From early childhood, we hear from parents and adults different attitudes, restrictions, and norms of behavior.
When we grow up, we have our own views and attitudes. But the "forgotten" patterns that were formed in childhood have not disappeared anywhere. They continue to manifest themselves in everyday life, triggering subconsciously, we do not even notice it.
So how do they affect us as adults? In this article, we'll take a look at some of them.
Most people believe that the world is cruel and unfair, that there is a lot of grief and misery in it. This attitude towards the world comes from internal dissatisfaction with oneself. I couldn’t do something myself, but there I answered wrongly to someone, but in another place they rudely answered you, misunderstood and, in general, I would like to live in a different way, in a different place and be born a different person.
Similar thoughts, and the states of discontent arising in connection with them, are inherent in almost all people. Oftentimes, the root of such discontent comes from childhood. Man is born free from discontent and fear.
Now try to remember yourself as a small child, what we constantly heard? Parents, trying to protect us from imaginary dangers and troubles, constantly instilled in us: "you are still small", "do not go where you are not asked," "none of your business," »You can probably remember yourself. And a whole complex of the most diverse "no-nos" accompanied each of us in childhood, which we brought with us into adulthood!
Moreover, adults did this, in the main, in a categorical, categorical tone that does not tolerate objections and deprives the child of the right to choose and act independently. Most of what the child could do himself, and it was interesting and informative for him, the parents did for him, instilling in their child that this is care, love, that they know better, what is what. From birth, children are naturally inquisitive, they try to learn and explore this world and their place in it, strive to live independently. And “compassionate” parents often suppress or restrict the child, thereby giving rise to discord in him: “I am interested in this, I want to try it myself” on the one hand, and an adult: “No, we will do it for you”, on the other hand.
Growing up, such a person ceases to trust himself and understand himself, giving rise to a psychological stereotype in himself, which manifests itself in everyday life, any new undertaking or unfamiliar environment. These attitudes gradually develop into psychological complexes and limitations. Thus, a matured person develops a thinking pattern: “others know better than myself”, “he is the boss - let him decide,” “I’d better keep silent, or I’ll do it like others, so it’s safer.”
An artificial personality superstructure appears, a kind of projection of parents, adults, which limits and restrains the creative potential of the individual, giving rise to a person's inner uncertainty, discontent and irritability. Being in such a state, a person does not understand where the discontent comes from, because outwardly, it seems, everything is fine and calm. Then he begins unconsciously, trying to get rid of the accumulating internal aggression, pouring out or projecting this discontent on external events and the people around him: "I am not like that, the world is like that."
How can one get rid of such a negative quality? First you need to become aware of your condition - this is half the battle. And then you need to work on yourself.
- Remove claims to parents, conscious and not. Forgive them, accepting this state of affairs that our parents gave us the very best, everything that they were capable of. And most importantly, they gave us life.
- The attitude towards the mother is projected onto the outside world. Everything that you feel in relation to your mom is manifested in your views and your worldview in general.
- Remove claims to yourself and to other people. A person without pretensions is given a lot by circumstances. If there are complaints, then much more is taken away from a person, since in a negative state his consciousness is narrowed, and he does not see his capabilities and advantages.
Everything is within ourselves. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Allow yourself to just be, realize your creative potential, do what the Personality wants as a projection of the Soul.
Live according to your heart, and not according to someone else's desire or mind, since the mind is always selfish and deceitful. Start doing things that you “didn’t reach” or didn’t have enough time to do.
Then the joy will definitely settle within you and will pour out on the world around you, making it prosperous and joyful for you and others.
Good, clean road, friends. Interesting finds on the way!
Hello. As I promised, today we will talk about why the world sometimes seems so wrong and unfair to us, and, of course, I will tell you how to get rid of this painful feeling. I don’t know about you, but for me this problem has been relevant for quite a long time. A lot of things happening to me (and around me) seemed terribly wrong. I could not understand in any way why a nice and beautiful girl could start dating a real cattle, I could not understand why some cracked Hamlo achieves much more in life than a friendly and peaceful person. The list goes on and on, but I think you get my point.
Personally, I felt uncomfortable with this realization. It hardly came to suicidal thoughts. And for a very long time, I absolutely could not understand in which direction to dig in order to get rid of this feeling. But after a long time, I still managed to figure out what's what.
As usual, all the roots go from an early age. In childhood, parents try to instill in the child moral values and explain what is good and what is bad. They do this for two reasons. Firstly, it is easier to manage a child this way, and secondly, this is how it is supposed to be in our society. To instill such qualities as modesty, politeness, intelligence is the norm. After all, a child must be cultured and decent. But no one really thinks about why this is necessary.
As a result, the child, like a sponge, absorbs the words of the parents and everything goes well for him, but only up to a certain point. Once in the team, the child sees that not everyone is as correct and intelligent as he is. And then he begins to rely on his culture as a distinctive feature that separates him from all the "bad" ones. And somewhere in his subconscious mind even slips the thought "I am better than them!".
But sooner or later the child (and by that time, perhaps, is no longer a child at all) thinks: "Why am I good, and all the rest are bad and wrong?" And here a harsh reality opens up before him. In the modern world, it is not good, but strong personalities that win. Impudence and perseverance turn out to be more valuable qualities than decency and intelligence ... Such is the cruel truth and you can't get away from it.
So what is needed in order to throw off this stone of unnecessary correctness from the soul? Everything is relatively simple - you just need to realize that those highly moral values that you were holding on to in fact turned out to be false. However, despite the simplicity of the above, this is a rather long and painful process, but it is necessary if you do not want to continue to hover in your illusions. Forget about what people "should" be, but rather take a closer look at what they really are. And remember, there is no injustice. Everything that happens in the world is right and natural. Just realize, accept it and continue to live on ...
Many have experienced in life that a friend predicted something good or bad - and it actually happened. Or when a person who committed a vile deed was "rewarded according to merit." Or when the horoscope described your life situation with amazing accuracy. It is difficult to resist the thought that this is the work of some supernatural forces. But it’s not mysticism, but psychology. Why your brain behaves this way and why it can be dangerous - in the material "Futurist".
Faith in a just world
Pale Blue Dot ("pale blue dot" - a photograph of the Earth against the background of space, taken by the Voyager 1 probe from a record distance
Do you think that for good deeds you will go to heaven - or that your enemy will be rewarded as he deserves? In fact, the world is unfair. More precisely, it cannot be fair or unjust in principle. Take a look at the famous photograph "Pale Blue Dot", assess the scale of the universe and think: is this huge and chaotic space capable of controlling and evaluating the actions of each individual person, rewarding or punishing him? However, we continue to believe that life will put everything in its place.
The first to suggest studying belief in justice as a phenomenon of social psychology, was Melvin Lerner ... He has repeatedly witnessed outside observers blaming the victims for their suffering. Scientist tried to expand the work of his colleague Stanley Milgram by answering the questions of how bloody regimes receive popular support and how people come to accept social norms and laws that generate violence. In 1966, Lerner and his colleagues began a series of experiments. In the very first, women watched people who were allegedly electrocuted. At first, the members protested against the violence and reacted emotionally to every blow. Gradually, their reaction became more restrained - although the observed suffering increased. But another group of women, who were told that the victim would be rewarded for suffering, supported her until the end of the experiment.
To explain the results of these studies, Lerner suggested that there is a widespread belief in a just world that functions as a kind of "pact" with the world or some supernatural force regarding the consequences of behavior. This allows people to plan for the future and shape effective, goal-oriented behaviors. Although people face suffering every day for no apparent reason, they use strategies to address threats to their belief in a just world. These strategies can be rational or irrational.
Rational strategies include accepting injustice, trying to prevent injustice or making up for suffering, and accepting some of your own limitations. Irrational strategies include denial, detachment, and rethinking of the event. In the case of the latter option, an inversion often occurs: the observer begins to blame the victim - for example, a raped girl for walking late at night in a skirt above the knee. Or a small child is sick because of the "sins" of their parents - no matter how righteous they may lead a life. Or the lamb is to blame for the wolf's hunger. Many examples of the victim's blame can be found in the Old Testament, where tragedies and catastrophes are justified by the previous behavior and sins of the victims. Research carried out Zeke Rabin and Letizia Ann Peplau , showed that people who believe in the justice of the world are usually more religious, authoritarian and conservative. They approve of the existing regime, worship political leaders, and disparage the weak, discriminated against, and disadvantaged.
Another side of faith in justice is a sense of their own invulnerability: people often do not believe that they have done anything to deserve or cause trouble, illness or negative attitude towards themselves, and therefore behave carelessly and self-confident.
Forer effect
Have you ever noticed that all horoscopes, predictions and predictions are remarkably similar? They are so vague that a 40-year-old businessman, a pensioner, and a teenage girl recognize themselves in the same description. This is nothing more than a cognitive bias.
In 1948, a psychologist Bertram Forer handed out a psychological test to 39 students and said that according to its results, everyone will receive a personal characteristic. After a week, each student read the following about themselves:
1. You need other people to love and admire you.
2. You have a tendency to criticize yourself.
3. You have many opportunities that you never used to your advantage.
4. Although you have some personal weaknesses, you are usually able to compensate for them.
5. Disciplined and self-confident on the outside, you tend to be anxious and insecure.
6. From time to time you experience serious doubts as to whether you made the right decision.
7. You like change and variety, and you are not happy when you are limited in something.
8. You consider yourself an independently thinking person and do not take on faith other people's statements without satisfactory proof.
9. You think excessive frankness is unreasonable.
10. From time to time you are friendly and sociable, and sometimes you withdraw into yourself and behave very restrained.
11. Some of your aspirations are usually quite unrealistic.
12. Safety is one of your main goals in life.
Forer asked students to rate the performance on a scale of 0 (very poor) to 5 (excellent). On average, students rated the correspondence of the characteristics to reality at 4.26 points. And only later did they find out that Forer took this characteristic from an astrological journal - it turned out to be general enough to suit each of the students. In another study of this effect, students had to choose between a real characterization based on psychological testing, and a fake one, consisting of the same generalized thesis. More than 59% of the subjects chose the fake one.
What is the secret of a good horoscope? After a series of experiments, it turned out that a person will almost always consider a description of his personality to be reliable and correct if a) it comes from a source authoritative for him b) contains vague formulations c) contains characteristics that are suitable for most people d) characterizes a person's personality positively.
This is a special case of such cognitive distortion as subjective validation ... It manifests itself in the fact that a person will consider a statement or other piece of information to be correct if it has any personal meaning or meaning for him. In other words, a person will perceive two unrelated events (that is, a coincidence) as related, because he wants to find a connection between them. This is how conspiracy theories are born.
Self-fulfilling prophecy effect
Remember the Greek myth of Oedipus? The oracle predicted to Lai, king of Thebes, that if he married Jocasta, he would die at the hands of his son. Disobeying the prediction, Lai marries Jocasta. When a son is born, Lai, fearing for his life, orders the newborn's legs to be pierced and thrown out at the foot of the mountain. But the child, by the will of fate, survives. The matured Oedipus learns from the oracle about his fate and in fear the young man leaves his adoptive parents. On the way, he meets Lai, gets into an argument with his driver and kills both of them. Thus, the prophecy comes true.
The story of Alexander Green "Scarlet Sails", the myth of Romulus and Remus - there are countless such stories in literature. They are all similar in one thing: their plot accurately describes self-fulfilling prophecy effect , which is often used by soothsayers and market players. A person believes in a prediction that is actually not true. But he, consciously or not, changes his behavior, thus bringing fantasy closer to reality. This situation was described in 1948 by an American sociologist Robert Merton , which, in turn, deduced it from the then-known "Thomas theorem": "If a person defines a situation as real, it is real in its consequences." That is, people's behavior is not determined by the situation, but by how they perceive it.
In one of his books, Robert Merton extrapolated this situation from the individual to social institutions. For example, if a rumor is spread about the insolvency of a bank, then many clients will want to get their money back and actually bankrupt it. This property is partly related to placebo effect - improvement of the patient's condition after taking a substance that does not have healing properties, based on the patient's belief that the medicine is working.
Of course, if you hear Pluto hitting Earth, you won't be able to move its orbit accordingly. This effect only applies to human affairs. And the only way out of this vicious circle according to Merton is to redefine the original prophecy. For example, Oedipus could learn the truth about his ancestry from his adoptive father and stay to reign in Corinth. But on the other hand, if Assol lost faith in the fairy tale, she would, taking into account the rumors about her and her family, not get married at all - or get along with a man who would be completely devoid of imagination.
My story will probably seem idiotic to you, maybe it is. I don't want to see anyone at all. No school teachers, no classmates, no university teachers, no classmates ... even close relatives such as uncle, aunt, etc. Why? It is difficult to somehow explain it. Probably because when we meet, I don’t know what to talk about ... I used to be a sociable child, but when I went to school, everything changed. They began to gag me, humiliate me, my self-esteem slipped below the plinth. I want to fix everything for a long time, but nothing works. Lost now the whole meaning of life, especially when I began to look for work. It would seem that support from the outside could help me a lot and not become who I am. I work, hell knows where and by whom, I actually get three thousand, but they don't take anywhere else. Everywhere I have not tried to get a job, both in their specialty and not ... So you look at people, at 25 already a wife or husband, children, a high-paying job, friends ... This is me about those who constantly spread rot on me and it is their parents helped to get such a job .. Why is the world unfair ... Everything enrages, especially such a brainless life. I try not to get hung up on anything, not pay attention, but it doesn't work, everything returns to normal ...
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Tamara, age: 25 / 18.02.2011
Feedback:
Hi. I also often think like you. Sometimes you go home and different thoughts come to mind - what have I achieved, why all this, whether I am worthy of something, whether I am needed at all. You walk and it becomes so sad, you see nothing in the world of value.
I will say that you are not alone. Almost all people think so and experience spiritual emptiness. But look at your friends. Have they really achieved something? Is this the real world they live in?
I suffered for a long time, walked, thought what to do, what was the point. and it turned out that there was no particular point in work, wealth, or success. I am not saying that it is not necessary, but I am saying that it is secondary.
I think you should build your foundation on something that no one can take, on something important. For example, on their attitude to people, God. you can be very successful in this area.
Look for yourself how few competitors are when it comes to helping someone in difficult times. But no one understands that this is much more valuable than material.
Everything else is built on a solid spiritual foundation.
Try to believe in something, someone.
Here on the site there are many useful articles that help to understand yourself and yourself in this world.
Do not give up.
Vlad, age: 22 / 18.02.2011
Hi Toma!
Do not seek justice in the world. Perhaps there is some kind of higher justice, but for us, who live on Earth, it never
do not understand. And it is not at all necessary with your outwardly prosperous acquaintances, in fact, everything is as cloudless as you
seems. You know the expression "Everyone has their own cross"? On the other hand, there are a lot of people in the world to whom your
life will seem to be the height of well-being. Sick, disabled, hungry, in mortal danger, and so on
further, it can be enumerated for a long time. Everything is relative. Thank fate and God for what you have. Well,
Of course, you shouldn't expect someone to help you get a good job. It takes a lot of
to work, nothing falls from the sky, just like that. Why don't they take anywhere else? Perhaps there is not enough level of knowledge,
work experience? Then you need to develop, read literature in your specialty, go to refresher courses.
Or, perhaps, get additional education if you feel that your current specialty is not quite
your. Good luck to you!
Daria, age: 25/19/2011
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