Question to the psychologist:
Hello, my name is Zaruhi.
I have a problem communicating with my mom. I can communicate well with many people, but I can't discuss the same topic with my mother. In principle, I trust her and am sure that all our conversations will remain with us. But when I want to tell her something or tell her about my problems, or just ask for advice, I immediately start crying and speak with a trembling voice, and as always she gets nervous or angry from this, asks to explain why I cry, because it is for her ( and, in principle, to me) is very disturbing and the conversation does not work out as always. She, in turn, really wants and is ready to understand me, give advice, listen to me, but my cry prevents everything. And if I don't cry during such conversations, then we will have a relationship-miracle.
I myself do not know why I am crying, I am not afraid of her, and I am not afraid of her advice and reaction either, but what I want to say is just about my life difficulties or of the type of which I am not ashamed. No shame. Not fear. I don’t know why I’m crying and how to stop crying, if only during a conversation. Well, just a lump in my throat. This really bothers me in the first place. I know that tears are a way of showing emotions, but in such cases, there is no need to show emotions at all. Well, let's say I want to tell her that, in my opinion, maybe some of my friends like me, or I just like someone, or I have problems with my studies, or that I'm afraid not to find a job in my specialty, or I just lost heart, or that I don't understand how do in my thesis. (My brother helps me with my diploma and it happens that he gives me an assignment, which I do not always succeed in, and since we have little time, he sometimes gets nervous from the fact that I did not solve the problem) and about the fact that I cannot solve this problem, it also does not work with my mother discuss. Well, now, according to my mother, the time that I spend on dancing (I am engaged in amateur dancing 2 days a week for 1.5 hours) and in her opinion I should not go to lessons this month in order to devote this time to my diploma. And the fact that during these 3 hours a week they will not bother me and that this can be called my time of rest, I cannot discuss with her. Well, I'm crying. I can't even say the whole sentence without crying. In principle, I may not go to dances (although I really want to), but what not to say I can not.
Please help, how not to cry deliberately in such situations ???
Psychologist Ekaterina Romanovna Tsibizova answers the question.
In your case, the internal tension affects. A diploma, sympathy arising, the desire to find a new job, to stop showing your emotions ... You have listed so many problems that it remains for you to recommend to stop for a while and think about the speed of your life. Sometimes we do not even notice the burden that is pressing on Us, which we carry behind our backs because we do not have enough time even to comprehend it. And later, for no reason or with someone's help, we begin to rush at relatives and passers-by, cry, defending our point of view, fall into depression, drink alcohol and ... so you can go on indefinitely. Isn't it time for us to stop and say to ourselves: “Calm down! You can do more if you start to act judiciously and systematically. " Write down all your thoughts on paper and re-read them, carefully considering whether we need them the way they are in our head. Your tears are accumulated negative emotions that you already have over the edge. Your pace of life and desire to fill this life with meaning (education, work, family) cause you stress, which you do not have time to get rid of. Close your eyes. And relax .. Visualize your tears. Imagine that they are little pieces of ice, precious stones, or whatever, if only you could collect them from your face and discard them with the thought that your negativity is in them and you get rid of it. Imagine that every tear is a negative that your body gets rid of. Imagine a teardrop “fear of bursting into tears when talking with mom” and throw it off your face, forget that such fear existed in your head at all. Do this exercise morning and evening so that during the day your head is cleared of bad thoughts and emotions that make you feel uncomfortable. The main thing is not to dwell on this unpleasant situation and move on! And don't quit dancing. In dancing, we express our emotions without fear of being misunderstood. Be happy!
Unfortunately, there are many reasons for crying, especially in women. There are times when crying is not even a sin at all, but on the contrary - an emotional release. But it happens when tears, especially in the presence of others, cause aggression or simply can harm the cause. How to learn to hold back tears in such situations and learn not to cry when you really want to?
How to hold back tears when you feel like crying
Tears usually appear when the body is experiencing a strong emotional shock caused by external stimuli. In this case, the first thing to do is to shift your focus.
For example, an action-driven threat of danger distracts a person from self-pity and mobilizes strength for protection. What needs to be done to quickly induce such a reaction?
To hold back tears, pinch yourself discreetly, bite your lip or tongue. Painful sensations will instantly return you, as they say, to the ground and you will not want to cry. Just do not overdo it, so as not to harm your health and not frighten those around you with the blood flowing down the chin.
Another way to learn not to cry in a difficult situation is to breathe evenly, deeply through your nose. As soon as the tears roll in, take a deep breath through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Such breathing exercises are used by yogis, psychologists and everyone who wants to achieve calmness and harmony or learn to restrain anger and tears.
The method of switching attention is also very effective. At the moment when you want to cry, think about something completely foreign or start looking at the objects around you to the smallest detail. To hold back tears, you can also count to ten or twenty, remember the words of a song or poem, and finally, you can read a prayer.
How to learn to hold back tears if there are people around who are capable of compassion and you are sure that they will pity you? Very simple, try not to be distracted by them. Because just a glance at the expression on the face of such a person will not leave a single chance to hold back tears.
And despite the various situations, one should not forget that tears are an important element in human life, which is both psychological and physiological. Tears are able to remove toxic substances from the body and relieve emotional stress.
Moreover, if you are impressionable and inclined to melancholy, you should not restrain crying. At least, having adequately coped with the situation, retire and pay back everything that has accumulated.
How to hold back tears when you really want to cry
Every morning, standing in front of the mirror and looking into your eyes, repeat that you are strong, smart, that you are really the best, not afraid of anything or anyone, you will be able to overcome absolutely all life obstacles.
You will be able to endure any suffering, no one will break your will and will not force you to bow before anyone else. Thus, you will instill in yourself aspiration and confidence, become more firm, and no tears and sobs will overpower you, you will be able to look at yourself from a different angle and draw certain conclusions.
However, every medal has a flip side. As already mentioned, crying is a surge of emotions, and emotions need to be given free rein from time to time, in other words, “let off steam”.
In urgent need, when you cannot understand what to do, if you want to cry, it is better to retire, cry alone, or turn to a loved one who will listen to you and treat you with understanding. Speak out, share your impressions, ask for advice. If you cry all your tears, it will become much easier.
Why do human eyes water
Possible damage or debris
If your eyes are watering uncontrollably and this is not associated with any emotional experiences, you should carefully examine the mucous membrane. Perhaps there is damage or a speck on it, which does not cause the feeling of the presence of something foreign, but the eyes are watery. Try to rinse your eyes with cool water, if the tears persist, see your eye doctor.
Inflammation
Tearing is sometimes the cause of inflammation in the eyes. Bacterial, viral, fungal and other infections are accompanied by tearing. In this case, you need to immediately contact an ophthalmologist who will prescribe eye drops containing antibiotics. It is not recommended to use such drops on your own.
Allergy
How to stop tears if they are caused by an allergic reaction. Here you should, as in the previous paragraph, either consult a doctor (if this is the first time), or take an anti-allergic medicine on time.
Tears from onions
To learn not to cry when cutting onions, you must first moisten the knife and onion with cool water. The substance that causes tears dissolves in water and does not enter the air, preventing tearing.
Tearfulness with tired eyes
Increased tearfulness in case of eye fatigue is removed by compresses from tea leaves. Soak a cotton swab in the tea leaves and apply to your eyes for fifteen to twenty minutes before bed. This procedure also helps with minor inflammation.
Emotional tears
It is difficult to stop tears caused by emotional distress. If something serious has happened and tears tearing outward are almost choking, you should not hold them back, cry and release the negative outward. If we are talking about resentment, insult, or other conflict, in order to hold back tears, try to abruptly switch your thoughts and remember something good. These manipulations will distract you from what is happening and you will be able to restrain the rush of emotions.
What to do if you want to cry, but you can't
We are all very different, and we react differently to events taking place in the world around us. Some are almost indifferent to everything, while others, when any stressful situation arises, immediately burst into tears. Meanwhile, crying in front of friends, colleagues or strangers is always unpleasant. So how to hold back tears in a situation when it is highly undesirable to show them to interlocutors?
To hold back tears, gently pinch your inner thigh or other sensitive skin. Pain is always of paramount importance to the brain, which means that this trick will help you easily isolate yourself from the cause of tears. The main thing is not to overdo it, and not to cause an attack of tears, provoked by pain.
To hold back tears, get yourself out of the situation: realize that you have allegedly forgotten about this or that important and urgent matter and hurriedly leave.
Try to hold your breath for a while. By concentrating on it, you can easily stop the attack of tears and take your emotions under tight control.
Bite down on your lower lip. This trick is somewhat similar to the first proposed method, and is aimed at "deceiving" the body, refocusing its attention on pain. The main thing is not to leave marks on the lip and do not bite it until it bleeds.
Think in advance what thoughts can distract you from the situation at a critical moment. Alternatively, these can be memories of a pleasant, positive event, or attempts to solve pressing, topical everyday problems. To hold back tears, try to solve several problems at the same time or try to mentally recite your favorite poem, sing lines from your favorite song, remember the multiplication table.
If you have the opportunity, then make a few sharp, intense movements.
Concentrate your attention on this or that object in the distance, and begin to study it in the most thorough way. The main thing is not to look in the face of the person who can make you cry. If it is difficult to avoid a direct look at him, then try to mentally laugh at him. Think of the abuser's ridiculous habits, or imagine him dressed in a ridiculous clown costume.
Now you know how to hold back tears in the right situation. However, do not use the above techniques all the time: psychologists say that tears are the best way of psychological relaxation and physiological protection from stress.
How to learn not to cry if you really want to
We are all very different. And we react differently to everything around us. From some it is impossible to knock out tears, while others, just a little - immediately into tears. Both have their drawbacks. Crying for any reason, and even in front of strangers, employees, friends, is rather unpleasant.
On the other hand, it is impossible to go through all the problems "dry", as this can lead to mental stress and poor health. Let's try to figure out how to learn how to hold back tears.
Often crying people sometimes find themselves in awkward situations when tears begin to run like a river, and even at the wrong moment. For example, the boss shouted, the teacher made a stern remark in the lesson, got nasty in the transport.
And now they have a lump in their throats, their voice trembles treacherously, and tears roll down their eyes. But you really don't want to cry and show your weakness in front of strangers! But tears do not care about this, they flow by themselves. This makes it even more offensive and wants to burst into tears altogether.
- Drink as much water as possible in large sips;
- Take 10 deep breaths and breaths;
- If possible, make some intense, sharp movements;
- Switch stress from psychological to physical. Use this method: pinch yourself, bite your tongue, pull your hair. Usually this method allows you to quickly recover;
- Start in your mind to remember the multiplication table, phone numbers, etc .;
- If the tears are caused by someone in particular, dress him in your imagination in some kind of funny costume, or imagine him as a gray mouse with huge ears or as a toad with huge slanting eyes.
These are very effective ways to hold back tears in the right situation. But don't try to stop crying altogether, as psychologists claim that sometimes crying is even beneficial.
Tears are a form of psychological release and a physiological defense against stress. Therefore, it is not necessary to hold back tears constantly. You can not be at all embarrassed to cry while watching a sad movie, or a tragic story in the news.
Even if we quietly let out a small tear, it is considered a small but necessary release. But when we sob very much, we take active deep breaths and exhalations. Thanks to this, we throw off all the negative at the level of physiology. If this does not happen, we will create psychopathic clamps, which lead to radiculitis and osteochondrosis.
The article talks about how to hold back tears depending on the situation.
There are situations when pain and resentment make you want to cry, however, there are also situations when these tears are inappropriate. How to make sure that no one sees our tears?
How to hold back tears when you want to cry from resentment, when talking?
Sometimes it is very difficult to hold back tears, and there are even situations when it seems that it is simply impossible to do this. In this case, psychologists have several ways that you can take control of the situation.
- Switch attention
To do this, you can use some questions that will definitely make you take a break from crying. These are questions like "Is my stove turned off?" Or "Is my apartment closed?"
You can remember the multiplication table, the lyrics of your favorite song, or the password for something important to you.
You can also switch your attention in another way, by turning your gaze on an object. It is desirable that the object of your attention has many small details that should be closely examined, counted, etc.
- Turn on imagination
To do this, you can imagine the person who offended you in a bizarre way. The most important thing here is not to laugh, otherwise you can harm yourself even more in an already tense situation.
- Pinching yourself or biting your lip
Physical sensations can also help retreat emotions, on which you will definitely focus, for example, when pinching yourself on the wrist.
- Concentrate on breathing, or hold it altogether
To do this, you need to inhale slowly and deeply through your nose and exhale air for a long time through your mouth, concentrating on the process itself. Also, during an emergency, the human body itself is able to get rid of minor matters, so you can just hold your breath.
- Drink some water
If possible, you should drink water, focusing on the process itself. Drink slowly, in small sips.
- Make sudden movements
Sudden movements always help relieve tension, so you can try to get up abruptly, sit up abruptly, open the window, push the chair, etc. If it is not possible to make sudden movements, then you can simply try to abruptly change position, straighten your shoulders, raise your head, while concentrating on your breathing.
- Avoid direct views of third parties
Any, even a small glance of sympathy in your direction can cause a rapid stream of tears, so you should in every possible way avoid such glances. There is no need to look at anyone, it is better to look out the window, at the painting, etc.
- Use a pen or phone
If the situation and conditions allow, then in a critical situation you can start writing something pleasant on a piece of paper. Thus, it will be possible to escape from the stressful situation.
You can also use, for example, a mobile phone or tablet. If tears start to come, then you can just get distracted and look on the Internet.
- Leave the premises during the heat of passion
If the situation has escalated to the limit, then, avoiding tears, you should leave the room where the unpleasant situation caught you as soon as possible. Such a decision will help avoid tears, let go of the situation, and calm down.
After the tension subsides, you can try to continue the conversation.
After the situation that could have caused you to cry is left behind, you should proceed as follows:
- Blot face, neck, arms up to the elbows with cool water. You can use an ice cube by placing it on your wrist
Wash your face - avoid tears - Look in the mirror and smile, even when you don't feel like it. Tell yourself that everything is fine
- Think about something pleasant, if you wish, you can read a prayer
- Drink sweet tea
- Speak out, tell about an exciting issue to someone close who can support you
How to hold back tears of pain?
There are also some ways to avoid crying not only from resentment, but also from pain. This requires:
- Keep eyes open as wide as possible, while trying not to blink
- It is necessary to raise your eyebrows high and stay in this position until the pain begins to subside
- It is necessary to look up, but do not raise your head. Stay in this state until the pain begins to recede
- It is necessary to relax all the muscles of the face and open wide-wide several times, and then close your mouth
In order not to cry from pain, you can use some of the tips from the previous section.
How to learn to control tears and emotions?
In order to learn to restrain your tears, to control your emotions, you need to increase your self-esteem.
You can increase self-confidence and self-confidence by daily training. To do this, standing in front of the mirror, you should tell yourself that nothing and no one threatens you, that you will go through all the hardships, that you are strong, smart, confident in yourself.
Among other things, it is worth taking care in advance of what thoughts will distract you in a stressful situation from the situation itself, then when you are overwhelmed with emotions or you are about to cry.
Whatever situations arise in everyday life, it should be remembered that tears are not always a manifestation of weakness. Sometimes tears are simply necessary to relieve tension during emotional release - this is just the body's response to stress.
Video: How to learn to hold back tears and is it worth doing? - All will be kind. Release 894 of 10/11/16
Question to the psychologist:
Hello. My problem is very deep and I think that it cannot be solved with one answer to the question. But I ask for your help. As a conscious person (20 years old), I cannot adequately hide / suppress my tears. Eyes in a wet place - that's easy to say. I cry if they are daring me, I can cry if someone said a word in my direction. If I argue, then the other side wins, if only for the reason that I am crying, which means I am losing. I cry even if they give me compliments or tell some kind of life story with my role. Accordingly, I cry when watching a movie, TV series, when reading a book. I want to make a reservation right away that I grew up in a very favorable environment, they did not beat me and there were never any rude words in my direction. On the contrary. I grew up in a greenhouse environment. I can say, still a child. It bothers me that I cannot cope with my emotions. I have read a lot of advice, none of them help me. Deep down, I understand that I have some deviations in this regard, I recognize them and am ready to correct them. But I don't have the courage to go to a psychologist. I am also very shy, my circle of friends is closed, although I am a very open and kind person. Sometimes it seems that I am some kind of creature without a shell and without a shell. Whoever kicks or spits in my direction, then I immediately react. I am too kind person, some people use it. I'm weak in character. With the opposite sex, too, everything is inadequate, I accept everything with some mockery and never believe anything. I am studying to be a lawyer, I like my future profession, but I am afraid that I will not be able to emotionally restrain myself, and in court it is not so much to cry ... There was no mutual love that I experienced for a long time. The boy prodded me at school. In elementary school, I was not very popular, complete, no one was friends with me. In high school, she literally pulled out her best friends with her teeth. I don't love myself either, and so much so that I don't look in the mirror again. And I constantly feel sorry for myself, everything is layering one after another like a snowball. Help at least try to get out.
The question is answered by the psychologist Irina Eduardovna Rozvadovskaya.
Hello Olga!
On the one hand, tears are good. When a person cries, internal clamps are removed, and calmness comes.
But if tears appear for any reason, then, of course, it complicates life. Moreover, you want to become a lawyer. This profession itself assumes somewhat different qualities than sentimentality and gentleness of character.
Perhaps the first thing that needs to be excluded is any diseases and deviations in health. To do this, you need to undergo a complete examination. You can go to your therapist and take a referral for an examination of the body. It's not difficult. Because increased tearfulness can be the result of a hormonal disorder or a nervous disorder. To do this, also consult with an endocrinologist and neurologist. There is nothing wrong with such an examination. Treat it simply as taking care of your health. If you do not want to go to your clinic, you can be examined at any diagnostic center.
If the hormonal background is normal and there are no health abnormalities, then this is a very good result.
Then only a visit to a psychologist or psychotherapist. You yourself reasonably reason that it is impossible to understand the cause of your disorder from a distance. Individual long-term work is needed. Because the reason can lie very deep - in school years, in adolescence, etc.
To begin with, you yourself can try to remember this time. Have you always been so vulnerable?
Lie down, relax, close your eyes, try not to be disturbed by anyone, and plunge into the memories of your childhood. When you hit the little girl, you also cried a lot. If not, when did it start? With what, and maybe with whom it is connected. If you can remember the root cause, it will be much easier to work with it.
Train your character, increase self-esteem. How to do it - there is a lot of material on the Internet. Plan your day, set small tasks you can accomplish, and praise yourself for your success. Start keeping a journal of your successes and accomplishments. Include in your daily plan mandatory walks in the fresh air for at least 15-30 minutes, then increase the time. Take a contrast shower. This strengthens the vessels and the nervous system well, just first look on the Internet how to do it correctly so as not to get sick right away. I wish you health and success!
15 chose
We are all different and react in different ways to the world around us. Some of them are almost bursting into tears, while others will never get a tear.Both the one and the other extreme have their disadvantages. It is extremely unpleasant to roar for any reason - in front of friends, coworkers, or completely strangers. On the other hand, experiencing all the problems "dry" can lead to an accumulation of stress and even health problems. Psychologist Maria Pugacheva helped us figure out how to find a middle ground.
Why are we different?
The predisposition to shedding tears depends on the personality of the person: character, temperament, upbringing, metabolism and even memories. If a person associates a situation with an unpleasant memory or mental trauma, then it may well cause tears in him, although those around him will not see anything terrible in it.
With this predisposition it is practically impossible to do anything, just as it is impossible to change the type of temperament. "Tears are, first of all, a physiological reaction, a protective reaction to stress. There is very little psychology here, so it is almost impossible to learn how to control tearing. But you can try to reduce the stress level as much as possible at the moment of approaching crying, then there is a possibility of stopping the tears.", - explained Maria Pugacheva. 
I'm not crying!
People who often cry sometimes find themselves in situations where tears flow at the most inopportune moment. The boss scolded unjustly, the coach made a remark in the gym or got nasty on the bus, and now they already have a lump in their throats, their voice begins to tremble treacherously, their eyes become moistened. But you don't want to cry in front of strangers! But tears do not care about what you want, they flow by themselves, and this makes you even more insulting and want to cry even more ...
Maria Pugacheva gave some tips to help hold back tears that come at the wrong time:
- Drink large amounts of water in large sips.
- Take 5-10 deep breaths and exhalations.
- If possible, make some sharp, intense movements.
- Induce a "pain reaction" by switching stress from psychological to physiological. Pinch yourself discreetly, bite your tongue slightly, or pull on a strand of hair. This method usually allows you to recover quickly enough.
- Switch your brain from a stressful situation: start in your mind remembering poems, phone numbers, the multiplication table.
- If a specific abuser has caused your tears, do not feel sorry for yourself, but switch to him. Laugh at him mentally - think about his ridiculous habits, or in your imagination dress him in a clown costume.
Crying is useful
These techniques will help hold back tears in the right situation. But you shouldn't try to do this all the time, because psychologists say that crying is good.
"Tears are a kind of psychological release and physiological protection from stress.Therefore, it is not necessary to constantly restrain them. Feel free to cry over the movie or just by yourself at home. If we just quietly shed a tear, this is a tiny release. And when we are actively crying, we make many deep breaths and exhalations, the chest is strongly contracted. In this way, we shake off the negative at the level of physiology, giving ourselves the opportunity to avoid various psychosomatic clamps that can lead to osteochondrosis, radiculitis and other unpleasant diseases, " - explained Maria Pugacheva.
Do you cry often? Have you ever found yourself in uncomfortable situations because of this?