In a situation where female society is limited only to a saleswoman in a store, a nurse and a censor, you try to use every opportunity to communicate with the opposite sex.
Oh women!
When a major renovation of the dining room was going on in our zone, some rather scary women, a couple of whom were young, were doing the painting work there. So, these two had no end to the men who wanted to at least flirt with them. In the same way, prisoners flirted with female guards in one of the Belarusian pre-trial detention centers, made eyes at them, and paid compliments.
In the "woman-hungry" zone, prisoners, no matter who they are when they are free, become gentlemen. I won’t write about how they talk about girls to each other in most cases, because it’s quite indecent and unpleasant.
Lack of female warmth, duplicity with women and cynicism are the main factors determining the attitude towards “absentee students”.
“Zaokhi”, “correspondence students” - girls or women who met a prisoner on the Internet, by telephone or by correspondence. The relationship that begins in this case can be called correspondence.
A little love in a small "house"
The first time I saw the attitude of a prisoner towards an “absentee student” was back in the pre-trial detention center. In our “hut” (that’s what they call a cell in a pre-trial detention center) there was a man of about forty-five. This was far from his first term. The man (let's call him Sasha) had long ago learned all his prison lessons, and nothing could surprise or interest him - he knew everything. Sasha was scum. Although he had glimpses of conscience, basically all his behavior was implicated in hard-to-conceal selfishness and greed.
Sasha, as an experienced prisoner, got himself a “correspondence student” while still in the pre-trial detention center. The woman was scary as hell, and Sasha understood this. When he received another photo from her, he laughed loudly, said: “Dear mommy!”, showed the photo to us, then tore it up and threw it away. After that, he sat down to write a response about his merciless love for this “absentee student.”
According to Sasha’s stories, he had a young wife and children (I don’t know if he was telling the truth; it’s not advisable to believe prisoners, especially those who have already served several terms). True, he received letters only from the “absentee student,” but it is likely that, having gone through the harsh camp life, Sasha knew: the less personal you take into prison, the calmer you sit.
In response to my suggestion that such an attitude towards the “absentee student” was somewhat uncomme il faut, he replied that after serving his sentence, perhaps he would visit her and thank her.
And there was a lot to say “thank you” for: in addition to letters filled with vibes and a good mood, “zaokha” sent Sasha money for . This was an undoubted advantage of the relationship, which Sasha greatly appreciated...
"Romantic Planers"
Naturally, after the zone I still had many acquaintances, some of whom were very decent people. In preparation for this material, in order to avoid a one-sided judgment, I asked them about the attitude of prisoners towards “absentee students”.
One of my close comrades, a very talented artist, due to his indefatigable energy, managed to visit the zone twice, receiving relatively short sentences. The second time he was in strict regime (where people who have been behind bars are serving their sentences not for the first time).
I called the Artist to find out his opinion about correspondence students.
- ABOUT! In strict mode, it’s generally pure dirt and darkness! - he told me. — The prisoner needs three things from the “absentee” student: firstly, her completely naked photo is good; secondly, for her to send money - that’s even better, and thirdly, what would be absolutely wonderful - for the “absentee student” to sign with the prisoner and periodically take him packages and herself on dates.
“You see,” the Artist continued, “in strict regime, unlike the colony where you and I were imprisoned, almost everyone had mobile phones. The prisoners registered on all dating sites and social networks and looked for girls there. In the general mode, the search circle was limited to several dating newspapers, half of the ads in which ended with the phrase: “from MLS, do not disturb.” On the Internet, the opportunities for prisoners were much wider.
As soon as the lights were turned off after lights out, the prisoners took out their phones and talked to their girlfriends for half the night. They were worried that their girls had gone somewhere for the night, gave advice, and simply suffered. In general, their feelings were sincere and genuine. In this regard, prisoners know how to lie to themselves. Some were “driven” (worried, in prison slang) very strongly and seriously. At the same time, they could calmly show each other correspondence with “correspondence students” and their nude photos. At first, the night vigils irritated me greatly; not only did they interfere with sleep, but the awareness of all these lies made me sick. But then I got used to it, and this situation began to amuse me.
One semi-literate prisoner, who had already served several prison terms, asked to write a letter on his behalf to some aunt. Well, I “picked up” that he was a doctor who received a prison sentence for committing a medical error. I don’t know what happened next with this woman. But I think it's okay. The convicts could tell such stories that the women were thrilled for a long time, and some even married them.
Nothing good
“Not a single story like this has ended well,” says the Artist cheerfully. — I had a friend in “strict” who sat with enviable constancy. During his next term, he married an “absentee student” and fathered a child with her. Freed. And, naturally, nothing worked out for them; they quickly quarreled and divorced. He sat down again. Again I met some “correspondence student” on the Internet, one and a half times younger than him. Got married. Freed and divorced.
This guy in the zone was like a pimp: he helped prisoners register on dating sites, since he knew them all thoroughly, he told those who were not very experienced how to attract girls - in general, he was a very necessary specialist. But at least this one was safe.
But in the neighboring detachment there was a man who received another term for the fact that after his release he tried to kill his “absentee student”, whom he met during his previous imprisonment.
What I don’t understand is women: well, that’s what you’re hoping for and where you’re going - you see, you’re a prisoner! Moreover, to sign in the zone, without even living with the person! Or are they doing this out of despair?.. - The artist sniffed thoughtfully into the phone, it was clear that he really did not understand women. It’s easy to understand the prisoners; in addition to longing for the opposite sex, they had a lot of free time that needed to be spent somehow.
“Of all the people I knew,” the Artist continued, “only one, by the way, a very smart guy, managed to sign his name in the zone and maintain a normal marriage after his release. But here, perhaps, two factors played a role: firstly, he was a good person in himself, and secondly, he and his future wife met before his imprisonment...
Share your "absentee"
Listening to the Artist’s stories, I remembered how, back in the pre-trial detention center, I saw a sample of the first letter to a “correspondence student” that should have been written in order to meet a girl. Many young first-timers (those who got to MLS for the first time) redrew it (I wouldn’t call it rewriting) in their notebooks. In my opinion, the letter was weak, but it was perfect for people who sometimes couldn’t quite put two words together. And, importantly, it was written with virtually no errors.
At the beginning of the letter it was said about a common comrade who gave the prisoner coordinates for correspondence. There is a good tradition in the zone - to ask each other for the address of some “zaokha”. And many share the data of girls they know. Basically they give contacts of those whom they “don’t feel sorry for” or who they want to annoy. It happened that several prisoners wrote to a girl at once. And there were cases when such girls managed to answer everyone.
The "correspondence students" periodically "shared". Apparently, this was due to the fact that communication with them, like themselves, was not taken seriously. How can you take seriously something abstract that you have never “touched” and are unlikely to ever “feel”? Of course, not all prisoners did this, but many did.
“Have you seen at least one prisoner who would take the “correspondence student” seriously?” I asked my second comrade, who served eleven years in different zones.
Hello, amazing reader! Some girls are constantly attracted to bad boys. At school they fall in love with the bullies. And when they grow up, they switch to tyrants, alcoholics and prisoners. Meeting a man serving time in prison is much easier than you think. Most criminals have phones and access to the Internet. Using smartphones, they are looking for gullible and compassionate women who are ready to take pity, shelter and comfort. Prisoners promise the waiting girls a beautiful and happy family life. But how true are their words? And is it worth building a relationship with a prisoner? Is it possible to marry a former prisoner?
Self-esteem problems
Men serving time are good psychologists. They will never write to self-confident and successful women who have endless admirers, because they understand that self-sufficient ladies will not spare criminals. The victims of prisoners are lonely and unhappy girls, deprived of attention.
The main weapon of a prisoner is eloquence. They know how to give compliments that can melt the heart of any girl. They write beautiful messages and romantic letters. They tell touching stories about unjust judges and long sentences for a crime they did not commit.
Women with low self-esteem believe in these fairy tales, because on a subconscious level they believe that they do not deserve more. There are so few normal guys, they won’t look at some secretary or saleswoman. After all, even the loader Vasya did not want to invite her on a date. And a new acquaintance, sitting behind bars, constantly showers his chosen one with compliments, assures that he has never met such witty and sweet girls. He promises that he will carry it in his arms.
Women who have experienced physical or mental violence are drawn to prisoners. Marriage to an abuser, difficult divorce from an alcoholic, childhood with a violent or too strict and oppressive father. Old traumas lead to mental disorders, due to which girls are attracted only to dangerous guys. Murderers, pedophiles and repeat offenders who do not want to reform.
Moreover, in post-Soviet society, men behind bars are treated leniently. If you tell your friend that you met a prisoner, but you doubt whether to continue communication or not, because his criminal past scares you, what will she answer? Is it better to cut off communication at the initial stage? And not to associate your life with a criminal, because nothing good will come of it?
Most likely, she will advise you to take a closer look at the man and understand what kind of person he is. After all, domestic laws are so harsh that not only malicious criminals end up in places not so remote, but also decent citizens who were simply unlucky one day.
In fact, there are very few decent and honest citizens in prisons. Most are real criminals with whom it is better not to start long-term relationships. If you decide that a guy from prison is your destiny, immediately run to a psychologist and work through old traumas. Increase your self-esteem and requirements for the man of your dreams. And only then decide whether you need such a partner or not.
One of many
If the Universe brought you together with a prisoner, try not to fall in love with him from the first message. Of course, he seems so unhappy and offended by evil fate. His old friends and wife abandoned him, his relatives and parents turned away. No one delivers packages with cigarettes and delicious food, and in the zone they only serve watery porridge with moldy bread. They also force us to work a lot.
You immediately want to pack a huge bag of sweets, tea and cookies for your man. Come on a date or send money so that he has funds to purchase the necessary services. To console and prove that there are selfless and kind women in the world who will never leave their lover in trouble.
Do not rush. Prisoners are able to describe their suffering in vivid colors. It’s not just you they send touching letters to. Most prisoners have their own small army of compassionate young ladies who are ready to help with money and food. And some also have legal spouses who also regularly come on dates with huge luggage.
This is how prisoners take care of their future. Men who have recently been released from prison have neither permanent work nor their own home in the first months. And waiting women are an inexhaustible source of income. Prisoners spend some of their money on gambling and buying cigarettes from their fellow prisoners, and save some for a rainy day.
In addition, when several ladies are waiting for a man at once, he can choose which of the young ladies is more profitable to stay with. Some prisoners, even after being released, do not end relationships with all their passions. They periodically drop by to visit them, promise that they will soon ask them to marry, and continue to drain resources.
Do you want to check if your friend belongs to this category? Then write that you have a small salary, a rented apartment and several large loans. You can’t even send a man a carton of cigarettes, otherwise there won’t be enough for bread and porridge. But you promise to wait for him until the end of the term. If your interlocutor disappears, it means that he saw in you only a source of profit.
Material question
Yes, with a sweetheart it’s heaven in a communal apartment, but only until the first quarrel over debts and insipid soups without meat. It is difficult for a former prisoner to find a job. They won’t even hire him as a manager or salesperson. He can become a janitor, a loader or a laborer. But prisoners don’t even dream of a good position with a high salary and prospects. Nobody needs employees who served time in a colony.
Your chosen one will never become the breadwinner. You will have to work for two to buy food, clothes, pay utilities and save for vacation. It's good if you live just the two of you. Imagine what will happen if your partner suggests having children? Raising a child is expensive. Especially when the mother is on maternity leave and the father does small part-time jobs.
But you will want to go to the movies, buy beautiful clothes and high-quality cosmetics at least once every six months. And it’s good if a former prisoner gets a job somewhere. Some specimens prefer to sit on a woman’s neck, because it is much more convenient to be overgrown with moss than to work for pennies.
Are you ready for constant scandals over money? Since childhood, have you dreamed of providing for an adult man? Then why do you need a prisoner? Better get an ordinary gigolo. These guys are less aggressive and embittered.
In addition, poverty forces some criminals to return to their old ways. No one guarantees that in 2-3 months your lover will not meet old friends. They will again convince him to steal a car or rob someone's apartment. And the man will go to jail again, and you will be left alone, hung with debts and with children you have together, who need to be fed, treated, clothed and raised.
And it’s quite expensive to wait for a prisoner to leave prison. Half of your salary will go towards bags of food and trips to the colony. Are you ready to starve, live in a communal apartment without a separate toilet and bath, walk around in torn boots and take money from your own children for the sake of some criminal element?
Isn't it easier to invest money in your development? Spend time and money on getting an education and moving up the career ladder? To become a successful and beautiful woman who has no problems with her personal life?
Do you think that for the sake of great and bright love it is worth being patient? Then I'll have to disappoint you. The charming prisoners stay with the naive girl until her resources are exhausted. As soon as a woman gets sick, loses her job or gets into a difficult situation, they instantly evaporate.
And some men not only eat and drink at the expense of their chosen one, but also force her to sell her apartment or car. They promise that with the proceeds they will open their own business, which will provide the couple with a comfortable life. If your chosen one also started such a conversation, do not agree. As soon as the ex-convict receives a round sum, he will say that you are out of the way. And you will be left without your own home and without the love of your life.
Potential tyrants
Life in prison is not like a vacation. Prisoners are constantly harassed. They are beaten, humiliated, raped and forced to obey local rules. What do you think happens to a person who ends up in a colony? That's right, he becomes embittered and cruel. Gets used to solving all problems by force.
Many men drink or become drug addicts after their release. Alcohol helps them forget about the horrors they had to endure during imprisonment. Yes, it's all sad and terrible. But you can't change anything, don't even try.
Guys with a broken psyche are prone to violence. Didn't give me money for a bottle of vodka or a pack of cigarettes? Lost her front teeth. Scolded for coming home drunk again? I received the full program. Yes, some prisoners can be nice and caring when sober. And they go wild when they take them to the chest. But your man will drink more and more often.
Why? Lack of a good job leads to prolonged depression. How to treat this very depression? Go to a psychotherapist? No, they are all charlatans. It's better to sit with friends in the garage to make it more fun. Your man will not be saved by coding, grandmother's spells and miraculous drops from the Internet.
You either can’t stand it and leave, or one day you will fall under the hot hand and become the reason for a new term. For murder. Are you ready to sacrifice your life for some guy from a maximum security colony? Of course, everything can be done with a disability. Or you and your partner will get drunk and lose your job and friends.
If you have children, think twice before inviting an ex-offender into your home. It is unlikely that a prisoner will become a good and kind father for your son or daughter. Most likely, an evil stepfather, from whom the child will want to escape even before adulthood. And the children will be lucky if your new husband limits himself to only periodic beatings and scandals. Some prisoners develop a tendency towards pedophilia due to mental problems.
Public condemnation
It is customary to feel sorry for men with a criminal record, but only until people find themselves at the same table with a former prisoner. Your relatives will talk about the unjust judges who put your neighbor’s son behind bars. But such a good boy, he always said hello to everyone. They will make excuses for this poor guy. But they are unlikely to want to accept your chosen one, who has been released from prison, into the family.
A criminal record is a stigma that causes fear and disgust. Your mother will cause more than one scandal with heart attacks and hypertensive crises when she finds out that you are going to live with a prisoner. Or even marry him, give birth to a bunch of children and register him in your apartment. The sister with whom you have been in conflict since childhood will now be able to proudly emphasize that she married a normal man, and not some guy with a criminal record. And your friends will wash your bones more than once and try to understand why you need this strange guy? Did no one else look in your direction?
Friends will come to visit you less often and invite you to their holidays. Of course, your chosen one may turn out to be a completely cheerful and sociable guy, but in decent society they will still cast sidelong glances at him. People don't know what to expect from a former prisoner, so they prefer not to take risks.
Are you ready to constantly quarrel with your mother? Catching mocking glances and listening to whispers behind your back? Constantly making excuses to everyone and proving that there are good people living behind bars? After all, constant pressure leads to scandals with her husband. But is it possible to build a happy relationship with a former prisoner on constant reproaches and showdowns?
Prisoner's love
Didn't you dream of a prince as a child? Didn't want to wake up in rose petals? Arranging romantic candlelit dinners for your loved one? If you let a former prisoner into your life, you can forget about luxurious bouquets and trips to restaurants.
Men with a criminal record are cunning and selfish. And also rude and stingy. They will not waste their meager salary on useless daisies that will wither in a few days. And instead of red wine, they will prefer a glass of vodka or a liter of beer.
Many prisoners are bad lovers. They do not do cunnilingus, often neglect foreplay and do not like to talk much after sex. Some people equate women to rubber dolls who don't need to be pleased. The main thing is that the guy himself enjoys it. And the partner will live without orgasm.
My husband was sent to prison
You realized that relationships with prisoners rarely bring happiness. But what should you do if your legal spouse with whom you have lived for so many years has gone to prison? It all depends on the article. Without much hesitation, file for divorce if your husband was imprisoned for:
- child molestation;
- murder;
- rape;
- pedophilia;
- robbery.
Serious crimes ruin the life of the entire family. You don't want your child to be called the son of a murderer, do you? Besides, the man who seduced the schoolgirl is not as good as you thought. Thank the Universe for saving you from such a spouse.
In other situations, you have to decide for yourself. Should I wait for my husband to get out of prison? Carry cigarettes and stand in lines? Perhaps your spouse will quickly find a replacement for you after your release. Or he will turn into a terrible monster with a broken psyche, prone to violence. After all, prison changes everyone. And not for the better.
It's not hard to fall in love with a prisoner. They are eloquent, cunning and skillful manipulators who know what female weaknesses need to be pressed on. But it’s not worth building a long-term relationship with a prisoner. A guy with a criminal past will not make you happy. On the contrary, he will destroy your life and leave you with nothing.
Women who enter into relationships with men serving time in prison are often unhappy in their personal lives and have low self-esteem. Also, romantic relationships with convicts can be facilitated by similar experiences of relatives and friends, and sometimes by a craving for criminal romance, Elena Omelchenko, director of the Center for Youth Research (CYR) of the National Research University Higher School of Economics in St. Petersburg, found out during the study.
The practice of dating, romantic relationships, and marriages of women with prisoners is a long-known phenomenon that serves as the basis, among other things, for numerous stories in the media. However, why women, contrary to social norms, the possibility of choosing a man at large and sometimes risking their own health and life, decide to meet and have relationships with prisoners, remains a mystery. In many cases, “absentee women” find themselves waiting for a man to come out of prison for several long years. And we are talking not only about waiting, but also about a special regime of care - visits in prison, parcels, material assistance, which requires considerable emotional and financial investments from the woman.
Elena Omelchenko decided to find out what motivates “correspondence students” of different ages and how their female identity is transformed in the process of waiting and caring. The research was carried out within the framework of the HSE Research Foundation program project in 2012-2014. Geography of research - St. Petersburg, Moscow, Ulyanovsk, Saratov. The conclusions are based on the texts of in-depth interviews with correspondence students (7 interviews), analysis of social networks dedicated to supporting relatives of prisoners, as well as conversations with the legal wives of prisoners who communicate with “correspondence students.” In addition, Elena Omelchenko analyzed the views and positions of the imprisoned men themselves on the topic of correspondence dating with women.
As a result, the researcher presented a multifaceted view of the phenomenon of “external students”, valuable both from the point of view of Russian and foreign research topics, since this topic is also insufficiently researched abroad. An article about the results was published in a new book by CMI researchers “Near the Prison: Identity and Everyday Life of Relatives of Prisoners” (“Aletheia” St. Petersburg, 2015).
Prisoner instead of psychoanalyst
A long time in prison does not mean a long time without a woman. Almost all male prisoners have absentee girlfriends, sometimes more than one and in parallel with their official wives, notes Elena Omelchenko.
Since a correspondence student can play for a prisoner not only the role of a beloved woman, but also a certain resource of material support and care, there are whole strategies for “catching” women from the outside. Experienced “caregivers” talk on the Internet about what kind of “special psychological trainings” you can use to learn the necessary skills, and what exactly a man should have in order to attract an absentee girlfriend. In the zone, as well as on the Internet, popular texts are written by prisoners themselves about the basics of psychology, manipulation techniques, and how to make a woman become psychologically dependent, say the informants who took part in the study.
Easy prey, as the study showed, are women who feel unhappy for one reason or another and have low self-esteem. “... Once I wrote to a prisoner, it means my personal life is not working out at all... It’s better to focus your efforts on stupid women who don’t ask many questions, but immediately write poetry and swear eternal love...”, one of the prisoners gives advice.
The study provides a vivid example of how Nadya, 40 years old, a mother of three children, left without support from her ex-husband and in deep depression, becomes the girlfriend of a prisoner. “... And suddenly a phone call. Pleasant male voice "I'm in the wrong number." The famous convict wiring. Further according to the scenario - “girl, why is your voice so sad?” - one of the informants said about Nadya’s acquaintance with her future lover.
According to the legal wives of prisoners, among the absentee students there are many women for whom finding men on the outside is an almost impossible option: “over 30 years old, children, financial difficulties and a lot of problems.”
“An American woman, abandoned and betrayed by her husband, goes to a psychoanalyst; our women don’t have money for a psychoanalyst, and they go to a prisoner,” says one of the informants. But, as the stories described in the study show, inspired by feelings, girlfriends of prisoners find much more financial resources than is required to pay for the services of a psychoanalyst. They often get a second job, take out loans, pawn things in a pawn shop, borrow money to go on dates in the zone, pay for lawyers and help their beloved man financially and financially.
Years of waiting are not scary
Not only adult women with a lot of problems become loyal friends of prisoners. Informants who have to stand in line for hours at the prison wall say that among the “correspondence students” you can meet many young girls of 17-18 years old and young attractive women, including those with higher education.
Elena Omelchenko highlights several reasons why a woman can become a “correspondence student.” This can be facilitated by examples from the environment, for example, mothers, sisters, friends, as well as interest in criminal topics. In interviews, women talked about gaining life experience with their partners. “At the same time, there is a romanticization of prison as a masculine place, a “real” masculine and a “real” man,” the researcher noted.In addition, the motive for getting to know a prisoner can be loneliness, melancholy and unfulfilled life. As an option, in the zone a woman can also look for a “patron” - most often this is a situation of a relationship with a “prison authority”.
The researcher draws attention to the fact that often serious relationships that lead to marriage right in the zone are established by absentee women with men sentenced to many years for serious crimes. Registration of a relationship provides the opportunity for long-term dates, but waiting turns into “the physical and emotional background of every day.” In this process, a kind of “domestication of the prison” and “prisonization of the home” occurs. Women try to bring with them as many things as possible to the colony to create the illusion of home. And at home - “a room or a corner fenced off in it begins to resemble a “camera”: on the table there is a computer configured for virtual communication, a telephone, in 24-hour conversation mode, on the table or wall - photographs of the housekeeper, a wedding (if there was one), it can sound music associated with a special style of prison chanson. On the floor are bags (trunks) with things, food, cigarettes, tea and coffee, collected and ready to be sent to the zone...”
Woman as a rehabilitation service
Thanks to modern means of communication, a man in the life of a “correspondence student” begins to be present 24 hours a day when relationships develop. At the same time, a woman’s life and her self-identification completely change, Omelchenko noted. When touching on topics such as parole, interaction with lawyers, etc., the “absentee student” begins to use the word “we.”
At the same time, the care she devotes to the prisoner is associated with special suffering and humiliation. “In addition to stigmatization within the family and neighborhood, and for some women, at work, they are forced to be included in the context of guilt for their choice of “such a man” and, associatively, become, in a certain sense, guilty of his crime, lifestyle, and responsible for his behavior in the zone, conflicts with security and administration,” the researcher said.
A “real wife,” according to attitudes in the prison and near-prison environment, is the woman who waits and cares for at least five years. Many, as the researcher notes, become hostages of expectations and the image of a real and correct wife of a prisoner. “Now I’m waiting for him - now he’ll come out, and I’ll leave him,” says one of the study participants. “We can say that this is a kind of production of the feminine through women's debt. And this is not always love, and even more likely, it is no longer love, but the inertia of duty, dependence and the implementation of care,” comments Elena Omelchenko.
The care regime does not stop even after the man is released from prison. “I don’t even want to think about his work until I get him on his feet,” says one of the respondents. “Getting back on your feet” implies a lot of work on the resocialization of a former prisoner, for which women prepare in advance. “It’s difficult now, and then it will be even more difficult, it’s to work and work with psychologists, to restore: a - the nervous system, so that a person does not shy away from society, so that society recognizes him as an educated person, ... he’s like a blind kitten,” says Rita, whose friend was sentenced to twelve years.
Elena Omelchenko noted that, showing care for prisoners, women gradually begin to fulfill
functions of the state to provide convicts with the most necessary things. Women's support networks actually replace the system of social assistance for prisoners, investing in their future, preparing their more or less adequate return to a free and normal life.
“Correspondence girls” are girls and women who meet men serving time in prison. They meet on the Internet - on dating sites, in chat rooms, on forums. They hope for a relationship. And they are cynically “swindled” out of money.
Here are quotes from the Sizo.ru forum
“Girls, I can tell you about “How absentee girls are cheated.” This was told to me personally (and without any shame) by the woman who cheated him. Almost the main cheater in “our” colony. Of course, he himself is a rare piece of shit and an animal, but I listened to his story specifically, so to speak, for experience. He will sit for another 8 minutes, but the total period is 16-18 years, I don’t remember.
In short, according to him, you need to find a woman, preferably at a difficult moment in her life. At first, just listen to her, question her, empathize. Rush her and support her. Moreover, at first you can even put a photo that is not your own. So she will get hooked on communication and will no longer be able to live without these phone conversations. You need to say that you love it, that this is your first time and all that. Then, even if you show a real photo (and he, frankly speaking, is far from handsome), it won’t matter to her anymore: she will forgive everything as long as the access of the “drug” does not stop.
Then it is important to make plans. How we will live, we will get married, we will give birth to a child, or better yet two, we will get a dog and name it Tuzik. I’m a man with hands, I’m not afraid of work, etc. I’ll be released in six months, so why should you go, it’s better to wait for me at home. I need to buy some clothes to go out and get to you. They came out... (here, according to the circumstances, it was decent, but not fatal, so as not to leave madam without pants) a sum of money.
Well, the lady sends (and why not send, the husband is almost the father of the family).
Further quote: “Well, that’s it, I say, wait, I’ll be there in a week. I give the phone to a friend and throw away the SIM card. Once free, everything will be new. And she waits, waits... And she doesn’t even understand that she’s already used material "
The most interesting thing is that while in the colony he had already gotten married 2 times and divorced 1 time. Both wives know about his “earnings” and have nothing against it. “After all, he doesn’t rob anyone, the fools themselves send money.”
And he also told me this phrase: “I don’t deceive women, I tell them what they want to hear...”
look, he can, in advance, after the release, “Sharpen” a woman, that is, you! If she doesn't like staying with someone, she'll come to you! I've heard about this! Be very careful with him!
can also rob With pursed lips With pursed lips
Be careful.
Girls. I read your opinions. Thank you all. The irony is that I think almost the same way as you Smile And what “sharpenes” me Laughter too. I don't really hope for anything. And I don’t take all his words too seriously. I judge by actions. To be honest, now I am driven by purely sporting interest: what will he sing to me next (I’ll definitely write when he shows up). And, damn it, I won’t mind if he comes! Interesting - creepy! Although, maybe by that time I will already be dating someone else. Indecisive You are right, only time will tell... I won’t get hung up on him. But I don’t want to discount it just yet. I've never had SUCH ROMANCE before. Laughter
I immediately thought so. I was also driven by interest in something unknown and curiosity. What does it have to do with the wife and did not intend to become!!! and interfere with your career. And she communicated not because of romance, but in order to better know the “wrong side” of what was going on from the inside and sincerely wanted to use it in her service. There was a divorce, rather on my part. Laughter (to try to find out what, and how?) And it was all interesting.
I want to tell you a story... I was once sitting waiting for a CS. And since the wait is usually several hours, the waiting room is small and there are quite a lot of people in it... People begin to communicate with each other... And I am a very sociable person and I met one correspondence student... She met a guy (a prisoner) . He told her at first that he couldn’t take money from the girl... Time passed... and at one fine moment he called her and said that he was very uncomfortable, but needed money... She rushed to take out a loan, headlong, without even thinking that this could be a banal scam. A week later, apologizing a million more times, he asked for money, then more and more... In the end, they decided to get married... They got married... At that time, she owed 100 thousand to all sorts of banks. But that didn’t stop her. After the wedding, the extortion continued, sometimes on the phone, sometimes I wanted to help and lost, etc. And that didn’t stop her... She had a million thoughts that he was deceiving her, that he was deceiving her, and she was about to divorce him, when a miracle happened!! His brother came out of prison, helped her pay off her debts, took care of all the expenses for dates, etc. on myself, in general, I began to help... Conclusion: Everyone has difficult times, because it’s not for nothing that they say “they give - take, they beat - run.” Apparently he was of the same opinion. After all, if a person asks for money, this does not in all cases mean that he is cheating... All men are children. So he, apparently, turned out to be the same. Like in that cartoon, when the mother came home from work tired, and the child decided to help her prepare dinner and destroyed the entire kitchen. Therefore, you should never listen to anyone... If something bad happens in life, you should not be angry at fate shouting “why am I doing this?” you need to ask the question "for what?" Maybe we have ever behaved this way towards other people? After all, life is a boomerang, and, as expected, it tends to return... Think about it and know how to forgive...
“I’m not an absentee student, but my husband has a childhood friend, a good girl, divorced, life is hard, well, basically, everyone has their own. She once met ZK either by phone, or she posted her photos on the Internet. But that doesn’t matter Here we go: calls every day, conversations all night long, oohs and sighs, love-carrots and blah blah blah.Then she knocks out the cop, goes to his zone, naturally pulls a trunk with her, we talked, he’s even more important to her I liked it...No, he doesn't ask for money, he doesn't ask for anything, she does everything on her own initiative - transfers, parcels, money to her body and to her account. She flies on wings! And he sends her little presents from the zone when the opportunity arises . I went to see him at the DS, and then began to work for parole for him. Girls, I have never seen such dedication! Wherever she was, to whomever she went, to whomever she attended... And a miracle happened ! He came to her, to her rented apartment. For three months he didn’t even think about work. And she was happy to the point of madness, working two jobs and working part-time at night, timidly stuttering that it was time for him to find a job... More passes six months, she fattened him up, dressed him up, he began to look like a man. They don’t seem to live badly, but she’s only worried that he’s not going to work somehow and with his neighbors in the apartment he’s quietly started drinking beer, then wine, or something stronger... Finally, 10 months pass after his release and she finds him a job. Everyone is happy, at least some money, but after the salary it turned out that he had a son and he gave the money to him. And then everything went and went, his salary went to his son, she gave him a phone as an anniversary gift... it would be better if she didn’t do this, in the phone she found photos from his work, where he is with a girl, and the girl is in a negligee.. .When she pointed this out to him, she was immediately beaten... And then he stopped being shy altogether, walked around in a black manner without hiding, drank, and beat her mercilessly. But she forgave, she was still afraid that they might put her in jail, she didn’t report to the cops. But there is a limit to everything, one day he beat her up when he was drunk and said that she was not the only one in his zone, but only she was able to get him parole, and then she kicked him out and changed the locks. Girls, how she cried! And he started calling her again a month later, only then he was fired from work for drunkenness, she forgave him three times, but everything was repeated, the last time she met her she said: “That’s it, it hurts me, but I’m happy that there is more of him in my life.” no" that's the whole story. Only I haven’t seen her for a long time, maybe I’ve forgiven her again. Indecisive. And mine told her and me more than once that such stories end well only in one out of ten cases. ..."
“I still believe that many girls present themselves in such a way that it’s a sin... and they also say I don’t listen to advice, everyone is jealous... I’m generally amazed at many things... I already wrote about a friend a long time ago who was being scammed by the prisoner who was with me... she was scammed on a grand scale... she sent him large sums of money, parcels, even jewelry on her way out... he treated her like a bestial, he could not appear for weeks, the detention center said, then supposedly the phone was stolen, etc. she swallowed it all, although I already openly told him that she was being scammed, his other passions constantly wrote to her - zero reaction.... in the end he freed himself, he was met by another who took him to her place and with whom he has been living for a couple of months... and his friend still receives a portion of noodles and sends money to provide for him... although she herself is already mired in debt.... she doesn’t trust anyone, only him... I can imagine what needs to happen for her to come to her senses...they've been communicating for a year now, only by phone....
And this is what he also said
when he was in prison for the first time, the boy met a girl on the phone with him, there was no goal of divorce, they communicated for a month or two, agreed on a DS, she said there was no money, not a penny, he said I’ll arrange everything. I agreed with my parents to give her money they gave her about ten, and in the end there was no date, no money. Laughter, they later “comforted” this boy that he was not the only one.”
“I am now specifically speaking for divorce before release. There are a lot of people in prison who have nowhere to return. Or there is no desire to return. So the prisoner is preparing a “warm place” for himself upon his release.”
“Here, I also have an example. I was sitting in the prison zone, hanging noodles on the ears of one of my friends. Recently he got out, he steals again, lives with some drunkard. They drink together, he beats her often. Only now he’s chatting with my friend on the Internet . And although both I and HIS relatives have already cleared her mind that he is deceiving her, she has seen his photo on sites with a drunkard, she, enchanted, believes him. He again asks for money. They tell her - “don’t send it, they will drink.” ". She doesn't believe it. Well, of course... he writes to her that he will soon leave his partner and come to her. This is already a divorce after his release."
“I’m not saying that relationships don’t have a good ending.
But having been present at the forum for so many years, I have communicated more than once on the Internet with those sitting. And not only on the Internet.
And for some reason, not one prisoner is trying to “twist the brain” of a girl from the village. Where you need to plow at home. In order to live.
Many are bred so that upon exit there would be a place to turn over first. Preferably in softness and cleanliness.”
"And I was divorced. Within a year. I got to know each other. I talked. I fell in love. I doubted. I decided (later it turned out it was 100% true). After I found out everything about him, it turned out to be terrible!!! The money that I received in his parcel was from other women , and not from his relatives. They abandoned him at the age of 14 when he was first imprisoned. (Now he is already in prison for the fifth time). He sang everything beautifully to me, gave me the phone number of his relatives (sister), I didn’t call much, I believed him. When I talked to her , she commented like this: they thought they finally found a normal one, maybe it will grow together. I live where he sits. And I was like a courier. I carried parcels to him. And he blew into my ears, I love it, I’ll buy it. I believed it. I doubted it, but when I found out for sure about the gerych , called his ex-wife to warn him that he is like this. It turned out that he has been scamming women all his life. In the wild, in the prison camp, everywhere. The fact that I got caught - it couldn’t have happened otherwise. He’s a professional. He ate a dog, a cat and an elephant on this. Fuck , with his talent, and in the right direction!!! MMM would have risen!!! Thanks to everyone who responded to my stupid “whys”. They help on the forum. They treat the brain. Girls, check it a thousand times and don’t trust it. There are such hardened ones who will sell themselves, their relatives, and then you. I was not harmed in this story. I just learned a lesson. Without harm to health and wallet."
"I found out about a new way of wiring. So the two of them are communicating, I love everything - I’ll buy it and fly off. He tells her that he’s agreed on the DS and she needs to go, well, since you can’t go empty-handed, she drags a couple of limits to the sweetheart. And on the appointed day he stands she’s all like that, writing an application for a date. And then the receptionists tell her: “Darling, but he’s not entitled to a date ((((we’ll take the dacha but won’t let her in. She’s - but for a short one??? And he’s not allowed a short one either. Well, of course, tears of snot , but what should I do? and so they take the dacha, she goes out and calls her sweetie, but her SIM card is not a subscriber.”
“Well, my story started out painfully banal. A social network, a guy was added as a friend, after looking at his photo I immediately realized that it was wrong. I didn’t answer, I told my work colleague, she said to me, “What, aren’t you interested? Answer, so purely out of interest...
I answered, we started talking, it turned out we had mutual acquaintances and friends. His best friend is the father of my niece, he knows my cousin well.
I found him to be a very interesting person, conversations lasted for hours...
At that time, I was just going through a breakup with a young man, I was alone. And communication with him became like a balm for the soul, but I was sure that it would not develop into something more, I didn’t need it.
But time passed... He became more and more in my life, and one morning I woke up and realized that everything... I got caught... and I became so scared
He is in prison for drugs and fraud, he still has 2 years
When I started delving into this whole topic, I learned about the so-called correspondence students... And I don’t want to be a victim of divorce
I know for sure that he has a wealthy family, he doesn’t need money and parcels, according to him...
There are no hints about this. He sits strictly with him and you don’t run into him and deliveries only once every 3 months. I was thinking about giving him cigarettes and coffee for the New Year, he refused...
I want to ask for advice, does this happen? It’s just that he really says a lot of loud words to me, this confuses me very much... I don’t understand how, without ever seeing me, you can say that you love me and all that... Maybe he stupidly needs this for his psychological comfort, it’s probably nice live and know that someone is waiting for you.
It’s not that I’m not confident in myself, I’ve never been without male attention, I’ve just always been looking for a strong man... And I feel something like that in him...
I don’t know what to do... Please advise"
“I was a little unsettled by today’s incident... I was given a gift from him (a friend brought it)
Not cheap... Watches... I just told him that I wanted a certain watch... I don’t know what to do....
She called him and said why... And where did this amount come from... He is all from the heart, a gift for ng
They wrote to me here about the so-called hook, maybe that’s what it is... It will become clear later. It turns out that if I accepted the gift, then now I seem to be obliged... well, we’ll see what happens next.”
There are so many sayings about the wisdom and intuition of women. Let's not argue and destroy illusions. Maybe they are smart in some ways, just not in relationships with men. There are a million examples. This article will talk about how prisoners chat up ladies and take advantage of their kindness and naivety.
Victims of basic instinct
The majority of convicts have lost social connections. Some, while still free, behaved so vilely that their wives and children abandoned them. Others were forgotten when the husband and father were sentenced to a huge prison term. Only if you are in the zone, then life is not over. On the contrary, when they forcibly limit access to bad habits and put them on a diet, the body rejuvenates. A person begins to feel more acutely, as in his youth. At the same time, not having access to the forbidden fruit, that is, a woman, is a terrible torture.
In addition, in the camp a woman is a source of wealth. The colony really wants delicacies. Local currency is required - smoke, tea. This is to buy socks, panties, soap, machines, toilet paper and other essentials. There is no work in the industrial zone or I don’t want to work hard. Although, even if you work, the salary is meager and by bank transfer. The assortment of products and goods in the storehouse is the same as under Gaidar Jr., and those with expired expiration dates, at inflated prices. If you don't have fun, you won't be full.
And before my eyes is an example of bunk neighbors to whom spouses and mistresses come. These same comrades will tell you on occasion that not all of them met their wives in freedom. Many people wrote off because of an advertisement in the newspaper, and then it’s a matter of technology. You just need to load them up in letters, pressing on pity and sentimentality, to lure them on a short date, to show off their “scales.” And your lady. Moreover, she is basically ready for this. Since I wrote to a prisoner, it means my personal life is not working out at all.
These same comrades in misfortune can also throw in the address " ". The fact is that if a convicted person submits a marriage advertisement, then dozens of responses come to it. You can answer everything, but envelopes with stamps are not enough for everything. Yes, and screening occurs. It is better to concentrate your efforts on stupider women who do not ask many questions, but immediately write poetry and swear eternal love, although they know about the subject of their feelings only from one paragraph in the newspaper. Such romantic natures are easy prey. It's not difficult for them to fool their brains.
Also, advanced convicts immediately weed out beauties and pretty young women. There is little chance of success with them. Young women write to the zone out of curiosity or succumbing to impulse. It happens that they also marry prisoners, but here, like in a casino, the chance is minimal.
In general, the neighbors on the bunks will adjust the address. If the prisoner is inexperienced in relationships with women, neighbors can teach him how to write letters and what to put pressure on. Everything is simple here. Read any section where there are dating advertisements sent from captivity. Solid cliches - “I want to love and be loved”, “I’m looking for someone who can forgive and accept”, “I’m waiting for answers only from those who have serious intentions”. As an appendage - “convicted unjustly” or, conversely, “I made a mistake, I repent.” In a word, the whole set of zombies or neurolinguistic programming.
Lipstick as an argument
Every woman wants love. Anyone believes in her good heart, capable of forgiveness and warmth on her chest. Mentions of serious intentions are just a balm for the soul. It's time to get married, but no one will take you or have only light affairs with men. About injustice or repentance is also great. It happens to everyone. The main thing is that he understands everything and is not angry. Of course, there are normal men among the prisoners, but they are negligible. Although this can be taken as normal. Even in freedom, men often behave dishonestly. At least in conversations. The happiness of women is that they cannot hear us discussing them in our company. In the barracks, the “absentee students” are also being collectively sorted out. A letter arrives and you want to share it with your friends, especially if the letter is strange or funny, like the lady who wrote it. There are also poems of my own composition that have a clinical feel.
I still remember such masterpieces: “A serious look, steep shoulders - you and I will be together.” She revealed this after she saw a photo of her chosen one - narrow-shouldered and with piggy eyes, looking like a caricature from a magazine.
It's funny when the entire letter is covered in lip prints with cheap lipstick (expensive lipstick doesn't leave marks). And these prints begin with the second message. They also often draw hearts pierced by an arrow and cupids with a bow - just like in the 18th century. Or, on the contrary, there are women who cannot do without swearing in their letters or immediately write vulgarities about intimacy and sexual desires.
Close-minded and with a short memory, they lie a lot even on paper. First he writes one thing, then another. Afterwards he refutes it. It turns out so funny that Zadornov, and even more so the stagnant Petrosyan, are resting.
But it is these funny ladies who become the topic of public discussions throughout the barracks that are the most desirable for gigolos in camp uniforms. There is no need to strain yourself with a stupid person and be a genius yourself. You can say stupid things in response and still pass for a normal guy. Such ladies are tolerant of everything.
How can one not remember the “absentee student” who went to visit one goblin from our squad. She's nothing like that. She was not embarrassed that the goblin was in prison for drugs. He promised her to stop using “dope.” Since you promised, it means you can get married. After marriage, long dates began. At his request, his wife smuggled powerful pills through the searches. As her husband taught, she hid them inside herself, putting them in an intimate place, and in the visiting room she took them out from there. The husband immediately threw himself into psychotropic “wheels” and could no longer fulfill his male duty. So for three days he lay on the bed or under the bed with a log. If he fell in the common kitchen and an employee happened to be nearby, the drug addict was sent to a punishment cell, and his wife went home in disgrace. At the same time, she swore that she would leave the scoundrel. But letters came from him again, full of repentance, where he described how hard it was for him. That is why he relieves stress with pills, otherwise he will lose his mind from nervous overload. Once free, he will give up bad habits and everyone will be happy. The naive one wanted to believe and came again, loaded with “wheels” up to her appendix.
Alibi for paternity
Other absentee wives had children from convicted spouses, despite the fact that the father was still in prison and the child’s heredity would still be the same. Some prisoners, having learned that they would become fathers, told the whole colony that they were not sure of their paternity. Like, you never know who she slept with in freedom. But, of course, they didn’t tell the wife this - as long as she went on long dates, carried packages and sent parcels.
Experienced convicts begin affairs with “absentee students” only at the end of their sentence. When there are many years of imprisonment ahead, a prisoner does not think much about the future. He also does not trust a woman who can wait faithfully for ten years. And in the eyes of women, such a candidate loses a lot - who needs him if he sits for an eternity. It’s another matter when there are a couple of years left before the “bell”. The convict has thoughts about the fact that after his release he needs to live somewhere and on something. Here again the example of comrades plays a role.
In the zone they heard how someone “leaned back”, and an “absentee student” in a foreign car was waiting for him outside the gate. Well, or by taxi. A bus with an electric train is also okay. The main thing is that the one who was released immediately went to her. He has a roof over his head, he is fed, watered and treated kindly. The prisoner thinks or speaks to the whole barrack: why am I worse? And he begins to send advertisements to the newspaper and takes the address from his friends.
And there will definitely be a trusting female, ready to understand and accept. Only she doesn't think she's taking on a burden. After all, who in our time will employ yesterday’s prisoner, even if he has a profession, which is doubtful. Criminals also get used to being content with little. What a woman brings into the house is enough for them. It’s not the best option when the spouse starts earning money, but through crime. There is a good chance he will end up behind bars again.
I’m still citing happy cases. In every correctional colony there are convicts who, after their release, met love in absentia. After a short time, this freed man again sat in the dock for murder in a drunken shop. And he killed whoever was at hand, most often the woman who sheltered him.
In conclusion, a little dosed optimism. This is so that those who are really lucky don’t throw thunder and lightning at me. Or those who think they are lucky until their convict husband shows what he is capable of. So, it happens that two people find each other. They live peacefully, soul to soul. He becomes a breadwinner and a loving father. She is a housewife and mother. Then they grow old together and die on the same day. I hope this is a touching picture?<
Andrey Butyrin
Based on newspaper materials
"Behind Bars" (No. 7 2010)