My story about psychological vampirism would be incomplete if I did not tell how a person eats himself. This story goes into deep childhood. The whole process of education is the process of attracting certain rules (principles, instructions), which then begin to eat a person if it should be blindly.
In fact, we are in the procent bed of writing and unwritten rules. Moreover, we are so accustomed to them, which takes them for their essence. And thinking that we live for myself, in fact we live for these rules, giving them all our mental energy. Rules (principles, instructions) - these outdochpir - do not give us peace even in a dream.
"My favorite student betrayed me, my hope, my future, betrayed at the most difficult moment when I hoped that for his help." "I was betrayed by the best friend, subordinate, husband, etc." Such or about such statements I have often had to listen to me from patients or customers who usually were in depressive condition. Quite often they repeated: "How to live? Who can you believe? " Of course, I consoled them and, as I could have treated. Everything was established, but after some period they again became victims of betrayal. I was internally outraged by their "stupidity" and continued to help again.
But only when and I betrayed me, I appreciated the statement of the Hugo: "I am indifferent to knife strikes of the enemy, but I am painful a pinch of a friend." And I decided to understand this phenomenon to the end, try to develop measures for the prevention of betrayal, find out the peculiarities of the behavior when you were already betrayed, to find out if you did not betray anyone yourself, describe the psychological portrait of the traitor. I have already accumulated material.
Why are three vampire in one section? The fact is that their destinies intertwined in the notorious triangle. In the future, I'm going to write about them a whole novel. A little about the life of the eternal Prince and Cinderella you already know. Now I will tell you about them in more detail.
The eternal prince is from the applying hopes. In school, he is a round excellent party, but since it is brought up in the "greenhouse" in conditions of increased moral responsibility, does not develop its abilities, the desire does not satisfy and, therefore, from the very childhood is constantly in a state of expressed emotional stress.
One of my student during psychological classes set the following problem. She is going to marry. The applicant for her hand and heart, graduate cadet of the Military Academy, received an appointment to the Far East. And her mother stated: "I dedicated to you all my life. If you leave, I die. " Daughter in confusion. She loves his groom, but does not want her mother to hurt.
A simple analysis shows that love for his daughter here and does not smell, if you understand love as an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. The daughter is going to get married. Mother does not have anything against a young man. But for the daughter, graduates of the Medin Institute, marriage is a development. And the mother opposes its development and generally against the nature of man.
The name is taken from the fairy tale of the same name. I remind briefly its content. At a kind of Mr., called a blue beard (no matter how shaved, because of dark hair, his face always had a bluish shade), the wife was often dying. Nevertheless, after a while he managed to marry again. Having lived a few days after the wedding with a new, thirteenth, wife, he went on a long trip, leaving his wife to manage a fairly large economy.
He gave her the keys to all the rooms of his big house and warned that she had the right to open any door, enter any room and do anything. The only condition: Do not go into a small chelter. Violation of this condition threatened death. My husband even warned when he returns. Everything went well, but a day before his return, curiosity took the top.
This article is devoted to the relationships that arise when communicating two people. Sometimes at the initial stages, you can predict for many years ahead, the case will end. Therefore, psychologically competent person is practically free from disappointment. No, there will be no knowledge of the knowledge of psychology, but the lack of disappointment will lead to the fact that the responsibility for their destiny you will take on yourself and eventually acquire experience.
So, the relationship between alive organisms have three options:
What to do?
The most common type of vampirism is a helpless personality puts the problem, and donors are trying to solve it. The game that helpless personality is called "Why don't you? ..." - "Yes, but ...". And no matter how much donors be fed, no matter how much them would be, no matter how smart, they will not solve the problem, and the vampire will defeat them all.
Well, just a golden man! The school studies perfectly, at the institute too. Works like a bee. For everyone. Troubleless. Clever. Talented. It seems that it goes. After the institute often enters the graduate school and protects the dissertation.
The efforts can be crowned with the fact that it will take a small position and will rise by one or two steps on the service stairs.
I now tried to show you a wide and stormy river of psychological vampirism. And now let's talk about his origins.
I managed to detect three:
- "Original sin".
- Myths of modern life.
- Cascoism.
Here we are not talking about that frank lies, which is worthy of condemnation and which was the norm of life in the era of socialism for the tops. Presentatives of the bottom were heterogeneous: some believed some doubted, some knew exactly what was a lie. I do not condemn anyone and do not justify. And he himself believed at one time, then doubted, then everything understood everything, but silent. And after a while he invented how to tell the truth. After all, psychological aikido was born in 1980. I dubbed it later.
Now I want to talk about those liars who Lgut, not realizing this, and lie from noble motives (for example, "Lies to salvation"). Lgut not only yourself, but also to others.
Psychological vampirism is not a new concept, but in general, very blurry and borrowed rather from esoteric literature. And indeed, how else to call people, after communicating with which you feel such a decline of forks and that it will be necessary for recovery for more than one day? How to calculate such vampires and how to deal with them tell in this article.
Signs of psychological vampirism
Famous psychotherapist M.E. Litvak wrote a book with the same name, in which the term "Psychological Vampirism" gave such a definition - this is a search and use of people for their own protection and feeding its energy field. The author believes that there are several varieties of psychological vampires, here they are:
- blue Beard;
- helpless personality;
- thoughtful mother as a kind of psychological vampirism;
- cold woman;
- alcoholic;
- businesslike sufferer;
- cinderella and Princess on the pea and others.
Recognize in the surrounding people of such an amateur to enjoy someone else's energy easily: quite simple to praise yourself in their presence. Do not just boast, but note the real merit. The vampire will not miss such a chance and immediately somehow cracked and hurt the words, trying to devalue the achievements of the opponent. This is somehow not customary to speak, but in the family, psychological vampirism is quite common, when someone from households constantly pesters others with some kind of reproach, soldiers, and most often insignificant.
How to deal?The anatomy of the conflict of psychological vampirism is simple: the stronger the opponent is being broken, the deeper it is drawn into the passage, the more comfortable, you can even say happier the vampire feels. How to deal with such a person surrounded? The most harmless way is to reduce communication to zero. If contact is inevitable, you can apply the technique called "Psychological Aikido". Its essence is to agree with the vampire and always tell him "Yes," thereby disarming it.
Well, the most faithful and proven way is to be confident, not to be kept on some kind of vampire there and be higher them, sorry these poor people if it turns out. The constant increase in their self-esteem and work on their personal growth will be the key to the fact that none will dare even get closer to such a person, and even more the energy from it.
The techniques below have an energy attack.
With repeated use, they change your image in the eyes of a vampire, and he strikes you out of the list of his victims.
Before applying any of them, read safety instructions.
☑ 1. The use of techniques for neutralization of a psychological vampire leads to side effects.
☑ 2. The quality of side effects depends on the stage of the disease of the aggressor.
☑ 3. An irregular application will cause an addictive vampire and will be invalid.
☑ 4. An irregular application will force a vampire to apply more sophisticated provocation scenarios.
☑ 5. The first and main side effect is temporary alienation with the aggressor. To this you have to be prepared and accept as proper.
Taming of family tyranov
Psychological vampirism in the family is a common phenomenon.
What if the vampire or tyrant is a close and favorite person?To suffer, driving his health, or follow the recommendations of psychologists?And if their recommendations do not help?
There are answers to these questions, and you know them.
How to do if a person with destructive thinking is not just close, and a patient parent? In addition, before the disease was a bright, dominant person?
I promised to answer in detail - I fulfill the promised. I think these examples of situations and protection methods will be interesting to most readers.
Psychological vampirism is not curable
In order not to pour water, answers to questions about why psychological vampirism exists and what is his roots, we will lower. To shine in second formation, retelling the concept of displacement, transfer and manifestation of children's imprints, I do not consider it necessary. This is said a lot and for the victim the history of the disease does not matter. Change she will not be able to change anything.
I do not believe in the pedagogical approach, a person who overshadowed the 25-year-old frontier, to finely releasing, as the female publications advise, is impossible. Do not even try - this is a waste of time and indulging in a sense of self.
Psychological vampirism often accompanies energy vampirism. These are two sides of the same medal, even if close tyrant, and not a nitar. The reader, skeptical to the energy vampirism, can close the page. To break the stamps of the Soviet general education program - an ungrateful matter and I'm tired of turning the site in a circle of lycablis.
Common Takes - Pros and Cons
What do we all advise everything on the Internet and magazines? Excerpts from books on popular psychology. Otherwise, the Cabinet Fiction. Why am I so cutting? Because I personally know good family and other psychologists suitable for the definition of a "shoemaker without boot". These people could not change anything in their established status quo until the proposed techniques began to apply. What did they do before? Distance were adjusted, created an artificial attitude towards the situation. All these are forms of psychological protection and manipulation.
Protection based on "Meli, Emelya, Your Week," will lead to an increase in aggression or finding a vampire more sophisticated and subtle moves. For a long time, only a very steady person from narcissistic nerd can be closed.
Adjustments on the Master of Foxes from Basen take a lot of time and indulge in a psychological vampire. In the end, you will damage him, and you yourself will feel bent. Such techniques are suitable for guttaperchers, usually forced to endure arbitrariness due to circumstances.
To told affirmations, like "I love you" and artificially catch light emotions - the form of self-deception. For a long time you do not have enough. Cheat others is sin or salvation, deceive yourself - clinic.
Remember the best moments and look at the person with the eyes of the past - the reception is strong. But. This is a small "but", which will turn around all the advantages. Before the induction effect works, you can burn your positive reserves. After all, reality will demonstrate the opposite.
Read more. Any techniques that include unconscious induction - feedback, good and effective. But it takes time! Will it be enough for a long time?
In addition, do not forget about energy vampirism. If your loved ones are constantly required, from the methods offered by psychologists only internal transparency is suitable. This is when you absolutely don't care what the aggressor speaks about and in what tone. Everything else is feeding for chronophag and vampire.
Psychological Vampirism - Disease Stages
It is customary to share psychological and energy vampires on types. The aggressors and the podkhalima, patrons and balaboles are not to count all. In fact, the vampire in different situations changes the larva, dropping the old role, as a snake - the skin.
Psychological and especially energy vampirism is a disease that has long been recognized as the norm. For some sauce will eat your health and time - it does not matter, only the stage of the disease matters to protect. Soft techniques will fit the initial, on the latter - only tough.
I repeat - the disease is not treated with homemade performances. You will not be able to call the catharsis and transformation - this is a matter of professionals. The read brochures on NLP and Eriksonian hypnosis have the same practical value as books on karate or wushu. It is beautiful, understandable, but without stubborn and long practice - it is useless.
Each vampire has its own provocations scenario. Someone puts notation, the other is constantly whining or rich. The frequency and strength of its activity depends on the degree of employment and health status. The most terrible vampires are very close people. They feel well all our vulnerable places, know the templates of response. Attacks on you for them - a program of behavior with which I do not want to fight. From the point of view of Christian asceticism, this is a form of obsession.
Trying to kick out demons (neutralize the program) I do not advise. You can only adjust its algorithms. To do this, I decided the stage of the disease - my table to help you.
A warning! We are not all perfect, psychological and / or energy vampire you can call a close person only in the case of systematic provocations that have expressly pronounced cyclicity - certain days or hours.
Stages of psychological and energy vampirism
1. In general, everything is fine, but on certain days or hours begin morals, whining or quit. At the same time there is a clear and unambiguous occasion.
2. These days are issued frequently and rates are insignificant.
3. The aggressor is constant, he is not needed.
Receptions of neutralization of psychological vampires
The techniques below have an energy attack. With repeated use, they change your image in the eyes of a vampire, and he strikes you out of the list of his victims. Before applying any of them, read safety instructions.
Safety Instructions
1. The use of neutralization techniques of a psychological vampire leads to side effects.
2. The quality of side effects depends on the stage of the disease of the aggressor.
3. An irregular application will cause an addictive vampire and will be invalid.
4. Irregular application will force a vampire to apply more sophisticated provocation scenarios.
5. The first and basic side effect is temporary alienation with the aggressor. To this you have to be prepared and accept as proper.
It is impossible to use other psychological and energy techniques in parallel with this. Most of them are based on compromise - donation technique and its analogues. No compromise! Do your choice - play sacrifice or stop it.
Read neutralization techniques and choose yourself in accordance with the stage of aggressor disease.
Reception neutralization of the psychological vampire of the first stage
To begin with, we produce the habit to apply this technique in response to provocations of any kind.
At first, you will be familiar to the imposed script and react as zombies.
To get used to it faster, tie in your thoughts of this person and applied reception.
One presence should remind you of the need to be alert.
When the despot or whitik begins to twist his scarmer, you're in response to it:
1. Imagine how its growth decreases right in front of her eyes. All your own forces are not to date the emotional response, but to the presentation! Your goal is to visually retain the image of the despot with a height of no more than one meter.
2. Know: In any case, at any definition of events you are complete. Talked calmly and with humor, no for a second, not forgetting that your wound with the gnome. Whatever he started, he cannot cause serious harm.
3. Know: All of his complaints is an attempt to eat your energy and time. In no case do not empathize him and do not deeper into his far-thined problems. Temporary feeding from your side only aggravates its position. At least from mercy, be absolutely neutral.
Remember: all the time your contact is kept in your head reduced copy.
Reception of neutralization of the psychological vampire of the second stage
In the case of the next attack of the aggressor:
1. Cut from everything and remember a ridiculous moment from life or cinema.
2. Looking at the vampire, imagine that its growth is reduced, and he begins to make unnatural movements - twitching with legs and arms, shrug, winking and licking.
3. When the growth of this funny little man will not exceed one meter, fix it in consciousness and admire the lesions. At the same time know - you are in full security!
Neutralization of the psychological vampire of the third stage
At first, try not to see it for some time. Set up that in relation to it is a new life begins.
When the vampire hits his:
1. In no case do not give up for its old and familiar reaction - you are not a zombie!
2. Imagine that transparent, thick wall appeared between you and the aggressor.
3. Hold the image of the barrier in consciousness, mentally sealing it to the degree of almost physical sensation.
4. Start feel that the barrier muffles all the sounds on the other side, and even the light on the side of the aggressor has become darker.
5. While he screams, growls or bleats, hatching eyes, imagine that it turns into a translucent hologram.
6. Hold the image of the barrier and holograms at the same time.
7. Remove the barrier. The former dictator is just a hologram, in fact, he and his claims are not real. You are able to turn this channel from your life.
8. No sympathy, annoyance and the like, holograms do not sympathize!
With constant use of any of these techniques after a while (depends on the degree of proximity and your energy) there will be a temporary breaking of relations. Then the rapprochement is inevitably, but on the normal, arranging the level of you.
These techniques neutralize hysterical or very powerful, but adequate people. If your situation is somewhat different (alcoholism, tyranny with beatings, etc.), contact the appropriate instances.
Sincerely, Vladimir Darov
When mentioning O. vampire Usually, those who like the Dracula drink human blood come to mind, but this article will be discussed not about them, but about people who surround us daily and take away the vitality and mood with one of their presence. Psychologists call them energy or psychological vampires. Not every person can confront the attack of the energy vampire, especially their influence of their influence, people with understated self-esteem who used to listen to the opinions of other people and not know how to talk to anyone. Mostly energy vampires to meet their emotional needs are looking for gullible, kind and capable of compassion of people.
If you feel To their number, then not surprisingly the fact that after communication with some people you are experiencing the decline, irritability and discontent with your life. To find an antidote from the energy vampire and neutralize it, let's try to figure it out, what are the psychological vampires and how to recognize them.
All psychological vampires It is possible to divide into two groups: the first group includes people who unconsciously take someone else's energy, and in the second - "conscious" vampires that understand the essence of what is happening and receive satisfaction from this. In life, there are more energy vampires of the first group, which pull the energy, not wanting this, mainly due to the feeling of loneliness, chronic diseases, nerve problems or just inability to behave.
Energy vampire Even aware can be every person. All people are interconnected by different bonds: family, friendly, related and workers. In the process of communicating with them, many are accustomed to talking about their lives, discuss other people, argue, prove, joke and find out relations. During these communication and returns or sucking someone else's energy.
The most common type of energy vampires - These are the so-called "aggressors". All familiar people who are constantly screaming are swearing, defend their views and demand from other unconditional subordination. At work, such a psychological vampire can be the boss, at home - her husband-tyrant, dissatisfied with all the wife, mother-in-law or mother-in-law. They try to sink the scandal for any occasion, just to give will to their emotions and provoke a grudge from their "sacrifice."
Aggressive types of energy vampires They differ in that during communication, they are looking for a sensitive and most vapor point in the interlocutor, and then masterfully strike in this patient. And when the victim is stormy and irritably begins to defend himself, expressing his emotions, the vampire is rejoicing this. He got the desired energy and can even smile in response. To protect against the vampire of an aggressive type, do not let him go for the "fence" of energy. If you have a scandal or dispute, we will agree with it or come around all the discussions by the party, immediately giving it to understand that this topic of the conversation you are not interested.
To the next type of energy vampiroin one can include people who constantly require pity, despite their normal state. It may be elderly parents who use the limitless love of their children and are constantly crying about how difficult it lives. In fact, they do it not from bad life, but from loneliness, wanting more to attract children to their lives. You can also consider naughty wives who feel perfectly, but complained about bad well-being, so as not to do the work on the house, as well as the husbands that tend to make money in such a way.
Sorry them and fulfilling for them work, another person gives them their energy. Girlfriend or just familiar, who always talks about how she lives poorly, can also tire his conversations and take energy. When communicating with the energy vampires of a miserable type, try to cross them complaints about life and translate the conversation to neutral themes.
Helpless type of energy vampires You can also consider a pitiful, but it differs from them the inability to solve your problems. These are patients who lie in bed and require careful people and attention from close people. For example, cautious for the patient chained to bed, many people refuse their lives and very soon begin to hurt themselves because of the complete returns to them. In order to upset yourself from vampirism helplessly help, but do not allow yourself to be fully used. If you have come to the right of good deeds, you do not need to be sacrificed.
Last type of psychological vampirism It is observed from the side of overly loving, good and caring people who do not have their own interests and try to get into someone else's life. Their desire to help in all over time becoming unbearable. It may be mother-in-law, mother-in-law, shower wives who do not ask the wishes of her husband or children take to fulfill any work for them at their own discretion. It is uncomfortable to express dissatisfaction with such an assistant, but I also want to live on your own. In order not to become a victim of a good vampire, try never to complain about your life and not attend them into our problems.
Good afternoon, dear readers. Keep writing on topic psychological vampirism . In the previous article, you got acquainted with such vampires as a helpless personality (BL), blue beard (Sat) and a businesslike sufferer (DS). Today I will describe in detail the most common female vampires - a cold (frigid) woman (HZH or FZ) and a caring mother (ZM).
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So, a frigid woman. It was first revealed and described by Eric Berne in the theory of his psychological games. This type of vampire is most often found in romantic, love and sexual relations, as well as in the family.
In the last vampirism manifests itself as follows: the husband is cute talking to his wife, after some time he wants sexual intimacy. He begins to pester to her, but she lazily dishes, his sexual attraction increases everything, he becomes more energetic. At a certain point, the wife shouts with angrily: "I said that you are a dirty animal! You need only sex! You ruined everything! After all, how good it was just to communicate! ". Stormy scandal begins.
When it repeats often, the husband is humbled and for a while refuses sexual claims. There are several weeks (or months). He behaves calmly, still not showing initiatives to sexual rapprochement. Then the wife becomes gentle and, as if, scattered: you can pass a naked on the room or ask her husband to give her a bathroom towel. The spouse naturally begins to perceive such behavior as a signal to reconciliation. But when he again actively begins to start sexual actions, he hears again in response: "I said that you are a dirty animal! You need only naked sex! ".
Double-minded husband decides no longer to succumb to such provocations. It takes some time, the wife comes to him, hugs behind the neck, gently kisses and says: "What are you cute you!". Their relationships become warmer, however, when the case must reap before sexual proximity, the spouse again angrily shouts her husband in the face of all the same ill-fated phrase: "I said that you were a dirty animal! ...". The husband is trying to find a way out. Friends advise him to make a mistress. Some do it. When the secret becomes clear (and it becomes inevitable and always becomes clear), the next scandal flares up in the family, and the wife screams with her husband again: "I said that you are a dirty animal! You need only naked sex! ".
In the described Beron game, you can observe all signs of psychological vampirism. At first, FZ suits his sacrifice, and then the psychological juices drink freely from it. It must be remembered that at the beginning of each psychological game, the donor seems to win. So here: at the beginning there are affectionate words, physical and psychological stroking, hugs and kisses.
Dear readers, I think you already guessed that the energy that had to go to love and sex, goes to the scandal, which is its full analogue (of course, in a perverted oral form). Look at the scandal more closely. We see the change of the rhythm of breathing, the heart begins to fight stronger, sweating, the movements are becoming increasingly pronounced, and, finally, an emotional discharge comes. For our body, the value of the scandal (as well as sex) is extremely great! He not only healing the whole organism, but also removes the accumulated psycho-emotional tension. It is known that people who restrain their emotions get sick more often and harder! At their lectures on psychotherapy, Mikhail Litvak fairly believes: in order to find out what woman is in bed, it is not necessary to even spend the night with her! Just just see how often she is scandalous with what force. Yes, and scandals flashing in public transport and queues, 90% are associated with sexual dissatisfaction and only 10% of cases are due to objective reasons. Some psychoanalysts even the cause of many wars are associated with sexual dissatisfaction. And serial killers, such as Chikatilo, as a rule, are sexually defective people.
Why don't FZ and her husband break? The problem is that they relatively suite each other. Mikhail Efimovich not without reason thinks that this is a psychopathological addition. Wife is sooner or later, even if not very often, you have to give up my husband. After hysterical, scandals and provocations of what quality do they have sex? That's right, bad. The wife remains unsatisfied and often after infallible sex suits her husband another scandal, not understanding that herself was the reason. However, she does not mean to change her husband. Unfortunately, in our society to be a married woman more prestigious than divorced. On the one hand, social norms and public dogmas are put on it, on the other - if it is divided, she will have to look for another husband and bring it to impotence again, and here it is already done.
He also does not want to divorce. I hear a surprised question: "How? Is it possible a normal man to arrange such a state of affairs? ". I answer: normal - no. However, before marriage with FZ, such men have serious sexual problems in the form of various manesses, fears and phobias. I will not list everything; Here are a few basic: fear of impotence, fear leave a woman unsatisfied, fear of treason, the fear of being abandoned and others based on.
As we have already found out, the husbands of FZ are unconsciously tormented by fear of failure in sexual proximity, so they themselves (more precisely, their subconscious) choose such partners who, ultimately, also seek to avoid intimate life (of course, they have their own motives and their own fears). Alas, in our society, weak men and frigid women are often combined. At the same time, from the side, such a couple may seem even happy. In people FZh can sit down to her husband, hug, kiss. Women envy her: "Created such a solid and happy family!". Men envy him: "Oh, what a woman. Beautiful, sexy, affectionate, gentle! ". But only one knows what blood is going on in his soul, and that all of her couple goes to the beep.
Why do weak men suffer and do not leave FZh? The main cause of Mikhail Litvak sees strong psychological discomfort due to reduced potency: it is difficult to go to the unknown. And here, after all, at least something, at least somehow, even sometimes, the husband has. You often do not solve our men to the sexopathologist. In short, the consequences of this type of psychological vampirism are extremely difficult. But his victims rarely appeal to psychotherapists, to no avail in the doctors of a completely different profile.
Further, Mikhail Litvak describes an example in which a young woman C. 36 years old, suffering from obsessive fears of acute items, was afraid to cause the last harm to her six-year-old son. She realized all the ridiculousness of fears, but could not do anything with it. She also suffered from other fears: agoraphobia (afraid to move the streets herself) and claustrophobia (it was afraid to be in a closed space, be it bus, an elevator or a room with a closed door). Fears in the patient arose shortly after the birth of the Son. Repeatedly conducted by the neuropathologist the treatment of the effect did not give.
Analyzing the childhood of the patient, Mikhail Litwak found out the following details: C. Grew in the family, where 4 daughters were brought up, and in the house everyone filled his mother. From her, girls often heard the phrase that only such a family in which the husband does not like to be strong, and he loves her (then, based on her logic, it becomes easier to manage) that all men are dirty animals except Sex them no longer need anything. As a rule, his father was silent in the house. When he came from work, he ate, after dinner - read the newspaper and went to bed. "Father never talked to us. Sometimes the mother asked him to do something around the house. He performed it silently. "
When C. was seventeen, she began to meet with a guy a year older than her. When she was eighteen, he made her an offer. Soon he was called in the army. Before the appeal, he wanted to register marriage: C. Delivened him in intimate relations, referring to the moral foundations. But she did not agree to the army before the army. As now, with confidence, you can assume any difficulties in his expectation at C. did not arise. She did not lose time for nothing and while the future husband served in a remote garrison, successfully entered the engineering institute. When he returned and again made her an offer, she again refused to marry him: now the reason for the study, more precisely, the fear that family life may prevent her to finish the institute. C. asked to delay until the end of the Institute.
It is already obvious here that the patient is subject to the action of powerful parental programs that took her from his mother. Otherwise, she would marry before his army care, and sexual life, most likely, would begin to marriage.
But when studying at the institute served as an excuse for a delay, then even a non-professional one becomes clear that she is a Vampire FZH. Unfortunately, at that time the patient is still not represented, in which tragedy to turn her family life. However, this time the donor fell bad. Having suffered a little, persuading her to marry (men, we will remember that to persuade - it means to rape), he stopped with her relationship and soon married another.
Our heroine C. continued to successfully learn, went to the institute evenings, flirting with the guys, but it did not reach sexual relationships. Some offered her to enter into marriage, but all the proposals of this kind, C. categorically rejected: "Initially, it should be completed with study." Cavalers often changed. Then there was one permanent ridden, who wore her a briefcase. She tried her maiden secrets. There was no speech about sexual convergence even at the level of hugs and kisses. In a word, he mans her.
Stipping the heart, she was married for him. Sexual relations were immediately charged. To her husband C. experienced a strong physical disgust. "Good man. Everything is done for me. Girlfriends are jealous of me. And at night, as if with a frog in one bed. I try to lie away from him so that he, God forbid, not touched me. "
Naturally, after 6 months of happy family life, a hypertensive disease has developed (in principle, any other) has been developed. The effect of the effect did not give. Intimate connections almost stopped. But when C. pregnant, hypertension disappeared. Yes, it is not surprising. There was a new "legal" reason to avoid intimacy: a small child, diaper, sleepless nights. But when the Son, as the exact copy of the unloved husband, stopped crying at night, appeared the obsessions described above. At the reception, the patient was accompanied by a husband, but he never came to the office. The patient was categorically against his conversation with a psychotherapist. When Litvak began to insist, C. told about all sexual problems. Hatred for her husband, she unconsciously transferred to his son, so on the one hand (subconsciously) wanted to make him hurts with the help of sharp items, on the other (consciously) it was afraid of this.
As a rule, the marriage of FZ is late and for the worst (more precisely - for the only remaining) option. At the level of consciousness, it justifies their coldness. Next - they have ropes from weakly accurate men, closing those in psychological games, but they do not know how to truly love.
One of my client told how in marriage Mother infinitely refused his father in intimate relationships. The reasons were different, but sometimes - just ridiculous: hypertension, indignant of the stomach, children, "we are old", "you will have to go to work tomorrow, and you sleep well and get tired." The torment of FZ ended after the death of her husband from prostate cancer. According to the client, her mother still believes that they and his spouse "lived a long and happy life", as well as "raised the right, obedient and smart children." Guess what problem did the client contact me? Right! Lack of sexual attraction to the persons of the opposite sex.
In the book "Psychological Vampirism", Mikhail Litvak describes another sexual game that cold women are leading with their victims, not married. It is called: "Castle, fooling" or, simply speaking, "Dynamo". The game can go in three versions. The first one is a light flirt. A woman admires a man, demonstrating its availability. He begins to care for her, makes her compliments and accompanies home, hoping that he will be invited to visit. However, the door is closed in front of his nose, and he hears: "Thank you for compliments! We so successfully spent the evening. " A man leaves somewhat discouraged, from which FZ gets perverted sexual satisfaction. This option is called: "Thank you for compliments."
The second option is called "misunderstanding." She invites him to himself and continues its provocations. Further, Mikhail Litvak leads a poem of the poet of the thirties, Sasha Black. It is called "misunderstanding." Here is his summary: the poetess of the Balzakovsky age invited to visit the ardent Brunet, began to read him the vulgar provoking poems of an intimate character, but immediately after his sexual claims, a torture brunet, in addition, accusing him in rudeness, lust and debauchery.
The third option is a "fake cry". Mikhail Litvak describes it as follows: "A woman is given to a man, he has pleasure from sexual intimacy, and then shouts:" Karaul! Raped! ", Receiving certain benefits from the trial. Do you think I sympathize with victims? Nothing like this! It is necessary to be able to distinguish the manifestations of love from the vampire maneuvers and act psychologically correctly. Then you can get some pleasure from the admiring vampire views, without giving him psychological juices. Do not go to accomplish, and if I went, do not strive to enter the house, and if you entered, do not throw. Men, of course, the FZ can weaken you with an impotent, but what do you care about what fools think about you? (Smart are engaged in their affairs; they are not up to gossip). After all, in fact, you have everything in order with sex! "
Sometimes the vampires resort to such tricks, in which they involuntarily fall on the horns alternatives: "I will go with you to a picnic, but only promise that everything will be without nonsense?". And the young man turns out to be in a psychological trap! If you do not do "nonsense", the FZh then the familiar will tell with a laugh: "This impotent did not even try to kiss me!". But if you try to do it, she will say: "What do you allow yourself! We agreed without stupid! ". Mikhail Litvak recommends that the proposal to behave without stupid to answer this: "Since I do not pass for myself, I refuse picnic!" It is best to do this in 15 - 20 minutes to the appointed time by calling a vampire by phone. " Once I did it, I did it, the vampire is still on the online correspondence on a dating site: when we agreed to take a walk, she immediately put the condition - "just that you do not stick to me." For half an hour, goodbye, I called her and said that I could not stand for myself, I can not restrain and start to pester, so I refuse to meet. This date did not make sense, no chance of success, since the stereotypical dogmas and the templates of the behavior of the FZh appeared during the correspondence. I often have to hear: "It is difficult to determine that man before you." I agree, at first it is difficult. However, if you develop a psychological hearing, then even a pair of phrases can be easily calculated, with which person you communicate and whether it is worth dealing with him. Of course, it requires a methodical work on himself, but without it it is impossible to achieve life success! Want to change the world - change yourself (after all, the world has no emotional color), and completely different events will happen to you.
By the way, in the example described above, the FZ behaves also as a blue beard, in parallel playing the game "caught, the bastard!". Only the condition is not about working or studying, but imposes restrictions on the sexual behavior of the partner.
But I distracted. How to reveal and neutralize FZh? It is quite difficult to identify it. The first signs of the future FZ are usually visible closer to adolescence. And now a small example of my client's life. I give him the floor: "Some time ago I met with T. Our relationship was the character of the arms and kisses, did not reach sex. We were pristed about three weeks. Not even as a psychologist, I had enough of this time to understand - if we have sex, it is not known how old, and it is not clear what quality. We broke up on my initiative immediately after I invited her to myself, began to pester, but in response he heard the phrase: "You will not wait." I did not wait for anything to do not regret.
Of course, these relationships could be safely and not start, since in the period of communication to relationships their previous love stories, she described something like this: "As a result of a beautiful breast, I already looked at all 19-20 and often became the object of barely Persons of the opposite sex, especially Caucasian nationality. They can not be called them and men! Dirty animals! They just needed naked sex. In addition to sex, they have no more thoughts in the head. " Or: "All men are goats! They have one sex on the mind! " In adulthood, T. had a long (six months) relationship without intimate intimacy in which she denied the guy due to distrust. First, the cavaliers were a lot, after the end of the institute their number declined sharply. Those who ran after her, she sewed and finally left alone. Now she ran after men. However, all of her pairs went to the beep (compliments, koketnets), because lovers of relationships without sex among male sex in the afternoon with fire will not be ourselves. Fortunately for himself, I played only an episodic role in her life scenario. "
But back to the Games of FZ.
Eric Bern called such maneuvers to the game in the "Sand Pie". The girl asks his admirers, a boy of 5-6 years old, squeeze her sand cake. He obediently fulfills her request and waiting for praise or even a kiss. However, instead of encouragement hears: "Fi, what are you dirty!". But after all, he became dirty because of her provocation! The girl-vampire is already torn apart by internal contradictions. Due to his own vampirism, it is no longer able to get love from the opposite sex partner. There are hidden transactions (Fig. 1).
Through the line in - the girl asks the boy to blind sand pie. On the line D - P (and here is the hidden transaction of psychological vampirism), it shows that he admires the boy. However, when the latter fulfills its request (response complementary hidden transaction along the parent line - child), the inner parent of the girl formed by the mother, is attacked by his unsuccessful rehabel: "Fi, what you are dirty!". The girl received her "psychological strokes" necessary by her, stretching the energy from the boy, but did not go to the further deepening of the relationship. Where did the acquired energy been sent? That's right, on the psychological "injection" of his child. As a result of her child, his own parent became unsatisfied and the fault! Unfortunately, quite often stereotypical principles and templates will win our true feelings and needs. However, such a victory is always tactical: personal needs remain unsatisfied, sooner or later the disease is developing.
So, Mikhail Litvak gives an example when, in the early stages, psychological vampirism harmed the vampire himself. Girl 15 years old liked the boy. On the disco they bleed all evening. He went to accomplish her and wanted to pursue his chest. In the awesome horror (depressed natural child) and the righteous anger (criticizing the parent), she refused to him. The next day, she began pain in the heart. Let me go to the doctor. He listened to the heart and said that there was nothing terrible. A few days later, pain passed. Why did the sudden pain also stopped sharply? It is not difficult to guess what the boy did not do, the doctor did. Next, the patient several times met with guys and every time her inner criticizing parent had banned them to concern the various parts of their body. The case ended with the neurosis of obsessive states.
Dear readers, as you already understood, long before direct sex on some signs it can be determined that we have the future FZH. As I wrote above, often this vampire is quite attractive, so Calevians are spinning for some time. Then everything disappears, except for one, the most dedicated ridicker. As a result, it is for him FZH and marry him and his own grief.
To neutralize FZh, Eric Bern advises husbands to behave so that in no way bring the case to the scandal, since it is in the FZ scandal who takes off on the spouse in full program: she gets perverted sexual satisfaction, sucking psychological juices from him and nothing Giving instead!
A contact with the psychotherapist husbands of FZ are extremely rare. But even when it happened, Mikhail Litvaku never managed to convince her husband to agree to the complete abstinence from the proximity to his wife and wait for the moment when, due to the lack of scandals, she would remain sexually unsatisfied and, ultimately, herself will initiate. Then a new psychological marriage arises, based on mutual love, the manifestations of vampirism disappear. The ideal option is when the FZ itself is aware of his problem and goes to contact with a psychotherapist.
I understand, as a result, the husbands of the FZ could not fully fulfill the recommendations of Mikhail Litvaka. The fact is that very often our FZ is getting stuck in the oral stage of the development of sexuality in Freud (this will take it somewhat lower) and here without psychotherapeutic intervention, which will help overcome the delay, do not do. That is, FZ just do not want sex and the question of time is not worth it. They may not want him and a week, and a month, and a year ... they are frigid and until they are cured, no need to speak about any normal sexual intention. The troubles of FZ consists also in the fact that parental programs prevent them from relaxing and getting pleasure in the process of sexual proximity: they are clamped, they are fixed, they have no need in their heads, but I don't want to, like it. Here, no matter how hard man tried, he will not get to delight the woman enjoying and not him in that wine. As Mikhail Litvak says "Do not try a cold woman to do hot. Cold woman is not indifferent woman; She simply resembles a refrigerator that uses energy to generate ice. Therefore, she needs to help. But this may not do this, but a psychotherapist, preferably a man, provided that he will not join it into sexual contacts. "
How to raise a cold woman? It is not hard. In addition, the easiest way is to talk about men, and especially about intimate relationships that lead to pregnancy is very bad. "All men are dirty animals, they only need naked sex. And then he will throw you! ". Remember, from the opera: "Do not kiss it before the wedding!". Specific examples confirming these provisions in real life and in artistic works is quite enough. It is not necessary to talk on this topic with my daughter.
In addition, the daughter can see the disrespectful attitude of the mother to the Father and on the mechanisms of identification (more in the article about psychological protection identification) To transfer it to all men. In families where the father drinks, scandalite, mocks his mother and beats children, can also be brought up by FZH.
You ask: "How to explain that the percentage of disadvantaged families is much larger than the percentage of FZh?". I answer the words of Mikhail Litvaka: "The nature of sexual attraction is such that it often turns out to be stronger than all parent prohibitions. But then the roll can go in the opposite side - to sexual promiscuity. Remember man's desire to do everything on the contrary (the prohibitions give the opposite effect; Yu.L.)? Education will always give some effect. Neutral influences are not! "
Frequently, FZ is brought up in "intelligent-aristocratic families." "We, daughter, did not make their way. Look, you do not miss. Learn better, do not think about boys. You are waiting for a great future. " On her trouble, the girl absorbs these "capital truths". She is engaged in a music school, a ballet mug, an office, studying English, visits the School of Beauty. In the evenings, he reads novels about the bright fate of heroes and heroines. One of the book heroes becomes a prototype of the future husband. Remember Tatyana from the novel Pushkin "Eugene Onegin": "All (images of literary heroes; Yu.L.) for the dreamer gentle in a single image, they were enjoyed, in one Onegin merged." During classes in the circles, she often enjoys the special attention of the leader. Classmates seem to her puppies. She is waiting for his hero and ... does not acquire extremely necessary sexual experience.
This is what Mikhail Litvak writes about this: "The concept of" sexual relationship "has a narrow and wide meaning. In a narrow sense, this is what is associated with the birth of children and receiving sexual satisfaction. In a broad sense, it is generally a relationship between a man and a woman. When I read a lecture, I do not spend in my sexual role. In my place there could be a woman. But when I invite a woman to the dance, I open the door in front of it, I help her to carry heavy bags, here you can talk about sexual life in a broad sense of the word. At the same time, my personal qualities are revealed as men and characterize me as a person.
So, sex education needs to be conducted from early childhood, i.e. from the girl you should bring up a woman, from the boy a man. After all, there is no worse than the creatures of the middle floor! In addition, sexual education should be conducted from early childhood. We will talk a little later about the stages of the development of sexuality in Freud. Now I simply note that by five years, sex identification is clearly folded. The boy is aware of himself a boy, and the girl is a girl. Then the sexual relationship should be folded in the broad sense of the word. A boy at that time should be able to skip his girlfriend ahead, bring her a wand or a portfolio to her, treat it with an apple, and so on. Walk they will be, holding hands. In the adolescence, they will already go under the handle. Then the hugs and kisses will begin.
If the girl misses all these stages, reading the novels and occupied by self-improvement, patted in the depths of the soul brought up the fear of the opposite sex and experiencing an attraction coming to him, when she marries, she will immediately have to comprehend sex in the narrow sense of the word, and In addition to horror, she will not experience anything. The first proximity will fix the negative attitude towards men with their parents. So begins rapid ascent to misfortune.
How do I explain to mothers rejoice that their daughter is all in matters and with boys is not found that she is, and therefore, and they are on the threshold of a big tragedy? Recall Pushkin Tatiana. The image of the future husband has developed under her influenced by the novels. When Onegin went out of their places, she refused Bujanov, and Petushkov, and married the general and aristocrat. Lukavit Tatiana, when he says that she was equal to her. After all, if they were equal, it would not be necessary to carry it to Moscow at the bride fairy. I think the tragedy of Tatiana in that and it was that she was a cold woman. Unfortunately, such Tatyan often have to see in his clinical practice. "
And now let's talk about the stages of the development of sexuality in Freud. I give the floor to Mikhail Litvaku:
"Z. Freud described four stages of development of sexuality. But he inserted a few other content into sexuality. He believed that any joining is the action of love, and any decay is the action of the death instinct.
So, in the first stage (up to year), the stage of oral cannibalism (ORIS - in Latin's mouth), the sexual instinct is manifested by a reflex. For a child, it is profitable. Thanks to this instinct, he retains his life. A sexually mature man's mouth remains an erogenous zone, and usually sexual rapprochement begins with kisses. If sexuality does not develop further, it is manifested in oroghenital (roto-sex) contacts. Soften forms of this underdevelopment - smoking, chatter with excessive mimic movements, constant chewing, drinking. The second stage (from the year to two years) is called the stage of anal sadism (Anus - in Latin's rear pass). If there is a delay at this stage, one of the options of homosexuality can develop. At the third stage (four? Five years), Fallicic (Fallus - Greek men's sexual member), children appear the need to consider and play with their genital bodies. Nothing wrong with that. But if sexual development is delayed at this stage, such a disorder can develop as masturbation. And finally, in the fourth stage (14 years old), a person becomes half.
If this development did not happen, it is necessary to figure out, at what stage it was delayed, help themselves. Then the need to root will disappear.
And now an example: an energetic woman is 60 years old, the store director, asked me to consult her daughter of 33 years old, which is in a state of prolonged depression.
The history of the disease was as follows. In the family, the girl raised her grandmother. Education style is "greenhouse". On the one hand, the greenhouse conditions, on the other, the grandmother insulted his granddaughter, dismissively opposing her appearance. The mother was in the general general, everything was done for the well-being of the family. She lived, of course, for the family. She did not need anything. The second child was her husband for her. But the main attention, of course, focused on the daughter. When she grew up to somehow improve her appearance, several plastic operations were made. Honestly, I don't think they were needed.
When it came to love, the patient almost did not meet with anyone for two reasons: she didn't like the guys, because they were poorly brought up, not quite cultural (the influence of the "greenhouse"); She felt unattractive. And if she liked someone, she believed that she had no chance of success (the influence of grandmother's insults). There was no business hobby. The institute studied easily, but without much interest. Then the condition is how? Then compensated. There was a narrow circle of girlfriends with which communication supported. When he graduated from the institute, began to work on uninteresting work. In the evenings hung on the phone, bold with girlfriends. Gradually, the girlfriend was married. Chatting on the phone was not with whom. There was a sense of loneliness. When she was thirty years, she advised her famous psychotherapist from another city. He advised her to put up with his fate, believing that everything was formed over time.
For some time she felt good. But a young man with serious intentions began to take care of her a few months ago. She promoted. On the one hand, it seems to be married, on the other hand, it seemed to her very primitive. Depression increased. To the former psychotherapist, the mother could not be lucky. She chose me, saying that the information was collected about me, which turned out to be favorable. At first, one came on a conversation, I was convinced that her personal impression coincided with his rumors, and then led daughter.
Before me was a creature, absolutely not having any life experience. Only gore, depression and anxiety. Our conversation has begun one on one. I analyzed the defects of her upbringing. Slightly told about 3.Freep and about the stages of the development of sexuality described by him. Then he said that none of the people live without sex. And if sexual attraction is not implemented, it is displaced in the subconscious and manifests itself in a disguised form in diseases, and sometimes in dreams. I suggested to sort it yourself to start acting.
A patient without my help identified his chatter as a manifestation of underdeveloped sexuality.
At the end of the conversation, I suggested her inpatient treatment, but she refused. Then we agreed that it would attend trainings. When she left, I did not notice that she was excited.
The next day, the mother's bell rang. She stated that I insulted her chaste daughter, "which in his life never kissed anyone, but I attributed to her perversion." He informed me that the daughter had developed the hardest depression, threatened to me with all sorts of carmen, if something happened to my daughter. To see me with my daughter again she did not allow. As they said, I do not know, but the deterioration of the state of the daughter occurred in connection with the awareness of the problem, and not due to the fact that she felt offended. And if so, then the daughter has a real opportunity to recover, which was not included in the unconscious plans of a caring mother (read about her portrait below; Yu.L.). So she destroyed the work done by the doctor. "
Do frigid men? Yes, there are. They have the same problems: delays in the stages of the development of sexuality, the dogmas of the domestic parent, inspired by the upbringing and myths of modern life
But pretty about FZH. Dear readers, I propose to go to her nearest relative - a vampire caring mother.
With my services and can be found in the article "" and "".