American sociologists have found that about 60% of married couples who filed for divorce blame social networks for a failed marriage. They give a disappointing forecast - in the future, the Internet may become the main reason for the separation of spouses.
How social media can ruin a marriage
Constant comparison of a partner with others. Scrolling through the news feed on social networks, you can catch yourself feeling that all the people there are beautiful, happy and successful. We see processed, vivid photographs of their busy life, women are always beautiful and have slender figures, men are clean-shaven and drive expensive cars. Looking at this, the partner may begin to compare the spouse with a tanned model, and this will sooner or later lead to constant criticism and claims against her.
Secret correspondence. Psychologists have found that even innocent online communication can cause emotional attachment between people. The spouse (or spouse) begins to hide his correspondence, starts secrets, puts passwords on his gadgets. If a person has a pen pal of the opposite sex on the Internet, then the frequent desire to “sit on the phone”, be alone or leave the room will give him away.
Cheating partner. Regular communication on the Internet can grow into something more. One of the partners may feel tenderness and interest in the other, he will want to transfer the virtual novel to the real world. A spouse can invite his passion for a date, appear at home less often and hide correspondence on the Internet.
Dating websites. It's no secret that dating sites imply communication between a man and a woman, which does not always end with correspondence and innocent flirting. This type of social networks, as a rule, does not imply finding a partner for a long romance, usually people are looking for a short affair there. Just getting to know each other on a social network is one thing, but purposefully looking for a new partner on dating sites is another.
An online interlocutor is better than a real one. Quite a few people note that in correspondence they can say what they are afraid to talk about in real life. Judgment from online friends is easier to hide from and much easier to deal with. It is for this reason that the spouse can tell more to virtual acquaintances than to the other half. This is one of the signs of distrust, embarrassment and unwillingness to share your problems with a loved one.
Constant attention to social networks. Social networks can captivate a spouse much more than real communication with family members and friends. They are full of bright pictures and spectacular photographs, which are sometimes difficult to tear yourself away from. This can captivate a partner so that reality seems too boring and monotonous, and communication with loved ones cannot give enough positive emotions.
Family neglect. Psychologists say that the desire to spend more time interacting with virtual interlocutors affects the spouse's desire to pay attention to his family. He wants to escape from the routine, look at pictures of beautiful girls or hot countries. The partner gets aesthetic pleasure from this and wants to get away from everyday problems.
How to Avoid Social Media Rupture
In order to distract your partner from communicating on the Internet, you can show him that real life can be much more exciting than correspondence. You can invite your spouse to go on a trip to be alone and chat more. If this is not possible, then suggest watching an interesting movie or visiting some new places: unusual exhibitions or quests.
One option is to talk openly and say that you love your spouse and you want to spend more time with him. Ask him to agree on how much time each of you will spend on the Internet, and how much time together. You just need to remember that spending time together should evoke some positive emotions that can draw the spouse's attention back to family life.
Social networks can affect family relationships, but if there is harmony and love between spouses, then no amount of Internet correspondence can destroy it. It is necessary to communicate more, spend time together, and also respect each other, then social networks will not be able to influence a strong union. What do you think? Leave your comments and do not forget to click on the buttons and
Social media is gaining more and more power over modern relationships. And while some laugh it off with the phrases “what happened on Facebook remains on Facebook,” others believe that showing sympathy even through virtual “likes” is a real sign of betrayal. Is it worth the increased attention to the communication of the second half on the network? What signs might indicate an impending problem? ** Friendship with "ex" ** A couple of clicks, and now once lost contacts can be renewed again. Curiosity has not been canceled, but is it worth returning to the once passed relationship? Trying to find out what happened to the ex may be misunderstood by your current partner. Think about what is more important to you: the past or the present? ** Dominance of virtual life over real life ** The desire to "check mail" can take a good half of a family evening. And trying to quickly see how many likes your last photo got will easily leave the thread of conversation. This video perfectly demonstrates that sometimes family members have to make a really big effort to get the attention of the household back. Watch yourself - when do you most often seek to get your hands on your phone? Why do you open the browser page even if you don't need the Internet? Maybe the computer is an attempt to avoid conflicts? If so, you should close the laptop lid and face your problems honestly. Even if the problem is gadget addiction.
** Candid statuses ** Despite the fact that Facebook often asks "What are you thinking about?", It is not at all necessary to reveal your whole soul online. Google remembers everything. It is also worth not forgetting that messages may well become public, despite the "private" settings. So, if there is a desire to discuss the latest home squabble with friends on social networks, it is better to do this in private correspondence. ** Public opinion ** Previously, parents could judge everyone and everything. Time has passed, but the habit has remained. Why involve third parties in family conflicts remains a mystery. Relationships are not always smooth, and you need to learn to deal with problems on your own. After all, negative experiences also make us mature. ** Taking care of non-existent pets ** Think about what makes up your virtual life today? How much time do you spend in front of a monitor just because you play, communicate, relax and entertain yourself with the help of a computer? Write down the number of hours you spend on your "virtual" life and think about what you can do for your family and your relationship today. Virtual life creates a lot of substitutions for real relationships, but being behind a monitor screen just creates the illusion that there is not. ** Flirting ** Comments, "likes" under the photo, random remarks in other people's conversations - over the past ten years, modern society has created many rules of virtual etiquette, which are gradually being consolidated. Is it worth it or not to add strangers to your social networks? How to perceive a "like" from a nice work colleague? As a flirtation or as an act of politeness? In trying to define the line between what is permissible and what is not, common sense will prevail. After all, flirting is flirting. ** Facebook is not a substitute for communication ** If you are increasingly solving current issues with your chat and correspondence partner in social networks, you should start worrying. If you live together and at the same time do not find time to be together, then it is time to reconsider your schedule. After all, you have put in a lot of effort to start your family. It is worth fighting for it.
Sad as it may seem, social networks are replacing real life with a surrogate for virtual communication, destroying families and stealing working time. Millions of people spend more than 6 hours daily on social media. Users attack the profiles of classmates, army friends, look for their first love, etc., making up for the lack of communication, emotions and romance in everyday life.
A worldwide epidemic killing time
The audience of Odnoklassniki today is more than 30 million people, which every day increases by one and a half to two million new users. Mostly they are office workers. Virtual communication replaces all the joys of normal real-life meetings with friends and even families.
Companies lose millions of dollars every day because their employees spend time on social media. It is almost impossible to fight this, because by prohibiting access to social media pages from work computers, it is impossible to prohibit visiting them via smartphones.
Why is virtual communication better than real one?
The exchange of messages, videos, audio files and postcards resembles some kind of incessant child's play with no final meaning. From this we can conclude that people dependent on social networks to some extent remained children who did not play out in childhood.
Social networks are very attractive for losers who can not achieve anything in life. Such people love to endlessly search social networks for their kindergarten, college, classmates, and first (second, third) love. Sometimes such searches end with a real meeting with a corresponding continuation. Such thoughtless emotional “search for the lost” very often leads to even greater disappointment.
Why is social media destroying strong families?
Many do not advertise their marital status in the profile, and accidentally added friends from the gym and innocent comments and "likes" to photos instantly arouse suspicion.
Unlocked profiles on home computers or forgotten in a prominent place smartphones with personal correspondence become the reason for the dissolution of thousands of marriages. Experts today recommend that married people not register on social networks.
How does social media affect physical health?
Scientists in the UK conducted a study that proved that adherents of many hours of communication on social networks have a weakened immune system and a disturbed hormonal balance. Sitting for many hours worsens the pumping of blood through the vessels and disrupts the process of thinking, which can often lead to dementia.
The illusion of communication
In fact, according to psychologists, communication on social networks does not at all contribute to the development of real contacts between people. Real life is being replaced, where each user is transformed into a battery that powers the matrix. Living people, becoming "cogs" of the invented world, destroy their personalities in real life, in fact betraying their relatives and friends.
Children deprived of live communication, who grew up with parents sitting next to them, buried in monitors and smartphones, are already experiencing huge problems in building friendships and strong families.
Total surveillance by special services
It is known for certain, and it is not a secret for anyone, that the special services collect a dossier on each person, analyzing his activity on social networks. In addition, Facebook has patented a system that allows you to follow a person by analyzing his actions outside the social network.
It is difficult to imagine what will follow next, but it can be assumed that the moment will come when the user can be blackmailed by disclosing his personal information in exchange for receiving any services beneficial to the state, contrary to moral norms.
Therefore, one can not even think about the loudly promised preservation of the rights and freedoms guaranteed by the Declaration of Human Rights. Most importantly, by filling out a personal profile with information, a person actually agrees to this.
Personal opinion is formed by virtual friends
According to research, about 80% of social media users trust the opinions of their virtual friends more than the opinions of their real-life friends. The consequence of this depressing fact is the "viral" nature of the formation of public opinion, from which one can "blind" anything, correctly launching the necessary thought to the masses.
A person has forgotten how to deliberately think, "swallowing the bait" and digesting it, without thinking whether he needs it or not, turning into a puppet ruled by the powers that be.
The trend of going offline
Once the telephone was a stationary attribute that limited the ability to communicate while at home. But, getting on the street, a person became truly free.
Today, one can already observe the emerging culture of people who have gone offline, who have had enough of virtual communication, and who have realized the freedom and beauty of real life. These people don't want their day to start off by browsing twenty sites, posting links to pictures they like, making statements about what they ate for lunch and where they spent the evening, whether they like it or not. Therefore, they voluntarily remove their profiles from social networks.
The mass of free time allows you to look at the world through the eyes of an awakened person, who begins to notice the color of the sky and grass, the smells of the air and a lot of interesting things that you can do without causing yourself psychological damage.
In fact, having freed himself from imperceptibly imposed "forcible" contact with the virtual world, a person gets the opportunity to finally get to know himself, the present. It can be concluded that people who are not yet ready for such a meeting with their own “I” are mostly hiding from themselves in social networks.
IN OUR FASTING TIME EVEN THE FIRST CLASSMAT KNOWS ABOUT SOCIAL NETWORKS ON THE INTERNET. PARTICIPANTS OF SUCH SOCIAL NETWORKS ARE BOTH CHILDREN AND ADULTS. EVERYONE HAS OWN VIEWS, EMOTIONS AND FLAVORS. BUT ALL UNITED ONE - THE THIRST OF ONLINE COMMUNICATION, which, unfortunately, Pushes REAL COMMUNICATION ON THE SECOND PLAN. AND THIS IS WHAT USE IT DOES, IT REMAINS ONLY TO GUESS.
Here is a letter:
“I feel like the Internet and social media are destroying my family. I say this with all frankness and clarity. I am 40 years old, my wife is 36, we have a wonderful son Oleg, who is 13. And you know, I begin to notice that I am losing them. Not in the usual sense: no one is getting divorced (yet), the son does not make any claims to me as a father, but I communicate with them less and less. And the fault is not that I am uncommunicative or that I love football more than my family. I really believe that social networks are to blame for this in the first place. My father always said: problems in the family begin when they stop talking. And now it happened.
The wife, a part-time school teacher, hiding behind the fact that she is busy preparing for lessons, sits at Odnoklassniki all evenings, and if she wants to talk, she often chooses her friend, who now lives in the United States, as an interlocutor. The story is similar with the son. In general, he never crawls out of games, chats, Vkontakte, Facebook and other similar places. When you try to talk to him, he immediately gets alarmed: will dad give another thrashing for a C in mathematics or will he teach life? One gets the feeling that he is not interested in anything at all, except for who wrote what on the wall or in his status. As an object for communication, he is less and less interested in me. I'm not on Vkontakte ...
When I was 13, my friends and I ran away from home, never parted with a soccer ball. When I got a little older, naturally, girls were added to the circle of interests. Now children and adolescents sit, as if sewn, at home and do not run away anywhere. Someone will say that this is great - it has become easier to follow them, but I don't think so. It seems to me that social media is what will ultimately destroy the traditional institution of the family.
Why, for example, take a long time to look after a girl, give flowers if there are dating sites? Why date when you can chat on Skype? The Internet has made our life easier, information more accessible, and at the same time it (life) has become more banal, more predictable. And in general - this is no longer real life, it is a surrogate. Alexei".
Psychologists say that social networks pose a threat to relationships, and can often lead to divorce. And these are not just empty words. The American Academy of Family Lawyers conducted a study that showed that in every one of five divorce cases, the well-known social network Facebook necessarily appears in one way or another. 81% of lawyers specializing in divorces in the United States admit that in their practice, in 80% of cases, evidence of alteration is gleaned from social networks, by the way, 66% of cases are on Facebook.
The British Sun cites the story of one of the lawyers specializing in divorce as an illustration. She claims that over the past 9 months, all of her clients have used Facebook materials to prove adultery.
Cheating on the Internet is becoming one of the main reasons for divorce. So, in Germany, for example, today every fourth married couple breaks up because of this.
Psychologist Jan Kerner calls the "Facebook bomb" those brain "signals" that a person receives from the past when they meet online with their ex-girlfriend or school love. Everything that has exhausted itself and must go into the past is again filled with meaning and life, displacing the current relationship. But, according to psychologists, the main problem is that only positive moments of the past remain in people's memory. And the first love always leaves an indelible mark on the mind.
Online friendships are highly idealized. In the mind of a person, the line between imagination and reality is erased. The person is completely "invisible" behind the standard phrases, "smiles". You can create any image for yourself, and the interlocutor will absolutely not guess about the real “I” of the person, imperceptibly leaving into the notorious “matrix”.
Specialists from the St. Petersburg Psychoanalytic Center have published the results of their research on the impact of social networks on the divorce rate. According to their conclusions, 15% of marriages broke up precisely because of them.
The use of the Internet separates family members from each other. While people increasingly use social media to stay in touch with family and friends, the irony is that the Internet is cutting down on the actual time people spend with those around them.
The percentage of people who say they spend less time with family members because of the Internet jumped almost threefold (from 11% in 2006 to 28% last year).
Almost a third of marriages in Russia and Ukraine are now experiencing a crisis under the influence of social resources. Due to the inability to use social resources, a misunderstanding arises among the spouses. The desire to flaunt their personal life on social media often ends in the destruction of the family and the dissolution of marriage, reports the Associated Press.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS HARMFUL FOR LEARNING
A study published at Ohio State University noted that students who “hang out” on Facebook spend less time studying and have lower grades than students who do not use mainstream social media.
“Most of the students acted like smokers hiding after school to take a puff. They could not resist and secretly looked at their pages with the help of telephones, ”the researchers say. Many of them are so attached to social media that they spend more than 21 hours a day online. They do not have enough time for real, high-quality communication with friends and family members.
Interestingly, many students have recognized that social media is an unhealthy addiction that is destroying their health and relationships.
WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF CHILDREN
Children can face a variety of dangers on social media. Among the main ones are corruption, involvement in sexual acts via the Internet, instilling an unlawful and antisocial worldview (extremism and terrorism, a culture of violence), collecting information via the Internet about children and their environment in order to commit illegal actions.
There is also an important and harmful psychological aspect. In the real world, you need to be able to get along with different people who need to be tolerated and communicate with them - this is how character is formed. In the virtual world, you can eliminate "irritants" - just click on the button, "remove from friends" - and there is no problem. As a result - depression, isolation in oneself, inability to solve conflict situations and other bouquet of mental deviations - not immediately, of course, slowly and imperceptibly ... The results are recorded in statistics and will show themselves in all their glory in 10 years.
This is the future that we did not expect. This is a drug, the dependence on which must be recognized as one of the most dangerous today.
Total: a social network is a hurricane for the weak psyche of a person, which at the same time destroys families and brings losses to companies. It is a sticky and viscous web that envelops and creates an unbreakable cocoon that breaks the connection with the real world and living people.
Irina Davydova
Clean Internet logoslovo
How social media is ruining your life
Meeting classmates
Remember how your heart skipped a beat when your husband went to the evening of a meeting of classmates or classmates. What if he meets there a woman he was in love with, or the one who was in love with him, their old feelings flare up and a relationship starts? And after all, some wives were not in vain afraid of such a development of events. There were cases when the meeting of the spouse with the first love turned the life of the family upside down. But earlier it could happen only if both former classmates deigned to come to the meeting. And now you can find a person from the past, wherever he lived, through the network: for communication, it is enough to enter the Internet.
Irina, 48, shares her story: “I started a page in Odnoklassniki to find a student friend who left for Siberia and got lost there. My husband liked the idea, he began to search through the network of his friends, fellow soldiers and members of their children's hockey team, and found a girl from a parallel class who was in love with him at school. She told him a bunch of compliments, showered him with pleasant school memories, and when she was in our city on a business trip, she offered to meet. From that moment on, our family life "cracked", and soon it ended altogether. ".
You can find many of these stories on the web, but statistics say that only 5% of virtual dating or close communication with old acquaintances ends up in new relationships.
Network dependent
As time goes on, every day there are new opportunities for. You no longer need a computer, a smartphone is enough, and you can communicate with new or old acquaintances almost from the matrimonial bed. According to statistics, already 30% of spouses are in conflict because of the excessive involvement of one of the parties with social networks at least once a week, and 17% - every day.
At the same time, the fascination with social networks has a detrimental effect not only on marriage, but also on a person as a person. His connection with reality is broken. What he could not achieve in his life, he begins to look in someone else's. And although information and photos on the networks are often heavily embellished, a person begins to lose self-confidence, feels his own failure, and loses confidence in values and principles. He wants to change something in his life, and sometimes it is easier to change a family than a job.
Why ask yourself the questions: “What can I change in the life of my family? In itself? What can I do for people close to me and dear to me? ”- when it’s easier to start communicating with strangers and come up with a new life, successful, interesting, problem-free. They don't know the truth anyway, and if they find out and stop communicating, so what? You can find new acquaintances.
"Pink glasses"
And if, looking at gorgeous beauties in search of a loved one, and young handsome millionaires who are looking for their other half, any reasonable person laughs, then former classmates, classmates, colleagues from past work are a completely different matter: they are real, unthinkable. With them, you can remember interesting moments of a past happy life. Happy, if only because it was youth, full of hopes and self-confidence.
A person plunges into a youthful romantic relationship and begins to look at the world through rose-colored glasses, deliberately resurrecting in himself emotions that he has long experienced. And in these romantic emotions it is so pleasant to exist that it seems as if life is worthless and you can start another life from a new page at any moment, which means that another love is needed in it.
It's much easier to build relationships in networks than in life. You don't have to go anywhere on a date, take a lady to a movie or a restaurant, give her flowers and make gifts. You can present yourself in the most favorable light, ponder each word and phrase for as long as you like before writing, and then re-read and correct - before sending.
As a result of such communication - a destroyed family, while the possibility of creating a new one is a negligible percentage. And an abandoned wife will find a lot of evidence of infidelity on the net. According to statistics, in 60% of divorce proceedings, some information and photos found in the networks appear.
Reason for divorce
What kind of information, gleaned from the network, can be the reason for starting the process? How, for example, one can not suspect a husband of wanting to find a new wife or at least a mistress, if a married man has the status of “in free search” on the network, and there is not a single photo with family and children on the page. If the bulk of her husband's friends are unfamiliar women, with whom he flirts on his page, making them obscene proposals.
How not to get angry and start looking for evidence of infidelity if the husband turns off the site page as soon as his wife appears on the horizon, and it is impossible to log into his account, because he suddenly put a password on him? But some have pages in several social networks, often registered under a nickname and without a photo in a personal. From such a page, you can generally lead a riotous virtual life.
But if the wife gets to the bottom of all these tricks, divorce is inevitable, and not even because of betrayal, which, most likely, did not happen, but because of the loss of trust. It is impossible to live with a person whom you stop believing.
Good old blackmail
Often the most common blackmail becomes the reason for divorce. The networks are full of swindlers and swindlers who seem to accidentally visit the page of a stranger and, for some unknown reason, are stuffed with him as friends. Having pecked at a new acquaintance, you can run into very big troubles after a while.
A new friend sends very candid photos, asks to put likes under them and comment, asks for his photos in response, then offers a personal meeting. After a while, she disappears, and then appears to make demands: the wife will receive all the correspondence, photographs allegedly indicating a love affair, although people might not even meet.
It is clear that this will be blackmail, but everyone knows the wonderful possibilities of Photoshop. If the man chosen by the fraudster also has a meaningful job, she threatens to send the entire kit allegedly assembled by her to a working server. By the way, a married woman who starts communicating with an interesting person can also fall into the clutches of scammers. What scammers usually want is money. But often, even after receiving money, they do not stop and ... destroy the family.
Lawyers argue that every year there are more and more cases of such fraud, and this is provided that not every person agrees to make it public and go to the courts.
Networks are not to blame
On the other hand, you can't blame everything on social media. An adult is not a lamb, so that it would be so easy to take him away from the family, especially if he is happy in this family. This is an axiom of relations. So, not only social networks are to blame, it's just that the family already had problems. And everyone knows that breaking is easier than building or even repairing. A person begins to look for new acquaintances, he is attracted by new sensations and relationships in the following cases:
- Freshness is lost in old ones, and new ones give vivid impressions that make you fly on the wings of love.
- Marriage turns into a habit and a duty, but you want pleasure and romance.
- The Internet is full of half-naked sexy beauties, and at home the wife, after work, dressed in comfortable home clothes and took off her makeup, cannot be compared with them.
- Intimate life has become a routine because the hormonal boom has already passed. And if the spouses have enough imagination and cannot be called routine, accessibility spoils it. Did you want to? Got. Men, on the other hand, need hunting and chasing - the interval between the emergence of desire and its satisfaction;
- The wife succumbs to the eternal feminine desire to blind herself to an ideal husband "from what was."
So it turns out that not so much social networks are to blame for the breakdown of relations as the problems accumulated in the family. Networks only gave impetus to the disintegration of the family, facilitated and accelerated the possibility of finding new love.
Rules of conduct and safety in social networks
Family psychologists and lawyers predict an increase in divorce, which will be caused or triggered by communication in social networks. On the other hand, it is already impossible to imagine life without them, so if you want to save your marriage, just try to follow simple rules with your husband.
- Stop visiting dating sites, remove from them if you registered on them before marriage.
- Add wedding and family photos with children to your pages, indicate that you are a family person, even if your relationship is not formalized.
- Do not close the page when your other half comes up to you, she has the right to know to whom and what you are writing about.
- If your pages on the networks are password-protected for one reason or another, your wife or husband should know these passwords.
- If you are going to accept a person of the opposite sex as a friend, inform your spouse about it.
- If you did not like something in the communication of your soulmate on the network, first discuss this problem at home, do not sort out the relationship with the person with whom you seemed suspicious of communication.
- Do not enter into correspondence with strangers, do not send them photos, do not flirt.
- Do not discuss the details of your personal life with any of your relatives and friends. Even if you have a need for it, do it in person.
Companies interested in customers and traffic, which invented social networks, make access to personal data of customers more and more simple every year, therefore, even when you are alone on your personal page, you should act as if others are closely watching you. There is no need to write or exhibit anything that could be used later as dirt on you. After all, the slightest oversight can ruin the life of your family.