretending to even take notes. The heavyweight was overjoyed!

The question is: why is this toffee? Then you need to relax, get used to, count the psychotype and wait for the conversation to turn in your direction. Like the stock market. You are weaker, which means you are more attentive and patient.

But what if you were pushed against the wall: yes or no, here and now or never? In this case, prepare an external call like "mother-in-law is crazy" (just kidding) and get out. Never make a decision under pressure. Take a break. Copy the behavior of a man whose wife or lover wants to "finally sort out the relationship." What does he do? That's right: it dissolves in the manner of Bulgakov's evil spirits - it seems like he was just here, and he is no longer there ...

Red Elephant Method

1. Give the other side what it wants, and mask your interests in small but key details. The history of capitalism in Russia is actually only one generation, so most successful businessmen are sick with a complex of usefulness. This means that they do not hear anyone and bend their line. For example, many owners want to fully manage the entire project, including the creative. If they agree to a partnership in someone else's project with someone who just does not have the required amount of investment, then they take everything. And you have experience, connections, creativity and responsibility. There is a conflict of interest.

Give him the function of a manager. He still will not cope and will turn to you, and you will receive funding. Do you want checkers or go, in fact ?! Take your time, go step by step! Life will put everything in its place. Start with one challenge, not all at the same time. The greedy loses the last!

2. If your party is preparing a draft agreement, then clearly describe what you are ready to give up in whole or in part. And fight for these positions for a long time and painfully, exhausting the enemy. And the most important thing for you, on the contrary, leave the conversation at the end and casually persuade your opponent to agree, since you have already “given away” a lot, as they say. We were in the minority in parliament. To change the same draft tax code, our deputies threw millions of amendments to the ruling party, knowing that the majority would be rejected. After three to five hours of discussion, we stuffed something "passing". From fatigue, everyone voted for, and it was there that the main thing for us was contained.

By the way, if the project is being prepared by the other side, do not agree to discuss it "from sight". Get it in advance, put a lawyer in prison and ... work on amendments started. Of course, in this case, you need to take a lawyer with you to negotiations, since the degree of boring will be so high that you will break down. But you can't break. The lawyer hums bored, and at the end of each amendment you support him with the power of your charisma. If she's not there, just nod your head. Your task is to emotionally incline in your direction.

red elephants are interests,

which you are ready to give up,

but nobody knows about it.

That is why they are red, that they occupy

a lot of space, and the most honorable.

Important little things

In complex negotiations, do not neglect the details. It is impossible to calculate in advance what will "shoot". All types of weapons must be ready.

1. Pay attention to your style: what if it is uncomfortable for the interlocutor? In this case, you need to find a compromise between your and his personality. Get the right glasses. Kind and not obscured. You will portray a rock star, if you like, in a nightclub.

2. Do not sit as if an arshin has been swallowed, it strains both you and your opponent. It is better to sit comfortably, not to fall apart and lean forward slightly. You don't have to look long and hard into the eyes, you are not challenging them to battle. But if you look sideways all the time or your eyes are running around, you will definitely be mistaken for a swindler.

The main thing, as a model:

harmoniously for yourself and others

put yourself in space.

By the way, my friend, a fashion photographer, noticed that not all models even own this art, and even businessmen are not good at all. And in vain - they lose a huge resource of influence on the interlocutor.

3. Once your hands are free, gesture occasionally. Do not chew on caps, do not knock with a lighter, do not draw people. By doing this, you betray your excitement. Imagine that you are a kind Buddha and communicate.

4. Sex forever! I mean the exchange of energy between the sexes. Don't forget about it. No wonder in the famous film "Pretty Woman" with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, the latter played the role of an escort in business negotiations. There is no need to copy. There is a difference between the truth of cinema and the truth of life. But ... I had a case. In the US Congress, I spoke with a woman MP from some distant state like Oklahoma or Arizona. It was impossible to "count" her, or rather, on the contrary, too easy. A simple American village woman, ready to discuss the topic “Let's get the guys done!”, But not the disarmament agenda between the United States and Russia. I was completely confused, but she was accompanied by two assistants, as if descended from the pages of GQ magazine or Men’s Health. Under one meter ninety, oblique fathoms in the shoulders, ideal suits of the type from Armani, everyone has an earring in their ear. Black is a specialist in domestic policy, white is a specialist in foreign policy. I was stunned. According to Zverev, the star was shocked. I so wanted to talk to them! And we talked. Both turned out to be brilliant specialists. During our intelligent conversation, the deputy smiled happily and nodded her head. We parted, happy with each other. Since then, I have not left a disgusting feeling of melancholy at the sight of our overwhelmed political functionaries. I would have such helpers, I would have moved mountains and turned rivers! Well, okay, I was dreaming ...

5. As for the voice, we have already agreed: the tone is lower, calm. Change intonation, keep pause, do not mumble monotonously. It all depends on who you are mirroring, though. In the case of an "official", being boring is just the opposite, the path to success.

Hitting

Not all is grace. During negotiations, your opponent can rudely run over you for two reasons: either for the purpose of provocation, to make you lose your balance, or for incontinence of nature. Hold on. Turn a little to the side, "pass" this hurricane by like a draft, count to five and answer calmly. For example: “You may be right, but let's calm down. We must work together. " Or, smiling, mirror like a fool himself and turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonation of the interlocutor. Patience! You will win back when you are in your stream. If anger has gone on his part, this is good, this is already the first mistake. The main thing is to wait until a meaningful mistake is made, and to enter into your own active game in time.

It also happens that, no matter how hard you try to weave a web, you feel that everything is useless. Then get ready and, realizing that you are ready to part, take the risk - strike in the jaw. Tough and uncompromising. Lean forward more, reducing the space, intently, without looking up, look in the eyes and "kill".

TO Aikido, this technique has nothing to do with it. Remember:

"Blow to the jaw" is an extreme measure,

when there is nothing left to lose.

The main thing is not a blow, but a precisely captured moment

hopelessness of the situation.

And the last one: all negotiations cannot be won. Not scary. Analyze mistakes - your own, not your opponent's - and forward again!

Chapter 4
TEAM
BUILDING
DAO

Office syndrome

After graduating from the institute and graduate school, my office syndrome began to develop sharply. It all started small. At the Research Institute of the State Planning Committee, sitting at the table so that my back had to rest against the chair of my department colleague, I looked enviously at the separate office of the chief. At the Department of Political Economy of the university, having started my teaching career from the lowest level of an assistant, I fought for a long time at a separate table, but to no avail. Having already become an assistant professor, I still shared it with a colleague. And even in business, on the stock exchange with its huge areas, I did not get a separate office. Finally, a light dawned in the window of the State Duma, but ... even here the expectations were in vain. I shared an office of 12 m2 with my team of assistants. But she did not despair and worked hard. And my patience was rewarded. After becoming a member of the federal government, I moved into a large office with a reception area. Then, returning to parliament and becoming a vice-speaker, she settled in an even more pretentious office, in which every morning she gladly stroked a bunch of special communication phones that were on a separate table. During periods when I fell out of power, like a chick from a nest, my husband urgently organized for me a private office with an office. He understood that the chick would die without an office, and an urgent need to equip a new nest ...

This happened in 2004 after the presidential campaign. For a year I worked in a private office, rented with great difficulty. All tenants were shaking, thinking that after Khakamada the inspection authorities would come. As always, the bravest woman turned out to be, by the way, she was a doctor in the past. Thanks to her, I found refuge, calmed down, but not for long. In 2005, the syndrome disappeared. Abruptly and unexpectedly. I suddenly realized that I no longer want an office. I don't want to go there, waste time and money. I liked the idea of working at home, in my office. And the meetings? They can always be assigned at the nearest cafe. And the assistants? So it is even better for them to sit at home at the computer, combining work for me with other earnings or study.

Within a week I closed my office, bought an office mobile phone and gave it to the secretary. I transferred everyone to a free schedule and ... the next day I woke up with a feeling of absolute freedom and an unusual feeling of "no one is needed". The office syndrome was gone, but it was replaced by a slight emptiness. The stereotype of the organization of time and space was broken, but no replacement appeared. In some nailed state, I started working at home. I met uncertainly in a cafe, looking around, composing something about repairs in the office ... But after six months, the "withdrawal" was over, and I felt good. There came a sense of the mistress of the situation, firmly settled in her life's nest. Everything! Freelance finally defeated office addiction. Now I watch with pleasure how my assistant Irina, walking with me along Bolshaya Dmitrovka, answers on her mobile phone: “Ale! Irina Khakamada's office, hello. "

What are the benefits of becoming a freelancer?

Reduced the cost of maintaining its activities (writing books, participating in television and radio programs, conducting master classes throughout the country and the CIS, lecturing at universities);

I began to save time on moving around the city, freeing up additional hours for the child, hobbies and sports;

Has found new opportunities for self-expression in creativity, using the advantages of the Internet. I "woke up" on LiveJournal, on YouTube, in blogs and magazine columns.

Office in or office off?

Free lance is freelance. Accordingly, a free lancer is a freelancer - a freelance worker. If you dig even deeper, then free lance is a "free spear", that is, a free warrior or a free hunter. I especially like the latter definition. I went hunting in the Big City. What I caught is yours. You know the treasured places, paths, and sometimes you just accidentally attack the game. The main thing is to shoot accurately, feel the beast and not get lost. If you don’t want to, you don’t go hunting. You lie at home, suck your paw. The mood is. Or they are unlucky, nothing is caught ... Everything happens. But all the days are different, varied and therefore interesting. Ouch! Skidded again ... So, there are two forms of off-site work.

1. Under an employment contract with a company. Most often, the activity is associated with the use of a computer. This is how editors, web designers, translators, accountants work.

2. Absolutely free professionals working for a fee (people of creative professions, business consultants, coaches, psychologists, coaches, massage therapists at home, and so on).

My friend, a psychologist, worked at a private institute for the provision of psychological assistance. Received decent money for a full time. Then she quit and began to consult individually. The income is the same, but there is more free time. Finally, she took up closely the child, before entering the university.

In any case, both forms are good because you get money for the result, and not for the time spent in front of the bosses. On the other hand, there is no working team, corporate holidays and birthdays, field trainings, February 23 and March 8. If you are unbearable without these small "branded" joys, then it is better to choose office in.

In general, having faced the choice of "in" or "off", first of all you should listen to yourself in order to understand how close you are to the advantages of free flight and whether you are ready to accept its disadvantages. I have already described the pros. This is:

free schedule;

nobody teaches anything;

independence in making all decisions.

Now the cons:

there are no vacations, canteens, hospitals, sanatoriums, kindergartens and other benefits of corporate social protection;

no office clothes;

If all this does not bother you, then the next stage: you need to figure out how your psychological personality type corresponds to such work. Answer a few questions.

A) Are you ready for self-discipline? If already in the morning you are stuck

either in LJ, or in bed, then soon everything will go wrong and for sure

have to suck a paw.

B) Are you ready to take personal responsibility for the result or lack thereof? This responsibility will be very concretely expressed in terms of your income. That is, are you ready to become the leader of your life?

Q) Are you ready for the fact that it will be thick or empty?

D) Are you confident in your professionalism enough to sell it on the labor market on your own?

E) Do you really know how to sell your professionalism?

After leaving politics, I spent six months trying to answer these questions, especially the last two, since I was fine with the first three. I thought and wrote the novel “Love is out of the game” ... When I wrote it, I finally answered “yes” and worked out three models of organizing my work.

1. I am a carrier of the profession and at the same time a base office: I myself do advertising, conclude contracts, do bookkeeping, negotiations, organize meetings. It sounds fantastic, but this is how many of my creative friends work.

2. I am a carrier of a creative product and I hire a team for outsourcing: an accountant, a PR specialist, an agent, and so on.

3. The mixed model is perhaps the most convenient for me. I do everything that interests me from the first model myself, and I hire people based on the principle of minimizing costs. As a result, I needed ... two people.

I am my own PR man and agent. But others support and process received orders. And so it all worked out. Not immediately, gradually, but I was in no hurry.

Since 2006, a new life has begun: a strange alternation of complete silence and violent activity. Sometimes it is thick, and sometimes it is really empty. But the thrill for me is that I now really write my melody playing both black and white keys. Like this.

And finally, about what helped me.

Patience and retention of energy on the way to a cherished dream. Do not fade away quickly, but bring everything to the result, even if expressed in a different form.

Possession of an exceptional professional resource, but at the same time flexible attitude to the customer - to his requests for content and price.

The art of negotiating.

So, if you're tired of everything - go ahead! And if not, if you want to be a member of a corporation that is pleasant in all respects?

A flock or a white crow?

In one of the issues of the magazine Esquire authors, scientists and creative people discussed the topic "What will change everything." Artist Dmitry Gutov put forward an excellent idea, in my opinion. The course of his reasoning was approximately as follows: 90% of activities are absolutely meaningless, and 50% of them are actively harmful. Well, for example, horror films and other commercial husks on television. Nobody wants so many books, movies, jam or toothpaste. The most valuable thing is free time. Everything will change when all people, and not just artists, reach the point where they throw away the unnecessary and free up time to manage it on their own. It will change everything.

This idea seemed wonderful to me, although I understand that its bearer is a person of a creative profession, a deep individualist. We argue further.

Many years ago, as a politician, I had a breakfast with Hillary Clinton. The First Lady of America, having arrived in Russia, invited women involved in various social programs to attend. Everyone got ready to discuss gender issues, but Hillary surprised the guests. The tone of the conversation was set by the following question: how to combine the individualism of the Western world, further enhanced by the Internet, and the collectivism of Eastern civilizations, characteristic, for example, of China or the Soviet Union? Indeed, each model of social behavior has its pros and cons, and harmony would help to avoid many social conflicts.

Indeed, who is, in essence, modern homo sapiens? Is it a public person (according to Karl Marx) or an individual person (according to Sartre and other existentialists)? Or something else? (Chaos theory.) No wonder, according to Nezavisimaya Gazeta, the image of an individualist who overcomes the system is embodied as a powerful myth in Hollywood. Individualism is elevated to the level of a mass cult in order to strike a balance in relation to the order of society deftly formed by the elite. Simply put:

how to love your neighbor at a distance;

how to create a harmonious team?

How to fit into the corporate environment as an outsider

Corporations swallow and digest a huge amount of wage labor, including highly skilled labor.

Some workers, having gone through a career grinder, move to the heights of top management, while others remain a standard semi-finished product for life. By the way, the latter are the majority. Corporations are akin to authoritarian regimes. They are:

rely on the masses, not on the individual;

develop standard thinking;

strive for stability and predictability of personnel.

A corporation, like a big family, fosters the spirit of paternalism and requires the commitment of all efforts, including personal and emotional ones. For this, the employee receives protection and the infrastructure of life. If you want to be free and keep private space, then such a desire is contrary to corporate culture.

By the way, many experts believe that there is no obvious contradiction between collectivism and individualism. Social networks on the Internet demonstrate solidarity, that is, “collectivism from below,” very powerfully, defending, for example, Yukos lawyer Bakhmina or fighting traffic police and flashing lights.

But what if you are embedded in a model of “collectivism from above”, with its characteristic hierarchy of bosses and the despotism of standard role attitudes? Let's try to figure it out. For example, I am a deep individualist, but, as a minister, I worked for a government corporation. And, having carefully studied her manners and customs, she tried not to swim against the stream in the process of realizing her ideas. It worked. The main thing:

not giving up ideas, but obeying unwritten rules.

Aikido is a martial art based on the use of the opponent's strength. Often in negotiations there is a moment when the parties turn to manipulation or attacks. What does the one who is being attacked do? Defends. It turns out protection through excuses. Surely you have heard the expression "if you justify yourself, it means you are guilty." It turns out, making excuses, we become guilty, in other words - the weak side of the dispute

We do not make excuses and do not fight

To avoid a situation in which you find yourself in the position of the culprit, do not argue with your opponent. Alternative: use the power of the opponent's words in your direction through the technique "opposite or vice versa" + our position. Examples of using:

Yours is very expensive.

On the contrary, most of our clients note that with such a set of services, our prices are lower than our competitors.

Your company is not fulfilling its obligations under the contract.

Your company is not paying on time.

On the contrary, our company strictly adheres to all payment schedules, and at the same time requires the same approach from our partners, otherwise such companies as ...

A trembling creature, or do I have the right?

To elevate oneself above an opponent, one party (most often a potential client, current client, or partner) uses emotional attacks. In such a situation, you need to choose: either endure and, possibly, lose face, or not let yourself be offended.

If everything is clear with "enduring", and this means being, in fact, a "pear" for someone else's emission of emotions, then how not to be offended? We use techniques in the style of aikido - we will try to turn the opponent's strength against him by throwing or redirecting energy.

Note - you need to understand that we are talking about a situation when the opponent's attacks are not related to the real situation in your company, and you are firmly convinced that his arguments are fiction or rumors.

Energy redirection - gentle trick

On the contrary, our company strictly adheres to all the terms of contracts with contractors, which is confirmed by work with such companies as ...

You are talking nonsense, I read on the Internet that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...

Alas, we got carried away with complaints about each other, as a result of which we complicated the achievement of the set goals of the negotiations. I propose to return to the topic of discussion.

"Throw" - a tough move

Your company does not fulfill its obligations under the contract!

On the contrary, our company strictly adheres to the terms of contracts with counterparties, which is confirmed by work with such companies as ...

What are you composing here, I read on the Internet and heard a lot from people that you are not fulfilling your obligations ...

Your statements are directed against the achievement of the objectives of the negotiations. Please adhere to the topic of discussion, otherwise I will terminate the meeting.

The "throw" gives the opponent a direct signal to stop attacking. At the same time, there is no need to find out where the opponent got such information. With the help of a "throw" we devalue this information and lead the conversation to the channel where everything is built by us.

Outcome

Negotiations should not be taken as a fight. The best strategy is "win-win", where both sides win. If a situation arises when one side wants to leave the other a loser, and using emotional pressure, do not go ahead. When you give in to emotions, you increase your risk of failure.

Use the power of your opponent against himself. If you continue to "attack", redirect the energy or use a hard throw. If the opponent does not stop, it is better to end the meeting: after all, if he allows such "attacks" now, then what will happen during further work?

And remember - you are an expert, and do not let yourself be offended.

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