What child will refuse an extracurricular activity on the topic of sympathy, falling in love and love on the eve of Valentine's Day?
From early childhood, through fairy tales, literature lessons and films, the girl prepares to meet with Love. Literally from the age of 12 (and especially from the beginning of the menstrual cycle), she expects the appearance of a boy of dreams and mutual feelings. Naturally, both early relationships and their delay become the cause of deep suffering. An important role is played by "label": how a girl defines her feelings for herself. If he calls him love, then after the breakup he suffers for a long time (sometimes even for years), assuring himself that a real feeling can only be once in a lifetime.
Even without being a psychologist, the teacher can explain that our emotions are influenced by our own thoughts and attitudes. It is enough to change the angle of view, for example, to tell a teenager that it is difficult to find true love in the first relationship; this requires a certain experience of communication with the opposite sex.
It is also within the power of a teacher to teach a teenage girl to distinguish between the shades of her own and others' feelings and, in accordance with them, choose the correct strategy of behavior in relations with young people.
To start the discussion, invite the teens to talk about what they think is sympathy, what is falling in love, and what is love. There will obviously be many answers. It is important to be able to lead the participants in the conversation to the correct understanding of each of the named feelings.
Sympathy is a positive disposition towards another person, where the evaluative component prevails. You can only like someone who possesses (or is credited with) any positive qualities, usually those that one would like to see in oneself, for example, confidence, activity, a sense of humor. You can feel sympathy for several people at once (not necessarily of the opposite sex) and at the same time do not urgently need any of them.
It is customary to call the first love love, which quickly passes, but is remembered forever precisely because it is the first. Teenagers get to know themselves, try their hand at winning sympathy. It is an impulsive, tempestuous and superficial feeling, often based on curiosity or a desire not to be different from peers who are already dating young people. Here a question from the teacher's side is pertinent, what attracted the girl to this or that boy. Appearance, popularity at school, sociability (or at the other extreme - antisocial behavior) - can these characteristics become the basis of a long-term relationship? Alas, not even all adults can correctly and consciously prioritize when choosing a pair. Next, you can offer the students a task: make a list of the qualities of your prospective chosen one and dream up what kind of relationship you would like to build with him. During the discussion, it will be easy to analyze the reasonableness of such desires as a certain height and hair color, school grades and high material wealth.
In love, there is not only admiration and delight, dreams and passion, but also suffering, disappointment and resentment. Love is strong with loyalty and deepest respect for the person who is nearby. You cannot humiliate and humiliate yourself, equality, unity of interests, care, tenderness and mutual understanding should reign in relationships. Love is always based on exclusivity: no one is needed except for the beloved or beloved. This is not sympathy, but an intense need for a given person, an attraction to him, a passionate desire to possess him, to be needed by him.
Such a conversation, of course, will not be able to save teenagers from all possible mistakes. However, it will allow each girl to reflect on existing relationships and once again, more consciously, evaluate them.
Aksinya DORONINA, Clinical Psychologist, "Academy Always"
Quite often it happens that a person cannot explain his own feelings towards a member of the opposite sex. He is lost in conjecture what exactly he is feeling. This happens for the reason that it is quite difficult for modern people to distinguish love from sympathy. But, in fact, it is not that difficult.
What is the difference between love and sympathy?
It's no secret that there is a fairly clear line between love and sympathy. Moreover, this line is not conditional, as, for example, the borders between the EU countries, but clear and definite. If we continue the analogy with geography, then love and sympathy are divided by the same border as, for example, Poland and Russia.
But, despite the existence of such a clear line, which almost everyone knows about, many people quite often confuse love and sympathy. And this is despite the huge number of differences between these feelings.
1. Absolutely everyone wants to be happy with a person to whom he is not indifferent. Moreover, many people in building happiness in a pair with other people see the meaning of their whole life. Therefore, they are so serious about choosing a person with whom they could live a long and happy life.
A person with a feeling of sympathy wants to be happy with the person for whom he feels it. He wants his significant other to be there and make him happy.
Well, a truly in love person wants to be close to the object of his love and do everything to make him happy. The one who has a deep feeling of love, first of all, cares about the happiness of the one for whom he has such strong feelings. That is, a person in love wants to first make another person happy. And only after he succeeds in doing this, he proceeds to build his own happy life.
2. Feeling sympathy for a person, you do not notice his shortcomings, which may lie on the surface. You do not notice them only because you are struck by the dignity and advantages of the person to whom you show such feelings. A person who feels sympathy over-idealizes the object of his adoration. He exalts all kinds of positive little things and turns a blind eye to the serious flaws of a person.
Truly in love guys and girls do not close their eyes to the various shortcomings of their soulmates. Such people are aware of the shortcomings of their beloved, but they do not frighten them at all. These disadvantages can be absolutely any, including those associated with a person's appearance. However, if a person really loves, then this does not matter to him.
3. If a person feels sympathy for a partner, then he is ready to spend hours discussing all his advantages and benefits with other people. Moreover, such a person can spend hours telling the object of his sympathy about all his positive qualities, beauty, sense of humor and character. That is, you are not really in love with a person, then you have to constantly talk about your attitude towards him.
In turn, love does not require a person to be sprayed with stories about all the positive qualities of the object of their love. A person who loves knows that he respects and appreciates the soul mate.
4. Strong sympathy makes people worry about the fact that the person for whom they have feelings may disappear from their lives. It is hard for people in love to imagine their life without a soul mate. Therefore, they do everything in order to keep the person, even if he wants to leave.
Unlike simple falling in love and sympathy, true love does not make a person worry about it. She does not draw pictures in her head about what will happen if the second beloved person leaves. Love does not have time for this, because it makes people make plans for the future with their beloved, and not assume what will happen if the other halves leave them.
5. People who feel sympathy are not ready to overshadow their friends because of the person they like. They can devote a considerable amount of time to the object of their sympathy, but they will definitely never forget about their friends. If a person chooses a fun evening with friends, and not a romantic date, then he is not in love, but feels a feeling of sympathy.
Truly in love people are ready to overshadow even old friends with whom they have maintained relationships for many years. This does not mean that those people who have fallen in love completely forget about their friends. But if they have to choose between a romantic dinner with a loved one and get-togethers with friends, then people who are really in love will certainly choose dinner.
6. People in love are ready to introduce their soulmates to their parents. This does not mean that after dating, the relationship will come closer to the wedding, but it can demonstrate the seriousness of the person's intentions.
People who feel sympathy, not love, do not even think about meeting their other half with their parents. For them, this is a completely unimportant moment that does not deserve special attention.
7. When it comes to meeting with an object of sympathy or love, it is difficult to distinguish between these two feelings. The fact is that both the feeling of sympathy and love provoke a huge desire to constantly see the soul mate. This entails constant calls and messages, with requests for an appointment. But if people who feel sympathy are only ready to see a person, then truly loving personalities want to start living together with a person. This is what distinguishes love and sympathy in the plane of the desire for constant meetings.
8. Loving people see each other not just as a beautiful couple, but as a potential family. Such couples can look in the mirror and see not only two people, but also a third one. We are talking about the future child of a loving couple.
The same people who only feel sympathy for each other see their couple as a young man and a girl, but nothing more. Looking in the mirror, these couples think about how they look good together.
9. Sympathy, unlike love, cannot guarantee understanding between partners. Moreover, even love cannot always guarantee a couple of complete mutual understanding. You need to work hard to achieve mutual understanding, because the quality of the relationship between lovers largely depends on it.
How to distinguish love from sympathy?
When a person begins to have feelings for a guy or a girl, he wants to understand what kind of feelings fell on him. Having understood what exactly he is experiencing, it will be easier for a person to make further decisions. Therefore, many experts advise people to first determine their feelings, and only then move on to specific actions.
1. To distinguish ordinary sympathy from such a high feeling as love, you need to test your feelings with time, which can put everything in its place. Sympathy is usually a fleeting feeling. That is, after a while, a person begins to lose interest in the object of his adoration. And the more time passes, the faster the sympathy disappears. Love, over time, only becomes stronger and more convincing.
And if you want to test your feelings in order to find out what fate has rewarded you with, then run the test of time. Let your feelings open up so that they can show themselves fully. But you must understand that such a check can drag on indefinitely. Therefore, if you do not want to spend a lot of time on this, then take a closer look at other options.
2. To realize that love or sympathy prevails in your relationship, you need to really take a sober look at them. If they have self-interest, then there can be no question of any love. After all, if a lover is looking for benefits in your relationship, including financial ones, then this is definitely not love. True love is selfless. Remember this.
3. Sympathy mainly evaluates the appearance of the partner, not his essence. There are exceptions, but more often than not, sympathy is limited only to physical attraction. Love is characterized by a simultaneous attraction to a person as to a beautiful representative of the opposite sex and to his personal characteristics. If your feelings are based only on physical attraction, then you can believe that this is not love.
4. If you notice that you have stopped staring at other members of the opposite sex, then this is a clear signal that you have fallen in love. Observe this moment in order to define your feelings.
5. Create in your head a hypothetical situation when the person for whom you have feelings dumps you and leaves for another partner. If in this case you continue to harbor the same feelings for him, then you have love.
What to do in case of a mistaken declaration of love?
There can be several reasons why a person cannot open up to the object of his love and confess his feelings to him. But they are all equally strong that they hold back such strong feelings inside.
Most often, a person cannot confess his love because of a banal fear. People who feel so strong feelings are afraid to tell the originator of these feelings about them. They are constrained by the fear that they will be rejected or seeded. However, there is absolutely no need to be afraid of this. If you are confident in your feelings, then you need to push fear aside and boldly confess everything.
However, not only fear can fetter a person's actions. The fact is that a person can simply doubt their feelings. Many people are not one hundred percent sure that they really love a person. Therefore, they do not talk about it, so as not to do something stupid. In this case, you need to really be patient and make sure that your love is true, and not immediately lay out all the cards on the table.
But there are also people who are in a hurry to confess their love to a person, having felt the usual affection, sympathy or enthusiasm. They are not ready to wait, and make a declaration of love for a person for whom they have only deep sympathy. However, over time, they begin to understand that there can be no question of any love here.
If you have confessed your love to a person for whom you do not have such feelings, then you need to do something about it before everything goes too far. First you need to talk to him and explain everything directly to him. This must be done both in the case of reciprocal recognition on his part, and if the person could not reciprocate you. In any case, the conversation should take place, in which you must honestly admit that you are entangled in your feelings and confused sympathy and love. If you just like a person, then tell him so. Nothing needs to be embellished or exaggerated.
You must clearly understand that the hardest thing will be to explain yourself to the person who reciprocated you. Moreover, some people may not have the courage to do so, as they may be afraid of offending the person. However, it is imperative to explain with such a person, because there is nothing worse than a relationship out of pity.
In general, if you confused love with ordinary sympathy and managed to tell the person about your feelings, then be prepared for the fact that you will have to take your words back.
Can sympathy turn into love?
If you confessed your love to a person, confusing your feelings with sympathy, and the person did not reciprocate you, then you may not rush to refute your words. The fact is that over time, sympathy can really develop into love. There are a huge number of examples of such changes in feelings. So there is a chance that your sympathy will become a strong and beautiful love. But if after a long period of time you do not notice that you are starting to really fall in love with a person, then talk to him about your real feelings. You do not need to deceive the person who has such strong feelings for you. The fact is that it can come back to haunt you.
Love Pages
Existence without love is meaningless. Even if people claim that they do not need love at all, the reality is somewhat different. This is just a defensive reaction of a person who has never encountered much feeling and does not know what it feels like. Every person wants to love and be loved, but the desire to meet a soul mate often leads to a disastrous result. Hoping to find their own happiness, people may confuse ordinary sympathy with true love.
Many films have been shot about love, countless books have been written, but no one still knows how to correctly recognize this feeling. Bad experiences can lead to disappointment in life. In order to protect yourself from unnecessary shocks, you need to be able to soberly assess the situation.
The main differences
Men and women constantly confuse such important concepts as love and sympathy. At first glance, these feelings are very similar, but in reality they are very different from each other. In order to build a strong and fruitful relationship, you first need to understand your feelings for your partner. Realization may come too late. The main rule in this difficult matter is that love and sympathy are very similar, but they should follow each other, and not exist together.
The relationship between a man and a woman begins with sympathy. She is the natural beginning of any relationship. It is this spark that makes the lovers pay attention to each other, endows the partner with ideal qualities, even in their absence. A woman blinded by feelings may simply not notice the negative qualities of the chosen one. This also applies to men. The euphoria from sympathy is fleeting, sooner or later it will pass. After her disappearance, it becomes clear whether serious feelings have arisen.
How then to explain love at first sight? Psychologists believe that this is not love at all, but simply strong sympathy with an obsessive character. A person strikes you to the core, depriving you of peace and completely occupying your thoughts. But this will not always be so, and it is wrong to call it love. It takes more time for love to arise.
Unlike sympathy, love is selective. Falling in love, a person evaluates the qualities of a partner and decides whether he will be able to accept his shortcomings as they are. Sympathy, on the other hand, does not see negative qualities, completely idealizing shortcomings. It passes, and you remain in a slight bewilderment, not understanding how you could like such a person.
Several ways
When you find yourself in a difficult situation, you can use the following methods to sort out your feelings. Before you take a serious step and open your feelings, you need to look at what is happening from the other side. A few simple tips will help you make a tough choice.
- Do you want to please a person? It may sound silly, but in reality, a person always wants to see a smile on the face of a loved one. The desire to please your partner and please him with an unexpected surprise, without demanding anything in return, can be one of the main signs of serious feelings. If you do not want to waste time on such nonsense, you should seriously think about it.
- How do you feel when you see the chosen one? If you are overwhelmed with a feeling of boundless happiness and warmth at the sight of an object of sympathy, then perhaps this is true love.
- Are you considering a joint future? Consider if you can envision your partner as a husband or wife. Do you see your common children, everyday life and life together? In fact, this is very important, because it is these things that determine the real feelings of a person. If a man or woman absolutely does not attract you as a partner for the future, then you should forget about such a relationship and try to find something else.
- Are you interested in being together? You need to think about what exactly attracts you to the prospective lover. In the case of sympathy, it can only be external data, while love suggests more serious reasons.
Happy ending
By assessing the situation correctly, you can avoid dashed hopes and disappointments. It is not uncommon for a supposed love to turn out to be sympathy or develop into a strong friendship. However, it should be remembered that excessive caution can also lead to negative consequences. In matters of the heart, you should trust only yourself and not listen to the opinions of others.
Do not be afraid to make a mistake, the main thing is to always give an account of your own actions. Sympathy is a light feeling that can appear suddenly and disappear in the same way. And love is something different, which is not given to every person. Only by listening to your heart can you find out the true nature of your feelings.
Finding true love or your soul mate is the goal of every person on earth. However, people are able to experience love feelings at different levels - sympathy, love, love. Therefore, in order to recognize true love among all possible romantic feelings, it is necessary to have a clear understanding of the difference between the concepts of "sympathy", "falling in love" and "love". We will talk about this.
A person can have sympathy for several people at the same time. It arises immediately after meeting. This is a feeling of affection for a person, which is characterized by the following signs:
- emotional attraction to a person;
- common values, beliefs, interests;
- a positive reaction to the appearance, character traits, behavior of another person;
- benevolence and increased interest;
- a sense of similarity.
Sympathy often arises in friendships, where there is affection between people and the pleasure of communicating with each other, but sometimes it develops into falling in love.
Signs of falling in love
Falling in love is a very vivid feeling, which has the following signs:
- Falling in love is a feeling that is often called "love at first sight." This type of romantic emotion is characterized by a strong emotional and physical attraction from one person to another.
- Falling in love is born when you see another person, begin to admire his appearance, behavior, speech and so on. Falling in love consists mainly of emotions, with its onset usually comes a feeling of euphoria, an adrenaline rush. This strong emotional outburst is compared to the feeling of "butterflies in the stomach" and is not controlled by the person.
- A person in love exalts the object of his passion, ignoring its shortcomings and exaggerating its strengths. He is seized by passion, he is fascinated by another person and considers him the limit of his dreams. There is also a desire to like, to become better and to do pleasant deeds. Falling in love does not necessarily imply a relationship: you can be in love unrequitedly.
- Falling in love is based on passion and infatuation, so it often does not last long. Falling in love appears instantly and can also quickly disappear if interest in a person disappears, or it can turn into true love. To maintain the spark, both partners need to make an effort. People who move from one relationship to another, striving to constantly experience the feeling of falling in love, may lose sight of true love, as it takes time to develop.
- Falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying that love lives for 3 years. In fact, this period is not love, but love.
- Falling in love often manifests itself depending on the partner. You constantly think about your beloved, want to be with him as often as possible, abandon other things for him, and so on.
Signs of love
- Love is a long, gradual process. It can start with friendship, sympathy, or falling in love, but it is a deeper, more reliable and lasting feeling.
- Love is based more on actions than on emotions. During this period, people already know well what will make their partner happy. And thanks to their actions, they show their love: they care, take responsibility for the family and so on.
- A person is consciously in love with a loved one, his feelings arise from the depths of his soul, and not from a strong passion or passion. Affection, mutual trust, respect, devotion arise between loving people.
- Feelings that motivate you to take care of the other person and take into account his interests. True love means a willingness to live with a person without trying to change him in accordance with his ideal.
- Love is the result of deep recognition of each other, understanding of pain points and "angles" of the partner's character and the deliberate construction of communication in such a way that it proceeds with maximum pleasure and efficiency for both.
The main differences between love and being in love
People often face the fact that they confuse falling in love with love, mistaking temporary hobbies for true deep feelings, or missing true love in search of constant passion. To avoid this kind of self-deception, explore the following key differences between love and falling in love:
- Duration of feelings. Love does not happen overnight, it is an ever-growing process. It is predictable and logical, as it arises between family and friends. Falling in love is accidental, a person never knows when he can fall in love. This feeling appears suddenly, like a flash, but over time it can disappear just as fleetingly. Falling in love does not necessarily last as long as it is based on infatuation or passion. Falling in love can quickly fade, and love grows stronger over time.
- Perception of flaws. Loving people know and accept the flaws of their halves. They are ready to live with a person, accepting him with all his shortcomings. Falling in love blinds people, so they do not notice the shortcomings of the objects of their hobbies and consider them flawless. There is no illusion in love: you love the other person for who they really are.
- Emotions... While falling in love, people experience a strong emotional outburst, while feelings of love are based on actions. While emotions can be more intense, true love is much stronger than falling in love.
- The power of the senses. Falling in love is relatively shallow, love is a very deep feeling. Loving relationships are characterized by trust, respect, devotion, which may not be fully manifested or absent when falling in love.
- Love is a calmer feeling than falling in love. Falling in love makes you want to spend all the time with a person. To love means to give personal space to a person and to trust him.
- Willingness to overcome difficulties. The bond between people in love may not be strong enough to withstand adversity. The bond between loving people is so strong that it allows them to cope with life's problems and, no matter what, always stay together.
- Relationship perspective. Falling in love occurs at the initial stage of a relationship, sooner or later it passes. Love is a long-term feeling that doesn't go away. True love stands the test of time.
How to go from falling in love to love?
As already mentioned, falling in love is a short-term feeling; it lasts no more than 3 years. Then people either part, or their feelings develop into love. How to secure your relationship and move from falling in love to love, I told in an article about the stages of love.
Understanding the clear line between falling in love and love will help you realize how strong and true your feelings for another person are, assess the prospect of this love affair and build a lasting, happy relationship.
Love. A very short, but such a meaningful word. How many emotions and feelings it brings. For everyone, it has its own and carries its own special memories, from which, perhaps, it becomes joyful or not so much. Love for the mother, loved ones is a familiar feeling to everyone. This is when from being close to loved ones the soul becomes warm and light. It is good when there are loving people around you who can support you in difficult times. They do not care what position in society you occupy or, for example, what your appearance is, because your existence already brings them happiness. They are also happy to be with you for free. And you, in turn, are pleased to know that these people simply exist and they are doing well. Real love is different. You can talk on this topic for hours, or even weeks. It is not surprising that this wonderful feeling pushes people to thoughtless actions, sometimes beautiful and terrifying. Many poets and writers have been singing and praising love for centuries. After all, there is not a single person who has not experienced this feeling. It is familiar to everyone and anyone can give it their own definition. What could be more beautiful than love? This feeling comes out of nowhere and cannot be suppressed or forced. And that is why it is so difficult to endure unrequited love, because you cannot hide it anywhere. Love is unpredictable. It appears out of the blue, when you don't expect it at all. Loved person, reciprocity, trust, strong family. For most, these are the main components of a successful, established love. Everyone dreams that love will arise once and for life. But the first experience is not always successful, because people are capable of making mistakes. And don't stop, no matter how painful it may be. It is worth falling in love again and again, until you find your cherished love. After all, without making any attempts, you will not be happy. But true love is not always capable of being named. Sometimes we very often confuse fleeting love with love, we believe that "here he is, the man of my whole life." But we should not deceive ourselves, create the illusions we need. What is “falling in love” anyway? This is exactly the feeling when a person is carried away only by the appearance or some other external sign, i.e. only a guise. When you fall in love, you close your eyes to the real qualities of a person, perhaps he does not even attract you as a whole. But, alas, this is not so important for you, because one feature overshadowed the overall impression. To some extent, a person in love behaves like an egoist, sees only the qualities he needs. Falling in love is not limited to a purely physical attraction, it is accompanied by a desire to get closer to the object of love. But, moreover, it does not affect us deeply mentally. Such a quivering light does not light up inside. Also, this is a very unstable feeling, at times it covers you with your head, and sometimes it practically disappears. Most often, the feeling of falling in love passes away as quickly as it flares up. But it may well happen that falling in love will develop into a more valuable high feeling, for example, into love. The main thing is not to forget to take a closer look at the person and understand what he really is. In turn, it is necessary not to confuse such two feelings as attraction and sympathy. What is it really? But here, too, the answer is not unambiguous. Interpretations of meanings are different, but in general they have the same meaning. Attraction is an unrequited feeling for someone, but irresponsibility does not cause as many negative emotional experiences as, for example, in love. Sympathy is a feeling during which you like someone, like a person. This feeling is absolutely different from falling in love and love. Attraction can be the result of love. During it, a person experiences an insurmountable need for a subject, a desire to find a loved one nearby. In conclusion, I would like to say that you should love with all your heart and soul, surrender to your feelings completely. Because only sincere love can become pleasant for both halves. Love and be loved!!!