When we talk about high self-esteem, some comparison with something reference is necessarily assumed. But psychology is not an exact science. And if so, then it is fair to talk about an adequate or inadequate self-esteem of a person.
It is rather difficult to unequivocally assess human behavior. It is necessary to know all the prerequisites that induce certain thoughts and actions, which is impossible. The division into "good" and "bad" itself presupposes a value judgment.
It is the duality of perception that makes it difficult to make an objective assessment. For this reason, the object of study in psychology is a person. His feelings, thoughts, experiences, behavior. In this context, the level of self-esteem is difficult to overestimate.
High self-esteem, like two sides of the same coin:
- Positive side... High self-esteem is a belief in oneself, in one's own strengths. Self-esteem. Without respecting yourself, it is difficult to learn to respect others. Overwhelming majority successful people respect themselves, know their strengths and weak sides... They are very well aware of their weaknesses. This knowledge makes them even more stable in stressful situations and allows them to move on along the path of their cultivation.
- Negative side... On the other hand, blindly believing in his own strength, a person can quickly lose the adequacy of the perception of reality. A reckless driver or a gambling addict are prominent representatives of people with excessively high self-confidence and belief in luck and success. It is the overestimated self-esteem and inadequate self-confidence that is the cause of the illusions that inevitably collapse, mentally exhausting the person.
Of course, high self-esteem is important for the harmonious development of the individual. Three levels can be distinguished in the assessment of people themselves:
- Underestimated- prefers to take on tasks that are objectively below his knowledge and abilities. Copes much faster than the allotted time.
- Overpriced- tasks that a person traditionally undertakes are significantly superior to his skills. Constantly fails to cope with the assigned tasks.
- Adequate- a person with a high probability chooses tasks that most closely correspond to experience and knowledge.
Speaking of high self-esteem, we mean an adequate level of self-perception, where one's capabilities and strengths are accurately assessed. A person is able to take adequate risks, overcoming which increases intrinsic motivation.
Overestimated self-esteem is characterized by constant time pressure, breakdown of obligations, and constant blaming others, but not oneself, for failures. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, is a direct road to self-deprecation. Obviously, overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are inadequate.
Now, in summary, we can distinguish between the existence of high and overestimated self-assessments. Obviously, high self-esteem is good, but high self-esteem is bad. Possibly bad for others. But, first of all - for the owner of such an assessment about himself.
It prevents a person from looking at himself honestly and accepting himself as he is. And without this, inner growth and human happiness are impossible.
Signs
A person who evaluates himself objectively has the following features that distinguish high level self-esteem:
- respects himself, his inner freedom;
- respects the freedom of others;
- does not follow the lead of generally accepted rules that contradict his understanding of common sense and honesty;
- thinks and acts proactively;
- ready to help, but not imposed;
- can easily ask for help if needed;
- is able to set goals for himself and achieve their achievement;
- realizing his strengths and weaknesses, he perfectly understands how to inspire others to accomplishments;
- able to lead people.
A person with high self-esteem immediately stands out among people. His inherent proactive thinking helps to shape himself as a leader. First of all, a leader for himself, and then for others.
Do you need to deal with overconfidence
If it delivers unnecessary trouble, then it is necessary. Overconfidence, by definition, implies a very frequent breakdown of commitments or the constant assumption of excessive risks, which can be fraught with serious consequences for many people.
Naturally, sooner or later, the question will arise of adjusting such self-confidence and bringing it to an adequate level. Is it possible?
The question is who is the target of the consequences of overconfidence. If a person with an overestimated self-esteem suffers from this, then it is quite possible to lower the level to an adequate one. Moreover, there is his desire for it.
- Analyze every failure on the subject of "guilty". Every time the temptation is great to "appoint" the person responsible for mistakes. Assess your personal contribution to failure.
- List your pros and cons on a sheet of paper in two columns.... Study each plus carefully and critically. Perhaps he is greatly exaggerated.
- Analyze your strengths for real availability. It may turn out that whole line qualities attributed to the side of the strong, in fact, are not. Moreover, they can be a rude and aggressive manifestation of weaknesses.
- Get ready to face yourself... According to Carl Gustav Jung, such a meeting is the most important for each of us. At the same time, we fear it most of all. It takes a certain amount of courage.
Often overestimated self-esteem dresses up in an understated dress. A striking example manifestations of false low self-esteem: a man complains that beautiful women do not pay attention to him.
The position of the victim, which often goes along with the inflated self-esteem, gives her the appearance of understated. A man with a truly low self-esteem would not even think that he is worthy of the attention of beautiful girls.
How to bring up adequate self-esteem in a child
In raising children, the first five years of life are the most important. The foundation is laid for the ability to independently correct their behavior already in adulthood.
Before continuing the discussion about educating an adolescent to have adequate self-esteem, it is worth thinking about the etymology of the word “self-esteem”. Parents are well aware of the importance of a healthy child's assessment of the seed themselves, but too often they do the opposite.
Self-esteem means self-assessment of your actions and their consequences. And mothers and fathers are in too much of a hurry to assess the actions of their son or daughter, which has a detrimental effect on the healthy development of the child's psyche. Truly good intentions the road to hell is paved.
- Let your child be on their own reap the benefits of your decisions and actions. Of course, as long as there is no threat to life or the risk of serious material costs. The result is that the child learns to make decisions on his own and take responsibility for his actions and transfer them to their elders.
- If you are annoyed by certain points in behavior children, do not be silent. Tell your child about it. But in any case, do not evaluate the act, and even more so, the child himself. Only talk about your feelings. “I-send” instead of “you-send”. Result - the child understands the level negative consequences his act without the "inclusion" of protective reactions.
Just two small and uncomplicated rules. But by constantly adhering to them, you will not only help the child to form into strong personality with adequate reactions, but also build great relationships in the family.
Video: Secrets of a Happy Relationship - High Self-Esteem
It is believed that heightened self-esteem Is a sign of bad parenting. Probably, there is a lion's share of truth in this statement, since everything that we have in adulthood - all our advantages and disadvantages - were laid down in childhood. So what is overestimated self-esteem, what are its disadvantages?
Trouble with high self-esteem
Psychologists say that overestimated self-esteem resembles a kind of cell that isolates a person from reality and prevents him from growing. People with high self-esteem, as a rule, live in their ideal-illusory world, in a made-up reality and can face a lot of problems that are not problems for a person with normal self-esteem. The most common ones are:
- Too high self-esteem, which is not justified by real merits, fetters a person, prevents him from making adequate decisions and acting. The feeling of superiority in such people does not give them the opportunity to make mistakes, learn from them, and get a certain life experience. Therefore, in order not to "fall face down in the mud" such people simply refuse to act.
- People with high self-esteem very often find themselves in a state of intrapersonal conflict. In other words, they never admit their own mistakes, because they are convinced that people who make mistakes are far from ideal. High self-esteem, by definition, rules out this. Internal conflict on the face, with all the torments and worries about this.
- As a rule, no one likes people with high self-esteem as a result of communication problems. For individuals with high self-esteem, arrogance and disrespect for others are always inherent.
- The lack of opportunities for personal growth is one of the main problems of people with high self-esteem. After all, the “ideal”, by definition, can no longer strive for anything, and this, as you know, is the path to nowhere, that is, the degradation of personal indicators as such.
How to identify someone with high self-esteem
There is nothing easier, in the first minute of a conversation, to recognize a person whose self-esteem is "above the clouds":
- Man believes that he is the center of the universe. He never listens to the opinions of others, puts himself above everyone else.
- Such people often dream of occupying leadership positions. As a rule, only everything remains at the level of dreams.
- In a family, a person with high self-esteem tries to lead, sometimes turning into a real despot or tyrant.
- Even if the facts indicate that a person is wrong, he will argue the opposite and it is useless to argue.
- Another's opinion, which contradicts the opinion of a person with high self-esteem, is automatically wrong.
- Such people always express their point of view, even if no one asks them about it.
- Even constructive criticism against them causes a flurry of indignation and is not accepted.
- People with high self-esteem are very afraid to make a mistake, they constantly live in this vice, but they never admit it.
- Often such people refuse any help, even if they really need it.
Inadequately high self-esteem is very dangerous, it can make a person unhappy for life. It is very important to educate children with adequate self-esteem, teach them to do things, but, at the same time, do not forget to grow above themselves, to improve as a person.
Without a doubt, the parents should praise the child, but the praise should carry an adequate informative message. It is necessary to praise for real actions, for achievements, thereby, stimulating the child to do something good again and improve himself.
For a comfortable existence in our difficult world and for a favorable interaction with the surrounding society, it is very important to feel an inner positive tone and be self-confident. Adequate conceit, knowledge of who we are and what we are worth - those things that many people today lack, and according to statistics, psychological courses to improve self-esteem are among the most popular.
The word "self-esteem" is understood as the opinion, those beliefs that a person has about himself - what type of personality he considers himself to, what he is capable of, what are the positive and negative sides and how all this can affect the future.
And yet, why is it so important to have high self-esteem?
Firstly, this will only make life easier and brighter. When a person is confident in himself, likes himself, all other things around become easier. At the same time, you stop exaggerating the problems, making an elephant out of a fly. A self-confident person will not unnecessarily oppress and reproach himself for simple mistakes or not reaching ideal standards.
Secondly, self-confidence will contribute to the strengthening of internal stability. When you love yourself more, there is no need to ardently and impatiently fight for the approval and attention of outsiders. Inner world and personal life becomes less dependent on what other people have to say or think.
Thirdly, internal self-struggle decreases. Many people are their own worst enemies. However, by increasing and maintaining your self-esteem at the set level, you begin to feel much more worthy of the best in life and, therefore, with much more motivation you strive to achieve this. And when you get what you want, you become less prone to self-reproach and self-destruction.
Fourth, you become more located and attractive in any relationship with others. With good self-esteem and the benefits listed above, you can experience more resiliently hard times... It is much easier to be in such situations with a self-confident person, which makes the latter very attractive in any relationship - both friendly, and work, and family.
And fifthly, a person becomes happier, which is the result of achieving all of the above.
The benefits are clear and obvious.
What are the main steps you need to take to increase your self-esteem?
Stop excessive and constant internal self-criticism. One of the ways to achieve this is to learn how to stop her with prohibitive words like "Enough, this is not informative and will not correct the matter!", "Stop, there is no point in thinking about this!" etc.
Use the healthiest and most effective ways motivation, namely: often remind yourself of the benefits of the expected results from completing the task and more often focus on doing what you really like.
Allocate two-minute breaks every day in order to comprehend those things and actions that are worth appreciating in yourself.
Do the right thing, which I am absolutely sure of. For example, stop putting off going to the gym "until tomorrow" and go there right now.
Handle errors and failures in the most positive way.
Be kinder to other people.
Try something new.
Stop comparing yourself and what you have with the lives of other people.
Spend time with positive, supportive people rather than depressed and "destructive" people.
And, finally, you must always remember about the advantages that correct self-esteem gives in life. It is necessary to clearly understand what kind of things in life help to feel better and more comfortable. To be able to be proud of your achievements and not let the mistakes you make override all positive expectations.
What is self-esteem
Self-esteem of a person is a set of opinions (assessments) about oneself, about one's own pros and cons, about disadvantages and advantages.
The main thing in self-esteem is your own opinion about yourself. This opinion can change, depending on life circumstances. Self-esteem is based on the personal value system.
It is important to have a balanced, well-balanced idea of yourself, to develop your strengths and correct weaknesses.
Healthy self-esteem provides a person with life comfort and balanced optimism, affecting all aspects of life.
There are actually few people with low self-esteem, but there are many people who have a habit of living in the "victim position", and this is "defense against claims."
When low self-esteem becomes a habit, then a person has a reason not to work on himself.
Objective self-esteem gives harmony, peace of mind, the ability to love and be loved, the joy of every day of life.
How self-esteem is formed
Self-esteem is formed on the basis of assessments of others, self-assessment of the results of one's own activities, as well as on the basis of the ratio of real and ideal ideas about oneself.
We absorb opinions about us from the world around us. Based on this, we draw conclusions about ourselves and develop self-esteem.
You shouldn't be guided by public opinion. This is not a lighthouse, but wandering lights. (C)
We remember childhood.
We have an underestimated opinion of ourselves if our parents did not assess our successes and failures adequately.
We have an inflated opinion of ourselves if our parents never scolded us and did not restrict us in anything. When it suddenly turns out that we are not perfect, we experience emotional stress. Self-esteem suffers, but remains the same. Everyone around us is to blame for our troubles, but not ourselves. Of course, everyone around US should, the claims to the world in this case are endless.
Parental indifference is more common in well-to-do families than in low-income families. The sincere interest of parents and participation in the life of children is the key to an adequate self-esteem of the child.
Heightened self-esteem
We feel superior to others, we are confident in our exclusiveness, we deserve more, and only the envy of those around us darkens our ideal of ourselves ... This is an overestimated self-esteem.
The victim syndrome does not always show low self-esteem; often it is precisely high self-esteem. High self-esteem coupled with a predilection for victimization creates the illusion of low self-esteem.
For example, " handsome men They are not interested in me, and I don’t like the ugly ones. ”And what objective grounds do we have to claim the attention of handsome men?
With high self-esteem, we strive to be the first in everything and are acutely experiencing failure. This is "excellent student's syndrome".
Low self-esteem
We consider ourselves to be losers, we focus on problems and grievances, any assessment (even positive) from the outside is perceived as negative. This is the path to depression.
Self-humiliation is asking, not achieving goals, waiting for recognition, not achieving it.
"Excellent student syndrome" is when I have to be the best always and in everything, it is a constant comparison of myself with others, instead of understanding my individuality.
Do not compare yourself with the people around you, they are different, compare yourself with yourself in the past, present and future.
Fighting with yourself is also an interesting moment.
Shame arises when we divide ourselves into "bad" and "good", right and wrong. And these concepts are subjective. A holistic person has both pluses and minuses, adequately accepting their presence.
With low self-esteem, people do not get down to business (scary, suddenly there will be a "failure") and compare their successes with those who have no success at all, this is a favorable background for comparison.
What to do?
Humility and humiliation are related concepts, but not identical. Humility is a high spiritual quality, humiliation is a low earthly one. A person is humbled by reason, and humiliated by dignity.
Most The best way get rid of self-humiliation - increase your self-esteem. It is because of low self-esteem that we are painfully dependent on the opinions of others, and we adapt to them.
So advice.
There is an idea - we start to implement it right away, or we plan for a short time, but carefully. The longer we get together, the more the low self-esteem tells us - "we still won't cope, everything is lost." Learn to make risky and bold decisions for which you can respect yourself. Without self-esteem, adequate self-esteem is impossible. Sensation inner strength evens out self-esteem.
Do not understand someone else's statement - we ask questions, clarify. What exactly did our interlocutor mean? If the interlocutor has a habit of humiliating us, we change the interlocutor. If a person is not able to assess us objectively, such a person is not needed in life. Learn to distance yourself from negative people.
You need to be better than yesterday. And not better than others. (S)
Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself today with yourself in the past, what path you have traveled, with what results. It is inadequate to compare oak and spruce, they are different, although both are trees. There will always be someone better, more beautiful, smarter and more successful than us.
Are we being accused? Don't make excuses right away. We calmly explain the motivation for our actions.
Have we made mistakes? So we did something. Nobody is perfect. Analyzed, made conclusions, the past is in the trash. Negative experience is also needed. We step over fears and go into the future without them.
We throw out suspiciousness. There are no "evil empires" and "universal conspiracies".
We take a sheet of paper, divide it in half, and adequately assess our pros and cons. We develop and strengthen the pluses, correct the minuses. We evaluate abilities objectively, then failures will be less likely to be comprehended.
We leave all unnecessary sacrifices - unloved work, disgusted relationships and so on. We are looking for ways to do what we want, to show our abilities, for the good of ourselves and the world.
Objectivity of Tarot Assessment
Objectivity of assessment is needed everywhere and in everything. This is the key to an adequate perception of the world and information.
Each lasso of the Tarot (like everything else in this world) has its own pros and cons.
Reading a straight card as a plus-position, and an inverted one as a minus-position is bias, one-sided assessment and presentation of information. Though straight, even turned upside down, even sideways, but the lasso has both pluses and minuses, the second side of the "medal" does not disappear anywhere, no matter how you put it. And the tarot reader biasedly looks at the "medal" from only one side, ignoring the other. The completeness of the meaning of the lasso in this case is reduced to the corny "good", or to the sad "bad", the balance of pluses and minuses is lost. This leads to deliberate distortion of information.
If you need to find out what factors work in positive side, and which - in the negative, here you just need a structure, and that's it. No one-sided interpretations.
Is overestimated self-esteem a guarantee of failure? Or the path to success? Everyone thinks differently, however, it is not in our competence to judge someone, the main thing is to figure out how an overestimated self-esteem affects life, on relationships with people. And in general, what is hidden behind it?
You need to start by defining what self-esteem is in general. So, a man of his abilities, skills and abilities. It follows from the definition that the vision of oneself can differ, because everyone has their own view of things happening.
Based on the works of psychologists, we conclude that self-esteem is an integral part of personality formation, because it develops and grows stiff with self-awareness. But it should be noted that our opinion of ourselves can be, on the one hand, adequate - normal, average, on the other hand, inadequate - overestimated and underestimated self-esteem. Let's analyze it in order.
Adequate, whatever it may be, is considered the norm, because a person soberly looks at what he is doing, what he strives for and what he is generally capable of. These three levels can transform into each other, which depends only on our efforts. Self-esteem is an indicator of our achievements and relationships with the world around us.
So, if the level is low, then the person is not confident in his abilities, does not find himself happy, tries not to stand out from the crowd, considering his character and his life boring and uninteresting. But such a person can still make efforts in order to achieve something, and after success, the level of self-esteem is likely to change.
People with average and high self-esteem are more inclined to an optimistic outlook on life, more often than not they are confident in their abilities, but sometimes, especially after failures, from which no one is immune, they can be discouraged. In relations with other individuals, most of them do not show negativity, however, they do not seek to please everyone, therefore they do not curry favor and do not impose their communication.
If we analyze low self-esteem, then there is low self-esteem, which comes to self-flagellation. Such individuals tend to feel sorry for themselves, blame fate for all problems, without trying to find the reasons inside. Self-analysis for them is limited to self-criticism, but at the same time the search for any ways to improve their position is not carried out.
Inflated self-esteem, paradoxically, is often just a mask. In general, such an assessment of oneself and one's behavior, when other people are seen only in the worst light, and one's own person is in the first place; when the confidence that you know everything better than even the most competent specialists is unnatural for a person.
Often such people hide. As you know, best protection- attack, so they praise themselves in all sorts of ways so that no one would guess about their true fears.
It is believed that it is more difficult to change a person who has high self-esteem, since he does not listen to any advice, believing that he knows everything better than many. It is pointless to enter into an argument, therefore they will never look from the outside at their behavior. As psychologists say, self-esteem is something that comes from childhood. In this case, the parents overdid it, presenting their child as the best, comparing it with other children who, supposedly, are worse.
Defeat the understated and low self-esteem is quite real. It is enough to conduct a few trainings. For example, write on a piece of paper all your achievements, for which you at least for a short while were visited by a feeling of pride. Be sure to stop all attempts to compare with other people, be aware of your individuality. And stop criticizing yourself for any reason, learn to forgive minor flaws (they did not submit the project on time - it happens to everyone, but, for example, they did what they love). By the way, a hobby helps a lot to raise self-esteem - scientifically proven.
So, we figured out what self-esteem is, described its main types. After reading the article, I would like you to honestly classify yourself in any category and, if necessary, work on yourself, because healthy self-esteem is the key to success.