Many of us are obsessed with the desire for happiness. Only obstacles on the way to it, alas, are often our doing. How does it happen - we want to be happy, but in the end we make ourselves unhappy? Exactly. Below are 9 commandments that will help you find your happiness.
The first commandment. Accept yourself for who you are
Stop berating yourself for blushing and worrying about a responsible speech, or for not starting to run regularly in the morning. Even the fact that not you, but your friend won an internship in the company of your dreams is not a reason to consider yourself a failure. Stop scrutinizing yourself in the mirror and poisoning your life. You have every reason to love yourself now for who you are, and not put it off until the moment when you become "perfect."
Second commandment. Become happy here and now
Sometimes it seems to us that our happiness is somewhere out there, ahead. We count down the days and months until the vacation, thinking only about how beautiful everything will one day become. And we constantly come up with conditions without which our boundless happiness, it seems to us, is unattainable. “As soon as I change jobs”, “As soon as I buy an apartment”, “As soon as I learn German”, “As soon as I lose weight”, “As soon as I meet the dream guy” - and many more endless “as soon as”. Understand that while you postpone your happiness, it passes you by. What prevents you from enjoying life now? Feel the taste of the present - it is at this moment that your happiness is born, and not somewhere in the ghostly future. This will give you the desire to act and live a fulfilling life now, not putting it off.
Third commandment. Find out what you want
Sometimes it is so easy to get confused when everyone around is repeating: "A girl at your age should ...", "It is prestigious to have a Ph.D.", "It's indecent to earn less than XXX thousand a month." As a result, we forget about what we ourselves want and chase other people's values. Maybe you even went to study to play the violin or went to medical school because your parents wanted you to be a titled musician or neurosurgeon, but in fact they secretly wanted to be an artist. Don't be afraid to say “no” if you feel that the proposed path is not yours. After all, deceiving yourself for a long time, as a rule, does not work. Either things are going very badly, or successes in this area do not please you, but inside there is only a feeling of devastation. Think: what do you really want? Not to make someone jealous of you, or to conform to public perceptions of happiness, but to feel “at ease”. It is clear that understanding what we need is not easy at all. Many take years to find a dream job or a lifelong goal. But it's worth trying.
The fourth commandment. Stop comparing yourself to others
How easy it is to ruin your mood by reading your friend's feed on social networks and seeing how perfect everyone else is. Someone got a good job, and you have been sending out a resume for several months to no avail, another brags about what a wonderful boyfriend she has, someone else travels endlessly when you have already forgotten the last time you went on a long trip. There is something to be sad about. Stop thinking that "the grass is greener at the neighbors." First of all, how do you know if others are so great? Secondly, you must admit that there will always be someone better, richer, more successful, if you just think about it. Comparisons with others are definitely the path to neuroses. Better focus on what is important to you and often remind yourself of your successes and merits. Learn to react without envy to the successes of others and sincerely rejoice for them.
The fifth commandment. Stop feeling guilty
Yes, you forgot to call your aunt for her birthday. Yes, you didn't want to wear the dress your mom bought because it looks ridiculous. Yes, you answered him no, although he was crazy about you. Only we cannot become happier from the fact that we consider ourselves guilty in front of ourselves or in front of someone. If you gave your word and did not fulfill what you promised, there is no reason to suffer from remorse. Just analyze the situation, draw conclusions and leave what happened behind. Remember, too, that sometimes feelings of guilt are not constructive. This is often the result of the manipulation of others, who thus want to get what they need from you. Do not react to such provocations.
The sixth commandment. Set achievable goals
If you convince yourself that by all means you must learn Spanish in three months, or lose three kilograms in a week, or, say, become a millionaire in a year or marry Prince Harry - there is a risk that you will only earn yourself stress. and the notorious sense of guilt. Set goals that you can achieve. At the same time, do not break away from reality and take into account how far from the desired you are now. Start with the more modest ones, and if you feel that you are capable of more, set yourself more ambitious goals. Of course, getting a model figure and a flat stomach in a week is unrealistic. However, if you set a goal for yourself, for example, to lose five pounds in a month and go to the gym ten times in the same period, you have a chance to succeed.
The seventh commandment. Dream is useful
The previous commandment does not in the least prevent you from striving for more and imagining in your fantasies even what seems completely unreal. Dream and do not stop your imagination with objections like "It's impossible!", "I can never do that!", "You had to be born with this." First of all, who told you such nonsense? All obstacles are in your head. Allow yourself to dream selflessly, surrendering to dreams completely, presenting your renewed self and your new life in all colors. After all, as you remember - thoughts are material.
Eighth commandment. Do good deeds just like that!
We often get much more positive emotions when we give, rather than when we receive. Try it out and see how it works. Give a colleague at work a book he has long dreamed of, arrange a surprise for a friend for his birthday, or give mom a trip to a sanatorium. Just smile at a sad passer-by or a random companion on the subway - and you will see that a feeling of happiness will visit you as well, if you give those around you positive emotions.
The ninth commandment. Don't be afraid to change
Sometimes we cannot become happier, because we cling to the usual circle: old work, old friends with whom we no longer have anything in common ... Or because we are afraid of change. After all, everything new is always scary. But happiness is right there, behind the comfort zone, in which we are warm, cozy and ... sometimes unbearably boring. Often we are terrified of failure, and therefore we do not take steps towards something new. But it's not in vain that they say: if you want to live differently, then become different. Of course, you cannot overcome the height of a ten-story building in one jump. But if you build a ladder to the goal one step at a time every day, then in the near future the goal is yours. Good luck and fair wind on your way to happiness!
Fuss, traffic jams, blockage at work, the rudeness of others and even just bad weather on the day when we were going to be in nature - this is not a complete list of those everyday and familiar occasions that annoy us, upset and spoil our mood ... It seems that you cannot say that these, in fact, little things destroy our life, but they definitely do not allow us to feel happy. Unfortunately, in moments like this, we forget that life is too short to complain about minor annoyances and obstacles, and therefore we have prepared some simple tips to teach you how to feel happy at every moment, and not just if you got a promotion. service or met the man of your dreams. Yes, right now. Here are five simple yet effective recipes for those looking to learn how to live happily.
Try something new
There are so many things to do, see and learn - the possibilities are truly endless, but the daily routine so engulfs us that it seems there is not even a minute of free time to be distracted by something new and interesting. The main problem with this routine scenario is that it prevents us from experiencing positive emotions. Everything is so boring in this world, familiar to us, that we can schedule every new day by the minute. Stop dying of boredom! Promise yourself to learn something new every day - learn how to cook awesome culinary experiences, take dance lessons, or learn to rock climbing - no matter what you do to expand your horizons, it's enough that you feel more alive and energetic. The more you learn and the more success you achieve, the happier you will be.
Surround yourself with happy people
There are people who are constantly living happy and fulfilling lives. For them, the glass is always half full, and there are no such questions that cannot be solved. Of course, they are upset by traffic jams, but they believe that they should not pay attention to such trifles. These are the people you need to talk to in order to get an idea of \u200b\u200bhow others see the world. The vibes that come from happy and satisfied people are highly contagious and will surely inspire you to try to relate to your life in this way: not dwell on the little things and be happy with what you have.
Live in the present, don't go back in time
As soon as you allow yourself to go back in time to remember the difficult times that were in your life before, the unresolved situations that tormented you, the people who made you experience negative emotions - know that a dark day is guaranteed for you. Remembering again that which cannot be returned or changed, you doom yourself to useless and difficult experiences. The same goes for worrying about the future - there is no point in worrying about things that haven't happened yet. Then what to focus on? Take care of the present, of what is happening to you and your loved ones here and now. The past cannot be returned, and no one knows whether tomorrow will come and what it will be. Live for today.
We do not suggest that you abandon planning future events and do not urge you to completely forget about what happened to you before (after all, there are bright moments and life experience in addition to resentments and losses), but the more you live with thoughts about the present, the less you worry about things that are out of your control.
Learn not to judge
Every time you judge yourself (what I just thought, why did I do it, I am not good for anything ...) or others (how stupid she looks in this dress, how can you be so fat, what an idiot came to take her head to work ....), a wave of negative emotions rolls over you, makes you feel depressed and hinders your happiness. Instead, try to translate any negative judgment into a positive one, learn to love yourself and respect the right of other people to be what they want to be. Are you not very good at something? Think about the fact that you are only on the way to ensure that everything turns out great, that you have already achieved some, albeit small, successes, and with due persistence, progress will not be long in coming.
Can't you be punchy and proactive? Well, all people are different and each of us has our own strengths. Perhaps you, like no one else, know how to console a person in trouble, and always come to the aid of those who need it. Isn't that much more and better than having a good tongue and a reputation for being an excellent manager?
A colleague from a neighboring department was promoted, and you have dreamed of this place for so long? Think about the fact that not everything that we passionately desire is really useful and necessary for us. Sometimes, having received what we longed for, we realize that either we are not ready to bear a new responsibility, or what seemed so attractive from afar is actually a boring and boring task. Therefore, find the strength to be happy for your colleague and try to become the best in the place where you are now. A kind smile and self-confidence will help relieve depression and dispel a sad state, and sincerity and the ability to be happy for others will drive away the desire to condemn anyone. The less you judge yourself and others, the higher your chances of being constantly happy.
Enjoy the little things
Our life is so hectic that sometimes we forget to enjoy the small but wonderful moments and events that make it so special. Fresh air, bright sunshine, colorful rainbows, light in an outdoor cafe with a cup of aromatic coffee - these are the things that can really make us happy. If you focus on noticing and enjoying them, then happiness will become your constant companion. Major events such as a wedding or graduation from university are so rare, but a husband looking at you lovingly and a child floundering merrily on your lap are what you have every day and what is worth living for and what worth rejoicing.
How to be happy
We hope we managed to answer the question "how to learn to live happily." While these tips seem simple enough, they are really effective. Try to put them into practice and be happy!
How to feel happy when so many obstacles interfere with this feeling! Instead of letting them go, we cling convulsively to many things that are actually a source of stress and suffering. Maybe right from today to start fighting them?
What does it take to feel happy, how to become a happy woman with your lot? Life priorities and values \u200b\u200bare different for people - accordingly, everyone has their own answer to this question. But we can definitely talk about what is NOT needed in order to feel like a happy person. There are some inner things, universal attitudes that impede harmony.
It is noteworthy that for many people, satisfaction is associated with well-being in their personal lives. They can be super successful wealthy professionals with the whole world open to them, but they don't know what happiness is if there is no right person around. And how many people have a life partner, but are also not happy with life! Meanwhile, the key to happiness is within us.
So how to feel happy (happy), including in your personal life? You need to work on yourself in the following areas.
Give up the thought that you are always right and that the final word should be yours.
Many of us cannot bear the mere thought that we might be wrong. But there are no infallibles among us. Is it worth it for the sake of protecting your own ego to create a threat of quarrel or even separation, the termination of valuable relationships?
Get rid of any negative thoughts about yourself
Most of them are unfounded, irrational, and work to destroy us. It is worth taking a closer look at them, challenging them in time and not allowing them to enter our self-image for a long time. To feel like a happy woman, you need to think of yourself as the person who deserves it.
Change the beliefs that limit you
Stop dividing things into things you can do and things you cannot do. Don't let a lack of faith in your own capabilities and chances of happiness stop you. Spread your wings and fly!
Stop Complaining
Do you constantly complain about the situation, about people, events that make you unhappy, sad and unhappy? But in fact, they do not at all cause these feelings in you: your personal perception of reality is responsible for them. In other words, if you are worried about how to feel happy, you should try to see the bright side of being and pay less attention to the dark. No one and nothing can make you sad or unhappy if you don't let him.
Tie up with constant criticism
Stop arrogantly rejecting what is atypical, different from you, different. We are all different, and you need to accept and respect this circumstance - you yourself will live much easier and more comfortable. After all, you do not have, for example, to be nervous about the fact that there are “wrong” people next to you.
Learn to tame your fears
How to feel happy if you are constantly afraid of something? It's impossible. Roosevelt once said that the only thing we should be afraid of is fear itself. Realize that he exists only in your head, and it is you who decide whether he will control you or you.
Part with the past
Have you underestimated the time you now yearn for? At the moment, this is all you have and nothing will change. Stay in the here and now, learn to enjoy life in the current circumstances.
End life according to others' expectations
In pursuit of approval for your actions, are you following what others think is best for you, ignoring your own needs? Remind yourself what you really want and what you, and not someone else, enjoy the most. To feel like a happy woman, you need to be yourself.
If you lack the feeling of happiness, although there is a person nearby, take on board some simple but effective tips.
Small personal rituals help couples build relationships and remind partners how important they are to each other.
Start your morning with compliments, good wishes for the day ahead, kiss and hug. It's worth remembering that a 20-second hug triggers the release of dopamine (the “pleasure switch” as it is sometimes called) and oxytocin, the hormone responsible for creating attachments, in the body.
Try to eat together in the evenings. You can also read together, watch movies, take a bath - whatever, the main thing is not to scatter in the corners.
It is important to plan during the day and week (it is planning, you should not rely on spontaneity) the time that will be intended only for you two.
Answers to the question of how to feel like a happy woman does not imply any special actions, heroic actions. Often it is enough not to change anything around at all, but to change your own attitude to some things - and the world will be painted in a wonderful way in new colors.
Probably, each of us dreams, waking up one morning, to feel the maximum of happiness and peace of mind. Happiness is the state of complete satisfaction with one's own life. This is a purely subjective characteristic.... Looking at a person from the outside, we can only assume whether he is happy. Only he himself feels it.
The feeling of happiness never directly depends on status, financial capabilities, social environment, etc. Often people with material wealth, many friends and a good family feel unhappy. And sometimes a person who is not particularly wealthy, with a difficult fate, can experience real happiness. Everything here completely depends on ourselves.
What influences feelings of happiness
- Values. Each of us has a certain set of meaningful values \u200b\u200b( "To love and be loved", "family", "interesting work", "freedom", "constant development" and so on), and if they are present in our life, then the feeling of happiness does not leave us.
- Achievement of the set goals. Some are dominated by simple and quickly achievable goals, while others are ambitious and demanding. But one way or another, the main criterion for happiness here is the result obtained.
- Satisfaction of needs. The key is to satisfy exactly those needs that a person puts at the head. You can be a hungry artist, but if recognition or self-expression is the most important thing for him and this is realized, then he is more likely to experience happiness. But if the most significant needs are regularly left unmet, then the person is unhappy.
- . If we are satisfied with ourselves and assess ourselves adequately, then we become more confident and feel inner harmony. If we are not in tune with ourselves, we are constantly engaged in self-digging, then we cannot feel completely happy.
- Health. Health problems are always more or less reflected in the feeling of happiness. Therefore, it is important to be attentive to your condition in order to be able to prevent serious violations in time.
What prevents you from being happy
Unfortunately (or fortunately, excuse the tautology), our own attitudes, beliefs, thoughts almost always interfere with being happy.
- Creation of obstacles.Quite often, we ourselves come up with various difficulties and obstacles on the path to happiness, believing that it is not easy and that you have to pay for everything. It seems that true happiness should be achieved through suffering, conquered ... But paradoxically, while we are fighting with invented barriers and obstacles, it goes away, and we do not notice it. We ourselves do not allow ourselves to be happy .
- The burden of the past.Being happy is often hindered by negative events that have ever happened to us. The experiences associated with them constantly return us to that time, and we dwell on the problems of the past.
- Turn around... It simply cannot be such that nothing pleases and even for a moment was not a reason for happiness. It is made up of little things. You were given a compliment, you have successfully completed work on an important task, your baby smiled at you, you attended an interesting event ... Every day there are many reasons for happiness. Our task is to notice them and rejoice.
Listening to birdsong, the rustle of grass in the wind and leaves underfoot are useful actions for internal calming and establishing a connection with the world. Enjoy the simplest things. They charge you with positive energy and allow you to be distracted from bad thoughts, to feel happier.
- Break the vicious circle.
For example, we may be sad about not getting where we want to be. And we do not achieve it due to the fact that we sit and do not take any action (or act in the wrong way), since all thoughts are occupied with unnecessary experiences and the search for those to blame. And it often seems that this circle cannot be broken. We all expect that the circumstances will change dramatically or some great luck will fall on us. The likelihood of this is low. And the only way out is in ourselves. You need to open the circle by ceasing to worry and starting to act. Any steps and attempts to change the situation or attitude towards life will bring you closer to happiness.
- Get carried away.
You should definitely have something to your liking - something that inspires and energizes you. Being creative, playing sports allows you to express yourself and cope with stress. But it may not be just a hobby. For example, realizing oneself as a mother, a caring wife, doing household chores also allows you to feel like a truly happy woman at any age: at 20 and at 40.
- Rest and.
If you're exhausted and don't get enough sleep on a regular basis, you can hardly feel completely happy. Healthy sleep not only helps to restore strength, but also to bring thoughts and feelings in order.
- Follow your goals and follow through on what you started.
The more completed cases you have in your piggy bank, the freer and more harmonious you will feel. and do not retreat from them when faced with obstacles.
- Breathe happiness into another person's life.
The more often you do good deeds and please others, the happier you yourself will become. The positive energy from your good deeds will definitely return to you. This is the pattern. Give gifts to others, say nice words, provide support, do charity work. The feeling that you are changing the world for the better helps you understand how you become happy.
- Look to the future not with fear, but with hope.
Stick to the principle and constantly remind yourself: “ Now it is good, but it will be even better". Make plans and look forward to their implementation. The more actively you can act and implement your plans, the more interesting the future will seem to you.
- Have in your arsenal a list of life-affirming phrases that lift your spirits and make you feel happier. For example:
“I’m getting better and better at dealing with difficulties”
"I like myself"
“There are many pleasant moments in my life,” etc. - Weigh your "I want" and "I am afraid".
It is most convenient to write them down on paper in 2 columns. Try to remember as many of your “want” and “fear” as possible. It will be good if there are many more of the first than the second. After all, the energy of desires always inspires us, makes us more confident, and the energy of fears slows down actions, forcing us to abandon our intentions.
How to be a happy wife
By creating a family, a woman always wants to become happy and loved. What helps to achieve this?
- It is important to remain feminine, affectionate and attractive. Let your men feel like reliable protectors and knights next to you. This is a powerful incentive for self-realization.
- Show concern and consideration for your husband. Smile, waiting for him to return from work, ask how his day went, give him the opportunity to fully rest, please with delicious food.
- Maintain the man's self-esteem: praise him, acknowledge his achievements and abilities.
- Do not be too demanding of your husband, do not control his every step. He needs to feel a certain degree of freedom and independence.
- Maintain comfort and order at home, keep it clean, create comfortable conditions for family life, take maximum care of children. A man is always in a hurry to return to a warm home.
- Give your love, strive for physical intimacy, trust and respect him.
How to be a happy mom
For most of the fair sex, the question of how to become a happy woman is tantamount to the task of becoming a happy mother.
- Feel the joy of every contact with your child: when he smiles at you, when you feed him, when you sing a lullaby and watch him fall asleep, when you play with him and just chat.
- Allow yourself to rest and do personal business, because your child needs a lot of your attention and care. You need to restore your strength and be charged with positive energy. Don't forget about good sleep and your hobbies.
- Love yourself and show your child self-confidence. This will allow you to be convinced that "I am a good mom and do everything right."
- Be active and emotional while interacting and playing with your baby. The more pleasant emotions you experience with him, the higher your satisfaction with motherhood will be.
- Try to trust your child at any age, encourage his initiative and respect his personality. He feels it and will treat you the same way.
- Rejoice in the development of your child, notice the positive impact of your educational influence.
- Be flexible when raising your baby, and listen to his needs and mood.
- Visit cultural events with your children more often. Interest is provided for both you and them.
- Children develop and change us for the better. Be open to this experience. They really have a lot to learn.
We summarize all of the above in the following lines:
Happiness adorns our lives
Sow its seeds in your soul,
And hurry up to give it to others.
All good things will come back - believe in it!
Video on how to become a happy woman.
A person has at least six reasons to feel happy. , of course, depends on the feeling of responsibility for your life and on the understanding that you can change everything for yourself at any time. But there are six statements that are universal for everyone, bring positive emotions and fill life with meaning.
1) You are alive. If this thought didn't make you feel happier, think about what the alternative might be. If you often experience depression and despair, find out for yourself what caused them and try to eliminate it. Sometimes at the heart of the emergence of negative emotions are internal diseases that require immediate medical attention. The reason can also be psychological disorders:, complexes, which would also be nice to solve with professional help. If the feeling of joy does not come from the thought that you are alive, delve into yourself - find out why this is happening. And then start working intensively on the cause.
2) There is at least one person in your life who loves you - you yourself. Your self-image is formed from a certain amount of self-esteem and self-esteem. If you have a harmonious, positive self-image, rest assured that it is based on real achievements and a logical sequence of actions, and not on a painfully heightened sense of ego. If your self-perception is negative, you need to do everything possible today to start thinking well of yourself. Try in an area where you are likely to succeed. And then step by step larger ideas, strengthening self-confidence.
3) Your being has a purpose and meaning. There is something more satisfying than your job. This is an understanding of the necessity of the work that we do. We all get money and reputation by working for the good of people. Therefore, there are no unnecessary people, society needs all of us.
4) Simple pleasures are free and are everywhere. Wonderful sunsets and sunrises will give you a positive experience. Supervising children will bring a good mood. Seeing how people smile, how they help each other are also positive emotions. Take a good look around, notice the most unexpected pleasures, exchange your impressions. And remember: the more you are, the easier it is for you to be happy.
5) Your thinking is limited by biases and outlook on life. All inventions and innovations are invented by man. Everyone can become a creator. Think big. about more. Turn your world upside down. Expand your idea 180 degrees and look at every detail from a new perspective. There are no boundaries for the mind! Enjoy his exploration. Write a book. Write a poem. Invent a gadget that solves the problem that bothers you. Do something that will make the world around you even slightly better. You can do it! You have to at least try to see: you can do it.
6) Count everything that life has blessed you with. Most of us will be able to make a long list, which will include everything that life has awarded us. Many have their own cozy home, a loved one, adorable children, and interesting work. Think how much it means to you. Feel what a gift it is, how good it is that you have it all. In conclusion, I would like to recall the already well-known words that everything is cognized in comparison:
- If you woke up healthy this morning, you are happier than the 1 million people who will not live until next week.
- If you have never experienced war, imprisonment, torture or hunger, you are happier than 500 million people in this world.
- If you have food in your refrigerator, you are dressed and shod, you have a roof over your head and a bed - you are richer than 75% of the people in this world.
- If you can go to church without the fear and threat of imprisonment or death, you are happier than 3 billion people in this world.
- If you have a bank account, money in your wallet and a little change in your piggy bank, you belong to 8% of wealthy people in this world.
- If you are reading this, you are not one of the 2 billion people who cannot read.