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If feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair persist for more than two weeks, it may be worth talking to a counseling psychologist or psychotherapist. Well, if your case is not so difficult, here are some tips on how to quickly get rid of oppressive feeling loneliness.
1. Do, don't think
Loneliness seems to envelop us. As a result, we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves and doing nothing. And most often they are sure that this will not change. Such thoughts must be abandoned immediately. Find something to do right now. By acting instead of thinking, you will break out of the endless cycle of gloomy thoughts. Work in the garden. Clean out the garage. Wash your car. Chat with neighbors. Call your friends and go to a cafe or a movie with them. Go for a walk. A change of scenery will help to distract from the oppressive melancholy. It is impossible to suffer if you are busy with something.
2. Be kind to yourself
When we are depressed, self-flagellation will not help. But unfortunately, we all do this without wanting to. For example, we made a mistake at work that cost a lot, or had a fight with a partner or friend and now we don’t talk to him. Or maybe we have too many expenses, and there is nowhere to get money from. Instead of discussing with someone everything that worries us, we accumulate it in ourselves. And as a result, we feel incredibly alone.
When we feel bad, it is important to take care of ourselves
When we feel bad, it is important to take care of ourselves. In fact, we often forget about this because of more pressing issues. As a result, we don’t get enough sleep, we don’t eat well, we don’t go in for sports, we overload ourselves. It's time to "reboot" and restore the lost balance, feel better physically. Go to the park, take a bath, read a book in your favorite cafe.
3. Stay open
Although it is possible to be lonely in a crowd, communication helps to distract at least for a while. The best medicine is to get out of the house and find some company. It’s good if it’s a group of friends, but group classes, hobby groups, traveling and hiking in groups are also great ways. It's hard to think about how sad you feel during an interesting conversation.
4. Discover something new
A guaranteed way to deal with sad feelings is to discover and learn new things. When you turn on the “curiosity gene” and do what really intrigues and interests you, there is no room for blues. Try driving to work on a new road.
Plan a little trip for one day, visit the surrounding attractions: small towns, parks, forests, nature reserves, museums, memorable places. On the road, try to learn something new, meet new people, so that there is something to remember.
5. Help others
The surest way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to help someone else. This does not mean that you should immediately run to the streets to save the homeless. There are other ways. Sort out your wardrobe, collect things you no longer wear, and donate them to a charity.
Give away old but working electronics to those in need, dishes, furniture, bedding, toys and other unnecessary things. It will be useful for them, but even more useful for you. If among the neighbors there are pensioners, bedridden patients or just lonely people who need support, visit them, chat, treat them to something tasty, play board games.Even you get lonely, imagine how it feels for them? Together, it is easier to overcome loneliness. Remember, you can get rid of negative emotions only with the help of conscious efforts.
About the expert
Suzanne Kane is a psychologist, journalist, screenwriter based in Los Angeles. Her site: www.suzannekane.net
How to get rid of feelings of loneliness and uselessness? We are born in sterile solitude, in which we die quietly.
However, throughout life, this feeling torments us and does not give rest. We, like any social being, are drawn to society - to gossip, laugh, talk heart to heart. How to get rid of feelings of loneliness and longing?
depression out of nowhere
Not for nothing in the title of our article we are talking It's about the feeling of loneliness. All these emotions, sensations, thoughts and reasons for depression are born in our head.
It's actually quite difficult to be truly alone in such a populated world. We live in high-rise buildings, meeting neighbors every day, visiting relatives, sitting in crowded cafes and crowded offices.
We talk, we smile, we text. A social networks? At any moment, we can contact a guy a hundred miles away, like a photo of a stranger, or comment on someone's post. 
And yet, this feeling comes from time to time. Call it what you want: longing, spleen, spleen, uselessness, meaninglessness, loneliness, depression ...
Most likely, subconsciously we are worried about the indifference of loved ones, misunderstanding with their side, seeming indifference to our problems.
And the reason for that – our , and low self-esteem.
Let's think about where it all starts. A person is not sure that he can be loved and appreciated.
Even with a great job and a responsive circle of friends, he sooner or later begins to think: “Do they really need me? Are they pretending? Do they love me?"
And the good brain immediately begins to meticulously analyze the facts: Vasya forgot to wish you a happy birthday, Alena, out of forgetfulness, gave you your gift, Ira and Nastya met in a cafe, but they didn’t tell you, your parents were going to Turkey, and you were handed over to your grandmothers ...
A compassionate mind will fish out a million cases from memory, when you were forgotten, ignored and not noticed. And now you are already sure that for the whole world your personality is an empty place.
Congratulations, you have come up with a great excuse to have a prolonged depression and overeat ice cream!
How to say goodbye to loneliness
We will not offer to chop off your head from the shoulder, although all the problems are really inside it. Let's get rid of the feeling of loneliness in more traditional ways:
1. Write to friends. Take the initiative and call a big company. You will be convinced that many will respond and gladly come running to the meeting.
If you are in doubt about someone's attitude, then just talk about it over a glass of wine. Most likely, it turns out that Ira and Nastya simply didn’t get through to you, and Alena, out of absent-mindedness, gives everyone their own gifts (“nothing personal”).
2. Tighten your brains. Hard work will get anyone out of depression. The more you give to work, the more satisfaction you get from the result.
And then - beauty in general: your boss will praise you, colleagues will mark you, and the feeling of uselessness will be replaced by a sign of irreplaceability.
3.run. My fitness trainer always jokes: “Sport will cure in one evening what psychologists will treat for years. Broken heart? I run to the gym.
Offended by the boss? Faster for dumbbells and a punching bag. Broken heel from your favorite shoe? Great, go swimming and do some cardio." 
4. Get a dog. Cat, fish, hamster, rabbit - anyone you care about. Coming home to an empty apartment where no one is happy for you is painful. If the profession does not allow you to look after someone, at least visit the equestrian center on the weekends.
5.fall in love. What to dig into inner world, open your eyes wider and pay attention to a handsome neighbor, a pretty colleague or a handsome brother of a friend.
Even if there are no reciprocal feelings, then a hormonal explosion from surging emotions with a guarantee will pull you out of the blues.
6. Stop waiting and demanding. Many girls look out for princes, and ignore the average suitors who do not have white horses. And toil, imagine, from loneliness and boredom.
Perhaps your requirements for the world are a bit too high? Do you think that friends should call first, relatives should come running at the first call, and a husband should serve coffee in the morning?
And if they did not justify your expectations, then “good riddance”? But suddenly they expect the same from you?
7. Get to know yourself better. If you can’t fall in love with a neighbor, look for another candidate - in the mirror.
Be proud of your accomplishments and talents boldly declare to the world about your attractiveness and intelligence.
The more you value and adore yourself, the more strange the thought seems to you that someone in this world can not adore you. Funny! You, the best? Impossible!
Nobody wants to be alone even in paradise.
Italian saying
The feeling of loneliness as a quality of personality is a chronic stay in a painful experience of uselessness, isolation, isolation and emptiness caused by real or perceived dissatisfaction of the need for interpersonal relationships.
Once a young man came to the sage and asked him how to save himself from loneliness. - I will relieve you of this feeling, but first you must pass a three-day test, - the sage answered. The young man agreed. On the first day, the sage blindfolded the young man tightly so that he could not see anything. It was unbearably hard, especially when the young man was asked to bring something. The next day, the sage tightly closed the young man's ears so that he could not hear anything. It seemed to the young man that the whole world around seemed deaf. On the third day, the sage closed the young man in a small room without windows and light for the whole day. The young man barely survived this day. Finally, all the tests were over, and the young man exclaimed: - How glad I am that I survived everything! Now will you help me? - Do you still feel lonely? - asked the sage. - Frankly speaking, no. The world is so beautiful. I had no idea that there were so many sounds and colors around. “As long as a person can look at the sun, moon and stars and enjoy the gifts of the earth and the sea, he is not alone,” the sage remarked. “But suddenly the feeling of loneliness will return again,” the young man became worried. “Then come again, and I will give you a new test,” the sage smiled.
Loneliness is the realization of the fact that no one needs you, that no one wants to listen to you. At least talk to yourself, as if you have amputated connections with other people or with some specific person.
The essence of loneliness is well revealed in the poem of the poetess Lyudmila Kramskoy:
You were born alone and you will die alone
Life will go through you like a knife through butter.
Will open you, darn you,
It whips you and spanks you.
Your brain will dry up, it will stretch your veins,
How to throw unnecessary trash into the trash,
The rain will spit in your face
Dirt smears
On your soul lies sadness
Life will throw you into the ocean of trouble
Loneliness gives the answer to everyone.
Feelings of loneliness can also be experienced in cheerful company if there is a feeling that no one cares about you, but loved one is not there and never will be. D’Artagnan conveys this feeling with the words: “I’m standing among friends as in a desert, And what’s left of love for me now is only a name ... Constance ...” Paradoxically, public people, surrounded by enthusiastic admirers and fans, most often complain about the feeling of loneliness. Harlequin, bitterly from his loneliness, says:
Everything seems: I'll take off the mask,
And this world will change with me
But no one can see my tears.
Well, Harlequin, apparently, I'm not bad.
Behind the feeling of loneliness, a variety of things can be hidden: revenge on the one who offended, the desire to suffer in order to attract attention, delusions and prejudices, the wrong way of life, crooked beliefs, fear of acting. For example, a woman experienced the horror of parting with a loved one and is now afraid to look for a replacement, what if these torments and sufferings will happen again. Feeling abandoned again is unbearable. It is better to be alone, because the second time I will not survive the words of a loved one that he “no longer needs me”.
Erich Fromm wrote: “The awareness of his loneliness and isolation, his helplessness before the forces of nature and society turns his isolated, split existence into an unbearable prison. The experience of isolation causes anxiety; moreover, it is the source of all anxiety. To be cut off means to be cut off, without any possibility of using one's human powers. Therefore, it means being helpless, unable to actively influence the world - things and people, it means that the world can invade me, and I am not able to react.
Loneliness is godlessness, which has taken the form of a negative mental attitude towards melancholy, disappointment and emptiness. Note that a person who has a strong relationship with God never considers himself alone. A lonely old woman does not experience a feeling of loneliness, because every day she talks with God through prayer. Faith is a connection. The best cure for loneliness is a connection with God. Why is this happening? God builds a relationship with every person through the people who meet him on the life path. He is constantly talking to us through other people. The first person is the mother. God took the form of a mother and took care of us.
Then other people come into life, but they are often not dear to us, so we do not hear a dialogue with God behind their words. When a person becomes dear to us, when we see a kindred spirit in him, everything fundamentally changes. Finding a soul mate means finding a person through whom God communicates with us. A person is not capable of experiencing a feeling of loneliness if there is a person in his environment - the conductor of God. This important point in understanding the causes of feelings of loneliness. All ways of dealing with loneliness are half-hearted if it does not affect its deepest layer - godlessness. The feeling of loneliness is the opposite of life with the realization that you are not alone, that you are always under the protection and patronage of God. The atheist feels like a foundling in this world.
American psychologist Irvin Yalom conveys the essence of the feeling of loneliness: “We are all lonely ships in a dark sea. We see the lights of other ships - we cannot reach them, but their presence and similar position to ours give us great comfort. We are aware of our absolute loneliness and helplessness. But if we manage to break out of our windowless cage, we become aware of others facing the same horror of loneliness. Our sense of isolation opens the way for us to empathize with others, and we are no longer so afraid ... "
Loneliness is spiritual poverty. Carlo Dossi wrote: “Why do people tend to avoid being alone? Because alone with themselves, only a few enjoy pleasant company. Sergei Radonezhsky lived in a dense forest, but he never felt lonely for a minute. Romain Rolland is right when he says: “A great soul is never alone. No matter how fate takes away friends from her, she, in the end, always creates them for herself. A bear became a friend of Sergei Radonezhsky.
Often people say: "I like to be alone." For the soul, like a drop of the ocean of souls, it is unnatural to love loneliness. It's really about privacy. When Arthur Schopenhauer says, "Solitude is the lot of all great minds," he means solitude.
In solitude, a person can make discoveries, create masterpieces, solve complex problems, generate ideas. In a solitary state, a person can engage in self-observation and introspection. Therefore, one can improve oneself by following the path of personal growth. If solitude is independence and self-sufficiency, then loneliness is a form of dependence, not self-sufficiency and emotional begging.
Genesis says, "And the Lord said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.'" The guard realized that loneliness is when you feed a fly at the post, in the hope that it will not fly away for the winter ... There is such an anecdote: The doorbell rings. A tired, rumpled man opens, with red eyes, pale, all in black, depression written on his face. He looks indifferently at the caller - a cheerful, cheerful, ruddy-faced big man with a gas mask and two cylinders behind his back. The big man asks: - Do you have rats? - No ... - And the bugs? — I don’t have bedbugs… — Well, at least there are cockroaches? - Not. I live all alone...
Psychologists identify 12 causes of chronic feelings of loneliness:
1. Inability to endure forced seclusion.
2. Low self-esteem by type: "They don't like me", "I'm a bore").
3. Social anxiety (fear of ridicule, condemnation, sensitivity to other people's opinions).
4. Communicative clumsiness, ineptitude.
5. Distrust of people (isolation, disappointment).
6. Internal stiffness (inability to open up).
7. Behavioral component (permanent choice of unsuccessful partners).
8. Fear of an opponent, fear of being rejected.
9. Sexual anxiety (inability to relax, shame, anxiety).
10. Fear of emotional intimacy.
11. Lack of initiative, lack of confidence in their desires.
12. Unrealistic claims (all or nothing, choice according to the model).
A person with a manifested feeling of loneliness, even being in a family and circle of friends, still feels his uselessness, thinks that no one loves him, respects him or notices him. It is well known how loneliness negatively affects health. Single men and women usually abuse alcohol, forget about proper nutrition and daily routine, they devote too much time to work, get involved in various adventures, they do not have the emotional stability that is typical for people who are married. Single men live 10-12 years less than married men. By degree negative impact for a lifetime, loneliness is equated to smoking.
Satirist Stanisław Jerzy Lec writes: "People are lonely because instead of bridges they build walls." Are you completely alone in a huge metropolis? In the evenings you have no one to have a word with? At dinner, a piece does not climb into the throat from the aching silence? Call your rural relatives and invite them to stay with the whole family for a month ... And the feeling of loneliness will pass.
Petr Kovalev 2013
Ilya, hello
Ilya, I apologize for the late reply. But, unfortunately, it is not always possible to respond quickly. Ilya, you talk about the feelings of uselessness and loneliness that are present in your life. And they are, despite the fact that you have friends, you have hobbies, you are dancing. Indeed, the paradox is that our inner experiences are often associated not with the reality that exists now, but with our past experience, from which we react and perceive the world and myself in it.
If I heard you correctly, then, for example, a feeling of uselessness can arise when friends invite you somewhere, to take a walk. As if there is a contradiction in this: friends are calling, but you want to leave. I think it's a very painful experience. Ilya, and if you turn inside yourself ... does it look like a feeling of resentment? It seems to me that behind these feelings of uselessness, loneliness, the desire to leave, there are some unexpressed needs. Try to contact them, what are these needs? … What does that part of you that feels unnecessary and lonely needs, wants to leave, even if you are invited somewhere. Maybe it's a need for love, understanding... How do you feel about yourself deep inside? Try to show empathy and care for yourself. How does your soul respond to this?
Lack of love and empathy for ourselves makes us look for this love in others, but others cannot provide us with the amount we need. After all, it turns out that these are the unsatisfied needs of our childish part, which lives in us and manifests itself in adulthood. And they are related to our relationship with our parents. Hence our inner feelings of the right to live, grow, accept oneself, etc. Perhaps, in order to better understand your feelings towards yourself, it is worth referring to your relationship with your parents, what manifestations of attitude were your parents towards you? What kind of support did you get for your feelings, your manifestations, etc.? Here, everything does not always work out the way the child needs for “prosperous” growth. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get out of past traumatic experiences. The task is to reconnect with the lost love for yourself. And, for starters, it is better to recognize yourself and understand yourself, start supporting yourself.
Ilya, but these are just my thoughts, assumptions and, so to speak, some theoretical calculations based on what has been written. But theories rarely help change anything. Although, I hope something will respond to you and help you better understand yourself, support you. If you want, you can always turn to face-to-face therapy (by therapy, I mean not a medical model of it, as an aid in personal growth and soul healing, self-assertion). I sincerely wish you good luck
Good answer 6 bad answer 0Man is a social being. He cannot live alone, as it has a devastating effect on the psyche. Even hermits, spending many years in caves and forests, did not lose contact with people, because each of us needs love, intimacy and moral support throughout our lives. That is why many experts argue that communication in its importance is second only to the instinct of self-preservation.
Unfortunately, an increasingly common phenomenon of modern society is loneliness. Facts are stubborn things. In our time, there really are a lot of lonely people who, after work, return to an empty apartment, where only a cat, a TV and a computer are waiting for them. You can blame the specifics of city life for this. In it, collective pastime is not some obligatory attribute. Therefore, people move away from each other, limit themselves to their living space, which contradicts the very essence of a person who has lived in large communities for thousands of years and has been in the public eye of many of his own kind.
Loneliness is contraindicated for all age groups. But it is especially acute in men and women who are in the prime of life. It is quite natural that such people have a desire to change the established course of things, find their soul mate and get rid of oppressive communication with themselves.
What is it - loneliness?
If we adhere to the opinion of most scientists, then we can come to general conclusion that loneliness is a special category of mental activity that determines a person's self-perception. Usually, experiencing a state of loneliness, a person is overwhelmed with uncomfortable sensations and corresponding emotions. Such a person feels his own uselessness, he is inclined to believe that even relatives and friends have forgotten him. A person's awareness of his own uselessness often arises against the background of the loss of someone close in the past. As a result of such experiences, a person is enveloped in confidence in his own guilt and the situation begins to be experienced in the form of a personal tragedy. Frequent "companions" of feelings of loneliness are sadness, sadness, melancholy, or depression.
Reasons for loneliness.
The first cause of loneliness is low self-esteem and self-doubt. Everyone knows that the love of others for their own person is achievable only if a person loves himself. The fact is that each of us has both advantages and disadvantages. The only question is what exactly he pays attention to. Whether it is appearance, or preferences in the frequent change of everyday wardrobe. For example, if a woman constantly focuses on the fact that something is wrong with her, then the man with whom she is going to go on a date will definitely notice this and take the liberty of interrupting the meeting. Therefore, it is necessary to focus more on your own merits and positive qualities.
The second common cause of loneliness lies in negative personal attitudes. This can include past disappointing experiences in building relationships, and irrational beliefs that have been formed due to our environment. The human brain works in such a way that it has the peculiarity of confirming everything that the person himself believes.
A striking example is the opinion of some of the fair sex that "all men are goats." Having such an attitude, the brain sends constant confirmation signals about this. In this case, any argument expressed by a woman in support of this idea will be perceived as something that really makes sense and foundation. After all, beliefs are a terrible force, and even the most good and sensual man in such a situation will not be able to melt a woman's heart from ice.
Another banal and a typical example irrational personal attitude is the “Cinderella syndrome”, when, as adults, some women and girls do not deviate from fabulous ideals, spending an impressive part of their time looking for the “prince in a white limousine”, while remaining, unfortunately, lonely. Problem similar situation lies in the fact that the ideal cannot be taken from the head and appear in the next second, as if "at the behest of a pike." Like it or not, but you have to descend from heaven to earth and communicate with real people, often colliding with the signs of ideals. Therefore, the moral of the situation described above comes down to understanding what advantages and disadvantages of your expected half will be able to put up with, and which ones will not, while not forgetting to analyze your own strengths and weaknesses.
In "defence" of the female half, it should be noted that examples of such personal negative attitudes among the representatives of the stronger sex often strike even more with their pretentiousness and strangeness.
The next cause of loneliness is fear. This is the main reason that women and men are reluctant to enter into a serious relationship. This may be the fear of losing personal freedom and independence, control over the situation, which is characteristic of many men, or typical “female” fears, often directed to the “future” of relationships and associated with building a family, life, giving birth and raising children. However, no matter what the fears are, it will be important to understand that any movement forward towards the relationship is still better than constantly being in a state of passive fear and loneliness.
Another reason for loneliness is that many simply do not find free time, or are lazy. Simply put, the answer “I don’t have time” means only one thing - the choice has been made, but by no means in favor of a relationship. Sometimes it's just inner laziness. The process of establishing and developing relationships lies in the constant readiness to listen, hear, seek compromises, love, care and move together in the direction set by joint goals, which, of course, involves a large amount of work, and therefore time.
Hence arises last reason loneliness in modern society- most of today's men and a considerable part of women often sacrifice time and effort to build personal relationships in favor of a career, work, business. The solution to the problem will be to find the “ideal” balance between career and family, which will allow both “wolves to be fed and sheep to be whole.”
How to get rid of loneliness.
In order to say goodbye to loneliness forever, it is necessary first of all to develop communicative qualities. To facilitate the search, you do not need to create a perfect ideal for yourself. The lower the bar, the faster you will get rid of loneliness (here, of course, it is important not to “go too far”). It is also necessary to always listen to your intuition, and sympathy that has arisen in the soul cannot be dismissed. After all, if such a feeling appeared, then, therefore, the person corresponds to some internal requests.
Don't be afraid to talk to strangers if you like them. In addition, a non-binding conversation can always be interrupted at any time. But, exchanging remarks, you can very quickly get a general idea of \u200b\u200bthe person nearby. Napoleon Bonaparte said: "In love, as in war, all means are good." Therefore, when dealing with a stranger deceit must also be tolerated. Men especially like to lie. An ordinary security guard can pretend to be a lonely banker living in a luxurious cottage. In reality, such a liar vegetates in a 2-room apartment with his wife, child and mother-in-law. Therefore, it is impossible to recklessly trust the first comers. But there is also no reason to suspect them from the first minutes of communication of uncleanliness. Learn to be attentive to other people, recognize lies, and identify hidden needs.